I met this wonderful woman a month ago. Now she can't do this?

March 11, 2016

Ok here goes.

I met this wonderful woman a month ago. We exchanged numbers online after chatting for a bit. We met up a week later, she was beautiful and we kissed on the lips. We had a great time meeting up, we just talked and went our separate ways. We still texted every night, and i called her.

We met up a week later, same kiss on the lips, chatted and went for a walk. We could both tell there was a spark there, she would smile all the time, and act all shy.

We still text every night, and i met up with her last Tuesday. She had bought us dinner to eat on the beach. I ended up holding her and kissing her shoulder, I then took her back to my car where I gave her a rose. We then started kissing with the tongue, the first time and cuddling. She put the rose up on her FB page saying she received it.

We met up the next day, same thing we kissed with tongue and went for a walk. But I felt something was up with her. After she went home, I texted her and her response wasn't the same like it usually was. She was like I'm sorry I can't do this. You are pressuring me for a relationship that I can't give right now.

So the back story is. Every guy she has been with has cheated and hit her. She wanted to become friends first with me and see if it blossomed in to something, although we both liked each other a lot. We ended up calling each other babe and hun after 2 weeks. It felt to me we were pretty much together. She told me she isn't ready for a relationship. She said no one gets a second chance with her. So i tried to keep her in my life all day yesterday, saying I will take it slow and we will become friends first and see what happens. She said I was pressuring her yet she was kissing me back and calling me babe as well.

So i eventually got her back, and she said we are strictly friends. She used the friend zone line ( YUCK ), but she said she has so much she wants to say to me but can't because we are friends now. And she agreed we fell for each other far to quick.

So I'm thinking should I back off and act like I'm not to in to her as I feel she still likes me a lot. She is 36 with 2 teenage boys that live with her. She also said if I were with her in a relationship, it would open her world up to me, her kids, her family etc. Her kids have seen her partners hit her before.

Any thoughts on what to do, just play it cool and act like i'm not to interested ?

March 11, 2016

Run...and never look back. Think about all the friendships you've ever had. Did you go up to a random person and say, "hey you, I think we should be friends"? Probably not. It developed naturally. The whole let's be friends first, especially after some level of intimacy is complete bs.

She's playing a game with you. She wanted an ego boost and you provided that. When someone says I'm not ready for a relationship they leave off the most important part...the "with you" part. Just walk away and date other women.

March 11, 2016

This girl is into bad guys in a big way if every one of her exes cheated and hit her.

Run run run as fast as you can!

March 11, 2016

Got to agree with the others here, she was more than happy to allow this to develop but then just turns that switch off and uses the past as her reasoning for suddenly "only wanting a friendship" with you. Come on! For someone who has been so badly hurt in the past, she seems to not have a problem returning the favour your way. As much as you want to care for her and be there for her, what about you? What about your feelings? She let you in, open the door wide and now just closes it instantly.

If the past was really that bad, then she should have made that an issue earlier. Hell, if she'd have taken things slowly from the start then maybe you could see her point and then decided whether to pursue this, but you can't let someone drive the sports car for a few weeks before taking it away telling them it was never going to be theres.

Sadly some people are used to a certain type and if she's been around the bad boys all her life, then there's a good chance a good guy will never be right for her. Even if you did stay around as a friend, supporting her, still seeing her, being that shoulder to cry on, etc, do you really want to be there when she suddenly finds the next bad boy.

Walk away, do it now. As someone who has made this mistake I'll save you that pain. Make it clear to her that after everything that BOTH of you did (she wanted this as much as you) you cannot just be her friend. You can decide whether to leave the door open for her to come to you or not, but do walk away. As nice as it is to have someone in your life who you adore, there's no greater pain than when that same person suddenly walks away from you to be with someone who is the exact same as the ones she's been complaining about all her life.

March 11, 2016

Turn your back and walk away on this one. She isn't a damsel in distress that you're going to slowly rescue over time by being her solid friend and knight. You are going to do a ton of work supporting her and being her friend and she's going to fall for an abusive bad boy who treats her like crap yet she craves like a drug and it will break your heart.

That's just how's she's programmed - to crave the bad guys like that.

Move along - there is nothing but heartache here

March 11, 2016

After she went home, I texted her and her response wasn't the same like it usually was. She was like I'm sorry I can't do this. You are pressuring me for a relationship that I can't give right now... ...She told me she isn't ready for a relationship. She said no one gets a second chance with her.

Listen to what she is telling you. Her past relationship history is really irrelevant, as she has quite clearly said she doesn't want a relationship with you.

Stop making up a story in your head, she has told you she doesn't want you.

YOU can't "save" someone who doesn't want YOU to "save" them.

She may not even need "saving".

Truth is she has ejected you and placed you firmly in the friend zone. If you still want more then you are going to get very hurt hanging around.

Don't waste your time, is my advice.

March 11, 2016

This is what I would do. I'd delete her number, delete her everywhere, block her, delete her emails and anything remotely related to her and then walk away never to turn back again.

There is a lot of manipulation that you do not see, lots of games and a hint at her past. She is not relationship material and will walk all over you. You took her to your car and gave her a rose where as she is probably used to being taken in a car.

Move on or learn the hard way, your choice. Oh and stop giving women roses unless they have earned it in some way. Let people / women demonstrate their worth in some way.

March 11, 2016

This lady has way too much baggage, and still needs to sort it out, if she can. IMO she needs counseling. Anyways I agree with the others don't waste your time.

I totally understand, she's got you hooked and you want to change the situation, the problem is there is no solution to make you come out of this in a positive way. Sorry.

March 11, 2016

Ok here goes.

I met this wonderful woman a month ago. We exchanged numbers online after chatting for a bit. We met up a week later, she was beautiful and we kissed on the lips. We had a great time meeting up, we just talked and went our separate ways. We still texted every night, and i called her.

We met up a week later, same kiss on the lips, chatted and went for a walk. We could both tell there was a spark there, she would smile all the time, and act all shy.

We still text every night, and i met up with her last Tuesday. She had bought us dinner to eat on the beach. I ended up holding her and kissing her shoulder, I then took her back to my car where I gave her a rose. We then started kissing with the tongue, the first time and cuddling. She put the rose up on her FB page saying she received it.

We met up the next day, same thing we kissed with tongue and went for a walk. But I felt something was up with her. After she went home, I texted her and her response wasn't the same like it usually was. She was like I'm sorry I can't do this. You are pressuring me for a relationship that I can't give right now.

So the back story is. Every guy she has been with has cheated and hit her. She wanted to become friends first with me and see if it blossomed in to something, although we both liked each other a lot. We ended up calling each other babe and hun after 2 weeks. It felt to me we were pretty much together. She told me she isn't ready for a relationship. She said no one gets a second chance with her. So i tried to keep her in my life all day yesterday, saying I will take it slow and we will become friends first and see what happens. She said I was pressuring her yet she was kissing me back and calling me babe as well.

So i eventually got her back, and she said we are strictly friends. She used the friend zone line ( YUCK ), but she said she has so much she wants to say to me but can't because we are friends now. And she agreed we fell for each other far to quick.

From what you've written, I don't see how you were pressuring her for a relationship. Did you leave something pertinent out?

If all she wanted was friendship, why is she slipping you the tongue? I don't french kiss my male friends-- faire la bise is the best they get from me.

So I'm thinking should I back off and act like I'm not to in to her as I feel she still likes me a lot. She is 36 with 2 teenage boys that live with her. She also said if I were with her in a relationship, it would open her world up to me, her kids, her family etc. Her kids have seen her partners hit her before.

Any thoughts on what to do, just play it cool and act like i'm not to interested ?

Don't act. At. All.

Back off and stop being into her. She's got issues that you don't need to be dragged into.

She purposely sent mixed messages. Nursing school and her teen aged boys didn't just land in her lap 3 days ago--she led you to believe that she was down with the affection and being emotionally open then she decides to shut you down. I think what happened was someone she's not emotionally done with saw that rose and said something to her to mess with her head and she fell for it instead of having had them blocked from contacting her. Now, it's about you rushing, you pressuring her for a relationship--you doing everything wrong.

So to rectify that little problem, leave her alone as she's asked. I'm sure you have enough female friends: you're looking for a lover, not a friend.

March 12, 2016

It sounds like you've put her off by being over keen and she's no longer into you as a result. The key thing is her saying you were pressuring her.

I've just had this from a guy - trying to tie me into a relationship too early. Normally people want to take things slowly and gradually get to know someone.

March 12, 2016

I don't see how you could possibly know that. But the point is that if someone says they don't want a relationship, it means they don't want a relationship with you. So it's best to move on.

March 12, 2016

I'm going to be honest.

When someone says (be it male or female)- they don't want a relationship, it really means "I don't want a relationship with you". I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Something is lacking, be it: chemistry, personality, etc. Sorry to be so blunt, I just know that anytime I used this line, that's what I felt. Doesn't mean I don't think the person isn't great, I just didn't feel a romantic vibe. I also had a guy use this line on me, we ended up fwb, but that's as far as it went. I bought into it at the time, he just wasn't ready, but it really meant he didn't want a relationship with me.

I wouldn't pursue her further.

March 12, 2016

She gave you the first good breakup excuse she could think of. Don't even bother trying to read into or understand her reasoning, just move on.

March 12, 2016

Read my first 2 threads that I made.

Literally the same EXACT thing happened with me. She let it get to a certain point, talked about sex, and then got intimate with me over several months and boom. Backed off. Just like that. COMPLETE 180. Only difference is mine didn't have kids but it doesn't make a difference. You probably think your situation is different but it's not.

She used you. For attention or validation. Either way the result is the same. I was in denial too because of how nice she was about it. She called me babe from the start and then would disappear and then reappear and talk about more sex. Do you know how much that screws with your head?

Try this experiment and it will prove something to you. Never EVER text her first. Ever. See how long it takes for her to reach out. I think that alone will show you. I'm serious though. NEVER hit her up first ever.

And if she does reach out to you within a few weeks, then act not interested. She'll be like :confused: :confused:

But realistically, there really is no saving someone like this. You think you are the only one that has tried? Come on man. She clearly likes guys that don't give a sh*t for a reason. It is a challenge for her.

If eventually she realizes once you are gone that she messed up, then she will contact you. But i'm serious. Disappear. If she comes back, you say "listen thanks but I'm not interested". If it gets to this, she will continue to try to get you. But it has to get to this point and even that's not guaranteed.

Disappear.

I really hope you listen to me.

Edited March 12, 2016 by ff12343

March 12, 2016

After all the **** with my ex girlfriend, I can't believe she could do this.

March 12, 2016

Why would you assume she used the OP? Maybe she just realised he wasn't right for her. That's what the early months of dating are for...to find out what the other person is like generally and not just when they're on best behaviour (which we all are on first dates)

Nobody owes anyone else a relationship.

March 12, 2016

After all the **** with my ex girlfriend, I can't believe she could do this.

But she is a completely different person from your gf, she is a relative stranger, why does she owe it to you to be there for you when obviously she wasn't "feeling it" in the same way you were?

March 12, 2016

Sounds to me like she got to know you a bit better and realised you were not the guy for her.

This actually is part of her healing process.

She is acting upon her instinct instead of brushing it under the rug and going along with what another person (you) wants her to do.

I say good for her.

I don't understand the part about why whatever happened with your ex should make this lady behave differently. It's almost a guilt trip type of comment. Eg: 'So and so did this to me therefore you should be my girlfriend if I want you to be'.

March 12, 2016

Unfortunately, part of dating is accepting that the other person might decide they're not into you after all. Just because someone kisses you back, or you give them a rose does not necessarily mean that they have made a commitment to you and you would be unreasonable to expect one.

And for yourself - do you really want to be with someone who is only with you to make you happy and is not really that into you?

March 12, 2016

It sounds like you've put her off by being over keen and she's no longer into you as a result. The key thing is her saying you were pressuring her.

I don't think he sounded "over keen" ....he was just keen, the right amount of keen ...and she was reciprocating.

Until she wasn't anymore ....as she's apparently more into abusive men who don't give a crap ...the "bad boy."

I agree her ex, or some a-hole in her past, saw the rose and is now messing with her, and she's falling for it.

She probably wants to keep you around as a "friend* to elicit jealousy and stir up drama with them...

March 12, 2016

My friend, bang on the same experience im in now.

Woman all over me from word go, first date great, she wanted the second, hung out fair bit with her and her girls. Had sex, awesome bth agreed. But then I got to invested over keen and I think this put the willies up her and she has backed off.

Like she enjoyed the chase but now all to much for her.

Back of my friend and look after you. What will be will be but don't invest anymore in the woman.

March 12, 2016

I think it's fine if she realized she didn't want a RL "with him" ...but if that's all it was (or is) ... why not just move on ....instead if keeping him around as a *friend* and continue tongue kissing him?

Does this make sense?

No, it doesn't... she has another agenda, and it isn't pretty...she sounds manipulative.

OP, just ignore her. Block, delete, next.

Sounds like bad news....

March 12, 2016

So much supposition over very little facts here.

So her exes were abusive, she may never want to go there again. Assuming she wants "bad boys" and she is a horrible manipulative person is a type of victim blaming...

There may be a million reasons she decided the OP wasn't for her after seeing him for 2 weeks, he may be a awful kisser for one thing, or she may find him boring, or she saw something in him that raised a red flag, or she is too busy at work, or she has a sick mother and doesn't have the time, or she is just fed up dating atm, or she is still mixed up from the abuse and tried, but she knows she is not ready to date... as I said a million reasons. People regularly get dumped after making out.

She is most likely a people pleaser and conflict avoidant so instead of just saying take a hike, she said we can be friends if you like...

Women are allowed to reject men they don't want, even women who have had horrible relationships in the past are allowed to reject men they decide they don't want.

March 12, 2016

I don't think he sounded "over keen" ....he was just keen, the right amount of keen ...and she was reciprocating.

Until she wasn't anymore ....as she's apparently more into abusive men who don't give a crap ...the "bad boy."

I agree her ex, or some a-hole in her past, saw the rose and is now messing with her, and she's falling for it.

She probably wants to keep you around as a "friend* to elicit jealousy and stir up drama with them...

When a woman posts a rose like that on FB, 9 times out of 10 it's to make some other guy jealous.

March 12, 2016

Q

When a woman posts a rose like that on FB, 9 times out of 10 it's to make some other guy jealous.

Absolutely agree! Which was precisely my point, she has another agenda.

And if she thinks he is such a bad kisser, why did she continue kissing him after announcing she just wants to be *friends*?

Who behaves this way?

A woman with an agenda (elicit jealousy, stir up drama).

This is so clear to me, I am surprised some posters aren't seeing it.

Edited March 12, 2016 by katiegrl

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