tomt1990 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Hi all, I guess the topic kind of speaks for itself! but to tell a long story short... I'm 25 (very nearly 26) and have never been in a relationship. I've been on various OLD sites for a number of years but haven't even got past a first date! Clearly there is something wrong with me and it sounds ridiculous, but I have simply no idea what it is! I'm intelligent, I have a good job, I wouldn't call myself overly confident but I'm comfortable speaking to almost anyone. I'm sporty, I go to the gym... I'm even a fairly advanced pianist! and I wouldn't even say I'm a bad looking guy. But clearly girls just don't like me... so I guess I'm looking for someone who might be able to help me out to shed some light. I've pretty much given up looking, because the more I get rejected, the more miserable it makes me. Thanks for your help, if you can offer any Tom
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 OLD is not the panacea people make it out to be. I always did well with the opposite sex IRL. I faced rejection after rejection on OLD. It was quite painful & demoralizing. So my advice to you, get off OLD. Being 26 is not the end of the world. You just need to change up your game. What do you do in your spare time? You need to get involved in activities that put you in contact with large numbers of women. Take a class. Join a gym. Volunteer doing something you are passionate about. Attend meetup events. Go to single's events. Join a recreational co-ed sports team. What you doesn't matter as much as the fact that you put yourself out there. Also tell everyone you know that you are open to being fixed up. You never know who knows somebody who would be perfect for you.
Author tomt1990 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 Thanks for the reply. It's not so much meeting people though, its the fact that I don't seem to have any luck whatsoever getting past a first date, I obviously put girls off but I have no idea how or what I do that makes them go cold on me
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 If you can meet people that is half the battle. Do you have a sister, a female cousin or close friend who can analyze what you do & give you pointers & insights? Are there any typical things you do or don't do on a 1st date? Are you interested in what she is saying? Do you ask Qs? Do you look in her eyes? Are you polite? Do you dress appropriately for the occasion?
adarna Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Thanks for the reply. It's not so much meeting people though, its the fact that I don't seem to have any luck whatsoever getting past a first date, I obviously put girls off but I have no idea how or what I do that makes them go cold on me Hmm, that could be for many reasons. Do you mean you always get turned down for a second date? Or that you never even get a chance to ask? Define "go cold." Can you give us an example? What do you do at the end of/after the date?
RJ2000 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I'm sorry to hear this my man! Sounds tough. I do have some analysis of what might be going on. You can snag the first dates because you've got the right qualities - looks, job, etc. BUT your confidence I have to think is in the toilet when you go on these dates since you've been let down so many times. I hear you buddy - there was a run when I went on like 10 dates and they were all duds. The good part was that I didn't care about most of em! You may be coming off as too nervous. Nervous = unmasculine, unfortunately. Women don't like it. It's normal to have nerves but the key is to hide them. Are you talking about yourself or asking your dates about themselves? The latter is REALLY important. Ask stuff that lets them know you're genuinely interested in getting to know them: Q: Tell me about your family. A: I have two brothers and two sisters. Q. Cool, tell me about them. Q: What was the happiest day of your life? Q: What's the craziest thing you ever did? Etc, etc. Don't probe too deep but go beyond the usual superficial chatter, like "what's your favorite band." Nobody listens to each other anymore so people are flattered when you do. Also, everyone loves it when people ask their opinion of something. The question inherently denotes respect. People love it. So do that too. Smile a lot. Look in their eyes (don't stare! Break contact now and again). Initiate physical contact during the date. I.E. She might have a nice bracelet on their wrist. Give it a light touch, ask about where she got it. These actions denote confidence on your part. If the vibe is right, go for the kiss DURING the date if there's a good moment. Go for it at the end if not. ALWAYS go for it. Do NOT ask if you can. I know some women on here will yell at me for this but I think they are in the minority - so go for it. It sucks when you get the cheek so if you think there is no vibe, don't try. Save your dignity! Finally, Donnivain dropped some SOLID advice. Do all those things. Check out Meetup to find groups, and def ask people to set you up. 1
preraph Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Since you play piano, get in a band. Band guys always get women. 1
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Since you play piano, get in a band. Band guys always get women. Good idea. Being in a band will also increase confidence too.
RJ2000 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Totally +1 on the band thing. I was in one once and it is amazing how much better looking I got all of a sudden!!!! Plus you play piano which is different and cool. 1
Recommended Posts