katiegrl Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 He is also sending me tons of angry texts about how he feels like I treated him "terribly" because of the times I came to him with criticisms about his behavior. Sweetie, BLOCK HIM NOW. If you can't block, delete the texts before reading. This happened to me once, I did not have the ability to block so I simply deleted them before reading. No need to read garbage like that... Stay strong!!
fitnessfan365 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) Well good for you for breaking up with him. But I have to say..For a guy you were with for three months that you say was loving, didn't shy from emotional intimacy, took care of you while you were sick, etc breaking up with him by phone is HARSH. The least you could have done is break up face to face. Plus that way you could have just taken your stuff with you afterwards..LOL Edited March 10, 2016 by fitnessfan365 3
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Well good for you for breaking up with him. But I have to say..For a guy you were with for three months that you say was loving, didn't shy from emotional intimacy, took care of you while you were sick, etc breaking up with him by phone is HARSH. The least you could have done is break up face to face. Plus that way you could have just taken your stuff with you afterwards..LOL Well, given his angry reaction and emotional outbursts (via text message), I for one am GLAD she broke up with him over the phone. After only three months, she communicated with him it's over.... that is what's important. Things are things....can always be replaced. 2
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Good girl !! Look at his reactions and the ugly things he's telling you. It shows who he is. Send a male friend, a brother or a cousin to pick up your charger. He is being a manipulative @ss. There is 100 ways for you to get your charger back without seeing him.
strawberryshortstack Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 My three-month relationship is on the rocks. I told my boyfriend that I needed a break to sort out my feelings and needs. Basically, he treats me generally well but has some personality traits that I find unpleasant. First and foremost he has a crass sense of humor and often relates to me as if I'm another dude. He makes gross sexual jokes around me and describes women in demeaning ways ("whore", "bitch", c-word). I've asked him to stop and he won't. Generally, I just feel like he lacks a filter and doesn't understand the basics of social presentation. It's not that he's nasty - he's polite with strangers and always nice to wait staff - but that he's stubbornly clueless and sloppy with people. Whenever I go to his apartment on the weekend he is lounging around in sweats; he literally will never get dressed if he stays home for the day. When I asked him if he could at least throw jeans on he said he was raised in a household where you wear pajamas whenever you're home and he's not going to compromise his comfort to look good (). His bathroom is disgusting - he keeps his dirty laundry, including gym clothes, in a bag on the bathroom floor because he doesn't want it to smell up his bedroom. I've asked him many times if he could tidy it up when he knows I'm coming over, but he won't. His lack of refinement extends to his job, as he refuses to conform to professional standards. For example, he insists it's fine for him to send potential employers email cover letters with poor grammar (like "your" instead of "you're" or "I could of" rather than "I could have"), claiming it doesn't matter in his industry and that it's actually better to be "informal." He makes an okay income but I worry he'll never go far because he doesn't know how to play the game. He's already lost one client since we got together when she caught him dozing off on the job. I hate to use "loser," because it's an ugly word, but his lifestyle and way of being are starting to give me that vibe. When I first met him I was charmed by his sense of humor and charisma, having just dated a stiff, formal guy, but I've since discovered that his humor is one of his few redeeming traits. He's told me that he's "gamed" girls in the past, lied to them about specific details of his life to seem more successful and cool. While he claims he never did that with me, and I haven't caught him in any lies yet, I do feel like he subtly played me because it's the only way I can explain my sudden feeling of "what am I doing?" It's not just me: he says that most girls are really into him at the start and then abruptly come to their senses. I now understand why. It kind of kills me that he isn't the full package because he does have certain scarce boyfriend traits: he's loving and loyal, and is never cold, neglectful or rejecting. Whenever I've been down or sick he's taken care of me. He doesn't shy from emotional intimacy and is one of the rare guys who doesn't engage in push-pull. It's just unfortunate that his outer presentation doesn't reflect the size of his heart. Basically, I know it's going to end. I'm just struggling to end it, as I really want to get married and have kids (I'm 32), and honestly don't know if I can do any better. I'm smart, educated and cultured, but guys who share these attributes never seem to like me. Guys who are my opposite (extroverted and unrefined) seem to adore me. I'd give anything to be with a smart, unassuming, thoughtful guy. I don't even care about looks. But those guys always complain about my shyness, while the louder dudes are more accepting of who I am. Any advice on how to attract better guys? Is it just a matter of putting myself out there more? I've been avoiding really dating for awhile because I don't handle rejection well. You CAN do better. How to attract better guys? Look for better guys. If you're on OLD, tailor your profile to the type of men you'd LIKE to meet. If you prefer to meet men IRL, then change where you're meeting them.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Well, given his angry reaction and emotional outbursts (via text message), I for one am GLAD she broke up with him over the phone. After only three months, she communicated with him it's over.... that is what's important. Things are things....can always be replaced. Let's say my GF wanted to break up with me. If she had the respect and decency to do it in person, I'd be hurt and pretty heartbroken by her decision. But I'd at least respect her for being honest and doing it the right way. However, if she actually were to break up with me over the phone, I'd be angry too. Don't get me wrong. I think it's actually a good thing she broke up with him. But you can't really blame the guy for getting pissed off at the fact that his GF of three months dumped him via phone call. I know there was a lot she didn't like about the guy, but she also listed a lot of positive qualities too. So it's just surprising to me that a guy she had that many nice things to say about, didn't at least warrant a face to face. 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Don't get me wrong. I think it's actually a good thing she broke up with him. But you can't really blame the guy for getting pissed off at the fact that his GF of three months dumped him via phone call. I know there was a lot she didn't like about the guy, but she also listed a lot of positive qualities too. So it's just surprising to me that a guy she had that many nice things to say about, didn't at least warrant a face to face. I agree, OP you were planning your marriage with this guy!!! I get why you broke up, but you said you loved him, why do this over the phone, I bet you would have been devastated if it happened to you like I know I would have!! :( Oh well I guess it's all for the best. But a phone charger? Please. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 Let's say my GF wanted to break up with me. If she had the respect and decency to do it in person, I'd be hurt and pretty heartbroken by her decision. But I'd at least respect her for being honest and doing it the right way. However, if she actually were to break up with me over the phone, I'd be angry too. Don't get me wrong. I think it's actually a good thing she broke up with him. But you can't really blame the guy for getting pissed off at the fact that his GF of three months dumped him via phone call. I know there was a lot she didn't like about the guy, but she also listed a lot of positive qualities too. So it's just surprising to me that a guy she had that many nice things to say about, didn't at least warrant a face to face. It wasn't deliberate. I texted to ask if I could stop over after work to talk and he called me up to ask if I was breaking up with him. I tried to dodge the question but he could hear it in my voice. I did want to do it in person and asked if we could continue the conversation in person but he refused to see me.
preraph Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 (edited) I'm sure this isn't the first time he's been dumped for his inexcusable behavior, and if he's chosen to always blame it on others, then there's no point trying to change him now. So forget about your possessions and let him pout it out. If you act like you care about those things, it will only make him gloat because that gives him a little control. Your charger is probably broken by now. Block him and end the diatribe. Edited March 11, 2016 by preraph 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 won't even fix little things in his behavior for me Just a note - if you want somebody to "fix" their behavior for you, you need to not be in a relationship with them. You knew who he was when you got together with him, he was totally clear with you that he's a sexist pig (IMO) but you evidently felt ok about it then. Anyway I understand that part and now you realize you just can't deal with it, that's fair!! :bunny: But not fair to be mad at him because he won't change who he is for you. I bet you'd be pretty pissed off if some guy told you he wanted you to change your cultured ways or become a fun outgoing girl for him!! 1
Gaeta Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 Let's say my GF wanted to break up with me. If she had the respect and decency to do it in person, I'd be hurt and pretty heartbroken by her decision. But I'd at least respect her for being honest and doing it the right way. However, if she actually were to break up with me over the phone, I'd be angry too. Don't get me wrong. I think it's actually a good thing she broke up with him. But you can't really blame the guy for getting pissed off at the fact that his GF of three months dumped him via phone call. I know there was a lot she didn't like about the guy, but she also listed a lot of positive qualities too. So it's just surprising to me that a guy she had that many nice things to say about, didn't at least warrant a face to face. FF you're a respectful and reasonable man and you understand sometimes relationships aren't meant and the other person wants to move on. It doesn't make them a bad person, just a person moving on. OP's boyfriend is a hater. All she heard for the past 3 months is him putting down women and his exs and using a very crude language. At the moment she broke up with him he put her in the same category as those other women he's been putting down. God knows what he would have said to her to put her down. At least over the phone she kept the option of hanging up.
jen1447 Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 I'm generally a fan of the dignified face-to-face when it comes to this stuff but there's certainly nothing wrong w/improvising if there's a fear someone will lose their sh*t or be generally threatening or even just unpleasant. Safety and all that. But it sounds like TC just went w/the flow on her available options anyway. No big deal, it's not a perfect world. Big picture it's much more important just that she stood up for herself and let go of the anchor. 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 (edited) Just a note - if you want somebody to "fix" their behavior for you, you need to not be in a relationship with them. You knew who he was when you got together with him, he was totally clear with you that he's a sexist pig (IMO) but you evidently felt ok about it then. Anyway I understand that part and now you realize you just can't deal with it, that's fair!! :bunny: But not fair to be mad at him because he won't change who he is for you. I bet you'd be pretty pissed off if some guy told you he wanted you to change your cultured ways or become a fun outgoing girl for him!! Hey now - just because I'm not outgoing doesn't mean I'm not fun! Re changing who he was, I only asked him to fix specific behaviors like calling women demeaning names. fruitless perhaps but not insulting like asking someone to change their whole personality. Edited March 11, 2016 by tuxedo cat 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 11, 2016 Posted March 11, 2016 I only asked him to fix specific behaviors like calling women demeaning names. fruitless perhaps but not insulting like asking someone to change their whole personality. OK I get that. He might have done that for you but would it have been better? As I see it the real problem is that he feels that way about women!! At least he didn't spring it on you during a fight or something. Anyway happy you're done with him and you seem quite fine with it! move-on.org!
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