i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

[Lois_Griffin]

Oh boy, you're not going to like my answer but I read a few posts from your other thread.

 

Gotta be honest. Most women don't respect weak, passive guys. They see them as weak and needy and will walk all over them.

 

That's what this woman has been doing. Walking all over you.

 

I hate to say it but you remind me of a stray dog - so eager and appreciative for any scrap of affection or attention she threw your way.

 

Your weakness and passivity are your worst traits. They will get you steamrolled and dumped over and over and over until you become a more confident man. Women admire confident men who don''t let people disrespect them. They don't admire or respect men they can walk all over.

 

Sorry.

[Protec]

I was more distant and "cool" in the beginning of our RS. But when we started to know each other better I become this " i want to please you" person.

 

I did scold her after the clubbing event. But, I've been too clingy. I haven't given her enough free time. We have spent basically every weekend together since we started dating. Not realizing she would probably want to have kid and man free weekends once a while. Silly me. I've been just so selfish not giving her that.

 

We are still together, I apologized for my behaviour last night.

 

I need to man up again...I hope we can work things out, since I really do like her. And she gave me kiss this morning and made me lunch to work. Don't know if it means anything but at least she doesn't hate my guts.

 

I will write some bad sides of me on a paper and hopefully have a reasonable discussion about our situation. Not today. Maybe next week.

 

When I think of it I haven't taken enough me time either in this.

 

I've been thinking getting to. Doctor. I need to find a way to not trying to please everyone.

[Protec]

But still, why is it a bad thing that you feel like good friends with your SO?

 

I mean, we could talk about anything, we could do anything together, we always had fun when we were together, etc. And on top of that good sex.

[Blanco]

Your absolute main focus should be some sort of counseling for yourself to get to the root of why you keep letting yourself get involved with toxic women.

 

Being familiar with your posts, I think you sound like a good guy. But man, a lot of these posts are tough to read because you come off as so naive about women and relationships for someone your age. I think that's one of the reasons why you do stay involved with these women.

[Blanco]

And I'll reiterate something I said about this relationship before: You didn't take any time to work on yourself or really resolve your issues from your last toxic relationship.

 

You basically just transferred your issues to another relationship, which was made worse by the fact that the new woman seems to have a laundry list of her own issues.

 

One of the recurring questions in your original thread about the one ex was why you didn't think you deserved better than someone who treated you like garbage. Well, that still applies. You make it sound like you've lost someone amazing, but it just sounds like you've lost an unfit mother of two who played hot and cold with you, didn't really respect you (referring to you as her third child, wtf?!), didn't respect the relationship (frequently out partying without you), and ultimately, seemed to be with you out of convenience.

[smackie9]

Pickin the wrong woman. You will eventually find the right one that appreciates the flowers and showering of affection. Maybe you just need to hold off on doing such romantic gestures for a few months and have the "I love you's" flow freely between you first. Make her earn it, not try to make her like you/please her.

[Protec]

I was actually thinking what my GF said last night. She suggested that we would see each other little less. Maybe just 2 times a week.

 

I would like to try that. I admit that i have not given myself enough time and not given time to her either. She has lots of stuff to do, and when she has the "kid week", she is always super busy.

 

I just feel bad doing that stunt of mine...she knows i love her. I don't have to drive there middle of the night. But i hate leaving things hanging. And i feel it's immature from her to send a TEXT message (whatsapp) about such important matter! We are adults ffs.

 

Actually i feel like she is in her 20's rather than 30's.

 

I did so much for her.

 

-I helped her when she stopped taking her medicine, i supported her.

-I took care of her when she could not move because of her Fibromyalgia

-One night she took a sleeping pill / relaxant and went completely nuts. Putting toilet paper around her head and dip-sauce on her body. And i just watched and was actually scared if she would snap completely.

-"rescued" her from the nightclub

-Sometimes put her younger kid to sleep because she couldn't (lost her nerves because of kid yelling)

-Bought her food, toilet paper and some supplies. Not much but it's something and i am poor.

-Installed operating system on her kids laptop.

-Helped with her laptop.

 

I did other stuff as well. I really think i did much more for her than she did to me and still nothing was enough. MORE MORE MORE! Of course i did those things because i wanted to, i wanted to be a good BF. I wanted to show her that i care about her and her kids.

 

I say few things against her and she tells me to leave the house. Oh and she blamed ME because she was drinking alcohol. "you are not very responsible". God darnit, i don't have to watch over an 32-year woman like a little child.

 

Maybe i should have not had alcohol with her at all. I admit that i did wrong there. But we never fought under influence of alcohol. We have barely had any fights at all.

[William]

Folks, our intrepid duplicate/similar thread reporter brought this content to our attention and another moderator merged a number of threads on a similar topic so there may be some duplication of content and/or quotes out of order. We apologize for that and thank members for their responses and please continue to discuss this topic in this thread.

[ChickiePops]

You sound more like a dad/nursemaid than a boyfriend.

[Protec]

Pickin the wrong woman. You will eventually find the right one that appreciates the flowers and showering of affection. Maybe you just need to hold off on doing such romantic gestures for a few months and have the "I love you's" flow freely between you first. Make her earn it, not try to make her like you/please her.

 

Yes, started to act more like "please love me!" rather than earn her love. But i was at loss. Her behaviour was so irrational i did not know what was going on. Suddenly she is very distant and even cold etc. and i overreact easily too. Maybe i smothered with affection and she felt she cannot respond to me on the same level. I know i would get irritated as well if someone is all the time showering me with attention and i love you's.

 

While writing this has given me good ideas that i want to talk with her about. Because i do want to talk with her, but not today. I will let her be for now, in peace as she wanted.

[ChickiePops]

You sound more like a dad/nursemaid than a boyfriend.

 

Posted too quick and cannot edit. I meant to ask why you let her walk all over you like that?

[Protec]

You sound more like a dad/nursemaid than a boyfriend.

 

Yes, i tend to care bit too much. But i can't help it. If your GF would be lying on bed, having terrible pain and couild not get up, would you not help her?

 

She had constantly pains in her muscles / joints because of Fibromyalgia.

At winter she had so bad pains she walked forward like an 80 year old granny.

[EgoJoe]

Just cut the ties Ave move on. It'll end your problem. You'll see.

[Blanco]

I was actually thinking what my GF said last night. She suggested that we would see each other little less. Maybe just 2 times a week.

 

I would like to try that. I admit that i have not given myself enough time and not given time to her either. She has lots of stuff to do, and when she has the "kid week", she is always super busy.

 

I just feel bad doing that stunt of mine...she knows i love her. I don't have to drive there middle of the night. But i hate leaving things hanging. And i feel it's immature from her to send a TEXT message (whatsapp) about such important matter! We are adults ffs.

 

Actually i feel like she is in her 20's rather than 30's.

 

I did so much for her.

 

-I helped her when she stopped taking her medicine, i supported her.

-I took care of her when she could not move because of her Fibromyalgia

-One night she took a sleeping pill / relaxant and went completely nuts. Putting toilet paper around her head and dip-sauce on her body. And i just watched and was actually scared if she would snap completely.

-"rescued" her from the nightclub

-Sometimes put her younger kid to sleep because she couldn't (lost her nerves because of kid yelling)

-Bought her food, toilet paper and some supplies. Not much but it's something and i am poor.

-Installed operating system on her kids laptop.

-Helped with her laptop.

 

I did other stuff as well. I really think i did much more for her than she did to me and still nothing was enough. MORE MORE MORE! Of course i did those things because i wanted to, i wanted to be a good BF. I wanted to show her that i care about her and her kids.

 

I say few things against her and she tells me to leave the house. Oh and she blamed ME because she was drinking alcohol. "you are not very responsible". God darnit, i don't have to watch over an 32-year woman like a little child.

 

Maybe i should have not had alcohol with her at all. I admit that i did wrong there. But we never fought under influence of alcohol. We have barely had any fights at all.

 

Yeah, definitely sounds like a relationship worth continuing.

 

You have women in this thread telling your passive, white knight routine is actually a turn off for most women. Listen to them.

[Blanco]

Yes, i tend to care bit too much. But i can't help it. If your GF would be lying on bed, having terrible pain and couild not get up, would you not help her?

 

She had constantly pains in her muscles / joints because of Fibromyalgia.

At winter she had so bad pains she walked forward like an 80 year old granny.

 

There's a difference between being considerate and being a total pushover. You don't seem to know the difference and that's why you still think this relationship is worth investing in.

[ChickiePops]

Yes, i tend to care bit too much. But i can't help it. If your GF would be lying on bed, having terrible pain and couild not get up, would you not help her?

 

She had constantly pains in her muscles / joints because of Fibromyalgia.

At winter she had so bad pains she walked forward like an 80 year old granny.

 

Well seeing as I am a straight woman, I would never have a girlfriend.

 

But that aside..it's way more than that..it's everything. You shouldn't have to 'rescue' a 32 year old from a club. Nor should you have to buy her toilet paper. You shouldn't have to parent her children for her, especially considering the fact that she doesn't see them every week. Nor should you have to do 85% of what you do.

 

This doesn't sound like a romantic relationship, it sounds like a father and his rebellious teenaged daughter...and that is NOT sexy at all.

[smackie9]

I would say you two are not suited for each other. You have different expectations, that's why things are feeling "off". Just my opinion BUT there are single moms (some, not generalizing all) that will take advantage of a guy like you or at least take you for granted. I can see her pushing you away out of guilt knowing that it has gotten carried away, and she was giving you the wrong impression that she is on the same level of seriousness. It sucks. Me I would abandon ship before it gets even worse.

[Protec]

Well. Guess who asked "Hi! How are you?". She has not asked me that in ages...at least not via whatsapp.

 

Why. Why. Why. Why would you tell someone "lets take space" still contact?.

We are still in relationship im facebook and i would like to discuss this thing with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well. Guess who asked "Hi! How are you?". She has not asked me that in ages...at least not via whatsapp.

 

Why. Why. Why. Why would you tell someone "lets take space" still contact?.

We are still in relationship im facebook and i would like to discuss this thing with her.

 

Because she doesn't want to lose her most reliable ego-stroker.

[Protec]

And i bought her food and supplies because at some weeks I could've spent 5/7 days at her place.

 

Now I don't even know if I should send her good night message or not...

[Blanco]

Holy lord, man, stop listing all of the things you did for her. No one is questioning that. In fact, most people are questioning why you did so much for her when it's clear she doesn't really respect you or the relationship.

 

Your problem is that you think there's a correlation between how much you do for a person and how much they'll like/love you. Healthy relationships don't work like some sort of transaction where if you vacuum their floor and buy groceries, they'll love you 10 percent more than they would have if you had only bought dinner.

 

As someone who read your thread regarding your last relationship as it unfolded, I'm in awe of how unaware you seem to be that you're repeating a number of poor decisions and behavior here.

[Protec]

I was just thinking ill help her...she is also poor. I felt like it was my home too...

[Blanco]

White knight syndrome.

 

Healthy relationships aren't built on that.

[Protec]

I just felt bad because i was almost living at her place and used her toilet papers and ate her food. So i felt i need to participate to her living costs.

 

Well...just sent her "Good night!" message. She replied immeaditely. "good night!"

Strange.

 

I have never called her much, or sent messages because i've always wanted to give her space. I know i don't like if my phone is beeping every other minute and someone is constantly calling.

[Blanco]

You wouldn't keep recalling all of the nice things you've done for her if you didn't think on some level that those deeds should have made her like you more or even love you.

 

You're missing the forest for the trees, guy.