harpua2167 Posted June 14, 2005 Posted June 14, 2005 I gotta few questions i was hoping someone who has had a similar experience could advise me on. So basically my ex and i were together for 3 years, the last 6 months of which were long distance. I moved away for a job and would go and see her on the weekends and vice versa. This went pretty well for awhile, but the day after Christmas she abruptly ended things...no warning at all (that i could see). I was trying to get settled in before she would move up, but obviously i waited too long. Well we talked for the next month or so every few days...i think she was trying to figure out if it was what she really wanted, but im not sure. She was never very good at communicating, and this just made the whole thing harder for me. During those two months, she didnt even want to discuss our problems, she just wanted to talk like nothing was wrong. at the time it just pissed me off, but now i realize there must be something really wrong with her...i mean, who does that? So that was that and the last time i spoke to her was in Feb. We didnt even get to say goodbye...the phone got disconnected and she wouldnt answer my return calls (or she hung up...who knows). To make a long story short, i have made mistakes, but i still love this girl and would like nothing more than to have her back in my life. I never tried to call her again after that. The day after that happened she wrote me an email that basically said she still loved me, but couldnt take the chance of having it fail again. So May rolls around and we havent talked in months. All of a sudden i get a birthday card in the mail from her. This kinda pissed me off, but in the end i havent really been able to figure out why she would send a card. Then all of a sudden her and my freakin mom start exchanging emails. they never even really spoke before we broke up. None of this makes any sense to me. I mean, i cant figure out for the life of me why she would send me a birthday card...which basically just told me how SHE was doing...never asking how i was doing. Then start exchanging emails (albeit infrequent) with my mom? Anyone have any ideas?? I want her back very badly, but i just dont see it happening. The last thing i need though is a quartely business update on her life in the form of a card or an email from my mom. Im not really sure if she is still confused or if she is just trying to be nice...i really dont. If she is just trying to be nice i want no part of it, mainly because i love this girl and would like to just forget about her if i cant have the type of relationship i want. I dont get the feeling that she has a new guy in her life...but thats just a gut feeling...i have no idea. All she said in the card was that "work is work and everything here is the same". She also talked a lot about how sick her grandma has been. I feel like calling her and trying to resolve some of our past issues...but a lot of time has passed and its probably a mute point. sorry this was so jumbled...but thats how it came out. any ideas?
Groovy Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 My sisters boyfriend and my mom talked secretly on the phone for about a year and I was the only one who knew! He bailed on her after proposing and regretted it. It apparently ruined his life, he went into therapy for his committment issues. He just wanted to know how she was and my mom was the only one kind enough to speak with him. I guess she knew he was genuine but just had something to get over. My other sister got a call from him and said she would call the police on him. Well, believe it or not they are married now with 2 kids and about 10 years of marraige under their belt. He is very faithful, hard working at his job, church involved and really has his act together. Not too mention he bends over backwards for everyone in my family. I guess my sister knew he was The One and forgave him, though it was very hard. I think the experience made him more sure of what he wanted and he will never turn back. Most times this doesn't work out this way, it's just good bye. I always try to put myself out there to find out what happened because it at least gives me the sense of resolution, even if it means good by forever. She may have gotten afraid of committment, she may have struggled to overcome something that she felt opposed to but realized it was O.K, or maybe was just going through a few hard months with something that happened. I would mention you noticed she is talking to you mom and tell her you wanted to say thanks for the card. Just ask how she is doing, or if your upfront like me just ask what the hell happened. I mean, it's not like she can break up with you. That's done and from here you have nothing to lose. You may gain some insight to a past experience that still troubles you.
Author harpua2167 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 Thanks for the insight...i appreciate it. I havent had any contact with her, but i have thought about calling her lately. Its just tough overall. Even though i just turned 25, she was my first real serious girlfriend, and she means the world to me. 3 years of good times and now going on a little over 6 months of pain. I just think it is pretty selfish of her to send a card and speak to my mom behind my back like that. There is an update though that i thought was pretty interesting. About a week ago i get an email from HER mom. All she basically said is that my ex is thinking about moving to Florida in the fall (we live in PA). It was weird because that was really all she said about my ex. She could have told me a million things about what is going on in her life but that is what she decided to tell me, nothing more nothing less. I think my ex is having a hard time with many things in her life, and she thinks that moving away will solve everything. i think she is wrong! Either way, what do you make of the email from her mom?? Im not sure if she was trying to garner a response from me or not. My ex also said she wanted to be friends, but i havent heard from her at all. what kind of BS is that! Im trying to move on but it is hard. I need resolution and some answers. The last time we ever spoke the phone got disconnected (or she hung up), but either way that is no way to end a 3 year relationship/friendship. Im just confused as hell...if i never try and contact her there is a good chance i will never speak to her again or get resolution (or her back, but that seems to be nothing more than a dream). but if i do call i may hear things i dont really want to hear, or it may just all be the same as it was. Im just so pissed at her i could flip out.
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