Jadedbyluv Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I have had this on again/off again relationship for about a year now. Each time I go back, hoping it will be the time it works out but it's just another futile attempt each time. He has made it clear he has commitment issues from a prior relationship. Told me he rather just casually date than be anything serious. I held on because I sincerely did think what we had was different. We did have a real connection, and I think he did have some type of feelings for me. I finally walked away for the last time because it's been an emotional roller coaster with the ups and downs. He pushes and pulls, the hot and cold. It's exhausting. I'm doing no contact which is tough but I know I need to focus on me for now. The hardest part of all of this is thinking about him moving on. He should move on, and I do hope one day he finds someone that will make him happy. But the last we spoke he said he wasn't dating anybody for foreseeable future. He said he wasn't looking for anybody else. He just wanted to focus on his anxiety which has been bad lately. Blah blah blah. Then my friend told me she saw him on Tinder. And he's back on another dating site. It's only been about two weeks so it hurts some. I feel like I was just an option all along. I feel like he will find someone and be able to immediately commit to them when he couldn't commit to me. I make it about me wondering why I wasn't good enough. I feel like he has always forgotten about me and whatever we had was really nothing. I feel so many things and it's overwhelming. Like I said, he should move on but I wasn't prepared for it to be so soon. How do I stop the negative self talk and stop making it about me?
smudge21 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Sounds like maybe he was playing you a bit - not wanting to see you go, but also not wanting to be with you, so gave you that "I'm unsure, because of blah blah blah", when in reality he means that he's just not interested, but stay around because I enjoy the attention and you can always be my plan B. I've fallen foul of that one and it's a good trick if you can pull it off, have someone feel sorry for you, hang on your every word and still be waiting in the wings whilst you go live your life. The hardest part is when it all ends and they hook up with someone instantly and you're left going "WTF!". It's not about you not being good enough either, just like for every dumpee here, it's not about them not being good enough... it's about the dumper just not wanting to be with them. As much as we may want someone, as much as we feel it's perfect when we're with someone, it never means they feel the same way, or won't change sometime later on. We're all unique in the respect that we can change and love different things in different ways. I think you need to take a step back and try to understand that this may have all been a game and he was telling you what he thought would be best to keep you sweet. I read a line that really hit home with me recently and it's "don't make someone a priority if they only see you as an option". You deserve better and the trouble when we chase someone who isn't truly into us, is we simple waste our time. It hurts to hear that as we all hate to think we've invested time in people and nothings come of it, but better to jump ship now rather than further on - believe me, nothing worse than seeing someone you love with someone else. 1
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