i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

[Protec]

SO close I am not leaving her place.

 

We are all lovey dovey and watch film with her kids. Then suddenly she enters ragemode.

I made this "chomp" sound when I ate peace of meat "why you have to always make the sound like you're retarded!!!"

 

Darn it all.

[Mjm1014]

I just read your other replies and I totally think you either need to break it off before you end up in a bad situation, or sit her down and talk about this behavior...talking to some Italian guy? Even if it was one of her friends that met him, they sound like they are out to meet guys especially if she's all decked out herself. Either she needs to include you (whether you feel inclined to go is up to you) but she should at least feel the desire to ask you when her friends are out to meet men.

 

My ex that I was talking to never invited me and I always felt extremely disappointed and later on I regretted even being with her because deep down I knew what would happen eventually-which came true. You seem like a cool guy and I doubt you would treat her that way unless you have other motives. You have every reason to question things.

 

Normally I would give more positive feedback but this had bad written all over it so please forgive me. Again it's just my personal opinion, I could be way off since I don't know her personally but it doesn't sound like a good situation at all.

 

I hate playing the advocate, but you really need to get to the bottom of this or leave. At 4 months in, this type of behavior isn't acceptable..she needs to be "let go" and live the single life OR choose to be in a relationship at this point.

 

Last question. Do you know for sure she's off tinder? If not, another red flag. She sounds like she's the type that wants to meet someone...again basing this off the whole nightclub/you aren't invited deal and getting decked out.

 

Always remember...actions speak louder than words. Sure she made you breakfast and bought you something, but that's tiny compared to not including you every single weekend to night club and party WITHOUT you. Put your foot down, don't rescue her (in fact drop her the next time she acts like that), and tell her you won't put up with that.

 

At her age, there is no excuse. Sorry man. I'd be long gone by now but that's just me. She doesn't sound like the typical down to earth woman especially at her age.

[EgoJoe]

OP.

 

This Woman is not giving you what you need and does not (from what you describe) appear to self aware or emotionally intelligent enough to give you what you need.

 

Break up with her, go cold turkey and get over her by dating others. You can revisit her for a romp after you're over her.

 

You're not Mr. Right; you're Mr. Right Now.

 

The problem with Women (and Men) like her is that they do not respect relationship boundaries but they accuse you of being controlling (violating their personal boundaries) when you call them out on this behavior. When this occurs you are officially in an Ego game and the only way to win is to care less than her.

 

She does not care if you are hurt. She only cares about what she wants and her perceived self image. If you attempt to damage this you will experience the rage.

 

The being too loud while you chew could be a Cluster B personality thing or PMS or internal dysfunction but it's not worth diagnosing the root cause. Just by knowing the symptoms of a dysfunctional, selfish and hypocritical person you can make the logical decision to cut ties with this Woman for your own good.

 

Make no mistake. If you stay with this Woman and ALLOW her to hurt you then the only person you can blame is yourself. Best of luck to you.

[Protec]

Now she told goes to party with her best friend since childhood, i have met her too, she is nice. Her friend has birthday ao they want to celebrate it. Noelw why can't she say that to me right away? If I imagine similar situation for me, i would not like her to come with me either.

[MidwestUSA]

Now she told goes to party with her best friend since childhood, i have met her too, she is nice. Her friend has birthday ao they want to celebrate it. Noelw why can't she say that to me right away? If I imagine similar situation for me, i would not like her to come with me either.

 

What would 'right away' mean? How much notice is she required to give you of her plans? You're not going to take precedence over a childhood friend and it's good that you realize it.

[Protec]

I have a habit to overthink a lot. If I don't have all the pieces my mind starts to create all kinds of scenarios.

 

This is mostly a problem from my part. I need to find a way to trust her more. She really hasn't done anything bad or wrong when we have dated. And last time she was with her friends and I could not contact her and had to go get her from the club did not gain much trust.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have a habit to overthink a lot. If I don't have all the pieces my mind starts to create all kinds of scenarios.

 

This is mostly a problem from my part. I need to find a way to trust her more. She really hasn't done anything bad or wrong when we have dated. And last time she was with her friends and I could not contact her and had to go get her from the club did not gain much trust.

 

Actually, it's not.

 

She nowhere near as into you as you are into her. Sad, but true.

[GunslingerRoland]

The occasional girls night out is normal, but if it's all the time it gets to be a bit much. Are her friends single? Do you know them? Do you do stuff with them as a couple? Those could be red flags if she is leading a totally separate life with single friends.

 

 

As for alone, it's definitely strange behavior IMO. I know very few women who would go to a night club alone, it can be very dangerous.

[Protec]

Actually, it's not.

 

She nowhere near as into you as you are into her. Sad, but true.

 

Yeah, but i am afraid i was the reason she is not so much into me anymore as i showed some insecurities from my part.

 

Just last saturday we were at this funfair, all 4 of us. When we got at her place, she said to me that "I tested you at the funfair and you handled it well <3"

 

I was like "Tested me? How? When?"

 

"Well, if you didn't notice that's even better. I really fell for you because of

your calm nature <3".

 

At the funfair she told me to get her older kid from the other side of the funfair while she was in line with the younger one. Mayne she tested how i would handle it. Also the younger one wanted me to carry him so i did, because my GF could not.

 

 

Then she looked at me with those loving eyes of hers and gave me a kiss.

 

Why would a person say stuff like that if she is not into me? Why would she even take me into funfair with her and her kids if she wanted to get rid of me?

 

Just last morning when i left to work from her place, i sent her good morning text and she replied "Sorry i was so tired at morning to pack you any lunch with you".

 

Why would anyone pack any lunch to someone they would not like?

 

I know our "honeymoon" period is pretty much over. Which sucks.

I usually go back in time in my head to find all the things i fell in love with her in the first place. And i still can find them. Every time. She is a handful at times but i enjoy being with her.

 

I had so amazing weekend with her and her kids, it was truly wonderful. And the kids are starting to like me too.

 

Maybe i overanalyze too much. She is bit like me that she thinks a lot and forgets to say them out loud.

 

I even did a small gag to her yesterday. I took a post-it note and wrote "*kisses* Love ya!" in it and put it under her mouse so when she uses her computer the mouse wont work and she has to look under it.

 

Then middle of the day i received "kisses to you too :x" message.

 

But yeah, i admit her moods change too much. I mean just 2 weeks ago she still whispered in my ear "i love you <3".

 

She is a strong personality. She has dumped guys before and i could imagine she would get rid of me in a snap if she wanted to.

 

but for some reason she hasn't. She has dated richer guys, taller guys, and probably more handsome. But for some reason she has decided to stick with me who doesn't even have a steady job. I was jobless when we started dating...

 

She takes care of me, we get along well, we have good chemistry...

But every time i compliment her she is like "oh bollocks. No i'm not". When i say something "oh, you look beautiful in that dress". Not once she has said "oh thank you ^_^" When i have given her a compliment.

[Protec]

The occasional girls night out is normal, but if it's all the time it gets to be a bit much. Are her friends single? Do you know them? Do you do stuff with them as a couple? Those could be red flags if she is leading a totally separate life with single friends.

 

 

As for alone, it's definitely strange behavior IMO. I know very few women who would go to a night club alone, it can be very dangerous.

 

the friend she is going with is her childhood friend, she dates and has a kid, i trust her. She is a nice person. We havent done things as couple yet...

 

BUT! I am the first man she has ever introduced to her friend. She has NEVER ever introduced any of her men (even the fathers of her kids!!!) to this childhood friend of hers. And we had good chemistry (not like that) with her friend too, as we share a similar friend from our childhood as well, small world!

[Blanco]

No one is going ask why someone who suffers from depression badly enough that she's been medicated for it is out drinking on a regular basis, and apparently enough to require someone to pick her up?

 

I don't even feel like getting into the rest, because OP's other threads about this unhealthy relationship have compiled more than enough reasons for any level-headed person to abandon ship, so focusing on that seems to be pointless.

[Protec]

Well it's over. She sent me a message last night 23:30 that she has been thinking and need a time out. And after that "sleep well". Well obviously I couldn't sleep and panicked so I drove to her place at the middle of the night. She said she need to concentrate more on herself and kids and maybe see me 1-2 times per week.

 

At the morning she packed me lunch to work.

 

She want to movies by herself yesterday and watched some Finnish romance movie so I think it even strengthened her ideas.

 

So I better go get my stuff from her place and leave the batman bank at her place too and disappear.

 

She didn't even feel sad when I said I feel horrible "well its not my problem". Well...

 

As the party is coming up I just feel she wanted to get a hall pass.

 

Crap. Again. I need therapy. This is the seventh time I've been dumped.

[MidwestUSA]

You wouldn't have 'been dumped' if you'd ended this at the first signs of dysfunction. You could have been on your merry way a while ago.

 

Why would you leave the batman toy?

 

I'm surprised she let you in. Bold move driving over in the middle of the night. Why'd you do that?

[Blanco]

If you read his old threads about this disaster relationship, you would see it's well placed blame. OP ignored numerous red flags to stay involved in this relarionship.

 

And yes, he's lucky she was understanding about him just showing up unannounced in the middle of the night. Good intentions or not, that's dangerously close to "call the cops" territory.

 

Edit: didn't bother to look at your other posts first. Obvious troll is obvious.

[Protec]

I drove there because I panicked. I am terrible handling these kinds of situations.

She was not scared of me. I am no threat to her. She trusts me.

 

I could not sleep so i had two options. Stay home and awake almost all night. Or go to place talk even a little. I hate when people say important things just via text message.

 

We are still together in facebook...

 

Why would I leave the toy? Well... Its hard for me getting over people and if I have abatman figure on my shelf that remind me about her all the time.

 

I will lose 3 persons. I will really miss her kids as I've just finally gotten used to them and they like me too.

 

She always said she doesn't want to have 3 kids around the house. Me being one. Never know what she meant with that.

 

I even sometimes had to put the small kid asleep! I did not do much chores since I didn't live there. But always emptied dish washer and filled it and helped clean the table etc.

I said to her "I can't find any cleaning supplies from your apartment, why cant gounshow me?" "oh im not gonna teach an adult". So how on earth am I supposed to find anything?

 

I vacuumed once. And she said it was poorly done so "better donit myself". That was bs. But she also complained that about her ex. "my ex never knew how to clean right". She's type of person "if its not done my way, its not done right".

 

Hell.

[Haydn]

Time to cut her off now.

 

Won`t be easy but for the sake of your sanity, you should start today.

 

Don`t take her calls etc.

 

Think about yourself now. How much punishment do you want to take.

 

I have been there and it will end badly.

[Protec]

Yeah. She also said she sees me more as her friend.

This is a first one for me.

Maybe I did not communicate enough...

I definitely showed her I cared. I told her, and showed her. I did nothing wrong.

I tolerated so much of her **** and this is the thanks.

 

I was there when she had problem with her medication. I was there to support her when she had custody issues with her exes. I carried her to bed when she could not move (fibro). I did everything I possibly could.

 

And just Saturday she said how she fell in love to my calm nature.

 

It was that damn movie.

[MidwestUSA]

Yeah. She also said she sees me more as her friend.

This is a first one for me.

Maybe I did not communicate enough...

I definitely showed her I cared. I told her, and showed her. I did nothing wrong.

I tolerated so much of her **** and this is the thanks.

 

I was there when she had problem with her medication. I was there to support her when she had custody issues with her exes. I carried her to bed when she could not move (fibro). I did everything I possibly could.

 

And just Saturday she said how she fell in love to my calm nature.

 

It was that damn movie.

 

Oh good lord. Just stop.

 

You're repeating and reliving every little thing, and overanalyzing it. Look at the big picture. If she cared about you, you wouldn't have any doubts, right?

[Protec]

No. I would not have doubts. I just wonder what I did wrong so she started to feel me just as her friend.

 

Again. She even packed lunch for me to work this morning.

 

I still need to get my stuff from her place. Any suggestions when I should go get them?

I have t shirts and underwear mostly. I need those. Its not like we fighted or anything. And she still said "if we are gonna spend time together, we have to make plans first".

 

She loved me when I popped at her place few weeks ago. I got her massage lotion and gifts fo her kids... Its been just few weeks...

 

How can this happen every time? Why women say they love when they obviously don't mean it 100%? Or like she said "I meant it then, felt like it"

 

Wtf.

[Protec]

Long story short my GF said she need some time apart because she has started to see me more as a friend.

 

How does a man fall in to friend state?

 

I have told I love her. I've gotten her roses. I've helped her. Being supportive. Talked about my feelings. Etc. Did I act too friendly?

 

I have no idea and now I am at loss.

[Alamo657]

No. I would not have doubts. I just wonder what I did wrong so she started to feel me just as her friend.

 

Again. She even packed lunch for me to work this morning.

 

I still need to get my stuff from her place. Any suggestions when I should go get them?

I have t shirts and underwear mostly. I need those. Its not like we fighted or anything. And she still said "if we are gonna spend time together, we have to make plans first".

 

She loved me when I popped at her place few weeks ago. I got her massage lotion and gifts fo her kids... Its been just few weeks...

 

How can this happen every time? Why women say they love when they obviously don't mean it 100%? Or like she said "I meant it then, felt like it"

 

Wtf.

social animals like her only "love" highly active and successful people. She didnt love you, she loved that you loved her and took care of her, but this type of uneven relationships can only last so long, until she found someone SHE loved.

 

Keep clear of this kind of girls.

[Protec]

To me she told she just needs time alone now. To concentrate to herself and her kids and maybe once a while see me.

 

So everything she said in the beginning was complete lies...

How I have the best scent. How my lap is most comfy. Everything about me was so perfect.

 

How do I regain my trust? Every girl I've dated has said beautiful things but never really meant them. As I say things only If I mean them.

 

This is going to be tough. I lost 3 people at once. I even had bd present for her younger kid.

 

And last night I bought her a plastic bag full of food.

 

Oh god. And again just before summer. This has happened too many times now.

Im always dumped just before summer.

[MidwestUSA]

Long story short my GF said she need some time apart because she has started to see me more as a friend.

 

How does a man fall in to friend state?

 

I have told I love her. I've gotten her roses. I've helped her. Being supportive. Talked about my feelings. Etc. Did I act too friendly?

 

I have no idea and now I am at loss.

 

All of your answers are in your other thread. Why start another? Why assume it's all your fault? The girl has issues. smh

[Protec]

And she even dumped me at new years eve because of unfinished business with her ex.

And I was too weak when she sent me messages and was crying on phone. Took her "back".

 

I should've been stronger...yet i don't regret anything.

[elaine567]

Long story short my GF said she need some time apart because she has started to see me more as a friend.

 

How does a man fall in to friend state?

 

I have told I love her. I've gotten her roses. I've helped her. Being supportive. Talked about my feelings. Etc. Did I act too friendly?

 

I have no idea and now I am at loss.

 

Because she acted like a single woman and you just stood back and let her do whatever she wanted. She cavorted around town and you then spent your time picking her up from whatever venue she landed up in

YOU didn't lay claim to her like a bf would, you acted like a friend and now she sees you as a friend.