Ex gf is expecting.

[ZombieKiwi]

So me and my ex have been broken up for quite a long time now, we were together for over four years. We often talked about having kids etc and honestly I really felt she was the one. After we broke up we didnt talk for over a year until she sent me a friend request on Facebook, I wasnt sure to accept it or not but I went 'F**k it' and clicked accept, and we just talked liked friends, I asked how was things? and she said her current is being abusive to her but she's scared to leave (This was the guy she left me for). A while later she leaves him and picks up with a rebound so she tells me all about him...turns out he's getting divorced and has a child but doesnt want any more at all, tho she wants to be married and have children. They've been together for a few months (I think..not like I'm keeping track) until she messages me saying shes got a problem then says she's expecting, and her other half says she should get rid of it.

 

My problem is...I just feel an entire list of emotions, mostly why is she telling me this? I sorta feel like I'm just here for her if she ever has problems cause thats the only time she messages me. And I feel pretty sad or whatever cause I did feel she was the one for me and it would be us getting ready for the baby, I don't know..maybe I still hope we'll get back together? I gotta say tho she does tell me everything I wanna hear when she is single but I dont buy it cause she says she's "drunk" so I just reply with "Nahh drunk you dont mean any of this" Sorry if any of this doesnt make sense I only just got the news of her expecting and just feel strange =s

 

(Adding bit more)

I feel more sad than anything at the moment cause for me it feels like 'that's it' wont ever be getting back together now.

Edited March 10, 2016 by ZombieKiwi

[CarrieT]

My problem is...I just feel an entire list of emotions, mostly why is she telling me this?

She is hoping you will rescue her.

 

I don't know..maybe I still hope we'll get back together?

How do you feel about raising another person's child?

[Zahara]

and she said her current is being abusive to her but she's scared to leave (This was the guy she left me for). A while later she leaves him and picks up with a rebound so she tells me all about him...turns out he's getting divorced and has a child but doesnt want any more at all, tho she wants to be married and have children. They've been together for a few months (I think..not like I'm keeping track) until she messages me saying shes got a problem then says she's expecting, and her other half says she should get rid of it.

 

So, she was cheating on you -- left you for another guy. Then claimed he was abusive and she was afraid to leave. She however did leave for another man and within a few months is now pregnant with his child.

 

She sounds toxic and unhealthy. You're a comfortable outlet to unload all her drama and a good source of support.

 

You should have stayed NC.

[privategal]

You have to be 100% honest. Is she still the same girl? Are you ok that she has had other partners? Is there any reason why when she left the first guy she pursued a rebound and not you? Is her pregnancy (whether she keeps it or not) baggage? Is she into you and can her heart be 100% into you, free and healed if she were to break up with the abusive guy she is with now, will she be emotionally ready or can she not be alone so she always has to have the next guy to leave the last guy?

Basically, are you in love with the idea of you two or are you still keeping the hope alive with the OLD her? She has changed, you have changed, she has a lot going on now, would you consider cutting the ties and moving forward without her? Is the friendship a crutch or can you truly be real friends?

You both need to get really clear.

It is very emotional and confusing to be friends with an ex.

I would have a very straightforward talk with yourself first, then with her.

This friendship is either keeping you stuck in the past and pining, or the timing is aligning for you to possibly reconcile.

She cannot just break up with the abusive guy and heal immediately, there is some dust to settle and you need to be positive this is a healthy situation for you.

Personally I would move on. The things you are hearing are hurting. You have a front row seat to your ex having the life and bearing children with another and it hurts to see first hand her living out those dreams and you aren't the one she is living them out with.

You shouldn't be her emotional dumping ground if it is hurting you. Either have a talk, or go No Contact. Id choose NC if I were you.

[ZombieKiwi]

She is hoping you will rescue her.

 

 

How do you feel about raising another person's child?

 

Yeah I had that feeling too, and tbh I couldnt raise another persons child.

[ZombieKiwi]

So, she was cheating on you -- left you for another guy. Then claimed he was abusive and she was afraid to leave. She however did leave for another man and within a few months is now pregnant with his child.

 

She sounds toxic and unhealthy. You're a comfortable outlet to unload all her drama and a good source of support.

 

You should have stayed NC.

 

I dont doubt he was abusive on her, she told me her dad had to rescue her a few times, and I dunno..seems a bit messed up thing to say if it wasnt true?

 

I guess I'm too nice for my own good at times =\

[SammySammy]

This is why I can't be "friends" with exes.

 

Tried that with my last ex and she did stuff like this. Telling about the new guys in her life. Intentionally doing things to try to make me upset or jealous. That's abusive to me and I decided enough was enough. Told her to never contact me again. That was nine years ago. Haven't seen or heard from her since and I'm better for it. Hope she is too.

[ZombieKiwi]

You have to be 100% honest. Is she still the same girl? Are you ok that she has had other partners? Is there any reason why when she left the first guy she pursued a rebound and not you? Is her pregnancy (whether she keeps it or not) baggage? Is she into you and can her heart be 100% into you, free and healed if she were to break up with the abusive guy she is with now, will she be emotionally ready or can she not be alone so she always has to have the next guy to leave the last guy?

Basically, are you in love with the idea of you two or are you still keeping the hope alive with the OLD her? She has changed, you have changed, she has a lot going on now, would you consider cutting the ties and moving forward without her? Is the friendship a crutch or can you truly be real friends?

You both need to get really clear.

It is very emotional and confusing to be friends with an ex.

I would have a very straightforward talk with yourself first, then with her.

This friendship is either keeping you stuck in the past and pining, or the timing is aligning for you to possibly reconcile.

She cannot just break up with the abusive guy and heal immediately, there is some dust to settle and you need to be positive this is a healthy situation for you.

Personally I would move on. The things you are hearing are hurting. You have a front row seat to your ex having the life and bearing children with another and it hurts to see first hand her living out those dreams and you aren't the one she is living them out with.

You shouldn't be her emotional dumping ground if it is hurting you. Either have a talk, or go No Contact. Id choose NC if I were you.

 

 

That post has really opened my eyes, thank you so much!

I do plan to have a talk with her...I'm not even sure if I love the old her or just wish we'd get back to how we used to be, for me the relationships I had after just didnt feel the same. I know deep down that if she does have the baby then I will have to do NC the thought of having her as a friend and seeing the baby grow and what not does hurt me inside..maybe that feeling will change one day but for now it would have to be NC.

[ZombieKiwi]

This is why I can't be "friends" with exes.

 

Tried that with my last ex and she did stuff like this. Telling about the new guys in her life. Intentionally doing things to try to make me upset or jealous. That's abusive to me and I decided enough was enough. Told her to never contact me again. That was nine years ago. Haven't seen or heard from her since and I'm better for it. Hope she is too.

 

 

I'm starting to feel that way too, I'd wish her well in the future but for our friendship it's goodbye.

[Zahara]

I dont doubt he was abusive on her, she told me her dad had to rescue her a few times, and I dunno..seems a bit messed up thing to say if it wasnt true?

 

I guess I'm too nice for my own good at times =\

 

I wasn't questioning her truth as to whether he was or wasn't but the fact that she jumps from bad situation to bad situation while you sit on the sidelines watching. You had a relationship with her and it ended. Did you have a particularly stable relationship or was there as much drama as she brings to her current situations?

[ZombieKiwi]

I wasn't questioning her truth as to whether he was or wasn't but the fact that she jumps from bad situation to bad situation while you sit on the sidelines watching. You had a relationship with her and it ended. Did you have a particularly stable relationship or was there as much drama as she brings to her current situations?

 

 

Ah my bad, it was actually really stable sure we had our ups and downs. I guess I'm still embracing memories of dreams long gone.

[Zahara]

Ah my bad, it was actually really stable sure we had our ups and downs. I guess I'm still embracing memories of dreams long gone.

 

It's normal to hold on and romanticize the past, especially the good times. But you have to focus on your reality, on who she is as exhibited by her actions and how negatively her behaviors are affecting you. This is not a healthy situation. Self-preservation is important and if contact is causing you pain and confusion, you need to cut contact.

[privategal]

She had unprotected sex with a guy she claimed was abusing her.

This is not a girl who is making good choices and you cant save her.

Im sorry but it seems your only choice is to 100% cut ties and heal.

This all is pretty heavy when summer is coming and you could be carefree and dating.

Don't waste any more time. Its done, you don't have to help her anymore now. I know it hurts to say goodbye but staying around hurts worse.

[sorano]

bounce just bounce!! Don't even entertain it. I know part of you feels bad wants to save her, bc your a good guy. But this is just crazy. Keep calm and let karma finish it. I always say that

[powerisperfected]

You are in a very tough spot right now. It is obvious from your post that you have some type of feelings for this women. On the other hand, it is also obvious that you do not wish to be used by her either. You have many ways in which you could go with this but here are a couple of options: one option is talking to her about how you feel and being honest with her or two, you could cut all ties with her. Whatever way you decide to proceed, it doesn't seem wise to continue the relationship the way that it has been going. It doesn’t seem healthy for you or for her.

[ZombieKiwi]

Thank you kindly for the replies gave me a lot to think about, thanks again.