Should I leave it in the past?

[ariapersian]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, I'm 21 and he's 24. Lately his behaviour has changed a lot. It seems like we argue almost everyday and it's usually over little things. He tends to get angry pretty quickly and it always ends with him calling me stupid and saying I'm incapable of doing anything right. I have told him that I don't like it when he calls me names but it feels like when we argue he uses it against me out of spite. A few days ago we went to a concert, and he got really drunk. So drunk that he could barely stand straight, it was super embarrassing. While we were sitting down he patted his jacket and couldn't find his phone, he got REALLY angry and started shouting at me and saying that he's going to break up with me if he doesn't find his phone by the end of that night (a phone I had bought for him) I was pretty sure he hadn't lost it but every time I tried to go near him to search for it he would swear and shout at me so I just left him alone, when he did eventually find his phone in his pocket I burst into tears and he started begging for forgiveness and saying he was sorry. Even though he apologised and I accepted it I still can't get over that night and I'm so hurt that he would be so mean. Do you think I should bring up the that night and tell him how I feel?

[Satu]

*Do you think I should bring up the that night and tell him how I feel?

 

*No, I think you should leave him asap, because he is emotionally abusive.

 

 

Nobody deserves to be abused.

 

 

Look at this list:

 

 

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

 

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

 

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

 

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

 

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

 

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

 

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

 

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

 

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

 

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

 

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

 

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

 

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.

 

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.

 

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

 

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

 

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

 

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

 

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

 

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

 

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

 

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

 

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

 

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

 

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

 

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

 

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

 

28. They share personal information about you with others.

 

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

 

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

 

 

Run.

[OneLov]

Yes. When he is sober and when he is not in an agitated state. Do it respectfully but assertively. If you will not tolerate these sort of disrespectful outbursts in the future; tell him. Once you are through speaking your mind, I would leave it at that. Then when he does this again, you will have to decide how long you wish to tolerate his quick temper and disrespectful behavior.

[Quiet Storm]

You have only been with him six months. No marriage, no kids, no longer history together. There is no logical reason for you to even try to work this out. Don't let emotions keep you stuck.

 

You can't have a healthy relationship with a man you can't respect. His behavior is not only embarrassing, but it shows he doesn't even really respect himself. You deserve much better.

 

Don't waste your time trying to show him you deserve better or trying to build him up so that he can be the guy you envision him to be. He knows he's a jerk and a disappointment to you, he just doesn't care. He knows it's just a matter of time before you get fed up. Instead of becoming a better boyfriend, he'll just think "well, if she's still here, it must not be that bad". Guys like this won't be grateful to you for putting up with them, they'll just devalue you for it and treat you worse.

 

You should just move on. There are guys out there that will treat you right. And you won't have to babysit them when they're drunk. Love yourself and protect your heart by keeping people like him out of your life.

[Redhead14]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, I'm 21 and he's 24. Lately his behaviour has changed a lot. It seems like we argue almost everyday and it's usually over little things. He tends to get angry pretty quickly and it always ends with him calling me stupid and saying I'm incapable of doing anything right. I have told him that I don't like it when he calls me names but it feels like when we argue he uses it against me out of spite. A few days ago we went to a concert, and he got really drunk. So drunk that he could barely stand straight, it was super embarrassing. While we were sitting down he patted his jacket and couldn't find his phone, he got REALLY angry and started shouting at me and saying that he's going to break up with me if he doesn't find his phone by the end of that night (a phone I had bought for him) I was pretty sure he hadn't lost it but every time I tried to go near him to search for it he would swear and shout at me so I just left him alone, when he did eventually find his phone in his pocket I burst into tears and he started begging for forgiveness and saying he was sorry. Even though he apologised and I accepted it I still can't get over that night and I'm so hurt that he would be so mean. Do you think I should bring up the that night and tell him how I feel?

 

He is starting to show you who he really is.

 

Do you think I should bring up the that night and tell him how I feel?-- This isn't just about that night, this is about his general attitude and demeanor towards you lately. You've addressed it and he isn't making the effort to correct it.You tell him that you do not accept his behavior since it started and have given him a pass a number of times about it and now you are done. Go no contact and keep moving. If you address something with someone and they don't start trying to accommodate and there are no consequences, you will be doing this dance forever.

 

"I don't appreciate being called names and abused. This is the X time you've done this to me and I did tell you I didn't like it. I am moving on now."

[big dog]

Time to get out. You've been together long enough for him to show you his "other side" and it's not gonna change just because you want it to. And you can't fix it either. You need to go on down the road....

[basil67]

If it was one event, then talking about it is the right thing.

 

But you're fighting every day and he's calling you names. Time to break up and move on. No Contact.

[heartwhole]

I think this relationship is beyond repair. You should not be treated this way.

 

In a healthy relationship, you shouldn't have to wonder if it's a good thing to bring up your feelings. It's always a good thing to discuss your feelings openly. But in a relationship where there are negative consequences (he yells at you, pouts, threatens to break up, etc.), then you begin to silence your voice.

 

You don't have to silence your voice in a healthy relationship. You are young. Break up with him, read up on codependency, and find someone who values you and your feelings.

 

Good luck.

[strawberryshortstack]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, I'm 21 and he's 24. Lately his behaviour has changed a lot. It seems like we argue almost everyday and it's usually over little things. He tends to get angry pretty quickly and it always ends with him calling me stupid and saying I'm incapable of doing anything right. I have told him that I don't like it when he calls me names but it feels like when we argue he uses it against me out of spite. A few days ago we went to a concert, and he got really drunk. So drunk that he could barely stand straight, it was super embarrassing. While we were sitting down he patted his jacket and couldn't find his phone, he got REALLY angry and started shouting at me and saying that he's going to break up with me if he doesn't find his phone by the end of that night (a phone I had bought for him) I was pretty sure he hadn't lost it but every time I tried to go near him to search for it he would swear and shout at me so I just left him alone, when he did eventually find his phone in his pocket I burst into tears and he started begging for forgiveness and saying he was sorry. Even though he apologised and I accepted it I still can't get over that night and I'm so hurt that he would be so mean. Do you think I should bring up the that night and tell him how I feel?

 

I think you should leave it, and HIM, in the past. Move on, this guy is emotionally abusive, and you don't want that to escalate to physical abuse.

Get out now.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Abuse me once, shame on you. Abuse me twice, I'm outta here.

[Tahirthegreat]

Leave him, block his number, social media etc. No need for anyone to put up with that kind of non-sense