Mckarsafra Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I take a look around these forums, and I see few if any people happy about dating. There's nothing but frustration, disappointment and uncertainty for both sexes, including my own recent story. I've reached the point where I'm thinking, why bother, dating is just not worth it. What makes people continue to play the dating game when there's just so much misery in it? 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 So, are you going to give up? It's really not about what others are doing. It's about what YOU choose to do..... 2
Author Mckarsafra Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) So, are you going to give up? It's really not about what others are doing. It's about what YOU choose to do..... Yes, I'm going to give up. I'm already 30 and have had no luck finding a long term relationship. Only short term stuff. Maybe if I just accept being lonely, eventually it won't bother me so much. Edited March 9, 2016 by Mckarsafra
Emilia Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 That's because people only come here when they have a problem. Of course giving up is easier than fixing your issues.... 4
loveiswar101 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I know people only come here when have problems... But i'm in exactly the same boat, I really have hit the end of the road I think with dating finding someone. Yes I'm a bit fussy and that just me but Ive been in 10yr & 3yr relationships. Got back into dating before xmas but I find it hard dating now, I find it's not about you as a person but what you do, how much you earn, etc. Sorry but im with you here !
Fruitee Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Maybe you are targeting wrong type of people if they only care about how much you earn? Widen your pool.
Author Mckarsafra Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 That's because people only come here when they have a problem. Of course giving up is easier than fixing your issues.... My last girlfriend cheated and left me for someone else. I called her to schedule a date, and that's when she told me. That's not something you can bounce back from easily. I'd rather give up and not date again than go through anything like that again, if that's how dating really is. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My last girlfriend cheated and left me for someone else. I called her to schedule a date, and that's when she told me. That's not something you can bounce back from easily. I'd rather give up and not date again than go through anything like that again, if that's how dating really is. No... that's how THAT dating was. Not all dating is like that. As Emilia rightly says, you're on a forum where problems get aired. There are relatively few threads that begin: "I'm happily married and have been for three years, we have one daughter, and a new puppy. That's all." 5
Emilia Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My last girlfriend cheated and left me for someone else. I called her to schedule a date, and that's when she told me. That's not something you can bounce back from easily. I'd rather give up and not date again than go through anything like that again, if that's how dating really is. People will betray you. The things you can do are building a better coping mechanism and being better at screening people at the initial stages. A lot of people that cheat love external validation. Surely the answer is to understand why it happens? The problem that most people have is being caught up in the same type of relationship over and over again. It takes work to stop 1
smudge21 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Do you watch the news at all? You see the hundreds if not thousands of people suffering somewhere? Maybe it's some local news with a few people going through hell. Yes, it's upsetting and coming here reading all our sorrows etc. But like the news, this place is for people who are going through bad times. You have to remember that when there's hundreds of people suffering in some awful place, there's also 6.799,999,900 people not suffering (okay, not an exact number). As much as there's many of us here going through relationship hell, considering what percentage of the world this number is. If you play the odds, you're more likely to have a wonderful loving relationship than a bad one. Just here, like the news, is where the bad stuff is mentioned. After all, you wouldn't come looking for help if you didn't need it, just like the news doesn't spend it's time reporting on the billions who had a great day today. Plus, as sad as this place is for many, it's also where they get the support to make things better, and that's often what happens. 3
True Gent Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Why bother? Well if you don't and you give up you will never find what you're looking for. If you endure all of the crap that comes with dating you will eventually get there. I was ready to give up after 2.5 years of OLD. It sucks the life out of you at times it really does. I've found someone special after a long time trying and I've been through a lot of lows in life generally the last couple of years. Dating was rapidly becoming the straw to break the camels back, then I met my girlfriend. No second guessing, no doubts, no games, just great chemistry and a fantastic mesh of personalities. It has taken both of us years to find each other. If we'd given up then it would never of happened. It is hard, but you have to remain optimistic. You have to beleive magic can happen because it can and it does.
Summer3 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My last girlfriend cheated and left me for someone else. I called her to schedule a date, and that's when she told me. That's not something you can bounce back from easily. I'd rather give up and not date again than go through anything like that again, if that's how dating really is. That's how dating really is with that female. I think you need to deal with the betrayal and let that be what you do now. When you are no longer angry and bitter about the betrayal you will be ready to date again.
Summer3 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 A lot of people that cheat love external validation. Excellent point. When people cheat the person they are cheating with thinks they are "special." Most of the time it's not because you are actually the persons "soul mate" or "amazing." You are chosen because the cheater feels they can get what they want from you: an ego boost, a break from the mundane, an easy thrill. Look at the OM/OW section. Those people are tormented and wasting their lives on broken hope.
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I know people only come here when have problems... But i'm in exactly the same boat, I really have hit the end of the road I think with dating finding someone. Yes I'm a bit fussy and that just me but Ive been in 10yr & 3yr relationships. Got back into dating before xmas but I find it hard dating now, I find it's not about you as a person but what you do, how much you earn, etc. Sorry but im with you here ! Well since you have had two very long term relationships and you are only 30, you are doing way way better than most!!! You have only been single for what, less than three months? Give it time ...connecting with another human being does not happen overnight! I would understand if you have been struggling for years, but it's only been a few months. Stay positive, keep going. Since you found love twice previousky, it WILL happen again! Learn to be happy alone too! 1
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 In your current mind set maybe taking a break is a good thing. Give yourself time to heal. Meanwhile get out & live your life. Do things that make you happy. Pursue your hobbies. Get new ones. Work some overtime to make extra cash while you have the free time. Work on your house. What you do doesn't matter as much as you being active preferably in a setting where there are other people. Expand your circle of friends. Then when you are in a better place emotionally & reverberating more positive vibes it will be easier for you to attract a mate. 1
GR4 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 People think of 'giving up' as a negative thing when in reality it can be a positive thing. There's nothing wrong in wanting to not date and concentrate on other aspects of your life. Relationships aren't the most important thing in life, just remember that. Yes, dating is a pain and it's frustrating, that's just how it goes. You can either put up with it or decide it's not for you. Both options are perfectly acceptable.
OnlyHonesty Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I see people mention loneliness and finding another person a lot. If you search for others to fill a void, you will always be at a disadvantage. Loneliness can only be overcome by yourself. 1
soph-walker Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 In your current mind set maybe taking a break is a good thing. Give yourself time to heal. Meanwhile get out & live your life. Do things that make you happy. Pursue your hobbies. Get new ones. Work some overtime to make extra cash while you have the free time. Work on your house. What you do doesn't matter as much as you being active preferably in a setting where there are other people. Expand your circle of friends. Then when you are in a better place emotionally & reverberating more positive vibes it will be easier for you to attract a mate. This is everything. You can apply the 'why bother' attitude to any aspect of life: and where would it get you? Why do we bother going to work in the morning to pay for sh*t we don't need? Why do we bother brushing our teeth or wiping our asses? Because we do and we must. Life goes on, get busy in yours and soon you won't mind that you're single. And you never know what might be around the corner. 3
GR4 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 This is everything. You can apply the 'why bother' attitude to any aspect of life: and where would it get you? Why do we bother going to work in the morning to pay for sh*t we don't need? Why do we bother brushing our teeth or wiping our asses? Because we do and we must. Life goes on, get busy in yours and soon you won't mind that you're single. And you never know what might be around the corner. Except that dating and relationships aren't a 'must'. Working to afford food and shelter or basic hygiene sort of is a must...
preraph Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Most people don't seek out a relationship forum unless they are questioning or having some problems. There's plenty of people happy enough and they probably spend far less time online than any of us!
Jabron1 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 What makes people continue to play the dating game when there's just so much misery in it? Challenge, excitement, thrill-seeking, companionship, sex, self-reflection, self-improvement.
MissBee Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I take a look around these forums, and I see few if any people happy about dating. There's nothing but frustration, disappointment and uncertainty for both sexes, including my own recent story. I've reached the point where I'm thinking, why bother, dating is just not worth it. What makes people continue to play the dating game when there's just so much misery in it? That's life... Literally. NOTHING in life is pleasant 24/7, 365. Life by definition will have its ups and downs. I've definitely sat out dating for periods of time when I felt overwhelmed, frustrated or disappointed, but eventually tried again and did what I could differently to change my experience. I have found it annoying and frustrating at times but wouldn't describe it as "misery," personally. Dating is worth it depending on your approach and mentality and how you choose to see the duds and the challenges. 2
xcupid Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Take a break from dating and then see how you feel about it down the road. You've got lots of time and sometimes you just need to take a rest. A short term relationship can lead to a long term one, too.
soph-walker Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Except that dating and relationships aren't a 'must'. Working to afford food and shelter or basic hygiene sort of is a must... I wasn't saying that dating and romantic relationships are a must, I was answering the OPs question of 'Why bother'. Humans are sociable beings and have been since the dawn of time so in that stance, relationships are indeed a must: they don't have to be romantic. There's been countless studies on men that live alone with no partner, stating that their general life expectancy is a lot less than men living with counterparts (for example).
Redhead14 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I take a look around these forums, and I see few if any people happy about dating. There's nothing but frustration, disappointment and uncertainty for both sexes, including my own recent story. I've reached the point where I'm thinking, why bother, dating is just not worth it. What makes people continue to play the dating game when there's just so much misery in it? Life and dating are marathons, not sprints. Hurdle jumpers don't stop running if they knock over a hurdle . . .
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