Women who hide their beauty because they feel bad being so beautiful?

March 9, 2016

This seems to be a recurring theme with you, OP.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535784-downside-being-beautiful

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/567879-when-woman-says-women-hate-me

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/464602-guys-you-want-hit-girl-but-you-re-intimidated-because

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/406633-depending-men-feel-good-about-myself

What is the underlying issue for you? Is it that you are unable to form close female friendships? Is it that the men you are interested in don't reciprocate? Or is it that you feel your looks are all you have to offer? Something else?

It would probably be more helpful if you could identify the root issue rather than staying focused on the red herring of too much beauty. IME, people are rarely scared off by another person's outer beauty but by inner qualities (or the lack thereof).

March 9, 2016

Apparently my wife hasn't seen that article becouse she is beautiful and she doesn't mind show in it. Lol

March 9, 2016

[]

Okay, but maybe by keeping to yourself, you come off (unknowingly) as a bit standoffish as I said before.

Have you tried being open and friendly to these women... instead of keeping to yourself?

I dunno, it might help.

Yes it is very difficult walking into a new environment... where groups (clicks) exist.

It takes more effort to fit in but it can be done.

Right now, I'm not working and I don't think I'll go back to work any time soon. I may or may not try to become more friendly with the women @ the gym.

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted response to deleted post ~6

March 9, 2016

<snip>
Few people will attack those who they see as equal or superior, as they know they will probably lose the fight, they instead attack those who they think are inferior.

I do not really think "beauty" has much to do with it.
Of course if a "beautiful" person is feeling insecure and shows it, then she may be looked upon as being an easy target.
It is not her beauty but her insecurity and weakness, that makes her vulnerable to attack.

I'm definitely insecure and they probably can smell it on me.

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

March 9, 2016

I've seen beautiful women who play it up and those who play it down.

In my experience, those who play it down don't do so because they are afraid of other women. They just don't make a big deal of their looks. They were born beautiful and it is what it is.

March 9, 2016

I don't believe this one bit.

If you are beautiful you will have it easier and this from your birth. Beautiful little girls get more attention at daycare, beautiful little girls get more patience from their teachers, beautiful teenage girls are popular, beautiful young women will get the job before the ugly one, beautiful women get forgiven more often, people are polite with them in the streets, over-all, all of their life, it will have been easier because of their beauty.

A true beautiful woman can't downplay her beauty. She is as beautiful in her old pj's as she is in heels and make-up. As per several research what makes a person beautiful is very mathematics, it's the distance between the eyes and other features, it's the asymmetry of the face, the shape of the chin. None of that can be downplayed.

That's unfair to say. Just because beauty is often the upside of things doesn't mean it can't be used against you. Assuming beauty is the be all and end all, and makes life easy, is just as bad as assuming not being beautiful automatically makes your life more difficult.

And by downplayed I mean covered up. Loose clothing to hide a good body, no make up, hats to hide beautiful hair etc. Beauty can be downplayed big time, I've seen it.

March 9, 2016

I was recently reading an article about female psychology and beauty. They mentioned in the article that a lot of beautiful women are ashamed of their beauty because they're been put down for it their whole life.

They are afraid to "shine" because they don't want to make other women feel bad, so they shrink themselves down to avoid competitive or jealous female rivalry.

Have any of you experienced this? It sounds a bit odd, but then again, women can be very mean and jealous so it doesn't seem far-fetched...

I have to say as a man with two absolutely adorable sisters and a very beautiful wife that I have seen other woman become very dismissive of beautiful woman.

I have had to let go of man friends because, when my wife and I got together with their wives who were not very attractive, the wife became very balky about getting together.

My wife is very kind as are my sister and never make catty jealous remarks, but the unattractive wives would constantly find reasons to put my wife or sisters down.

March 9, 2016

I have to say as a man with two absolutely adorable sisters and a very beautiful wife that I have seen other woman become very dismissive of beautiful woman.

I have had to let go of man friends because, when my wife and I got together with their wives who were not very attractive, the wife became very balky about getting together.

My wife is very kind as are my sister and never make catty jealous remarks, but the unattractive wives would constantly find reasons to put my wife or sisters down.

Yep. And you wind up having a horrible time. It's better just to say home and watch a movie than be bothered.

March 9, 2016

My wife is very kind as are my sister and never make catty jealous remarks, but the unattractive wives would constantly find reasons to put my wife or sisters down.

Yes, but are the "unattractive" wives putting the sisters down because they are attractive or would they find fault with anyone as that is the kind of people they are?

People who are kind and nice can be perceived as weak, and therefore fair game to those out to make trouble.

March 9, 2016

[]

Few people will attack those who they see as equal or superior, as they know they will probably lose the fight, they instead attack those who they think are inferior.

This is actually a gross misconception. Those who feel inferior to others often attack those that makes them feel inferior in order to rid of these feelings. If someone is your equal or beneath you, you would feel no reason to bring them down.

This seems to be a recurring theme with you, OP.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535784-downside-being-beautiful

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/567879-when-woman-says-women-hate-me

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/464602-guys-you-want-hit-girl-but-you-re-intimidated-because

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/406633-depending-men-feel-good-about-myself

What is the underlying issue for you? Is it that you are unable to form close female friendships? Is it that the men you are interested in don't reciprocate? Or is it that you feel your looks are all you have to offer? Something else?

It would probably be more helpful if you could identify the root issue rather than staying focused on the red herring of too much beauty. IME, people are rarely scared off by another person's outer beauty but by inner qualities (or the lack thereof).

No need to assume I have an issue. It's one of the reasons I ask these questions, because people assume I have issues when really I'm just exploring the psyche of men and women to determine why they are the way they are.

I ask these questions because I see these things alot and I don't understand why people are this way. I don't understand jealousy or certain behaviorus, so I ask about them. If there is a theme it's because maybe that's the parts that I understand the least.

I'm sexy inside and out

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted response to deleted post ~6

March 9, 2016

I have to say as a man with two absolutely adorable sisters and a very beautiful wife that I have seen other woman become very dismissive of beautiful woman.

I have had to let go of man friends because, when my wife and I got together with their wives who were not very attractive, the wife became very balky about getting together.

My wife is very kind as are my sister and never make catty jealous remarks, but the unattractive wives would constantly find reasons to put my wife or sisters down.

Some women just feel threatened by women, in general, regardless of how she looks.

I come across them too.

I don't associate it with them being jealous or whatevs...I associate it to them being insecure and catty in general towards all women ....or most women who are relatively attractive (not even beautiful).

Such women have issues, not my problem!

March 9, 2016

Having guys looking at me lustfully (except my guy) bothers me more than girls maybe being jealous

March 9, 2016

ALso note that everyone here assumes that by beauty I mean outer beauty. This is not the case.

Beauty means personality, looks, how you carry yourself, your energies, your vibes. Everyone on this forum assumes I mean physical beauty when I never mentioned that, not once.

Beauty is on the inside too, and people are jealous of that beauty too. It's bothersome that I always have to explain myself because of the very common misconceptions of others.

March 9, 2016

They are afraid to "shine" because they don't want to make other women feel bad, so they shrink themselves down to avoid competitive or jealous female rivalry.

Have any of you experienced this? It sounds a bit odd, but then again, women can be very mean and jealous so it doesn't seem far-fetched...

Some of the most insecure women I know are also the most beautiful. I think it's because they were taught their appearance was the only value they have to anyone. Who teaches them this? Society, peers, their parents even...all this focus on little girls being beautiful princesses and nothing more. I don't see this changing anytime soon. I think parents can make an impact though, I know mine did. Mine taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be in my life. They were wrong of course, but that's another story

I spent time with so many catty women in middle school and high school. I ditched that group of friends in college and never looked back, though of course we all see each other from time to time. Women can be very, very mean to each other.

Do beautiful women want to hide themselves? I know a beautiful woman who was really skinny, and got ginormous breast implants. We're talking way, way, too big. She was complaining about how men stare at her breasts all the time. I say- is that not what you wanted when you bought those things? How can you attach something so huge to your body, and not expect people to stare? I'm a woman and even I can't help it sometimes. And I already have big boobs!

It's like she wanted all of this attention but then realized it's not as great as she thought it would be. When you're not in control of when and where, and who you're getting that type of attention from, it's not that fun. But, good luck trying to downplay and hide boobs that big.

March 9, 2016

I was recently reading an article about female psychology and beauty. They mentioned in the article that a lot of beautiful women are ashamed of their beauty because they're been put down for it their whole life.

They are afraid to "shine" because they don't want to make other women feel bad, so they shrink themselves down to avoid competitive or jealous female rivalry.

Have any of you experienced this? It sounds a bit odd, but then again, women can be very mean and jealous so it doesn't seem far-fetched...

Eh, I see more playing up attributes tbh. That's bc in general, most women are middlingly attractive, and very few are wholly unattractive. So it ends up just being a 'middle class' competition. Generally good-natured tho and not really over the top - most women just want to look nice and I don't see much real animosity beyond the usual cattyness that goes on behind the scenes. (There are always exceptions ....the woman w/gigantic boobs won't normally push them out there bc they're so obvious and doing anything but 'hiding' them makes it look like she's shoving them in everyone's face. Etc.)

I don't think genuinely beautiful women dress down for others much, just bc they tend to associate w/other beautiful women.

March 9, 2016

Yeah, on the breasts thing, one example from my past who often hid herself had hers removed, well, reduced because, sheesh, they got in the way of everything, mainly the mechanics circling her.

OTOH, the one in my prior post merely uses strong means of clamping hers down and doesn't wear any tops which are tight or V-necked. I've seen her, one time, in a sundress, with, well, the brights on, and she was stopping traffic out on the street. Heh. I really felt bad for all the guys there, knowing guys like I do. That must've been painful. I spent about ten minutes talking with her out in the shop and I could feel a hundred eyes on us

March 9, 2016

When I was younger, I downplayed my looks to limit unwanted attention from men. No make up, plain hair, no push up bras, no cleavage, etc.

I also did this to limit unwanted attention.

I've never known a woman to downplay her looks where other women are concerned, though. A woman I know was offended when another woman called her "Barbie" - there's much more to her than her looks. But it didn't lead to her downplay anything.

March 9, 2016

I have to say as a man with two absolutely adorable sisters and a very beautiful wife that I have seen other woman become very dismissive of beautiful woman.

I have had to let go of man friends because, when my wife and I got together with their wives who were not very attractive, the wife became very balky about getting together.

My wife is very kind as are my sister and never make catty jealous remarks, but the unattractive wives would constantly find reasons to put my wife or sisters down.

That doesn't have to be something to do with her looks.

I saw another comment about society teaching them that they're only valuable because of their looks. I could say that society taught me that I *wasn't* valuable, because of my lack of looks. That my body was acceptable, and sexy enough to make men happy (until I aged, of course ), and that I *must* have been jealous of my sister, who was getting married. I never got an answer as to why I should be jealous, aside from the fact that she was married, and I wasn't. But she's always been prettier, and I learned that she was valued more than I was, by a number of people, just because she was pretty, and getting married.

I also learned, once again, that it's amazing what people will make up in their own minds, about you, if they feel so inclined. I wonder about the women who have been labelled as jealous and ugly/unattractive (so jealousy is apparently the obvious answer).

March 9, 2016

I was recently reading an article about female psychology and beauty. They mentioned in the article that a lot of beautiful women are ashamed of their beauty because they're been put down for it their whole life.

They are afraid to "shine" because they don't want to make other women feel bad, so they shrink themselves down to avoid competitive or jealous female rivalry.

Have any of you experienced this? It sounds a bit odd, but then again, women can be very mean and jealous so it doesn't seem far-fetched...

On a second thought, I recently quit my job because I did not like it and also the people were not very friendly towards me. There was this group of young women who all knew each other very well and it was difficult for me to integrate into that group. And I did try my best. I joined all the social gatherings, brought cake to the office, smiled at them, asked questions etc. But somehow I always felt like an outsider and that they didn't like me and I wondered why but figured it might just be that they are reserved. This group of girls were not ugly at all, but average looking. The only friend I had was a girl who also was kind of an outsider - and she was rather beautiful. I never thought it had anything to do with the way we looked, but this thread made me wonder

March 9, 2016

That's unfair to say. Just because beauty is often the upside of things doesn't mean it can't be used against you. Assuming beauty is the be all and end all, and makes life easy, is just as bad as assuming not being beautiful automatically makes your life more difficult.

And by downplayed I mean covered up. Loose clothing to hide a good body, no make up, hats to hide beautiful hair etc. Beauty can be downplayed big time, I've seen it.

You seem to be obsessed with this topic. I am sorry but it's hard for me to feel empathy toward a beautiful woman that wants to play martyr. In all of the negative and hardship a woman can go through in her life, suffering from being too beautiful is really not a crusade I feel motivated to fight for.

Maybe if you spent the day in the body of an ugly woman, or an obese woman you'd know what a true battle it is to suffer from how people view you.

March 9, 2016

Some women just feel threatened by women, in general, regardless of how she looks.

I come across them too.

I don't associate it with them being jealous or whatevs...I associate it to them being insecure and catty in general towards all women ....or most women who are relatively attractive (not even beautiful).

Such women have issues, not my problem!

Well, I agree, sometimes.

But not in the cases I mentioned. These women have friends that are not attractive or accomplished and they seem to be fine with those women.

Both my wife and sisters are attractive, accomplished and highly paid in their careers.

IMO, this makes the jealous type of women feel all the more threatened.

My wife and sisters are all very assertive but they are still always kind. If someone becomes catty, they just change the subject.

That does not mean they will socialize with the cats again, but they prefer not to make a scene. They don't see any point in continuing to engage such women.

March 9, 2016

You seem to be obsessed with this topic. I am sorry but it's hard for me to feel empathy toward a beautiful woman that wants to play martyr. In all of the negative and hardship a woman can go through in her life, suffering from being too beautiful is really not a crusade I feel motivated to fight for.

Maybe if you spent the day in the body of an ugly woman, or an obese woman you'd know what a true battle it is to suffer from how people view you.

I know. I am not even sure I understand the conceit of this article, and OP, it would be more useful I think if you actually linked to it so we could all read it.

In my experience, women are more often praised for their beauty, and a woman who tries to cover it up because of possible, perceived jealousy of other women sounds very insecure in my book. Far more often, I think women downplay their looks to avoid unwanted attention from men.

As far as OP's assertion that women downplay inner beauty ... whaaaaaa? I don't understand that at all. I'm going to not be kind and gracious and empathetic, because I'm afraid other women will be jealous of it? That makes zero sense to me. No one is going to be competitive in regards to kindness and empathy.

I really don't get it.

March 9, 2016

Every once in awhile I'll encounter a woman so naturally stunningly beautiful that I absolutely wouldn't blame her for wanting to go out of her way to downplay it. Beauty is a commodity in this culture, but it also comes with a lot of other stereotypes.

I'm not beautiful, but I'm reasonably attractive, good with clothes/hair/makeup, and also have really big natural boobs, especially for my frame. I find that I sometimes get stereotyped as either stupid or [promiscuous].... when I'm well educated, consider myself intellectual, and have NEVER slept around. I have definitely found myself frustrated at being treated this way before. So I wouldn't blame anyone for downplaying their looks, at all.

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

March 9, 2016

You make a good point. Don't women do this in business so that they're taken more seriously?

Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of immediately preceding post

March 9, 2016

I hate it when people are so jealous of my inner beauty

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Women who hide their beauty because they feel bad being so beautiful?

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