mrwigand Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. We were together 6 months (we're both 28), and it was really a great relationship. She was a phenomenal partner. There were obviously reasons I broke things off though. At times, i didn't feel as much of a spark as I thought maybe I should, though the friendship and companionship was better than I've ever experienced. The sexual chemistry wasn't great, not terrible. All of this led me to think that maybe my attraction to her was more as a friend. It's been a month, and truthfully I'm doing really well. I'm not going through that deceptive relationship withdrawal where you think about getting back together because you just don't want to be alone. But I have been missing her as a person. In hindsight, I've been wondering if I gave the relationship enough of a shot. I had these thoughts that maybe there wasn't enough of a spark, but my previous relationship was with a woman I later found out was diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and there was no shortage of "spark" and intensity. So, in hindsight wondering if I over blew all that. How would you go about having a conversation with an ex to discuss getting back together. I obviously don't know what her feelings on the matter are, but I think it's something I'd like to tell her. 1
266696687 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. We were together 6 months (we're both 28), and it was really a great relationship. She was a phenomenal partner. There were obviously reasons I broke things off though. At times, i didn't feel as much of a spark as I thought maybe I should, though the friendship and companionship was better than I've ever experienced. The sexual chemistry wasn't great, not terrible. All of this led me to think that maybe my attraction to her was more as a friend. It's been a month, and truthfully I'm doing really well. I'm not going through that deceptive relationship withdrawal where you think about getting back together because you just don't want to be alone. But I have been missing her as a person. In hindsight, I've been wondering if I gave the relationship enough of a shot. I had these thoughts that maybe there wasn't enough of a spark, but my previous relationship was with a woman I later found out was diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and there was no shortage of "spark" and intensity. So, in hindsight wondering if I over blew all that. How would you go about having a conversation with an ex to discuss getting back together. I obviously don't know what her feelings on the matter are, but I think it's something I'd like to tell her. Yeah you could have totally hit the nail on head there. If your last relationship was with someone with BPD then yes you would certainly have felt the spark, tension and chemistry with her. That's what makes those types of relationships so addictive. They are highly charged emotional relationships which can ultimately do you harm. Really high highs and really low lows. A 'normal' (healthy)relationship feels much different. If you are hoping to find that same spark and chemistry you will find yourself in another relationship with a BPD. You might even be seeking one out unintentionally. You are seeking out that same chemistry but in reality a healthy relationship wouldn't involve such highly charged emotions / intensity. The fact that you didn't get the same 'high' from this new relationship isn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps you haven't quite dealt with the repercussions of your BPD relationship? I'd suggested working on yourself before making a decision about this more recent relationship. Your persepction of what to expect in a healthy relationship maybe a bit skewed due to the BPD relationship. Might be worth investigating why YOU are attracted to an unhealthy 'spark' and intensity. Edited March 10, 2016 by 266696687 2
Satu Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I totally agree with the above comments. “These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder Which, as they kiss, consume” ― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. 1
Author mrwigand Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 Thank you both so much for your advice 2
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