I found out my boyfriend and his best friend used to date.

[mguevara_209]

Hello,

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than a year. While we were getting to know each other (we did so for 6 months), he would hang out with his female best friend a lot. I know her because we became acquaintances at work. She's a beautiful, smart, sweet girl. He would not tell me that he was hanging out with her directly, but I knew they would hang out at his house or her house. I didn't mind because he always referred to her as a friend. Once we started dating, he still kept hanging out with her, sometimes he would hang out more with her than with me. Again, I didn't mind because I knew they were just friends. However, just yesterday, we had a conversation that led to us talking about our past. He mentioned a girl he was dating, and I asked him what her name was. He smiled, and said that he wasn't ready to tell me who it was. I told him that I wanted to know, and he said her name. I felt so stupid for not knowing. They broke up a month before he started to get to know me. Ever since then, they had been hanging out. He told me how sorry he was for not telling me. I know her very well too, but we lost communication after I started hanging out with my current boyfriend, and my boyfriend never invited me to hang out with them, even by the time we started dating. I'm very hurt because he kept all of that from me. It especially annoys me because they spend a lot of time together. He told me that he didn't want to tell me because ever since he met me, he knew we were going to have something good and special. And yes, our relationship has been great. We would always communicate, trust each other, support each other, and we have even talked about getting married after we finish school. He keeps telling me that he did not want to tell me because he didn't want to scare me off and think badly about him hanging out with an ex. I'm pretty upset with him, and I'm considering breaking up with him because I trusted him with her, and he broke that trust I had for him. Even before this, he swore to me that nothing has happened with him and his female friends. Am I in the right to be upset? Or am I over reacting?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

As long as you are clear on the fact that he would rather be banging her (otherwise there is zero reason why he keeps her around).... then you're free to do whatever you want...

 

 

I mean, do you think they share Pinterest posts... ???

[sandylee1]

The fact that he swore nothing happened with him and his female friends is a blatant lie obviously. You're not overreacting and for me the trust would be gone.... even if he never saw her again, I don't think I'd be happy with the whole situation.

 

I personally would end the relationship because of the fact that he lied...... I don't like ex GFs hanging around ...... it shows something is still there IMO.

[bathrobe]

I personally don't believe in male-female friendships, but that's just me.

 

Sorry, but this would be a huge red flag for me. He was hiding their relationship history, they broke up only one month before you started seeing him, he was spending more time with her than with you, and he never invited you while he was with her... It doesn't sound good and you're not overreacting at all.

[Alamo657]

I don't believe in a true and honest (meaning none of the parties involved still have feelings for each other) male-female friendship with someone you used to have sex and date with. If you're still in contact, it means attraction is still there on one side at least.

 

At best, the ex best friend is a confident and a third party to the current relationship, aware of all the intimate details of your RS, at worst he kept on banging her at the beginning of your relationship and only stopped when you two got serious.

 

But that's just an opinion. as long as he didn't give you reason to think that he cheated on you with her, you have to drop the issue.

 

But i'd find it extremely disrepectul to learn that my current relationship was still seeing an ex, one on one, without any witness.

[mightycpa]

I really, really disagree with the posters above. Maybe they're not mature enough to have man/woman relationships or maybe they've never had an ex where you broke up because nobody was feeling it. I think a lot has to do with who broke up and why. For all you know, they tried going out, and while it was fun, it wasn't romantic, and they decided that they were really friends rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

 

I'll admit, dumper or dumpee, I usually had nothing to do with the girls that I used to date. But there were a couple that I kept as pals. That said, I never made a secret of it, and so you have to wonder if it is because what he's doing or wants to do with her, or if it is because of you. By that, I mean if you're like the posters above, and you have this rule that your boyfriends can't be friends with exes, and you were vocal about it, then maybe he hid it from you because that rule is whack. But if you probably would have been ok with it, then ask about how long they went out, how serious it got and why it ended and who put an end to it.

 

That should tell you if you have anything to worry about.

 

Good luck.