sas22 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Hey everyone! I'm sorry this is way longer than I intended..thanks for reading So I've known my boyfriend for six months, and we've been a couple for four months. Everything was great at the beginning, and then after 3 months he started not really being considerate of my time and needs. So I had a talk with him telling him how I felt and he agreed that things were different and he would work on communicating better and opening up more (something else we discussed). Things got a lot better on all fronts. We stopped hanging out during the week since he works long hours and has to be up early, so we see each other once or twice on the weekends. Which kinda sucks since we live 15 mins apart, but the quality of our time together has greatly improved. This leads me to last week. I told him I was leaving Friday morning to go home for the week of spring break (a few hours away) and that I'd love to see him before I left. So we got together wednesday night. We had sex, but he was not able to get me off - he has not been able to bring me to orgasm at all since we started having sex (about a month and a half now). I was a virgin before him and am having a lot of trouble with focusing too much on having an orgasm..making me unable to have one. He brought up his insecurity and I told him about my mental block and how it's just going to take time and practice. But he is really insecure about it, no matter how much I reassure him. He also said he feels like there's a "different vibe" after we have sex. There definitely was the first few times we had sex because I was feeling a lot of insecurity having never been naked with another person before and because of my inexperience. And a few nights before this he was unable to keep his erection which caused a lot of embarrassment for him (though I kept assuring him it was totally okay) and he was moody the rest of that night. But I told him that honestly I have been perfectly happy every time we have sex, except for those first couple of times. Anyway, so this talk ended with me saying it was just going to take time and practice on both of our parts and that regardless of all this, sex wasn't the most important part of this relationship to me. He just said "well practice makes perfect I guess" and that was that. So then I went home for spring break on Friday. We have barely spoken since I've been gone for five days. Usually we text every day when he gets off work, but we didn't talk at all over the weekend (says he lost his phone) and talked a tiny bit yesterday morning but he never replied to my last message. My concern is that he is either seeing someone else (the only reason i suspect this is bc he isn't texting me as much in the evenings making me wonder if he's with someone else, and that he couldn't keep his erection that night and also covered his face with a pillow for a little bit when I was on top the other night..both signs of guilt? idk), or he is distancing himself because he's so insecure about our sex life..He doesn't have the best self esteem and I'm sure this isn't helping him. I've reassured him as much as I can, I don't know what else to do - I'm worried he's going to let this get to him too much and then break it off, or distance himself so much until I get fed up and break it off myself. I don't know what to do at this point. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm not even sure what to say. Is this behavior normal? I have nothing to compare to because this is my first relationship (i'm 22, he's 25). It's also hard for me to tell the difference between a gut feeling and irrational anxiety. What I do know is that I don't like the way he's been acting and it's making me second guess myself and the relationship.
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 You need to talk to him about it....we can only make assumptions which will only cause more stress. I have a tip about getting to orgasm. Most women don't orgasm from penetration. I don't know how much private time you spend on yourself, but the only way to make sex better is for you to know your body better. You need to know yourself how to be touched to get there and share that with him. Do some reading on "G stop" stimulation, maybe that will give you some guidance.
Author sas22 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 You need to talk to him about it....we can only make assumptions which will only cause more stress. I have a tip about getting to orgasm. Most women don't orgasm from penetration. I don't know how much private time you spend on yourself, but the only way to make sex better is for you to know your body better. You need to know yourself how to be touched to get there and share that with him. Do some reading on "G stop" stimulation, maybe that will give you some guidance. You're right, I'm just not sure how to begin that conversation, or even what to say really. I do masturbate and am able to reach orgasm in ten minutes or less when I'm alone lol. I've told him what I like and he is doing things correctly for the most part, but I still can't just be present in the moment without worrying about whether or not I will orgasm, if he's getting tired, if I'm taking too long, etc. :/
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Tip: it isn't about the orgasm....it's about the journey getting there. You need to relax and enjoy the moment, the feeling, the pleasure. I suggest requesting a full body massage from him....that can really help. 1
joseb Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I just wanted to ask about the pillow thing, that seems really odd to me. Any idea what that was about?
Author sas22 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 I just wanted to ask about the pillow thing, that seems really odd to me. Any idea what that was about? Yeah no clue lol. He only had it over his eyes for like five seconds and then moved it out of the way. He did that jokingly one time when we first started having sex after I told him I was insecure about my body when I was on top..he was like "here maybe if I don't look at you" but that was a joke of course. So the only reason I could think of him doing that this time is if he was having trouble looking at me because he feels guilty for something. But I have no idea.
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