Women who hide their beauty because they feel bad being so beautiful?

March 9, 2016

You make a good point. Don't women do this in business so that they're taken more seriously?

That's actually a good point.

It's just stupid that it has to happen at all. It's absolutely no one's fault how they scored in the genetic lottery. I don't understand jealousy as it relates to looks. So what if someone is beautiful! It's like less attractive people perceive the life of an attractive person to be amazing, when in reality, everyone struggles with something. To discriminate, or give unfair advantage, based on looks is one of the stupidest things we do as humans. What a waste of time.

March 9, 2016

No coincidence that there's lots of boob pride shining thru in this thread.

March 9, 2016

You make a good point. Don't women do this in business so that they're taken more seriously?

I'm sure they do. I've been in many situations where I felt I had to be close to aggressive to be taken seriously. I can't imagine the challenge that really beautiful women, 10s, must face and I feel for them-- I say that earnestly. Another thing is if you're an attractive women interacting with a less attractive woman, I think they often need to assume you're shallow or vacant to be on an "even" playing field. And I say this not as some great beauty, just a moderately attractive woman- this happens to me often!

March 9, 2016

No coincidence that there's lots of boob pride shining thru in this thread.

Threads like this always make girls feel they better come up with a "I'm so pretty" story lest the rest of the group think they be butt ugly.

March 9, 2016

Threads like this always make girls feel they better come up with a "I'm so pretty" story lest the rest of the group think they be butt ugly.

I'm pretty squarely average, lol.

I've got a stupendous personality, though, and I'm a lot of fun when I'm drunk.

March 9, 2016

I was recently reading an article about female psychology and beauty. They mentioned in the article that a lot of beautiful women are ashamed of their beauty because they're been put down for it their whole life.

They are afraid to "shine" because they don't want to make other women feel bad, so they shrink themselves down to avoid competitive or jealous female rivalry.

Have any of you experienced this? It sounds a bit odd, but then again, women can be very mean and jealous so it doesn't seem far-fetched...

I've seen beautiful women get shamed by other jealous women. Women can be vicious...

March 9, 2016

In terms of single women or dating but not married or long term, I only see the false modest downplaying of looks. They go for the understated beauty. The look that says I'm not trying but I'm still hot, or I'm not overdoing it so you can't accuse me of showing off.

Doesn't bother me that'd just how I interpret it. Never seen women get catty with each other about looks. That must go on underneath my male radar.

March 9, 2016

On a second thought, I recently quit my job because I did not like it and also the people were not very friendly towards me. There was this group of young women who all knew each other very well and it was difficult for me to integrate into that group. And I did try my best. I joined all the social gatherings, brought cake to the office, smiled at them, asked questions etc. But somehow I always felt like an outsider and that they didn't like me and I wondered why but figured it might just be that they are reserved. This group of girls were not ugly at all, but average looking. The only friend I had was a girl who also was kind of an outsider - and she was rather beautiful. I never thought it had anything to do with the way we looked, but this thread made me wonder

I'm so sorry you had to go through that it's very common, but like I mentioned in an earlier post in this thread, it's not about outer beauty all the time

You could be confident and loving about who you are as a person, and if they haven't achieved that, they could very well not like you because you're just so cool with yourself, meanwhile they have insecurities and wonder why you don't (or don't allow it to affect your well being)

As far as OP's assertion that women downplay inner beauty ... whaaaaaa? I don't understand that at all. I'm going to not be kind and gracious and empathetic, because I'm afraid other women will be jealous of it? That makes zero sense to me. No one is going to be competitive in regards to kindness and empathy.

I really don't get it.

That's good. Means you've not had to deal with such people.

Every once in awhile I'll encounter a woman so naturally stunningly beautiful that I absolutely wouldn't blame her for wanting to go out of her way to downplay it. Beauty is a commodity in this culture, but it also comes with a lot of other stereotypes.

I'm not beautiful, but I'm reasonably attractive, good with clothes/hair/makeup, and also have really big natural boobs, especially for my frame. I find that I sometimes get stereotyped as either stupid or [promiscuous].... when I'm well educated, consider myself intellectual, and have NEVER slept around. I have definitely found myself frustrated at being treated this way before. So I wouldn't blame anyone for downplaying their looks, at all.

Hush now! You ARE beautiful. Every single woman is, even if her face isn't exactly symmetrical. I've seen not so physically beautiful women who just SHINE, because on the inside they're like "f*ck it, I am who I am, take it or leave it" and they embrace what they have and accept what they don't. This is beauty in and of itself, and what I believe people should try to achieve instead of physical perfection (that being said, I still think people should take care of themselves and try to present themselves on their best foot as well)

I hate it when people are so jealous of my inner beauty

You laugh now, but one day you will meet a woman who is so beautiful on the inside, that a slight bit of jealousy will be aroused in you and you will wonder why you can't be as free as she is.

Mark my words, you will remember this thread.

March 9, 2016

I still think you should link the article. That way we could all understand what you are so obtusely describing. Why keep us all in the dark?

March 9, 2016

I still think you should link the article. That way we could all understand what you are so obtusely describing. Why keep us all in the dark?

The science of why women are critical of attractive females - Blog - MyNorthwest.com

March 9, 2016

Ehn, OK. I understand what the article is saying, and yeah I've seen this happen before, but I think it has more to do with insecurity in the women doing the eye-rolling than a woman wanting to downplay her beauty because they feel ashamed of it.

Women are catty to other women. News at 11.

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

March 9, 2016

That blog post is comparing a sexualized woman to one who is not. There's nothing there about beauty, unless you are equating sexuality with beauty (probably a whole other thread). And in fact, the actual research (which is behind a paywall) is titled, "Intolerance of sexy peers: intrasexual competition among women."

Using independent raters, blind to condition, we found that almost all women were rated as reacting negatively (“bitchy”) to an attractive female confederate when she was dressed in a sexually provocative manner. In contrast, when she was dressed conservatively, the same confederate was barely noticed by the participants.

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

March 9, 2016

That blog post is comparing a sexualized woman to one who is not. There's nothing there about beauty, unless you are equating sexuality with beauty (probably a whole other thread). And in fact, the actual research (which is behind a paywall) is titled, "Intolerance of sexy peers: intrasexual competition among women."

Yes, and certainly not ***inner beauty***

March 9, 2016

Folks, it appears another moderator did some cleanup of off-topic posts and I stopped by to redact repetitive quotes of an external link which skates our commercial linking guidelines. One link iteration is OK, barely, but let's stay focused on the article itself.

Also, I cleaned up some pejorative adjectives which violate our language guidelines. Remember, when describing the subject material, or other members, to be judicious in your use of adjectives. More information here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/loveshack-org-questions-comments/546209-policy-individual-group-bashing-berating#post6528671

March 9, 2016

Why are we so focused on the article? We've obviously lead our discussion a little further than that...

My point being if women are like this (catty and eye-rolling types), then it makes some of us who enjoy dressing up (we all have different definitions of what that is) feel ashamed to do it.

Let's say you're going out for whatever occassion and have this killer dress you want to wear. Chances are a lot of women who will rock that dress may choose not to wear it because they don't want these eye-rolls and derogatory comments, even if she barely shows her skin. She can't help being sexy in this dress. So she will wear jeans and a cute top instead.

That's what I'm trying to ask here. Have you (or if male have you noticed) that beautiful women hide or downplay (words don't really matter here) their beauty to avoid triggering this kind of behaviour in other women?

I've noticed similar behaviours before, but I always attributed this negative behaviour (like one poster said) to the women who are being insecure, not that woman who triggers these insecurities. But does it matter? If you trigger insecurities in women wherever you go, yeah it's their problem, but you still have to deal with it.

March 9, 2016

Let's say you're going out for whatever occassion and have this killer dress you want to wear. Chances are a lot of women who will rock that dress may choose not to wear it because they don't want these eye-rolls and derogatory comments, even if she barely shows her skin. She can't help being sexy in this dress. So she will wear jeans and a cute top instead.

That's what I'm trying to ask here. Have you (or if male have you noticed) that beautiful women hide or downplay (words don't really matter here) their beauty to avoid triggering this kind of behaviour in other women?

I'd only wear the killer dress if I'm with my husband. I like him to feel like the luckiest man in the room.

Otherwise, I don't really want to be center of attention of anyone else's attention, so I'd prefer to dress to blend rather than stand out.

March 9, 2016

Huh. OK, I read the blog and the abstract of the paper (I didn't pay to read the paper itself, though).

The abstract says this:

In Study 2, an experimental design was used to assess whether the sexy female confederate from Study 1 was viewed as a sexual rival by women. Results indicated that as hypothesized, women did not want to introduce her to their boyfriend, allow him to spend time alone with her, or be friends with her.

But in the blog, the lead author says this:

"A woman telling a man that they think a certain attractive woman is ugly or promiscuous actually changes the man's opinion of that female," she says. "He's less interested in her."

Those are ... two very different conclusions. In other words, the study demonstrates that these women used "indirect aggression", but it doesn't show anything about whether it actually changes men's opinions or has any useful value. I find it odd that a scientist would make such an unsubstantiated claim, particularly about her own work. And without substantiation of that claim, the evolutionary theory part of the study just seems like so much armchair evo-psych.

Edited March 9, 2016 by serial muse

March 9, 2016

Otherwise, I don't really want to be center of attention of anyone else's attention, so I'd prefer to dress to blend rather than stand out.

But maybe you will be the center of attention anyways, because that's how much you shine What would you do in that case?

March 9, 2016

But maybe you will be the center of attention anyways, because that's how much you shine What would you do in that case?

Redirect attention to the other ladies

March 9, 2016

I think I was writing my post while the OP was saying not to focus so much on the article, so I'll answer the question she asked instead.

Sure, I can imagine that some women might downplay what they're wearing out of fear of judgment. Whether by other women or men, I cannot say - I can only speak to my own personal motives, and they are exactly what xxoo said a few pages ago. I have indeed hidden my shape and worn no makeup and all that jazz in order to avoid unwanted attention, but that was specifically to avoid unwanted attention from men. I have never had the experience of dressing down to avoid comments from women - generally in fact, I've dressed up the most when I've gone out for a night on the town with (female) friends, and it was always kind of a fun game with people egging each other on to wear sexy things.

I don't know, I'm not saying there aren't competitive women out there, because of course there are. But I've never felt like it was an issue for me, and I have a lot of female friends. I really can't relate to the antagonism described in this thread. That's my datapoint of one.

That said, I'm a dress-down, ponytail-wearing, jeans-and-sneakers sort of person in general. So it's not like I've ever seen wearing those sorts of things as a hardship. I like them.

March 9, 2016

I have never based a decision of what I'm going to wear on how other women might perceive me. Why should I care about the opinion of catty strangers?

A few months ago, I went out for a night on the town for the first time post break-up. I wore a recently-purchased leopard-print catsuit and did up my hair and make up. I knew I looked foine. Not once did it cross my mind to think, "I shouldn't wear this, 'cause I might get some stank eye from some uppity woman." No, I went and I rocked it. In fact, I got compliments from both men AND women.

So, I dunno. This hasn't been my experience, and I don't think women should concern themselves with the opinion of others, especially people who they don't know at all.

March 9, 2016

Why are we so focused on the article? We've obviously lead our discussion a little further than that...

My point being if women are like this (catty and eye-rolling types), then it makes some of us who enjoy dressing up (we all have different definitions of what that is) feel ashamed to do it.

Let's say you're going out for whatever occassion and have this killer dress you want to wear. Chances are a lot of women who will rock that dress may choose not to wear it because they don't want these eye-rolls and derogatory comments, even if she barely shows her skin. She can't help being sexy in this dress. So she will wear jeans and a cute top instead.

That's what I'm trying to ask here. Have you (or if male have you noticed) that beautiful women hide or downplay (words don't really matter here) their beauty to avoid triggering this kind of behaviour in other women?

I've noticed similar behaviours before, but I always attributed this negative behaviour (like one poster said) to the women who are being insecure, not that woman who triggers these insecurities. But does it matter? If you trigger insecurities in women wherever you go, yeah it's their problem, but you still have to deal with it.

No, I will never do that. I am too busy being myself to wonder what others may think of my look. Their insecurities ain't my problem.

Saturday I have a birthday party. I will have a beautiful spring dress that shows my nice figure, high heels, I'll wave hair, a bit of lipstick. I know all the other women there will be in jeans. I don't care. I don't dress for the other women, I dress for myself and for the man I am with. If they have given up on being in shape, being sexy, and given up on having an up to date look it's their problem.

March 9, 2016

I have never based a decision of what I'm going to wear on how other women might perceive me. Why should I care about the opinion of catty strangers?

A few months ago, I went out for a night on the town for the first time post break-up. I wore a recently-purchased leopard-print catsuit and did up my hair and make up. I knew I looked foine. Not once did it cross my mind to think, "I shouldn't wear this, 'cause I might get some stank eye from some uppity woman." No, I went and I rocked it.

In fact, I got compliments from both men AND women.

So, I dunno. This hasn't been my experience, and I don't think women should concern themselves with the opinion of others, especially people who they don't know at all.

I dunno either....this^^ has been my experience as well....

Hopeful, I am wondering if there is something about you (in general) that puts them off, and compels them to give you these "looks"....and you are just assuming it's because you are beautiful and look hot?

When in fact it's not your looks at all!

I used to work with this one gal is was so so beautiful and she had a ton of friends at work and outside of work.

There was another girl who was also beautiful but had no friends and constantly whined the reason was because women were jealous of her.

I knew both girls -- the first girl who had a ton of friends was friendly, open, outgoing and genuinely nice!

The second girl was a stuck up bytch.

NOT suggesting you are a stuck up bytch (not at all!! ) but hopefully you get the point.

Edited March 9, 2016 by katiegrl

March 9, 2016

So, I dunno. This hasn't been my experience, and I don't think women should concern themselves with the opinion of others, especially people who they don't know at all.

I agree with you on this one, but every woman is affected differently. Like yourself, it's easy not to care and that's awesome! For me personally, I find it difficult not to be affected and I don't know why. They are strangers who don't matter, but some comments are so hurtful and mean that sometimes it's easier to just avoid them altogether than boast your sexiness and not care.

I guess that's where the difference lies, but nevertheless it's something to work on.

March 9, 2016

I agree with you on this one, but every woman is affected differently. Like yourself, it's easy not to care and that's awesome! For me personally, I find it difficult not to be affected and I don't know why. They are strangers who don't matter, but some comments are so hurtful and mean that sometimes it's easier to just avoid them altogether than boast your sexiness and not care.

I guess that's where the difference lies, but nevertheless it's something to work on.

Hopeful, I don't think you should downplay your beauty. In fact, please don't!!

More importantly, try and be more aware of the vibe/energy you project.

That more than anything may be why women don't connect with you... or become catty or whatever.

Just a thought.

Good luck hun...

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