i am overthinking...overanalyzing. [updated]

[Protec]

Lately I have noticed how my gf doesn't put little hearts or emojisbafter messages.

 

Like before good nights used to be " good night honey <3<3". Now it's just "good night". And so on. Well she still uses them but not as much.

 

And she never even calls me her darling or says "I love you". Well she says it but not my own language, like she is afraid of saying it anymore in my native language (Finnish).

 

But she bought me a bracelet just Last Thursday and some clothes from flea market.... Also we had a nice weekend ice fishing at her mothers place.

 

She has lots of stress about her kids now and is about to lose the custody to the fathers so maybe that I why she is not concentrating that much to me lately.

 

I know I over think again. But it happened to me before..suddenly the other just starts to lose interest...

[Toodaloo]

I get the feeling that she thinks you are not really all that into her and she is backing off because of it. I don't think she feels loved and supported and if she has all that going on as well...

 

Sorry Protec but I do not see this lasting.

[Protec]

I get the feeling that she thinks you are not really all that into her and she is backing off because of it. I don't think she feels loved and supported and if she has all that going on as well...

 

Sorry Protec but I do not see this lasting.

 

How could she think that? Just last Saturday I looked deep in her eyes and said "you don't have to doubt my feelings towards you. I love you so much.". And today I am taking her into a concert. And also she looked me last Sunday with those loving eyes.

 

 

Maybe its just a phase. And I am overanalyzing.

[introverted1]

Why is she losing custody of her kids? That would be a huge crush to most mothers and I can see that it would affect her attitude towards everything and everyone.

[Haydn]

If she is going to lose custody of her kids then that`s going to be the only thing on her mind. The last thing is `smiley faces`

 

She needs support at this time.

[Protec]

Why is she losing custody of her kids? That would be a huge crush to most mothers and I can see that it would affect her attitude towards everything and everyone.

 

She suffers from depression and has fibromyalgia. She is a good mother but her exes are manipulative *******s who report every little thing to social workers.

 

Like when she was very sick and could not move well she asked if her ex could take care of the kid. Nope, and reported to social worker. What an ass.

 

Yes. It's a huge thing. Something I can't even begin to understand. That's why I am taking her to concert today, to get her mind off from all the bad things.

 

I really love this woman. I have never done anything like this to any of my gf's.

I am completely selfless and just think about her.

 

When we look each other into eyes, we don't even have to say anything. It's like a Bluetooth connection. It's like we hear each others thoughts even though we don't.

 

Once I took her hand, gripped firmly and though myself "I'm never going to let you go". She asked "what did you think?!! Whatever it was it felt good and now I'm having Goosebumps".

 

Sorry for too much info

[Toodaloo]

When we look each other into eyes, we don't even have to say anything. It's like a Bluetooth connection.

 

That is a classic line.

 

I think you need a bit of help with this romance thing...

[Gaeta]

I am completely selfless and just think about her.

 

Not true.

 

You did nothing for her birthday because you didn't want to go through the trouble or organizing something ahead of time.

 

When she has serious problems and probably falling in depression at the thought of losing her children you worry about happy-faces missing in your texts.

 

Ever thought you are not the perfect boyfriend you think you are.

[Protec]

Not true.

 

You did nothing for her birthday because you didn't want to go through the trouble or organizing something ahead of time.

 

When she has serious problems and probably falling in depression at the thought of losing her children you worry about happy-faces missing in your texts.

 

Ever thought you are not the perfect boyfriend you think you are.

 

Oh I am far from perfect. And I made this thread because I have problem that I overanalyze every little thing. "oh no, heart is missing. She must not love me anymore".

 

This is difficult situation for me too, this kid thing. I have no idea what I could say to her....

 

And just now she sent me a message that she is coming to my place cook dinner for me.

 

I've always had this over analyzing problem.

 

And about that birthday. True, I only got her wine and roses and took her to movies. But we also went to cruise one week after that. We had a deal that we celebrate our boths birthday then. So that was kinda part of a gift...

[introverted1]

She suffers from depression and has fibromyalgia. She is a good mother but her exes are manipulative *******s who report every little thing to social workers.

 

So she has two different exes, both of whom are making up stories about her that social workers believe and are planning to remove the children on the basis of?

 

This sounds quite incredible.

 

And I realise you are not asking about her custody situation but I feel that someone else is going on with her and that could be what you are seeing in your relationship.

 

Is she getting treatment for the depression? For the fibro?

[Gaeta]

I think it's a huge red flag she is losing custody of both kids from 2 different dad.

 

It's very difficult to take kids away from their mother. A judge is not going to take away a mom's custody because kids burnt toasts in the morning when she stays in bed a little longer because of pain. If the kids are taken away it's because their well-being and security is in jeopardy.

 

Social services is also used to false reports of abuse. If those reports were unjustified they would see through them. Again, 2 different fathers taking actions to remove custody from her is a huge red flag.

 

How old are the kids?

 

Also, I think she never introduced the kids to you?

[Protec]

Yes she is on medication for the depression and for the fibro.

 

We had amazing weekend together. Friday when I got from work she came to my place and made me dinner. We had fun at the concert and Sunday evening she said the she loves me. But also earlier at Sunday she said "lets take a day off tomorrow, lets do our own things". Well that is ok. We all need our own space.

 

But today again she has been very distant and I asked her if its ok for me to go to her place "well, lets look up on that later.".

 

And when we started dating she said I am Always welcome to her place. I am getting mixed reactions.

 

Oh, also she said to me that "too bad I didn't meet you 10 years ago".

She must like me. She looked me so deeply in my eyes when she said she loves me.

 

She admitted herself that she has been distant because of all this.

 

And yeah i have met her kids. I can't say I adore them. They are straight from hell. They have no discipline, they do what they want, cry about EVERYTHING and I mean everything. Even her mother and aunt are wondering the kids behavior.

 

I don't have to be father to them thank god.

 

I don't hate the kids.

 

My gf is exhausted with them as well.

 

And I've seen some of the messages her exes has sent to her. Not pretty to read.im gonna punch those in the face when I see them. The way they reply to her messages is outstanding.

 

She sends "sorry. I forgot the gloves here for the kid. Can you come get them when you can?"

 

Reply: " you stupid fking b****. You always forget everything. You need some serious help you f***" this is true story.

they both are *******s with capital A.

 

And she had kids with such persons...

[Gaeta]

So over all you are dating a woman that:

 

* Is suffering from depression.

 

* Has children she has no control over and have no respect for her and is about to lose their custody.

 

* Has several baby daddies that are un-supportive, abusive, disrespectful.

 

Does it sound to you like this woman is equipped to function in a healthy relationship?

[Protec]

So over all you are dating a woman that:

 

* Is suffering from depression.

 

* Has children she has no control over and have no respect for her and is about to lose their custody.

 

* Has several baby daddies that are un-supportive, abusive, disrespectful.

 

Does it sound to you like this woman is equipped to function in a healthy relationship?

 

Depression is quite normal these days. I don't mind it. And the kids... Well, she is just too kind but has lately taken more control to them.

 

I really like her. We have great time together and just last Sunday when we were at mall she said "its so easy and natural being with you". I feel the same way. Yes, she has problems atm but I want to be there for her support.

 

She has said to me several times though that "I'm a too much for you to handle". Meaning that she has mood swings etc. Still, she treats me well.

 

No woman has ever come to my home and made me dinner. For now she hasn't done anything wrong to mem

[Protec]

Don't know if it's because she is on her periods or not but there is some issues now.

 

I called her and we talked and asked if we could see tomorrow, her reply was very gentle and subtle "I am happy by myself. Everytime you are here we only watch tv so i cannot do my own things at all."

 

Then i said "Wow. That was kind of harsh."

 

"How so?", she continued.

 

And after that she started whining about how she has to serve me all the time and so on, and she already has 2 kids and does not need a 3rd one. I sure didn't feel offended at all.

 

I have told her countless of times that i can take care of myself. I can make my own food and buy my own food when i am at her place. But she usually says "you don't have to buy anything since i get food from the food line". And also complained "i don't have money to run a free hotel here".

 

I have no idea. Well, she has another meeting with the social workers and her exes tomorrow, i understand she is on the edge and pissed and stressed. And yeah, i know that sometimes we unload our stress to people we love.

 

She afterwards sent me a text saying that i should not feel offended, she just need time to recharge her batteries and spend some time alone.

 

Still it feels bad. As we started dating she said "you are always welcome to my place".

But i still have the habit of asking "is it ok to come?".

 

I am afraid this will turn into another mess where i am too kind and now she starts alll bossy on me.

 

I called her second time and asked if i could go her place and cook her dinner. With the skills i have, that are almost zero...but i would like to try.

 

I don't want us to become a couple that sees each other only few times a week.

We live 15 minutes away from each other with car.

 

Also she has increase the dosage of her medicine for depression and i know what that stuff does to you...

 

Maybe i just go to her place, show that i am a man. She likes that kind of stuff.

 

I even got her out from nightclub and day later she thanked me. "wow. You are so amazing that you care so much about me that you got worried and got me out safely".

 

Maybe i just go and surprise her with a dinner...i dunno anymore. Confused.

 

One day she says she loves me more than anything and next day she is all cold and distant.

Starting to see the basic push / pull behaviour here...or i am overanalyzing again and being selfish a-hole for not understanding her feelings she goes through.

[despgirl]

Don't know if it's because she is on her periods or not but there is some issues now.

 

I called her and we talked and asked if we could see tomorrow, her reply was very gentle and subtle "I am happy by myself. Everytime you are here we only watch tv so i cannot do my own things at all."

 

Then i said "Wow. That was kind of harsh."

 

"How so?", she continued.

 

And after that she started whining about how she has to serve me all the time and so on, and she already has 2 kids and does not need a 3rd one. I sure didn't feel offended at all.

 

I have told her countless of times that i can take care of myself. I can make my own food and buy my own food when i am at her place. But she usually says "you don't have to buy anything since i get food from the food line". And also complained "i don't have money to run a free hotel here".

 

I have no idea. Well, she has another meeting with the social workers and her exes tomorrow, i understand she is on the edge and pissed and stressed. And yeah, i know that sometimes we unload our stress to people we love.

 

She afterwards sent me a text saying that i should not feel offended, she just need time to recharge her batteries and spend some time alone.

 

Still it feels bad. As we started dating she said "you are always welcome to my place".

But i still have the habit of asking "is it ok to come?".

 

I am afraid this will turn into another mess where i am too kind and now she starts alll bossy on me.

 

I called her second time and asked if i could go her place and cook her dinner. With the skills i have, that are almost zero...but i would like to try.

 

I don't want us to become a couple that sees each other only few times a week.

We live 15 minutes away from each other with car.

 

Also she has increase the dosage of her medicine for depression and i know what that stuff does to you...

 

Maybe i just go to her place, show that i am a man. She likes that kind of stuff.

 

I even got her out from nightclub and day later she thanked me. "wow. You are so amazing that you care so much about me that you got worried and got me out safely".

 

Maybe i just go and surprise her with a dinner...i dunno anymore. Confused.

 

One day she says she loves me more than anything and next day she is all cold and distant.

Starting to see the basic push / pull behaviour here...or i am overanalyzing again and being selfish a-hole for not understanding her feelings she goes through.

 

 

Do you ever do anything else than staying at her place and watching TV, where she is serving you dinner?

 

 

Maybe she feels you are taking her for granted? How about inviting her out to dinner/movies/concert, a real date?

[Protec]

I just took her out last Friday to a concert and satuday we had dinner at sushi restaurant. We do stuff together so that can't be the reason...

 

She is just suddenly so cold towards me. First I am the greatest guy, the most fun and sex is the best ever and she is madly in love with me, she said such things without alcohol. And then suddenly says she has more fun being alone etc.

[Protec]

She doesn't even reply to my good morning messages. She reads them (whatsapp), but doesnt reply. Wtf is going on???

[despgirl]

I just took her out last Friday to a concert and satuday we had dinner at sushi restaurant. We do stuff together so that can't be the reason...

 

She is just suddenly so cold towards me. First I am the greatest guy, the most fun and sex is the best ever and she is madly in love with me, she said such things without alcohol. And then suddenly says she has more fun being alone etc.

 

 

Oh ok! Then I really don't know and it's hard to say what's on her mind.

 

 

But since she is suffering from depression her mood can change a lot and you may be the last thing on her mind... Sorry OP! I think your best move is to give her space and stop contacting her.

[Phoenician]

Protec ,

 

There are few things you are missing ....

 

-Women Enjoys their time when they have a romantic partner ; but when they are in trouble they just need an alpha ; if they ask for help Alpha should invent solutions; if they want speak only and vent ; Alpha should only listen ...

-When they are in a depression , the last thing they can give is love ; and the last thing they really need are emotions ; in reality their depression becomes sometimes theior China wall that shields them from getting hurt more.

 

-IF you really love this women ; help her bond more with the kids ;she can see them on weekends right ?

have you ever thought to take them all to a trip ; to relief her by having a hobby with her kid ?

 

It will be a challenge to you ;Givology is the base of love ; love is not a granted pass.

 

But if you do it as a service , you will get a service not love.

 

if you really love this women and she is worth it , be a giver ; if you just want to get what you want , just do services; but recall always :

 

"Jerk he who awakens a women love , without the intention to love her.

[Protec]

I can't afford activity to take them all somewhere. Bit i have been thinking about it. Just need to figure out what would be fun activity for all of us. As the smallest one is only 4, it limits stuff a lot. Suggestions are welcome!

 

But the kid ls have their fathers so I feel bit unconfy if intry to pull out "family" activities...but you are right.

 

My gf is suffering from depression now. So maybe that is the reason. Also I forgot to get the tickets to the event this Saturday...

 

She sees her kids every other week, so she gets to spend time with them a lot.

 

Ye, I love her but my mind is also bit complicated. I am very bad showing my love. I should make her breakfast I bed etc. Stuff more often...

 

I would love to be there for her but she now seems to like being alone...

 

She is out of money and if she loses her kids so sees them only few days a month. I am afraid she will collapse.

[Protec]

Called her, she seemed better bit she had a rough day.

 

Her exes are threatening her with sue because of the kid problem.

I suggested that I could go to her place and make dinner bit she just replied she has to go to a gym to release some anger. Understandable.

 

I just wonder why she doesn't want me there to sleep with her?

 

Or are women like that they want to be all alone when under depression? I would feel better if someone would keep me close etc and sleeping next to. I would love to sleep next her e very day. And soon the kids come over again and at weekdays I can't be there overnight because I need good sleep. So I can be at work.

[thecrucible]

Sometimes people like to be alone a lot to process emotions. That's definitely me as I get a low mood during winter and this winter I cocooned myself away for a while because it was my way of dealing with it. I'm quite introverted as well and I like to be upset on my own and then reach out to people when I am ready. I wonder if she is like that. You could maybe just let her know that you're there for her but you also want to give her some time to herself. This might make her feel less pressured and more able to reach out if she knows that you're flexible because of her situation.

[Protec]

Well, I met her yesterday because her car broke down and I spent evening with her. She apologized her behavior. So she knows she's doing wrong. "sorry I am so upset to you and angry.". She has her periods (pain) and also the thing with her exes is stressing her a lot.

 

She slept whole night right next to me.

 

I need to also to learn not to overanalyze things...

[Protec]

Oh no!!!!

 

Another problem.

 

now she wants me to stay home always when her kids are home....