elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 And if she thinks he is such a bad kisser, why did she continue kissing him after announcing she just wants to be *friends*? Last Tuesday was the first time they kissed with tongues, an escalation, the next day they did the same thing then she went cold almost immediately. "You are pressuring me for a relationship that I can't give right now." The friend-zone relegation happened thereafter. I feel the ramping up to "sexual kissing" and the assumption of a more intense relationship probably was the deal breaker here, rather than awful kissing per se, but we will never know... 1
insert_name Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Q Absolutely agree! Which was precisely my point, she has another agenda. And if she thinks he is such a bad kisser, why did she continue kissing him after announcing she just wants to be *friends*? Who behaves this way? A woman with an agenda (elicit jealousy, stir up drama). This is so clear to me, I am surprised some posters aren't seeing it. Exactly, I've been through it recently myself. Girl takes me out, tells me she is dating someone else then bam! Jumps on me and starts shoving her tongue down my throat. Tells me all the things we have to do together in the next few weeks. Eventually she just stopped texting mid convo and a couple of weeks later her fb pic is her and some other dude arm in arm. Why do women play these games with people? It is so cruel. Just be straight up and tell the person the score. No games, no mixed signals, no say one thing do another, no 'lets just be fwendz!!1'. Just a curt 'you don't do it for me and never will, I wish to explore my other options. I know you like me so I don't think friends is a good idea. Have a nice life, bye.' Using decent guys for an ego boost or as collateral to try and get the guy you really want just ends up creating more bitter ass-holes. Man, I can't wait for the next time I hear 'where have all the good men gone?'- I will point them to this thread. 1
Seraphina87 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Sometimes, when it becomes clear that someone has pinned all their hopes on you then they become very unattractive and needy. The very fact that the OP has posted a long message on here about it kind of shows that he did just that - he expected her to be the one when she hardly knew him yet. And yes, her previous partners have nothing whatsoever to do with the situation. 1
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Exactly, I've been through it recently myself. Girl takes me out, tells me she is dating someone else then bam! Jumps on me and starts shoving her tongue down my throat. Tells me all the things we have to do together in the next few weeks. Eventually she just stopped texting mid convo and a couple of weeks later her fb pic is her and some other dude arm in arm. BUT that is NOT what happened here. 1
insert_name Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 BUT that is NOT what happened here. No but I agree with others that it has the smell of her playing a similar game. She goes out with the guy and passionately kisses him whilst telling him they should be fwendz. What is that all about? Sounds like she wanted one last sip from the validation cup before kicking this guy into touch. I've just done a double take at the fact this woman is actually 36! I had her pinned as early to mid 20s judging by her handling of this situation and love of the bad boys. 36 and acting like this....*shakes head* 2
Seraphina87 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 No but I agree with others that it has the smell of her playing a similar game. She goes out with the guy and passionately kisses him whilst telling him they should be fwendz. What is that all about? Sounds like she wanted one last sip from the validation cup before kicking this guy into touch. I've just done a double take at the fact this woman is actually 36! I had her pinned as early to mid 20s judging by her handling of this situation and love of the bad boys. 36 and acting like this....*shakes head* You're doing a lot of assuming. I think she does sound like a people pleaser which is why she says she wants to be friends while telling him she doesn't want a relationship. Kissing someone and then deciding actually they're not for you does not make you a bad person. But some people find it hard to say 'sorry I'm not into you'
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) You're doing a lot of assuming. I think she does sound like a people pleaser which is why she says she wants to be friends while telling him she doesn't want a relationship. Kissing someone and then deciding actually they're not for you does not make you a bad person. But some people find it hard to say 'sorry I'm not into you' Seraphina, you're not getting it. She didn't kiss him, *then* decide after he wasn't for her. She decided he wasn't for her ...but continued to kiss him anyway. See the difference? Why would a woman decide a man wasn't for her, and tell him that, but continue to tongue kiss him? Does this make sense? Would you behave that way? Edited March 12, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Seraphina87 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Seraphina, you're not getting it. She didn't kiss him, *then* decide after he wasn't for her. She decided he wasn't for her ...but continued to kiss him anyway. See the difference? She probably kissed him to keep him happy. I'm saying this because I've done it myself. I felt guilty that he was invested in me and that I then had to let him down. The fact that she has had abusive relationships suggests that she may have problems setting out boundaries. I think the OP needs to focus on being less full on in the early stages in the future. For at least the first 6 months a wait and see approach is more than reasonable.
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 She probably kissed him to keep him happy. I'm saying this because I've done it myself. I felt guilty that he was invested in me and that I then had to let him down. The fact that she has had abusive relationships suggests that she may have problems setting out boundaries. I think the OP needs to focus on being less full on in the early stages in the future. For at least the first 6 months a wait and see approach is more than reasonable. Okay fair enough ...I will buy that as a possibility. Good point too about the inability to set firm boundaries. Very possible. 1
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 She decided he wasn't for her ...but continued to kiss him anyway. How do you know that? Where does it say that?
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) Ok here goes. I met this wonderful woman a month ago. We exchanged numbers online after chatting for a bit. We met up a week later, she was beautiful and we kissed on the lips. We had a great time meeting up, we just talked and went our separate ways. We still texted every night, and i called her. We met up a week later, same kiss on the lips, chatted and went for a walk. We could both tell there was a spark there, she would smile all the time, and act all shy. We still text every night, and i met up with her last Tuesday. She had bought us dinner to eat on the beach. I ended up holding her and kissing her shoulder, I then took her back to my car where I gave her a rose. We then started kissing with the tongue, the first time and cuddling. She put the rose up on her FB page saying she received it. We met up the next day, same thing we kissed with tongue and went for a walk. But I felt something was up with her. After she went home, I texted her and her response wasn't the same like it usually was. She was like I'm sorry I can't do this. You are pressuring me for a relationship that I can't give right now. ----- **So the back story is. Every guy she has been with has cheated and hit her. She wanted to become friends first with me and see if it blossomed in to something, although we both liked each other a lot. We ended up calling each other babe and hun after 2 weeks. It felt to me we were pretty much together. She told me she isn't ready for a relationship. She said no one gets a second chance with her. So i tried to keep her in my life all day yesterday, saying I will take it slow and we will become **friends ** first and see what happens. **She said I was pressuring her yet she was *kissing me back* and calling me babe as well. ** elaine, to answer your question, see last four paragraphs above ^^ specifically the last one. Some mixed and double messages there for sure. IMO anyway. That said, I acknowledge that per Seraphina's post, she has trouble defining boundaries which could be part of it too. Edited March 12, 2016 by katiegrl
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 She said I was pressuring her yet she was kissing me back and calling me babe as well. She wasn't kissing him back after she called it a day, he is merely questioning here how can she think I was pressurising her when she was kissing me back and calling me Babe.
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) She wasn't kissing him back after she called it a day, he is merely questioning here how can she think I was pressurising her when she was kissing me back and calling me Babe. All the while telling him she just wants them to be *friends*. But continuing to kiss him. Okie doke! He wrote she wanted to be *friends first* from the get go. But yet she was tongue kissing him. How is this not a mixed message? OP, can you come back and clarify please? Not that it matters at this point...just curious as the way you posted it, the sequence of events, is a bit confusing .....to me. Edited March 12, 2016 by katiegrl 1
ff12343 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) After all the **** with my ex girlfriend, I can't believe she could do this. It doesn't matter. Understand the kind of world you live in and realize nobody gives 2 damns about your past problems since everyone has their own problems. You can't use that as an excuse. For the future though, you need to go into things like this with 0 expectations. Make out for 2 weeks straight but understand it does not necessarily mean anything. Let them come to you more than you come to them. That is also an indication. Also, no gifts or roses please. If they are not happy with just you and your energy there, then just toss them aside. (But i'm deadly serious about this current one. You can never text her. It's the only chance you have but its not really a chance. It's more of a way to rebuild your image in her eyes if she ever thinks about you. People start to forget the negatives when time goes by and remember you through rose colored glasses.) Edited March 12, 2016 by ff12343
kendahke Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 She probably kissed him to keep him happy. . Now who is assuming and speculating? 1
Author patooks Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 Ok. So I told her last night I can't be friends with her. I still like her but I struggle with the mix messaging I'm receiving. Up until 2 days ago she still called me babe. Like when she woke up yesterday she was like " Morning babe, woops I'm sorry I just woke up ". And she still said to me I have things to say to you but I can't because we are just friends etc. So after I texted her and said I can't be friends she was like " why then ????? ". I said because I can't after we had made out etc and I know what I want, but we want different things at this stage. She then said she respected me for making that choice, and I'm a great guy and I deserve a lovely lady etc. And she enjoyed the times we shared though limited. I then deleted her number and haven't heard from her since. I still don't know if she was mucking me around or really did like me though ???.
Author patooks Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 So she did say she wanted to get to know me from the get go, but between the texting and chatting and the first 2 times we met I felt things were brewing between us. And the 3rd time we met and I gave her the rose and the dinner at the beach then proceeded to my car, it was only a matter of time before we kissed properly. It was the next day after we kissed numerous times again that later that night she said I was pressuring her and she runs away from pressure.
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) So she did say she wanted to get to know me from the get go, but between the texting and chatting and the first 2 times we met I felt things were brewing between us. And the 3rd time we met and I gave her the rose and the dinner at the beach then proceeded to my car, it was only a matter of time before we kissed properly. It was the next day after we kissed numerous times again that later that night she said I was pressuring her and she runs away from pressure. Don't even try to figure her out, not worth the energy. Any woman (or man if roles were reversed) who says she runs away from *pressure* is NOT a woman or person you want to get involved with. Especially when all you were doing was expressing interest, which she seemed to be reciprocating! IMO, that would not fall into the *pressuring " category. To her it is, cuz she has ISSUES! Fear of relationships, fear of commitment, who the hell knows. Not your problem to fix. Block, delete, next, move on. Good job for ending it the way you did! Edited March 12, 2016 by katiegrl
Author patooks Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 I only mentioned my ex GF earlier because she had issues ( depression, anxiety, etc ) and in a way I feel the lady I was getting to know had issues as well due to violent partners in the past. I seem to attract and be attracted to ladies with baggage . I didn't feel at all I was pressuring her, but I felt I had to man up and end it. Her response made me feel like she wasn't to bothered so I said, all good i will go then. 1
Author patooks Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 I think I have learnt 1 thing. To not invest to heavily from the get go. And take it slow and no give to much. 4
joseb Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 After all the **** with my ex girlfriend, I can't believe she could do this. Yeah no idea why you think this would affect the way another woman woukd behave?? Anyway, you did the right thing ending it. The friends line she fed you was just a way to break up I think. She does sound a little weird, what with the "I have things to tell you but I can't as we are friends" what's that about?!
Author patooks Posted March 13, 2016 Author Posted March 13, 2016 I really don't know. To me you either like someone or you don't. I can understand she may be guarded after her past relationships. She told me from the get go she wanted to take it slow and see what happens. It was a first from her as she had never done it before and a first from myself. After I ended it last night to be honest, I felt a weight off my shoulders. At 36, and with 2 teenage sons, I hope she wasn't playing games with me.
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) Yeah no idea why you think this would affect the way another woman woukd behave?? Anyway, you did the right thing ending it. The friends line she fed you was just a way to break up I think. ---- ***She does sound a little weird, what with the "I have things to tell you but I can't as we are friends" what's that about?! ^^Just another mixed message. Leading him to believe she's into him (and has things she wants to say about that) but can't as she fears *pressure*.... bunch of BS. Same with telling him she wants *friends first* but then continuing to kiss him! Deeply! Mixed messages. Typical commitment phobe behavior...she's a disaster. Edited March 13, 2016 by katiegrl
Ferret Posted March 13, 2016 Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) Shes ether very mentally damaged or intentionally playing mind games neither option is really appealing to me anyways. Ide tell her to do you a favor and keep the "friend zone" you were looking for a relationship block and move on there are sane non manipulative women out there I swear there are...edit to add from the "rose on fb" thing it sounds like shes looking for validation and attention don't feed into that.. Edited March 13, 2016 by Ferret 1
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