kayjay85 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I met Adam last summer he was working in my area. Bumped into each other a few times before he eventually asked me out. I gave him my number I was instantly attracted to him he was so shy and cute. But the problem was I was casually dating someone else. When Adam called later that evening we had a good chat for about 2 hrs. Had lots in common great laugh. The next day he called to arrange a date and told him I was sorry to waste his time but I have family problems and was snowed under with work. I wasn't I was dating a lad I had a crush on in primary school(just casual) he said he understood didn't hear from him until November when he messaged to see how I was doing I was excited he called as I had thought about him a few times and also my casual dating with school friend didn't pan out (eggs one basket) so we chatted for a couple of days he made arrangements a few times but he always cancelled last minute and was slowly starting to fade. I was then very genuinely busy with work and coming up to Christmas we just lost touch. Fast forward end of January this year and he gets in contact with me. We talk I'm happy to hear from him and finally we arrange to go on a date. I was instantly attracted to him all over again sooo cute just talking about the past couple of months. Now we are very deep in conversation I asked him what had happened the last time we spoke. He said he had gotten back with his ex of 5yrs who he had split up with over the summer then finally broke up for good. !!!!!! Immediately warning signs went off in my head as I had also been in a long term relationship a couple of years ago and I know how hard it is after it. To make it worse she cheated on him and is now with that person. I knew I'd have to take this slow. After the date he asked if he could message me tomorrow. Strange as he messaged everyday now anyway. I said yes of course. The next day first thing in the morning when he was up for work messaging good morning have a nice day. This lasted for a full week messages bouncing back and forth lots of chatter lots of laughing and talking heset up another date the next week as I was busy and so was he. So 1 good week then Monday morning no message . I messaged good morning got a reply a couple of hours later. Didn't think much of it he must be busy. We met up for out date the Tuesday evening lots of talk from both of us chatty happy laughing. Then I start getting less and less contact messages getting shorter answers getting brief no phone calls. I called him out on it well I just asked as he had done it before thought he might have gotten back with the ex. He replied he was just really busy with work he's up very early home late which I know. He said how much he likes me and I should know that but he can't commit to anything. I said I understood especially as he come out a ltr. Our conversations started to pick up again now we sort of cleared things up. But soon quietened down again. Then one night when I stopped by after work we slept with each other for the first time. I couldn't of been happier but there was doubt. Again after a few days he finally done it again the slow fade making up excuses didn't reply to my text so I left him alone for a week then messaged to see if everything was OK . He said yes but then no effort on his side. Today I had just had enough. I'm sick of people using me family friends men. I messaged him and said I've had enough I can't give someone my time and energy if there not interested. He replied that he was very sorry but he just didn't have time for a girlfriend right now. I messaged back and said I understood. So now I'm thinking ok I'm angry at him but do I have the right to be. He came on sooooooo strong then left just as quick. I'm confused because I know he doesn't want anything serious or even date but my heart is just trying to cling on. I do get asked out a lot but it's very rare I find chemistry or a connection with anyone Please tell me what you think. It's always easier talking to strangers as I think friends sugar coat things
nothingsintheflowerz Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 It sounds like you're an amazing, incredible woman and that you deserve better than him. I understand that the connection feels genuine, but a guy who deserves you won't make you guess and will certainly not take the gift of access to your body for granted. I would go no contact. If he reaches out, I wouldn't put him at the center of my universe. He seems to think he can just pop in and pop out of your life at any moment. Good luck. <3 1
Author kayjay85 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 Thank you for replying nothingsintheflowerz I am going no contact now I have no choice but too as I can't keep doing this. Letting him return the second time may have given him the idea he can come and go as he pleases. I am a pretty laid back person and very understanding so sometimes people play on this. I do know he is definitely not ready for a relationship I just thought take it slow see how it goes. I too have a busy life great business and a great social life very active. I'm just going to Cary on bettering myself and if he returns in time maybe handle things differently if not then lesson learned x
Redhead14 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I met Adam last summer he was working in my area. Bumped into each other a few times before he eventually asked me out. I gave him my number I was instantly attracted to him he was so shy and cute. But the problem was I was casually dating someone else. When Adam called later that evening we had a good chat for about 2 hrs. Had lots in common great laugh. The next day he called to arrange a date and told him I was sorry to waste his time but I have family problems and was snowed under with work. I wasn't I was dating a lad I had a crush on in primary school(just casual) he said he understood didn't hear from him until November when he messaged to see how I was doing I was excited he called as I had thought about him a few times and also my casual dating with school friend didn't pan out (eggs one basket) so we chatted for a couple of days he made arrangements a few times but he always cancelled last minute and was slowly starting to fade. I was then very genuinely busy with work and coming up to Christmas we just lost touch. Fast forward end of January this year and he gets in contact with me. We talk I'm happy to hear from him and finally we arrange to go on a date. I was instantly attracted to him all over again sooo cute just talking about the past couple of months. Now we are very deep in conversation I asked him what had happened the last time we spoke. He said he had gotten back with his ex of 5yrs who he had split up with over the summer then finally broke up for good. !!!!!! Immediately warning signs went off in my head as I had also been in a long term relationship a couple of years ago and I know how hard it is after it. To make it worse she cheated on him and is now with that person. I knew I'd have to take this slow. After the date he asked if he could message me tomorrow. Strange as he messaged everyday now anyway. I said yes of course. The next day first thing in the morning when he was up for work messaging good morning have a nice day. This lasted for a full week messages bouncing back and forth lots of chatter lots of laughing and talking heset up another date the next week as I was busy and so was he. So 1 good week then Monday morning no message . I messaged good morning got a reply a couple of hours later. Didn't think much of it he must be busy. We met up for out date the Tuesday evening lots of talk from both of us chatty happy laughing. Then I start getting less and less contact messages getting shorter answers getting brief no phone calls. I called him out on it well I just asked as he had done it before thought he might have gotten back with the ex. He replied he was just really busy with work he's up very early home late which I know. He said how much he likes me and I should know that but he can't commit to anything. I said I understood especially as he come out a ltr. Our conversations started to pick up again now we sort of cleared things up. But soon quietened down again. Then one night when I stopped by after work we slept with each other for the first time. I couldn't of been happier but there was doubt. Again after a few days he finally done it again the slow fade making up excuses didn't reply to my text so I left him alone for a week then messaged to see if everything was OK . He said yes but then no effort on his side. Today I had just had enough. I'm sick of people using me family friends men. I messaged him and said I've had enough I can't give someone my time and energy if there not interested. He replied that he was very sorry but he just didn't have time for a girlfriend right now. I messaged back and said I understood. So now I'm thinking ok I'm angry at him but do I have the right to be. He came on sooooooo strong then left just as quick. I'm confused because I know he doesn't want anything serious or even date but my heart is just trying to cling on. I do get asked out a lot but it's very rare I find chemistry or a connection with anyone Please tell me what you think. It's always easier talking to strangers as I think friends sugar coat things As far as I can tell, he never told you he wanted to start or explore the possibility of a relationship with you. He wanted a "friend". heart is just trying to cling on I knew I'd have to take this slow. -- You knew that, and yet, you allowed yourself to get invested after you slept with him. In this case, especially (guy getting over ex), you should assume that sleeping with them will be a one-night stand unless they show you otherwise . . . he isn't. Move on. They seek comfort in the arms of others while they are "grieving".
Author kayjay85 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 Redhead14 when I date someone I am dating them to get to know them to see if I eventually want a relationship. It's him who has twice said he doesn't want a relationship I was trying to get to know him as much as I could. Yes I admit I do. really really like him but I'm 31 now and I understand that's not enough. I'm not stopping him from dating other people as I am also free to do so. But it was the slow fade that has got my back up. And yes I admit sleeping with him after 6 weeks wasn't the best choice if he had acted this way. I know he maybe rebounding or whatever he is going through. I can't just switch off my feelings. However I can learn from my mistakes
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