It was a lie

[We will survive]

Hi guyz

 

Sorry if it is too long. But, I really need to share it and it is my first time I share my feelings online.

 

Two and half years ago, I was happy to immigrate. Then I met a guy with same destination. it was not a love. but we both believed that we can make it.

We immigrated after 4 months and had to moved in together because it was easier for accomodation and inegration.

 

I started to build it. At the same time we were searching for job and I could get that after 3 months. But he did not. During this three months his Ex suicide *It is long story how she ended here but it is important that their relationship was for 12 years before. It had not worked for them never but they were still in touch until he met me and we leaved the country) then he could not find the job (he is well educated and exprienced ) and deppressed. he decided to go back to our homeland. I was really sad those days but I knew he can not stay and I knew he does not love me and he did not ask me to go with him. after one week he got a job (I tried a lot and got a job in the same department I was working for him) and came back. i thought every thing would be OK. He started working and felt better and better. then we started to talk about our relationship.

He was always saying since it has not started with Love, it is hard for him to make it. But he believed that it is his problem that cannot love any one after 12years.

 

Anyway we ried but he was far from me. 6 months ago I sensed he pays too much attention to all sigle girls around!!! I taked about one of them and he convicted me to be Paranoid.

After two years living together we dscided to live separately. The subject of living changed day by day. One day break up, One day break, one day friendship....

We ended it with this status, "We do not call it anything, we need to live our own life and inform eachother if we want to finish it, level it up or have another relationship"

 

It was a sad goodby. But I helped him to pack, Cook the last dinner,hugged him and cried.

 

He came back after two weeks and ask for just friendship but I did not accept nd ask him not to contact me if he has nothing new. I became so sad but I could not be his friend.

 

Then i asked our mutual friend to support him. I acted like stronger one. (You know we immigrated together so all friends are mutual)

meanwhile he got noticed that he is fired because there is no more projects.

 

after 4 weeks since he had moved out I heard from every body thet he is telling we broke up!!!

 

i go angry and told him and he said yes, it is finish.

I said OK and went to talk with my friend at office. She is our mutual friend that i asked her to support him although I was suspicious about my boyfriend feeling about her.

 

She said me " fInish it he does not deserve it. He asked me out one week ago.):( Can you imagine just 4 weeks after left home, 3 weeks after came back to me. To whome I was suspicious

 

I just came up stairs and told him what I heard, He looked at me and said I was desperate and alone. You have every body around.

 

When she joined us, he told her that it was her fault who showd him she is intrested.

 

Now, it is me and lots of Questions:

 

Is he in love with her?

If yes, for how long? Why he did not break up with me fist?

Why he told me I am paranoid?

 

If No, why she? she is my best friend, I was sernsitive about her.

Can his feeling changes in three weeks because of lonlyness?

 

Did he like me for the last months?

Is he still thinking about her?

Why he does not come to say sorry?

Why he forgot how much I supported him?

Why he told me he will try to fix everything?

 

 

He was famous that he is really gentleman, Why he acted like this?

Was he lieing to me during these two years that he wants to fix it?

 

I am ****ed up. I was famous for being strong. But this time I am afraid of depression.

I did not deserve it. I did alot for him. He was a nice guy.