AnnaGem Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I met this guy a couple weeks ago and we've finally decided to meet up for dinner on Saturday. I'm not sure where it'll go, but if the good vibe continues, I want to be prepared. I've got surgery scheduled for me on the 17th, so next week. And I'll need a couple weeks of recovery- can't drive, etc. so obviously, I can't make any next date plans in the near future. So if he asks to see me again, should I just tell him I'm having surgery and will be MIA for a few weeks, or is that too personal? I'm typically not a fan of being evasive, but I also don't want to share too much personal info right off the bat. What if he asks about the surgery? It's a hysterectomy, which is all like "personal- female-uterus" stuff, so I don't want to freak him out... I'm totally drawing a blank in the "being honest without oversharing" department, so any suggestions on how to manage this kind of conversation, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I would tell him. You don't have to give him the gory details but say you will unavailable due to a medical procedure. You expect recovery will take a few weeks & will it be OK if call him when you are feeling stronger. But do call if you promise to. If you just ghost he may not talk to you again when you resurface & he will assume he did something wrong or you are a game player. Best wishes for your surgery. Get well soon. 1
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 If you are interested in pursuing with him after that dinner then yes tell him from the 17th you will be in convalescence from a surgery and won't be able to go out but you'd be happy to keep in touch. If he asks what type of surgery just tell him. If it's too personal for him then next time he'll learn to not ask. There is nothing too personal about a hysterectomy in my opinion. I would be much more embarrassed to tell someone new I am having hemorrhoid surgery lol If you go MIA and don't warn him then he'll interpret this as a lack of interest on your part and he'll move on. I can guarantee you that. 1
Author AnnaGem Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 Ah, yes- I definitely want to offer to keep in touch in the meantime. I didn't even think of saying that until your post d0nnivain! Thanks! and Thank you for the get well wishes If all goes well on the date, I definitely want to say something to him in person about this, versus saying it in a later "yes I had a great time, but I'll be MIA..." text because I don't want him to think I'm playing games and making excuses.
Author AnnaGem Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 If you are interested in pursuing with him after that dinner then yes tell him from the 17th you will be in convalescence from a surgery and won't be able to go out but you'd be happy to keep in touch. If he asks what type of surgery just tell him. If it's too personal for him then next time he'll learn to not ask. There is nothing too personal about a hysterectomy in my opinion. I would be much more embarrassed to tell someone new I am having hemorrhoid surgery lol If you go MIA and don't warn him then he'll interpret this as a lack of interest on your part and he'll move on. I can guarantee you that. My concern with telling him about the hysterectomy is its like an instant "kids aren't an option" message. Which in the bigger picture is true, but I'm concerned it'll be a heavy message on the first date. Am I overthinking that?
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 My concern with telling him about the hysterectomy is its like an instant "kids aren't an option" message. Which in the bigger picture is true, but I'm concerned it'll be a heavy message on the first date. Am I overthinking that? I was going to ask you your age because a hysterectomy is definitive. I imagine your doctors have looked at all the possibilities before making the drastic decision of removing your uterus. It is what it is. You're having a surgery that will render you infertile. There is no point beating around the bush. I personally don't believe in waiting a few dates before dropping a bomb like this on someone. Put your cards on the table from the start so you can date stress free.
Art_Critic Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 My concern with telling him about the hysterectomy is its like an instant "kids aren't an option" message. Which in the bigger picture is true, but I'm concerned it'll be a heavy message on the first date. Am I overthinking that? He may also think.. great.. no risk of pregnancy.. Unless you tell him what is going on and ask his feelings you won't know and you might be pleasantly surprised by his reaction. 1
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 He may also think.. great.. no risk of pregnancy.. Unless you tell him what is going on and ask his feelings you won't know and you might be pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He may also think - not so great, she can't ever have kids. If he is looking to settle down and wants a family, this could be an issue. No need to tell him you will be "MIA." You can still keep in touch ... just can't go out on dates, etc for awhile. I vote for telling him.
jen1447 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I'd tell him. Is there any good reason to hide that info?
Author AnnaGem Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 I was going to ask you your age because a hysterectomy is definitive. I imagine your doctors have looked at all the possibilities before making the drastic decision of removing your uterus. It is what it is. You're having a surgery that will render you infertile. There is no point beating around the bush. I personally don't believe in waiting a few dates before dropping a bomb like this on someone. Put your cards on the table from the start so you can date stress free. I'll be 35 this year and yeah, I've been exploring my options to avoid surgery for years, to no avail. I'm very much looking forward to the relief it'll bring. I got my tubes tied years ago, so mentally/emotionally I'm totally fine with no more kids (I've already got 2) I appreciate everybody's feedback about just being up front. I personally feel better about being up front, but I know I have a tendency to overshare. But as someone stated, it'll be good for a variety of reasons- he'll know where I stand, his reaction can tell a lot too, etc.. so there's no downside to it really.. Thank you everyone! 1
losangelena Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I would definitely tell him you're having surgery. If he gets nosey or wants to know what you're having done, just deflect with humor and tell him you're getting a boob job.
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