my wife cheated on me and now shes pregnant with another man

[Popsicle]

Maybe your background as the other woman affects your view of reconciliation.

I obviously believe in it... However I know it is not always the best answer for everyone.

 

I don't see why the OP should not reconcile with his wife.

[ChickiePops]

I don't see why the OP should not reconcile with his wife.

 

I'm gonna go with - because she's popping out some random jerks kid and he rightfully doesn't want to deal with it..

[aliveagain]

Take it from someone who lived through the pain of having a spouse with an affair child, don't put yourself through it. I was there for the delivery, raised him for the first year of his life then had to live through the shame of telling my mother, my siblings, my two daughters and all my family and friends that he wasn't mine once I had learned the truth. Thank God she was not the mother of my daughters, they were mine from another relationship. It is hard to believe that someone could be that horrible, shameless and selfish to put someone through that kind of experience. No matter how much counselling you get you never ever really recover from that deep a betrayal.

[HurtHusband]

Don't raise this other Mans kid.

It's her mess, it's her choice to have an abortion or not. But she will have a hard time raising three kids by herself with no stable breadwinner like you around. My wife got pregnant through an affair, when she confessed she told me she was going to have an abortion. But at one stage she had the nerve to tell me the child was innocent and we should raise it..

 

I said no way... Have the baby and your on your own. She had the abortion/ but I would love to have her out of my life. It's painful stuff, you will have crippling resentment and pent up anger / it's too much weight to carry /

You claim to love the person who hurt you and caused you so much misery, just stop and love yourself first.

[MJJean]

To recap, your wife

 

-Had two children with another man or men when you met. The father(s) nowhere to be found.

 

-Leaves the children for her mother to raise while she is out looking for a new baby daddy,

 

-She finds a sucker to marry her, has another couple of kids, and conceals the children her mother is raising for her from her husbands family. (What kind of piss poor mother conceals the existence of her own flesh and blood????)

 

-She randomly blames her husband for her problems and occasionally leaves, for extended periods of time, without her newest kids. (What kind of piss poor mother and wife leaves her young children with their father and takes off, probably to have sex with other men?)

 

-Recently left, AGAIN, and got pregnant by another man. (Has she never heard of BIRTH CONTROL?!?!?)

 

Her history shows her to be irresponsible, selfish, a liar, a cheater, and a sorry excuse for a mother.

 

There are words for women like her, but we're not allowed to say them here.

Edited March 11, 2016 by MJJean

[road]

It is not right or wrong for the BH to raise an OC.

 

 

The correct choice for the BH to do is what is correct for him.

[Liam1]

It is not right or wrong for the BH to raise an OC.

 

 

The correct choice for the BH to do is what is correct for him.

 

Excellent point, Road.

 

In the end this guy needs to do what he feels is right for him.

 

No one knows what was really going on between both sides in this marriage.

 

Here we are only getting part of the story and only from his perspective, not hers.

 

A marriage can survive an affair if both spouses own their issues.

 

Not all people who cheat are unhappy in their marriage, but typically there is something that spurs them to cheat, this needs to be discussed in counseling.

 

Sometimes the loyal spouse is doing something that needs to be addressed and corrected.

 

Not ALWAYS, but many times that is the case.

 

Some people are married to psychopaths, narcissists or sociopaths. But that needs to be diagnosed by a pyschologist.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Not for nothing, but a cheating wife who gets pregnant is no worse than a cheating wife who doesn't.

 

Pregnancy is the natural result of sex, and precisely what ALL of them risked. I certainly wouldn't kill an innocent baby over my own poor judgement.

[Blind2see]

Thank you very much to all of you. All of the replys and advise are very helpful and appriciated. Im not much of an internet person who surf the web often. But I found it very helpful and usefull in my needs. Im the typical human being who is quiet and not very socialize. You guys made me realize that theres more out there and im very thankful for that.

 

Iam a catholic by born and believe and live by his rule and will. I know my wife commits adultery and is a mortal sin. I dont want to commit sins like she did by forcing her to do abortion. Thou shall not kill.

 

I was very confused and devasted this last couple of weeks but I found peace with God. Seek for His guidance and forgiveness.

 

I know not all will be ok with my decision. Jesus died on the cross for ALL of us. Then who are we not to forgive a person who sins againts us. and I was also told that by her doctors that her pregnancy is at very high risk and should need special care or might cost her health worse her life due also to her age and health concerns. I love my wife not only for my own sake but for our childrens sake. I dont want them to lose their mothers because I do not nothing bec of my hate and anger.

 

I forgive my wife for what she did but I do not forget. Ive learned my lesson the hard way.

 

My wife and I talked about this yesterday and came into agreement.

 

1. She continues her pregnancy

2. We will find a family or charity for adaption of the baby. I told her that I dont want any part of it that I already have 4 of hers.

3. We will not stay together until she gave birth and we will just cross the bridge when we get there. She knowns me very well that I dont do things to.complicate things. I told her that im fully commited on saving our marriage that I will not do what she did and that im very focused now on my job and to our children.

4.will give visitation rights for our children

5. We both agreed on saving our marriage but with counseling first. And we also have our lawyer for legal concern that might happen in the future if there is.

6. I ask for the space for us to have soul searching and to learn what had gone wrong. I too have mistakes why this marriage came to this. I needed time also to heal myself so if ever we get there im am ready and matured.

 

As ive said to her we will cross the bridge when we get there and all is well taken care of.

 

Thank you very much all.... I hope you understand

Please feel free to advise me in this decision.

[Blind2see]

Thank you very much to all of you. All of the replys and advise are very helpful and appriciated. Im not much of an internet person who surf the web often. But I found it very helpful and usefull in my needs. Im the typical human being who is quiet and not very socialize. You guys made me realize that theres more out there and im very thankful for that.

 

Iam a catholic by born and believe and live by his rule and will. I know my wife commits adultery and is a mortal sin. I dont want to commit sins like she did by forcing her to do abortion. Thou shall not kill.

 

I was very confused and devasted this last couple of weeks but I found peace with God. Seek for His guidance and forgiveness.

 

I know not all will be ok with my decision. Jesus died on the cross for ALL of us. Then who are we not to forgive a person who sins againts us. and I was also told that by her doctors that her pregnancy is at very high risk and should need special care or might cost her health worse her life due also to her age and health concerns. I love my wife not only for my own sake but for our childrens sake. I dont want them to lose their mothers because I do not nothing bec of my hate and anger.

 

I forgive my wife for what she did but I do not forget. Ive learned my lesson the hard way.

 

My wife and I talked about this yesterday and came into agreement.

 

1. She continues her pregnancy

2. We will find a family or charity for adaption of the baby. I told her that I dont want any part of it that I already have 4 of hers.

3. We will not stay together until she gave birth and we will just cross the bridge when we get there. She knowns me very well that I dont do things to.complicate things. I told her that im fully commited on saving our marriage that I will not do what she did and that im very focused now on my job and to our children.

4.will give visitation rights for our children

5. We both agreed on saving our marriage but with counseling first. And we also have our lawyer for legal concern that might happen in the future if there is.

6. I ask for the space for us to have soul searching and to learn what had gone wrong. I too have mistakes why this marriage came to this. I needed time also to heal myself so if ever we get there i am ready and matured and ao she is.

 

As ive said to her we will cross the bridge when we get there and all is well taken care of.

 

Thank you very much all.... I hope you understand

Please feel free to advise me in this decision.

[CarrieT]

Since she is a known liar, I have a few questions regarding the agreement...

3. We will not stay together until she gave birth and we will just cross the bridge when we get there.

Where is she going to stay during her pregnancy and what makes you think she won't continue seeing the man who impregnated her?

 

4.will give visitation rights for our children

What are you going to tell the children about this arrangement?

 

6. I ask for the space for us to have soul searching and to learn what had gone wrong. I too have mistakes why this marriage came to this. I needed time also to heal myself so if ever we get there i am ready and matured and ao she is.

What makes you think you will be healed by the time her delivery date arrives and she wants to come back home?

 

2. We will find a family or charity for adaption of the baby. I told her that I dont want any part of it that I already have 4 of hers.

What makes you believe that once she has carried the child to term, she will be able to give it up for adoption? Especially since she will be - ostensibly - dealing with the pregnancy without the support of her husband? (Or will she be seeing the father of the child in the interim?)

[TX-SC]

There are several very big problems with your plan.

 

1) Your wife is a mother. She will have a very hard time giving this child up for adoption. It will creat a deeper rift and she will resent you for it.

 

2) unless you explain the adultery to your children, family, and friends, the assumption will be that the baby is yours. By isolating her from you, it'll make you look like a bad husband and bad father once she is showing and obviously pregnant.

 

3) She has really not done anything to fix this or to offer you a chance to heal. Separating does not make you closer, it tears you apart.

 

4) You are hiding behind your religion and using it as an excuse. The Bible specifically identifies adultery as an offense worthy of divorce. Being a Christian does not mean you have to forgive everything.

 

5) Divorce does not have to be harmful to your children. My parents' divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me.

 

I think you are making a big mistake here.

[66Charger]

My like, is for the decision not to force a abortion. While i believe you can not tell a woman that she MUST carry a child to term, when the decision to abort was made in my past, I hated it. And still do. But there was nothing I could do. A double standard, but what can you say.

 

If she changes her mind and decides to keep the child, that is her right as it is yours to terminate the marriage. As far as the biological father, he has left town and isnt coming back, just like the rest of her babies daddies.. This shows the choices of men she decides to bed unprotected.

 

This child makes 3. Your choice in a wife was horrible, and if you stay with this decision, then you shouldn't whine about any more affairs or OC. She is who she is and you are who you are. But a ****** and a doormat, probally do fit.

 

Methinks you are right where you belong.

 

I would wish you good luck, but with all the bad luck you have had, perhaps you need "no luck" and should start to think with your head and not your heart.

 

If you can find it.

Edited March 12, 2016 by 66Charger

[aliveagain]

This is your life and you can complicate it as much as you want. I think things are not going to turn out the way you want. She sounds very manipulative and I think your going to raise this other man's child because I doubt she will give the child up when it's time. She seems to be able to control you to do whatever she wants. Stop settling, you deserve better then to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder with someone you can't trust.

 

Adultery is the only deadly sin mentioned in the Bible twice, once for doing it and once for thinking about it. Even the Catholic Church allows divorce for infidelity, none of these things stopped your wife from shaming you in this way. If you won't stand up for yourself who will? What example are you showing your children, your family? This is your life, enjoy the path your talking it on because this is all of it. I wish you and your children the best.

[sandylee1]

If only she didn't get pregnant. Then you could "reconcile" and pretend to forget that she cheated. But now there will be a child that will be a daily reminder if her cheating and you won't be able to go on like everything is okay. Or, maybe you will do that anyway because you love her so much. It wouldn't be the first or last time this has happened.

 

You don't develop amnesia just because there isn't a child from the affair. Saying 'pretend ' is really minimising the feelings and trauma of a BS.

[road]

You don't develop amnesia just because there isn't a child from the affair. Saying 'pretend ' is really minimising the feelings and trauma of a BS.

 

 

You are putting your definition to popsicle's words. Popsicle did not minimize anything.

 

 

To pretend it never happened is just another way of saying that with time you push the thoughts out of your mind and live your life as if the affair never happened.

 

 

The Presence of seeing a WW pregnant makes that impossible for the BH to "pretend" the affair did not happen. The WW keeping the OC to raise continues to keep some BH from forgetting/pretending the affair never happened.

 

 

Though I have read cases where the BH was able to "ignore/pretend/overlook" that the affair never happened.

[Bufo]

One thing you may wish to do independent of the emotional and religious involvement. Think about seeing an attorney to learn the laws of your state regarding obligations for support and whether it is possible for a married man to disown paternity of his wife's child. If things don't turn out as planned, you better find out if you are on the hook due to the fact of marital,status the day the baby is born.

[VernonMcCoy]

I do agree with the Bufo. Now, if you want you can have a lawyer and the yes, it's important to have the complete info on laws while having any kind of decision. Also take decisions in the present and a good state. Just think with your heart and mind too.