Girl comes out with me, likes my pics but will not respond to texts

[ibPolar]

I say girl but she is a grown woman with kids. She has even called me a couple of times and we've spoke on the phone for a while. She usually responds to facebook messages but never texts.

 

 

I have been out a few times with her but the fact she never responds to my text messages me makes me think she isn't as into me as she acts in person and I'm considering her a friend at this point, even though when we've been out we've hugged, kissed, flirted, leaned into each other a lot, etc.

 

The times we've been out has been arranged through facebook messages or in person (we live nearby). I don't bombard her with texts but i'll send her a simple good night message or a message asking if she's been okay, etc and she ignores the messages every time. Then a few hours later she's online liking my pics again and leaving flirty comments.

 

She is single and doesn't live with a husband or boyfriend. She lives at her mothers house.

 

From my experience every single female I've been involved with has constantly texted, even as a preferred method of communicating but this one just ignores the texts completely.

 

Recently she told me she thinks she has anxiety and depression and possibly bi polar and is going to start taking medication for it. Is this the reason she won't answer the texts/

[d0nnivain]

Perhaps she wants a more personal connection. I hate texts.

[ibPolar]

Perhaps she wants a more personal connection. I hate texts.

 

That's fair enough but I find it rude when I text her good night or something like that and it would only take her 2 seconds to reply something back. I just find it rude when someone ignores text messages, especially when they have been kissing, hugging and acting into me an hour before.

[RJ2000]

She sounds annoying quite frankly. You guys have a good time when you're together but otherwise she's got you all wound up because she ignores your texts.

 

Next time you see her you've got to be like, wassup? Do you just not text? Because dude - bottom line - ignoring texts is disrespectful whether intentional or not.

 

Get this topic out in the open now, but be cool and casual about it. Try to make a joke, i.e. "I feel like your phone is sort of the Bermuda Triangle of text messages because when I send one in, nothing comes out or back."

 

This is bugging you enough that you're on a dating forum asking for advice, so don't wait to iron it out.

[ibPolar]

She sounds annoying quite frankly. You guys have a good time when you're together but otherwise she's got you all wound up because she ignores your texts.

 

Next time you see her you've got to be like, wassup? Do you just not text? Because dude - bottom line - ignoring texts is disrespectful whether intentional or not.

 

Get this topic out in the open now, but be cool and casual about it. Try to make a joke, i.e. "I feel like your phone is sort of the Bermuda Triangle of text messages because when I send one in, nothing comes out or back."

 

This is bugging you enough that you're on a dating forum asking for advice, so don't wait to iron it out.

 

Yeah I'm definitely gonna find a way to fit the subject in next time we go out. The only one time she did actually reply to a text was when I forced her to. I basically said that my facebook doesn't work outside and she will need to text me when she's ready to leave her house. So she HAD to text me because I gave her no option of doing it on facebook.

 

I don't know what to make of it. From what she tells me about her life at the moment and her mental health and stuff it sounds to me like she doesn't have any business getting into a relationship at this point, but her behavior towards me when we are in person and the fact I think she is attractive keeps me interested in being something more than friends.

[d0nnivain]

That's fair enough but I find it rude when I text her good night or something like that and it would only take her 2 seconds to reply something back. I just find it rude when someone ignores text messages, especially when they have been kissing, hugging and acting into me an hour before.

 

 

Different strokes. If I was just with somebody kissing them and hugging them an hour before there is absolutely no need for them to be texting me an hour later.

 

In my house the bedrooms are upstairs & the cell phones stay downstairs. It's hideously inconvenient to text somebody back late at night.

 

The personal interactions say more about your interactions then some silly text message. Honestly if you are this hung up about the electronics your priorities are out of whack. But if bugs that much -- which clearly it does -- talk to her about it.

[d0nnivain]

Because dude - bottom line - ignoring texts is disrespectful whether intentional or not.

 

It's generational thing. Because frankly I find people who pester me with texts to be wildly annoying. Seriously if I just left you 1 hour ago you don't need to be texting me or calling me unless it's to tell me you are on you're way to an emergency room.

 

Just because technology gives people the option to be connected 24/7/365 does not mean we must be joined at the hip / ear / fingers / cellphone. I have a life that revolves around more then my phone.

[Gaeta]

I say girl but she is a grown woman with kids.

Then you must be a grown man. Pick up the phone and call her instead of texting. She called you a few times, you should have gotten the clue she prefers the phone.

 

Recently she told me she thinks she has anxiety and depression and possibly bi polar and is going to start taking medication for it. Is this the reason she won't answer the texts/

 

Not related. If depression made her not answer texts she would also not answer FB and messengers.

[Gaeta]

It's generational thing. Because frankly I find people who pester me with texts to be wildly annoying. Seriously if I just left you 1 hour ago you don't need to be texting me or calling me unless it's to tell me you are on you're way to an emergency room.

 

Just because technology gives people the option to be connected 24/7/365 does not mean we must be joined at the hip / ear / fingers / cellphone. I have a life that revolves around more then my phone.

 

But you know this is not how most people feel about texting. And you know you are in an established relationship and people in relationships do not need texting like single people use it to communicate and connect. You see your guy every day, why the heck would he text you, I get that. As for single, you know it's different.

[GemmaUK]

It's generational thing. Because frankly I find people who pester me with texts to be wildly annoying. Seriously if I just left you 1 hour ago you don't need to be texting me or calling me unless it's to tell me you are on you're way to an emergency room.

 

Just because technology gives people the option to be connected 24/7/365 does not mean we must be joined at the hip / ear / fingers / cellphone. I have a life that revolves around more then my phone.

 

100% agree!

 

OP, if you need a reply to a text then you need to tell her.

 

Did she text a lot when she was on the date with you or did she leave her phone untouched?

 

Good night texts for me are meaningless and if I get them feel like an obligation to respond.

 

Texts are great for 'I'll be ten minutes late' but to be honest, even then a call is easier unless you're in a meeting.

[d0nnivain]

But you know this is not how most people feel about texting. And you know you are in an established relationship and people in relationships do not need texting like single people use it to communicate and connect. You see your guy every day, why the heck would he text you, I get that. As for single, you know it's different.

 

Some texting is fine but for somebody to be annoyed because 1 hour after I just left them I'm not blowing up their phone, that would drive me bonkers.

 

if the exchange goes past: 3/4 -- the request; the response, thank you & you're welcome -- pick up the bloody phone already.

[basil67]

Strongly agree with D0nnivain. It's quite likely that she doesn't want to be sent a pointless text just after she's been with you. I know I wouldn't want it. Unless it's an important text to say that she's left her glasses or wallet behind, just stop sending them.

 

I know you want her to respond to the texts - but if she does, you'll think she likes them and send her even more texts.

 

All that being said, it would be nice if she actually told you that she's not into gratuitous texting.

[TXGuy]

I don't understand why you are getting so worked up over this.

 

It sounds like you think she is great and you get along really well with the exception of the texting issue. I would happily take that deal.

 

One possibility is that she is on a budget phone plan where she has just a limited amount of texts.

 

Another is that some people just don't like texting. I find frequent texting disruptive and annoying. Particularly if they say nothing of importance.

 

If she is great otherwise, I'd leave it alone.

[ibPolar]

Then you must be a grown man. Pick up the phone and call her instead of texting. She called you a few times, you should have gotten the clue she prefers the phone.

 

So why then previously had she spent hours and days messaging me backwards and forwards through facebook? If she prefers calls ONLY why message me continuously through facebook then?

 

I can't call all the time. Sometimes it's inconvenient for me to sit on the phone for hours talking. I have kids to deal with and so does she. It's not the 1950s here. Most people text, especially women.

 

Also, it's rude to ignore text messages (from anyone) in my opinion. The person pours their heart out to you, you chat about lots of personal and emotional things, and yet you can't even take a few seconds to send a good night or even a damn smiley face back to me? Instead you look at the text and ignore it completely? That makes me think instantly a girl is not interested. Majority of females are stuck to their phone in this day and age and I've always known females to ignore messages of guys they are not into.

[ibPolar]

It's generational thing. Because frankly I find people who pester me with texts to be wildly annoying. Seriously if I just left you 1 hour ago you don't need to be texting me or calling me unless it's to tell me you are on you're way to an emergency room.

 

Just because technology gives people the option to be connected 24/7/365 does not mean we must be joined at the hip / ear / fingers / cellphone. I have a life that revolves around more then my phone.

 

I never pestered her with texts. If we don't speak to each other at all for a few days, I'll send her a quick text asking if she's been okay (because of her health and problems she's been having etc) and she looks at the imessage and doesn't respond. Then the next day she is liking my pics and posting hints at dates through facebook and all this stuff.

 

I'm sorry but I cannot get over ignored text messages from women, especially because we live in a time when women post memes about who their priority is to text back and the rest of it. It's very clear that women have priorities on who they text with, and when she won't reply to me, at all, not even a few days later to me it screams that she could care less.

[ibPolar]

100% agree!

 

OP, if you need a reply to a text then you need to tell her.

 

Did she text a lot when she was on the date with you or did she leave her phone untouched?

 

Good night texts for me are meaningless and if I get them feel like an obligation to respond.

 

Texts are great for 'I'll be ten minutes late' but to be honest, even then a call is easier unless you're in a meeting.

 

She has her phone out sometimes when we are out but she usually just shows me stuff on her facebook feed she finds funny or she takes pics of us with it etc. She answered a call from her sister but wasn't texting anyone.

[ibPolar]

Some texting is fine but for somebody to be annoyed because 1 hour after I just left them I'm not blowing up their phone, that would drive me bonkers.

 

if the exchange goes past: 3/4 -- the request; the response, thank you & you're welcome -- pick up the bloody phone already.

 

I appreciate your advice, but honestly I am NOT blowing up her phone with texts! We go days without talking and I don't text her in that time. I assume she wants to be left alone.

 

Leaving out any good night or good morning messages, Here's how it goes:

 

We go out for a few hours or speak on the phone for an hour or so

 

After that is finished we don't speak for sometimes up to a week so I'll check in on her via text (because how do I know she is available or it's convenient to take a long phone call?) she doesn't reply to the text whatsoever.

 

Next day she is liking my pics and posting stuff on facebook about wanting to go to certain kinds of events (that she knows i am interested in too)

 

Does she mean she wants to go with someone else who's on her facebook?? I'm the only one who liked the post. If I messaged her via facebook..would she respond? Her behavior previously tells me she would. We exchanged hundreds upon hundreds of messages via facebook messenger, INCLUDING lots of meaningless petty messages and 'good night' and 'good morning' messages too. Yet after not talking for over a week, she can't send a simple 'I'm okay thanks had a lot on' message or ANYTHING back to me at all?

[road]

Perhaps she wants a more personal connection. I hate texts.

 

 

I do not text nor do personal emails.

[d0nnivain]

The last scenario you described . . . you text as a way to touch base after at least a day went by without contact . . .is fine & yes, it seems odd that she doesn't respond to that, even after a few hours.

 

 

The 1st thing you said was you text her good night after having just seen her. That is too much.

 

 

Bottom line: you still need to talk to her about it & explain to her why her failure to respond hurts your feelings & perplexes you.

[Popsicle]

I hate texting for many reasons but one reason is that I hate holding a phone and typing on a tiny keyboard. I just can't stand the phone keyboard and it makes me a very poor texter. I prefer a real, full-sized keyboard on a computer. Maybe she's like that.

 

But as much as I hate texting, you better believe that if I was really into a guy I would be hoping he'd text/phone/whatever me, and would be checking for it with anticipation. And would respond. So you may be onto something in thinking that she might not be all that into you.