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I thought he liked me, but now I don't know if I have been rejected or not?

nothingsintheflowerz

By nothingsintheflowerz
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nothingsintheflowerz Established Member

nothingsintheflowerz

Posted
Posted

So I was in a relationship for two years until very recently with a 26/m. I stayed on my college campus for the first time on a weekend since we broke up. I had messaged another guy who I was only acquaintances with on a Thursday, wishing him good luck studying abroad because I thought he had already left. It turned out he hadn't, and he asked me to get a meal with him at the dining hall.

 

I didn't expect for things to escalate, but we literally spent 12PM on a Saturday together, had lunch, talked for hours, watched two movies, cuddled, hooked up a little bit (not a lot because I was on my period) and then cuddled and fell asleep together in the center we had watched the movie in. It was very obvious he liked me, in my opinion, because he seemed nervous and complimented me in subtle ways. Then, we woke up at 8AM and watched the sunrise. Then, he literally just held me in his arms. He also kissed me on my forehead two times. (Lol, sorry I remember all these little details).

 

We stayed together until 10:30AM this next day, two and a half hours before he had to leave for the airport. We hugged twice and said goodbye. I don't know...it was really weird because we had just really met each other, but yet we had such a strong connection. He later messaged me saying that he had a great time with me, that he will miss me, and that if I ever need anything, let him know. We also texted and when I told him that I was sorry we couldn't do anything, he told me that it's okay and that he enjoyed "even just talking to me" and asked me to tell him what I'm doing over the summer because he might be in my area. When I mentioned us watching scary movies again, he wrote "Lol yeah, I can't wait".

 

 

I won't see him for the entire semester, and then I'm most likely going to be traveling in the summer. I'm saddened because I really see a future with this guy, at least in terms of dating. I really, really, really like him. Not because he's a rebound, because I have had rebounds in the past, and I know how that feels. but because we really could hold a conversation and he just seems like a really awesome person. I'm not even that attracted sexually to him,but because I love his personality, I do feel extremely sexually attracted now, which is not the norm for me. I want things to blossom with us, but now I'm worried he isn't interested anymore. I have texted him, snapchatted him, and messaged him since he left, and even though he responds promptly, he doesn't seem as interested anymore, and I have been beginning the conversations now. He has not been initiating at all. I made it very clear, with hearts and telling him I'm completely into him, that I like him (before he left). But it doesn't seem like he's making much effort now. I'm really afraid that I was overbearing and I don't know if he just isn't much of a texter, or if he really just isn't interested.

 

But then, a few days ago, I told him that I'm sorry if I was overbearing, that I'm just overwhelmed to be talking to such a nice guy after being treated like **** for so long...And I kid you not. Here was his response:

 

"Lol, don’t worry it’s okay… I just don’t want to lead you on. I think you’re cool and I enjoy our conversations but I don’t know if I’m ready for something serious right now.

I hope that I’m not making things weird. I want to keep talking to you."

 

Me:

Lol I wouldn't expect you to be since we just met

Oh, also-- it's okay if you don't really want to talk or hang out over the summer anymore, I'm totally fine with your boundaries and I respect that. Don't feel like you have to be nice.

 

Him:

No, it's cool lol I still want to hang out

I'm sorry if I'm being too presumptuous

 

Me:

Okay. As long as you want to

And presumptuous how so ?

 

Him:

Of course I do

I don't mean to assume your intentions

 

Me:

okay cool :)

i mean i get what it means but do you mean assuming i wanted a relationship or...?

 

Him:

yeah

Me:

well tbh, yes. you were presumptuous lol

Him:

I'm sorry

 

...And then we ended up admitting to each other that we both got out of relationships recently and I said, "well then it would be bad to start something right away anyway" and he said "yeah, that's what i worried about". I just don't know what to do with this guy. I like him, a lot, but I don't know if he wants to hang out with me just because he thinks I would put out, because that's not what I went. Does it seem like he likes me and that I just came on too strong at first...or is he a player? Thank you guys :( I'm just confused....I thought it was clear already we liked each other and all I wanted to do by messaging him was to get to know him...I don't know. Thanks in advance <3

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

Posted
Posted

I think you may be acting too straightforward, too sure about him too fast. He knows you don't know him very well, so he might be put off by how super into him you are. The facts are-- men like a bit of mystery, a bit of a challenge.

 

I would back way off, and let him come to you. Over time he *may* be able to think of you more seriously, but understand that there's a good chance he may never get there.

  • Like 1
kayjay85 Established Member

kayjay85

Posted
Posted

Wow almost similar to mine. I am also very straight forward sometimes it can be a blessing and a curse but that's a part of who I am. Why do men assume straigt away we want a relationship?! Any how I hope you also take the advice that you have given me. Great advice. i hope things work out for you x

  • Like 1
Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

Posted
Posted

I think he likes you but wants to keep things casual, (at least for now) so he's not "tied down" while he's away. Plus you two won't be seeing eachother for months, and haven't spent that much time together. He also probably doesn't want to be texting someone all the time while he's in a different country, but rather meet new people instead

  • Like 2
ThisisIt606 Established Member

ThisisIt606

Posted
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I think you are both coming from pretty vulnerable positions (recent break ups) plus the added factor of him bring abroad for a whole semester.

 

It doesn't seem realistic or necessary to carry on text convo with someone you just met. Heck, even keeping in contact in a long term relationship when someone has prolonged international travel would be exhausting.

 

I think you had a great time for those few days, found someone you could talk to and enjoy their company. A good friend. It is annoying he assumed you wanted a relationship-- but as long as you don't, it's good you made that clear to him.

 

I don't think there is much more to your story with him. Sometimes people come into our lives for a brief moment, give us a pick me up and make us feel great. THen due to prior circumstances (his study abroad) they leave... While what you had with him was great convo and comforting I don't think (could be wrong) either are you are truly invested and wanting to keep in depth contact while he's away?

 

If anything, see if you can reconnect when he gets back. DOn't put all your eggs in this study abroad basket and see how you connect with other guy on campus.

  • Like 2
truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
The facts are-- men like a bit of mystery, a bit of a challenge.

 

Where did you get these facts? I do not like mystery or challenges... those are games.

  • Like 3
truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted

Sounds like this was a one-time thing that could rekindle down the road. Stay in touch as friends but understand he could meet someone else when he is away... and so could you.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sweetie, he's abroad. It sounds like this was a lovely way for him to end his time there but he had no intentions of making it into a long distance relationship.

 

Don't feel bad though. I remember a fling like that which I had. He was older than me and lived 400miles away so I was never going to have a relationship with him, but he retained a lovely place in my memory.

Edited by basil67
  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

How much were you texting him, exactly? You said you were afraid you were being over-bearing - how so?

 

He is abroad and probably having the time of his life right now. While I'ms sure he enjoyed your time together, I doubt he wants to keep up a long-distance text convo right now. His priorities are somewhere else and he was honest enough to tell you not to have any expectations of something more. It sounds as though you do want something more, despite saying you're not looking for a relationship.

 

Keep in touch casually until he comes back. See if he is interested in meeting up again when he's back on home turf.

  • Like 2
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nothingsintheflowerz Established Member

nothingsintheflowerz

Posted
  • Author
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I definitely see what you guys mean from his perspective that you'd want to probably keep things really casual and focus on being abroad.

 

To answer a couple of questions:

 

I was basically facebook messaging him (he doesn't have his phone) pretty much to keep up a conversation going and just asking him about going abroad and what not. It seemed like I was being overbearing because he became really distant.

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nothingsintheflowerz Established Member

nothingsintheflowerz

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Also, I didn't have expectations to make this a long distance relationship or anything, I just wanted to get to know him while he was away too. I understand how it could have possibly came off that way though! Haha :D:lmao:

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

Posted
Posted
Where did you get these facts? I do not like mystery or challenges... those are games.

 

They're not games at all. Believe what you will; I believe it is FACT that men (and women too!) enjoy a bit of a mystery, something that takes a bit of effort. Men were hunters; this is their evolutionary background. Something that is extremely easy to obtain is less appealing, and I believe this is biological. Aside from that, there's no way that taking things slowly is "games." You might think you absolutely love someone after spending a day with them, but you don't know them! Why put it all out there from day 1, when you have lots more to learn about someone? Doesn't make sense to me.

  • Like 1
truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
They're not games at all. Believe what you will; I believe it is FACT that men (and women too!) enjoy a bit of a mystery, something that takes a bit of effort. Men were hunters; this is their evolutionary background. Something that is extremely easy to obtain is less appealing, and I believe this is biological. Aside from that, there's no way that taking things slowly is "games." You might think you absolutely love someone after spending a day with them, but you don't know them! Why put it all out there from day 1, when you have lots more to learn about someone? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

Okay, fair - they're not all games... for the record I'm not a hunter - I'm an animal :bunny::D

 

Taking things slowly is one thing... it's another to play hard to get, screw with people's heads and their heart because a book or some stupid set of rules told you so.

 

Of course you don't show your entire hand on the first date... but I don't want to be the guy who is suddenly falling for a woman and excited to keep learning more, only to find out she's a seasoned criminal, deadbeat, has a sordid history of sleeping around.

 

Personally, I want to know about people's background history right away to save myself time and avoid, if possible, a headache and heartache.

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
Posted
Personally, I want to know about people's background history right away to save myself time and avoid, if possible, a headache and heartache.

 

You don't always have to know everything straight away. Some people give it away regarding bad qualities if you pay attention to what they are saying. Personally I would never tell a man my whole history up front because it's none of his business and I want to focus on the here and now. The past is irrelevant from my point of view. If he asked me a straight question I wouldn't lie but I would give general answers and turn the focus back onto getting to know each other as we are now.

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
You don't always have to know everything straight away. Some people give it away regarding bad qualities if you pay attention to what they are saying. Personally I would never tell a man my whole history up front because it's none of his business and I want to focus on the here and now. The past is irrelevant from my point of view. If he asked me a straight question I wouldn't lie but I would give general answers and turn the focus back onto getting to know each other as we are now.

 

If you read what I wrote above the statement you were commenting on I said not reveal everything on the first date. I'm talking about finding out if they're a criminal, have a record, any kind of education. You know, people lie about their education a lot. They also lie about being single when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend! That's why I check out Facebook.

 

You have to do your due diligence is all I'm saying.

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