Mjm1014 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Sorry it's a little long, just wanted to know if I'm a jerk if I bail in this case. An old crush and I have been hitting it off for the past few months over the phone (I'm out of town on company training and she's living out of state and moving back this summer). Things have been going well up until about two weeks ago.. since then she acts uninterested, but yet when I stop talking to her, she starts asking why I'm not talking to her. I mean she doesn't flirt anymore or show any interest. Her texts are usually short and she seems to have lost interest. I'm okay with that-but I'd like to move on if so...(only issue I'm having is day one she told me she usually distances herself from people she likes because she's been hurt in the past and she's been in abusive relationships). Anyways I booked a ticket home when things were hot and we were really looking forward to spending time together since we haven't seen eachother in years. She seemed so excited up until a week or two ago..Today she texted me that her friends (guy friends and her girlfriends) want to go out and drink this weekend when I'm on, and asked if we could go out with them instead..I'm a little turned off, is that wrong? Again, I feel like she is using it as an excuse not to make it an official date. I feel like it's a little odd when we are in our late 20s to want to do that when you haven't seen someone in awhile and supposedly like them. Because of my training and her living out of town, we prob won't see eachother a few months now. I don't know any of these people she's going out to drink with, and really have no interest plopping at a bar or someone's house..I was really looking forward to taking her out on a date. I think she senses I'm a bit annoyed to be honest but don't think she really cares. I know if I bail I'll hear about it though. I'm at the point I'm actually ready to move on from this but feel like if I bail last minute I'll look like a jerk. This isn't going anywhere and feel she is stringing me along. What do you think? Again this was our only day to see eachother.
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 she told me she usually distances herself from people she likes because she's been hurt in the past and she's been in abusive relationships).. Wish her good luck with that and move on. Why would you in all consciousness start a relationship with someone telling you to your face they distance themselves on purpose from people they like. She has problems to take care of before being able to fully participate in a relationship with a man. I'm at the point I'm actually ready to move on from this but feel like if I bail last minute I'll look like a jerk. This isn't going anywhere and feel she is stringing me along. What do you think? Again this was our only day to see eachother. You'll look like a jerk and so what? You prefer looking like a doormat when you show up there and you get to tell everyone you made the trip just to see her that one day - and there you are in a bar with a bunch of people you don't know. 1
Author Mjm1014 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I just needed some opinions even though I know what I need to do at this point. It just frustrates the crap out of me because every time I try walking away, she comes running back and says I'm over thinking things. It's seriously a huge mind game I think. I'm beyond bored at this point but considering I bought the tickets a few weeks ago I do feel bad telling her I'm not seeing her at this point. Don't get me wrong, she still talks to me and seems friendly, but doesn't come off interested at all, but she won't admit it when I ask her. I'll think about it tonight...I've never been one to blow someone off, but this is really lame anymore lol..I think I know what to do. Thanks again.
Erik30 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Don't feel bad about cancelling. You're right it's an excuse. Usually a girl doesn't want to make it an "official" date when other people come along, so she doesn't have to spend time with you one on one. Plus you don't know any of her friends which could make things even more awkward. I would probably also cancel if that happened to me, because there's a pretty big chance you'll end up feeling like a third wheel.
Gaeta Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I just needed some opinions even though I know what I need to do at this point. It just frustrates the crap out of me because every time I try walking away, she comes running back and says I'm over thinking things. It's seriously a huge mind game I think. I'm beyond bored at this point but considering I bought the tickets a few weeks ago I do feel bad telling her I'm not seeing her at this point. Don't get me wrong, she still talks to me and seems friendly, but doesn't come off interested at all, but she won't admit it when I ask her. I'll think about it tonight...I've never been one to blow someone off, but this is really lame anymore lol..I think I know what to do. Thanks again. She probably feels bad you bought the tickets now that her interest has faded away. She won't tell you to not come. She will let you make the trip, she will send you clues she is not as interested by requiring you meet with friends, etc. Then after the trip, mark my word, she will dump you.
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