i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

May 10, 2016

Hey guess what? It's her home. She gets to decide whether or not people stay the night without having to worry about the absurd possibility that someone would be pissed if they weren't not permitted to.

May 10, 2016

I'm confused. You said she's not working at the moment, but she had the money to go out and party at the clubs with her friends and, on a separate occasion, you? Did you pay for all of this? I imagine that you did the one time you were there. I wonder who paid all the other times...

Anyway, like I said, I hope this works out for you. You're only seeing what you want to see right now. Instead of seeing that she consistently tries to party without you, constantly goes hot/cold on you without apologizing and a myriad of other red flags, you'd rather see the good night/good morning texts and a pair of slippers and indeterminate plans to play tennis at some date in the future. Really balances out, doesn't it?

I get it. Everyone on these boards knows what it's like to be in love and be blind to everything that's going on around you. But, I think you need to truthfully sit yourself down and take stock of what's going on in this relationship. Maybe instead of making lists about what's wrong with just you, you should make a list of everything (good and bad) that's happened in this relationship and evaluate that.

May 10, 2016

And now she asked me of i go to her place today and help her clean.

Maybe I should or maybe shouldn't. If I can't spend the night at her place i will be pissed.
But I have nothing to donat home anyway. And if I ever want to live with her I need to learn how to help her around the house.

Maybe you should develop some interests and friendships outside of her so you aren't sitting around waiting for her to ask you to come over or to do something. She asks, you jump. And stop spending so much time at her house, period. Give her some space! No wonder she got sick of you and frustrated with you -- spending 20 out of 30 days there and not contributing anything? So you just ate her groceries and it never occurred to you to offer to pitch in? But regardless, it's too much. You aren't living with her, so stop pretending you are. Get a life of your own.

May 10, 2016

I'm confused. You said she's not working at the moment, but she had the money to go out and party at the clubs with her friends and, on a separate occasion, you? Did you pay for all of this? I imagine that you did the one time you were there. I wonder who paid all the other times...

Anyway, like I said, I hope this works out for you. You're only seeing what you want to see right now. Instead of seeing that she consistently tries to party without you, constantly goes hot/cold on you without apologizing and a myriad of other red flags, you'd rather see the good night/good morning texts and a pair of slippers and indeterminate plans to play tennis at some date in the future. Really balances out, doesn't it?

I get it. Everyone on these boards knows what it's like to be in love and be blind to everything that's going on around you. But, I think you need to truthfully sit yourself down and take stock of what's going on in this relationship. Maybe instead of making lists about what's wrong with just you, you should make a list of everything (good and bad) that's happened in this relationship and evaluate that.

Hmmmm good point. The invitation to go clubbing might have been extended because she needed someone to pay for her night out. That would explain the lovng kisses.

Or she could have wanted to spend the evening with Protec...

May 10, 2016

No she didnt. All she ever said that she needs more time to herself and feels I am more a friend than bf. But after that she has said 2 times that she loves me.

Sorted then, you are her friend with benefits.

I'm really stunned that you say you would be pissed if you go over and can't spend the night.

Sounds like you offered to come help/learn how to do housework when your earlier recent posts state you may well stay 20 out of 30 nights and she stumps up for the water, electricity, food mot o the time.

No wonder she wants to see you less, you're smothering and appearing to scrounge too!

You need to end this and seriously sort yourself out before dating anyone else OP.

May 10, 2016

Adding to the pile here, you need to stop relying on others, namely romantic partners, to fill the voids that seem to exist in your life and your sense of self. You seem like a well-meaning guy, but your deep issues (that, again, you cannot resolve while in a relationship) have turned you into a bit of a leech in the dating world.

You two aren't in love. It's clear she doesn't LOVE you, and I assure you that you're not in love with her. You're grossly attached and addicted to her, but that is not love. That's merely a symptom of you looking to relationships to mask your issues.

May 12, 2016

She has mania. I am sure of it.

She barely sleeps. She does something all the time. She is angry, irritated etc.

She cleans her apartment in middle of night.

Tuesday:

She asked me over to help me clean the house. I went.

Turned out we did not clean but she wanted me to help fix her back yard.

We grilled foosd, she was happy. Hugged me etc. She had bought us some champagne with the food. Obviously because wanted to celebrate we are been together or 5 months now.

I have her the cheap earrings I bought from the market. She is super happy! "oh you thought of me!!!" She hugged,kissed..etc. We had a nice evening.

Went to sleep first. She became after and I wa half asleep when she snuggled next to me and kissed me many times.

At morning there was a note next to orange "drink me darling <3"

So everything is fine? WRONG.

Went there Wednesday to help her clean (she is super busy). She is angry. Snappy. Everything did or did not do irritated her.

Turned out she had not taken her medicine in 2 days!! "I've been busy".

I can't help her. She does not want to take medicine. "I want to get rid of those"

I said she is ill, ao she has to eat them.

I did not spend night there, she pushed me away. Later sent me a text again "sorry for pushing you away. I need to think what I want and what I can give to you right now."

After reading some blogs about bipolar behaviour...many people have similar experiences.

Some suggest last thing to do is to give space.

I am too tired because all of this. I can't take this any more.

I tried. But she doesn't want to heal.

Monday she drank whole white wine bottle herself. That is not ok.

May 12, 2016

Neither did I whine to stay night there. I was "ok, I understand you need sleep as I wake up early to work".

I may have issues, yes. It's my reaction if I feel some is drifting away..i try to hold on as long as I can. Normal reaction I guess?

I can be alone. I've been alone and been happy alone. I don't need other person to make me happy. One of the happiest time of my life was when i was single. I was concentrating on hobbies, friends and music.

But we all what that special someone in our life right? Everyone wants to love and be loved. If everyone would enjoy so much being alone then all relationships would cease to exist.

May 12, 2016

Just to clear out things. She asked to see me on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I did not push myself there. And I did not forcefully spend night at Tuesday. She wanted me to sleep there.

She has terrible mood swings. They are unpredictable. Last evening she was nice and angry all the time. There was no logical reason behind her actions.

This is not who she used to be.

She will lose her kids. She is not supposed to drink alcohol. She still does. She is supposed to take 3 pills a day. She doesn't. She is supposed to sleep at least 8hours a day. She doesn't.

She is disobeying doctors orders!

She is on retirement because of her mental illness.

She is not well. And there is nothing I can do anymore...

May 12, 2016

But we all what that special someone in our life right?

Right. Which is why you should break up with this woman. That way, when that special someone does come along, you'll have hopefully addressed and worked on your issues and distanced yourself from this toxic relationship.

May 12, 2016

Just to clear out things. She asked to see me on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I did not push myself there. And I did not forcefully spend night at Tuesday. She wanted me to sleep there.

You are a person with your own rights. You don't have to do something just because she asks you to. More passive behavior on your part.

This is not who she used to be.

Nonsense. This is who she's always been. Just because she put on a good front the first few weeks you knew her doesn't mean that's who she is. If that's who she really was, this wouldn't be the case:

She will lose her kids.

I don't know how things work over there, but here in the States, the mother needs to be an absolute trainwreck of a person to be at serious risk of losing custody of her children. And if I recall correctly, this woman you're with has two kids from two fathers. She's the common denominator.

She is not supposed to drink alcohol. She still does. She is supposed to take 3 pills a day. She doesn't. She is supposed to sleep at least 8hours a day. She doesn't.

She is disobeying doctors orders!

She is on retirement because of her mental illness.
She is not well. And there is nothing I can do anymore..

And despite that last sentence, you refuse to leave. You can't change anyone who doesn't want to change. Stop assuming the responsibility for HER life. It has nothing to do with loyalty or being supportive, either. Turning yourself into a shell of a person just to show loyalty to a woman you barely know isn't admirable. It's borderline pathetic.

May 12, 2016

I can be alone.

Sure doesn't seem like it. Otherwise, you wouldn't tolerate having been in two miserable, disgusting sounding relationships in recent years.

May 12, 2016

Just to clear out things. She asked to see me on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I did not push myself there. And I did not forcefully spend night at Tuesday. She wanted me to sleep there.

She has terrible mood swings. They are unpredictable. Last evening she was nice and angry all the time. There was no logical reason behind her actions.

This is not who she used to be.

She will lose her kids. She is not supposed to drink alcohol. She still does. She is supposed to take 3 pills a day. She doesn't. She is supposed to sleep at least 8hours a day. She doesn't.

She is disobeying doctors orders!

She is on retirement because of her mental illness.
She is not well. And there is nothing I can do anymore...

I'm still trying to work out where your dependency on dysfunctional people has come from.

Why were you poor growing up? It's what you said in a post when I asked you about your background. Was your father an alcoholic? A gambler? Did you parents fight a lot?

I'm trying to work out why you are comfortable in chaos that most people would walk away from.

May 12, 2016

OP mentioned being picked on and bullied a lot during his formative years. I think that's where the need for validation and affirmation stems from.

No matter how good of perspective you have - and let's face it, what adolescent has perspective - getting bullied by your peers can have a lasting effect, even as you move on in life and shake some of the traits that maybe made you an easier target for such treatment.

OP doesn't seem to mention close friends very often, which makes me think that he seeks out relationships to get the majority of the social nectar all of us need.

May 12, 2016

Its true I don't have very close friends. But I have some good friends I see now and then. But I've never had anyone i could talk about my issues etc with.

But I am about to give up. I deserve better. And maybe I did wrong when I got there to help her out. I should've stayed home and she would have noticed that I am pretty nice to have around.

Anyway. Read many similar stories from the web...seems like she is having a period now.

Its funny how her mind fluxuates. Just Tuesday she said "oh its so nice that I finally have a man in the house to help me around". Next day: You are just a friend.

May 12, 2016

And i know her behaviour is not my fault. Sure, i am not a perfect man but i have done nothing to deserve that kind of behaviour from her.

It could be her bi-polar (the stories i read kinda confirm this...basic behaviour from bi-polar patient), or it could just be herself. I can't be sure.

That is why i have taken such amount of abuse from her because she is sick. Being sick does not give one the free pass to abuse someone, of course that is wrong.

But as i remember backwards, this all started when i got the job, so i became more distant to her. I usually spent the days at her place too, as i had nothing else to do. Then i got the job.

Then became her custody issues. And blanco, here in finland we are pretty strict. Inher agreement is that she has to live in that way that she will recover, those are the "rules".

She would not even get her retirement money if they would know she uses alcohol and goes to partys.

And the fact she has had alcohol while taking medication when kids have been at home..she would lose them immeaditely. Also she has used physical discipline on the kids. That is a big no no these days.

I know if i would notice her ex's about her behaviour, she would probably lose the custody completely.

She has said many times to me that "my life is horrible. Everything sucks. I hope it would end".

And she has sometimes knifed herself into arm. Slashed. There is still the scar.

I just wonder why i always fall in love with this kind of people. They are always so nice and caring and just wonderful. And it seems it's all just a trap to lure you in.

My ex was the same way. And also had history of slashing herself. And my ex before that had also mental issues and had slashed herself.

And my first GF tried to take pills and alcohol at the same time. 2nd was kinda normal but cheated on me.

It seems that i am just some kind of a stepping stone for mentally ill people so they can move forward. Maybe i should start my own service?

"Are you mentally ill and no one else will date you? Call 1-800-PROTECLOVESYOUNOMATTERWHAT. One time fee only!"

I don't hate my GF, yes, we are still in relationship in facebook. I don't hate her. I really don't. As i read those threads and watched youtube videos, it's not easy to be bipolar. And the fact that she has fibromyalgia as well. The illness affects her behaviour and it's hard to control And all the stress she is having now about everything is eating her out.

She just cant let things be. She was cleaning her closet last night at 23:00 when i sent her good night text. That is not normal. She doesn't know when to stop and exhausts herself. This is not the first time. And she looks like she would like to burst in tears and cry. I said it to her and said she is strong "That's why i don't cry". But i feel it's just an act. She pushes and pushes herself until someday she will collapse. Last time when i saw her with her kids, she almost cried.

She can barely keep things together. She has been on mental ward before "recharging her batteries". So maybe she doesnt end up there anymore.

The aquarium she bought out of whim hasn't been cleaned in 3 weeks. It should be cleaned weekly. She forgot even to feed the fish. So i fed them.

And all because of the kids. She got the aquarium because of the kids wanted it. Kids won't take care of it, all it did was give her extra job around the house, like she doesn't have enough already.

Her apartment is filled with toys as she buys and buys and buys. Just got them new bicycles. Don't ask me where she gets the money. I have no idea. Maybe on credit then.

She spends all her money to some useless stuff. She has closet filled with clothes that it will explode - buys more clothes. Kids have so many toys that they don't know even what to play with - Buys more toys for kids.

She constantly buys buys buys. Like trying to get acceptance from kids. And she even bought me new socks this tuesday and a chocolate bar.

May 12, 2016

I'm still trying to work out where your dependency on dysfunctional people has come from.

Why were you poor growing up? It's what you said in a post when I asked you about your background. Was your father an alcoholic? A gambler? Did you parents fight a lot?

I'm trying to work out why you are comfortable in chaos that most people would walk away from.

My both parents got unemplyed in the beginning of 90's. The recession hit pretty bad then. We lost our car, everything. Still had a home though.

Parents did drink beer, but i don't remember any fighting. Of course some yelling now and then but i think my childhood was awesome. I had lots of friends and even though we were poor my parents got me Nintendo 8-bit

I have always been this way. Maybe i watched batman too many times when i was a kid? I've always wanted to help people in need and i would never abandon anyone. Even my sister wondered "who on earth can you take so much abuse from someone? I would have walked out on day 2".

I have no explanation. My father is also very kind person and my mother was too. Guess it runs in the blood. I fell in love with the woman and maybe i wish someday that woman will return.

And yes i was bullied at school because i had quite strange sense of humour and i was quite the daydreamer. The was the "oddball". I am a creative type. I have very good imagination and i do make music. So that is why i usually don't get along so well with "normal" people. I am just usually on completely different wavelenght.

That is why i love her. I told about her my art ideas and she listened and even said "wow! that would be awesome!". I suggested she would paint paintings and i would do music for those . She has very good imagination too and is very creative.

Maybe i am also afraid that i will not find person like her anymore. I mean without the illness etc. mood swings.

It takes a very rare personality to get along with me, and it takes a very rare personality that i like. I first got interested in her just for her outlooks, she is gorgeus for a mom with 2 kids, but i fell in love with her personality / character which is awesome when is her "normal" self. Don't know anymore what is normal for her and what is not.

Maybe she is searching for a man who can provide support money wise. But it's funny, because when she met me i was unemployed so she knew what it would be.

"money doesn't matter. I've dated men with lots of money, but it's alwful to come home when there is no love". So it was all love before money.

This whole thing doesnt make any kind of sense anymore. I was the most perfect, most awesome smelling, kindest, sweetest man in the history of her life. "i wish i had met you 10 years ago". "Oh i never want to leave your lap, it's perfect for me <3" And all that bs.

It's always the same thing in my life. Woman says pretty things to me and i am sold. And i am so darn naive i believe everything they mean.

Dunno. Gonna put some sneakers on and go for a healthy walk

May 12, 2016

Meh. Now she sent me a message that she has been looking flights to abroad for 2 hours. Guess who is NOT invited? Only problem is that she cannot find a caretaker for the kids.

Bleh.

May 12, 2016

What you sound more than anything is lonely. Strange from someone in a relationship.

May 12, 2016

Call 1-800-PROTECLOVESYOUNOMATTERWHAT. One time fee only!"

it's that typical ''helper'' syndrome ...

May 12, 2016

Leave her but more importantly DO NOT DATE ANYONE until you quit your need for them to be your life and your happiness,

Those things should come from you.

May 12, 2016

Meh. Now she sent me a message that she has been looking flights to abroad for 2 hours. Guess who is NOT invited?

Bleh.

Hopefully her soon-to-be-ex boyfriend. She's putting this on a tee for you, man.

I won't even get into the issue of someone planning a solo vacation for themselves on the heels of nearly losing custody of their children.

May 16, 2016

Spent weekend at her place. Same story.

Friday: Don't know if I like you

Saturday: Oh it's wonderful to have a man in the house <3 etc.

Sunday: I need a break

I helped her for the whole weekend. Vacuumed, did dishes, played with kids, took out the trash, went grocery shopping etc.

"you can't do anything right! Does this plastic container belong here huh??!! All you do is make more mess!!!!"

So...she did not appreciate any of it. Again like she is plucking a flower "i love him...inlove him not...i love him..."

And she is very unsecure and blames herself. "I can't even raise the kids right. I am a failure".

Also she blamed me for making her more sick? "you alway remind me of my sickness".

Kinda have to when she forgets to take her medicine sometimes. Aaand she had forgotten to give her kid his adhd medicine for 2 days...

I reminded her for that.

I love her but there is really nothing anymore I can do.

She hurt her kid again when she got mad at them...

I can be alone, believe it or not. I just handle breakups bad but once I am over someone, I can be happy on my own. I have hobbies, friends, and lots of stuff to do.

She will leave Friday to Athens. Funny thing how she complains about how she doesn't have money. Yet she have spent almost 2000euros in one month.

Time shows.

May 16, 2016

You've posted a lot of pathetic things, but never anything that made me feel unwell until now. She hurt her child?! Again?! And you're worried about staying with this woman? I'm done here. You two are beyond hope, both as a couple and individuals.

May 16, 2016

Wait, back the truck up:

She hurt her child?

And you sat by and...watched?

The both of you need help. How awful for that poor kid.

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i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

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