Cora Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Been on 3 great dates with this guy. He has cooked for me twice, introduced me to his friends and initiates contact daily. However, he has not attempted to kiss me once much less hold hands or any type of physical contact except for a hug. I am by no means wanting to move too fast to the physical, but I also don't want to waste time if he does not see any romantic potential with me whatsoever. I feel like he could just be shy. I am shy too, but I don't want to assume anything. There was a point on one of our dates where we were sitting right next to each other on his couch watching a movie, but there was no physical contact whatsoever. Is this normal behavior from a guy who is interested? I do find this endearing that he hasn't tried anything, but on the other hand i'd like to know if he wants just friendship or something a bit more romantic?
yxalitis Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 He is either only after a friendship, is gay, or he has no testosterone. Kiss him, see what happens...
ThisisIt606 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Someone needs to break the contact barrier. When you're talking to him, playfully tap his arm or hand, see how he responds to that. When you're on the couch, sit close enough so your upper arms are touching, some sort of contact. Do you hug goodbye/hello? If so just linger there for a bit and lean in for a kiss.. see if he follows. 1
Tayla Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 its normal for a gentleman, yet those are rare. They remain respecting because well ... Its been three dates. Rome was not built in a day. Enjoy the gestures as they progess... Be glad he hasn't mauled you or groped you ... Unless that is all that a relationship is... from your view. Intimacy will come in time..... best wishes ... he sounds like a respecting lad.
ThisisIt606 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Also, for what its worth my last BF and i didn't kiss until our 5th date. We were both pretty shy and the 5th date was when we were finally in a private place (his place for a movie). I personally felt a little awk making any move in public back then. His place was a much more natural, private place to have our first kiss. I think one of you just needs to make a move. He seems to like you if he's cooking for you and introducing you to friends.
Jabron1 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 This sort of thing has come up a few times recently. The answer is that he is either low skilled, low interest, or both. In your case, I think that he is just low skilled. In other words, he doesn't have much experience with women. He seems like a good guy, and I think he's interest in you is high. However, you might have to be the one to make things physical. 3
Otter2569 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I am with you in that lack of contact means no interest however he does keep including you in his life. Why don't you ask him what he wants or take the initiative and kiss him next time you see him. I have enough friends so if that's all he after I would keep on keeping on
road Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 This sort of thing has come up a few times recently. The answer is that he is either low skilled, low interest, or both. In your case, I think that he is just low skilled. In other words, he doesn't have much experience with women. He seems like a good guy, and I think he's interest in you is high. However, you might have to be the one to make things physical. I would say shy. Low skilled and low experienced to never necking with a girl. Along with if he's never dated much he has no idea when it is appropriate to make the move. So he is afraid to make a move for if at the wrong time he will get you pissed off and throw him out the door. Take the lead and start the kissing. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My husband did not kiss me on our 1st two dates. If he didn't kiss me by the end of the 3rd I was fully prepared to break up with him. If you have actually been to this guy's house twice & sat through a perfect kissing set up you have to assume he's inexperienced / clueless or not interested. Since he keeps asking you out we'll go with clueless. Therefore it's up to you to make a move 1
JustGettingBy Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 He might be wondering if you're not interested, seeing that you've been on three dates, and haven't to kiss him or do anything physical. Or maybe he just thinks you're shy. Not putting you down, just saying he might be thinking the same thing as you are.
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Gotta bring on the heavy flirting, touching, leaning in, etc. And give your wardrobe a little more special attention, like a loose shirt with a lacy bra peepin out.
OnlyHonesty Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Has there been any flirting? Any teasing or playfullness? If not then I'm not surprised nothing has happened yet. 1
Protec Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Does not mean he is not interested. It took me 4 dates to kiss my current GF... I wanted to kiss sooner, but apparently both of us were very shy to make moves, for some odd reason. Which was pretty funny since she has been sexually pretty active...so why did she not have the guts to kiss me? Anyway. I am like the guy you described. It doesnt mean anything, he wouldn't meet you if he didn't like you in some way, right? 1
newheart Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My BF did not kiss me (and even then, I really initiated) until the 5th date! We were having a great time and he kept telling me how much he liked spending time with me, initiated dates, kept in touch, etc. However, there was no physical contact still at the end of date #3. By that time, I told my best friend that if he didn't kiss me at #4, I was moving on. #4, we were with another couple and the other female got sick (Oktoberfest, lol) so it was cut short, and I made an exception for date #5. Date #5 was dinner at a restaurant and as we were saying goodbye, I gave him a hug and leaned in for a kiss. Some time later, I asked him about this (because he isn't shy, low interest, or inexperienced as some others suggested) and he explained that he truly like me for who I was and wanted me to know that, was trying to be a gentleman, and planned to kiss me that evening. Now, it has become a running inside joke that I had to kiss him first. (And, he's a great kisser - it was worth the wait! ) I say make a move - if it isn't received well, then you can move on! Good luck! 1
RJ2000 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I agree that this guy is low-skilled or inexperienced. But Cora, throw him some vibes if you haven't. It's important. As others have said here, kissing works both ways as well. Figure this out by the end of your next date with him.
risjurad Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 If you're fine with him not making a move but want to continue dating, then carry on. Else, either break up, or initiate. I heard from a female acquaintance how one of her guy friends went on 9 dates without kissing his gf! She told him you need to kiss her by date #3, else she'll think you're not interested, so he really was clueless! Me, and likely others, I'd be paranoid about timing... too early, and you come off as desperate, eager, or "gropey". Too late and she'll lose interest.
Author Cora Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 Wow, thanks for all the advice!! Sorry for my late reply...just been so busy with work. There have been several times where I really wanted to kiss him, but I chickened out. I'm really shy and I guess my biggest fear is that I go in to kiss him and he pushes me away. I'd be mortified and would never be able to show my face around him again after that. I guess I'm just going to have to somehow find the courage, expect the worst and hope for the best. I don't think I've ever in my life made a move on a guy first. It's not that I think I'm too good to do it or that it's the guys job...I'm just too afraid to. He knows that I like him or at least I'd hope he does. I've baked him cookies and brownies which he acted thrilled about, told me how much he loved them and kept thanking me for them. During our last date, his friends came over for band practice. One of his friends forgot something so he goes with his friend to get it and tells me just to stay at his place with his other friend and they'd be right back. It was a bit awkward sitting there with his friend who I did not know who was grilling me with questions about how long I had known this guy etc. Then he said "oh so you're the chick who made him the cookies." I told him I was and then he says "well they say food is the way to a mans heart." Anyway, I would hope that he knows I like him by now. I guess he just hasn't been comfortable enough to kiss me or like some of you said, not very skilled in that department. I kind of want things to just happen naturally, but on the other hand I wonder if they ever will happen if neither of us make a move. So I think next time we see each other I'm just going to go for it. I'm going to try at least. Wish me luck. 1
Els Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I wouldn't jump to those conclusions, Cora. Especially as you say you yourself prefer to not move too fast, it's possible he's picking up on those vibes from you and is just trying to respect you. IME, men don't contact you daily, cook for you and introduce you to his friends if they're not romantically interested. In a similar vein, a man kissing you or even having sex with you doesn't necessarily mean they ARE romantically interested (if by romance you mean a LTR, at least). The signs look good to me. If you want some kissin', then maybe you could initiate a little so he knows you want it.
Author Cora Posted March 12, 2016 Author Posted March 12, 2016 I wouldn't jump to those conclusions, Cora. Especially as you say you yourself prefer to not move too fast, it's possible he's picking up on those vibes from you and is just trying to respect you. IME, men don't contact you daily, cook for you and introduce you to his friends if they're not romantically interested. In a similar vein, a man kissing you or even having sex with you doesn't necessarily mean they ARE romantically interested (if by romance you mean a LTR, at least). The signs look good to me. If you want some kissin', then maybe you could initiate a little so he knows you want it. Wonderful advice! Thank you so much.
Author Cora Posted March 14, 2016 Author Posted March 14, 2016 (edited) Well I just got home from our fourth date. I was really looking forward to it because I just knew tonight was going to be the night we kissed. If he didn't initiate then I was. So I got all dressed up...put some of my best perfume on and made sure my lips were all glossy and kissable. He cooked me a delicious dinner and then we went back to his bedroom, sat on his bed and watched a movie. We were so close that a couple times our arms brushed against each other. When the movie was over I put my hand on his shoulder and kind of rubbed his back as I told him thank you for dinner again. I sat there and lingered for a little bit (hoping for a kiss) until it got awkward and then I just got up and walked out of his bedroom. I got my purse and as I turned toward his door to leave I gave him a hug...lingering a little longer than normal and then running my hand down his arm as I was pulling away from the hug. Still no kiss. As I drove home I was a bit disappointed. I wanted so badly to just plant one on him, but I got scared and nothing happened. I hesitated because for a moment the thought popped into my head that maybe he wasn't romantically interested in me and I did not want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, the rejection would have been too much for me to bare. I like him a lot and I do fear sometimes that my interest in him is more than his interest in me. Or it could just be all in my head. I also don't want to mess things up by moving too fast for him, but on the other hand I have no clue where this is going between us? Romance or friendship? At one point tonight I thought about texting him and saying something like "would it be ok if I kissed you?" But then I figured that's too cheesy. I thought about maybe talking to him about this. Maybe I could send him a text this week saying I was really hoping to kiss him or something. Or just flat out asking him if he is romantically interested in me or sees me as just a friend? I know it sounds silly, but I actually went on several dates with a guy years ago. We went on the most romantic dates, he cooked for me..the whole nine yards, but never once kissed me. I brought up the subject one day about where he saw things heading with us and he said he saw me as just a friend. Could have fooled me! I was devastated. So this is why I never am really sure. I don't want to ruin a good thing and I certainly don't want him to lose interest in me because things stay platonic between us. I am just at a loss, bummed and consoling myself with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Edited March 14, 2016 by Cora
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