Getting beyond minute 15

[bobsmith76]

For a very long time I had trouble keeping a woman's attention for longer than 5 minutes. All the conversations I had were fizzling quickly. I finally improved things by taking up swing dance lessons and attending the same dance hall 3 to 4 times a week. I now see women more than once which is something that almost never happened since 2011. I would never meet the same woman more than once. I'm having more success with talking to strange women but it is still not enough to get a date, to say nothing of forming a relationship and getting married. Now the conversations I'm having seem to be fizzling after minute 15.

 

Part of the problem I think is that I have trouble just sucking it up and tolerating the awkwardness. I try to tell myself that maybe just getting to know someone is very difficult in those first few minutes and people simply have difficulty feeling comfortable. Maybe I should keep trying to talk to them even though the conversation is halting and not going anywhere. But this is hard to do. I get frustrated that the person is boring or I feel like I'm annoying them if they're not having a good time. Maybe they really do want to get to know me but it's just a simple fact that talking to strangers is tough.

 

Now there are exceptions to do this rule. I have no trouble talking to women over 40. Conversation with them is much easier but then again I want to get married and start a family but 40 is too old to start a family with.

 

I have a feeling that if I could just see the same women on a regular basis then that might help things out. For me at least it seems to be a general rule that if I see a woman more than 10 times in 1 month then it almost doesn't matter who she is, I'm going to take an interest in her and ask her out. For instance, at the dance hall, there are only 4 or 5 women that I've seen more than 10 times and I would very much like to get to know any of them better.

[BlametheIrish]

"Now there are exceptions to do this rule. I have no trouble talking to women over 40. Conversation with them is much easier but then again I want to get married and start a family but 40 is too old to start a family with".

 

Maybe it's easier to talk to older women because you don't see them as a potential significant other so the pressure is off. I suggest finding something during your conversation that seems to spark her interest and keep her talking about it. I know it's easy for me to talk about the things I love and enjoy. Most people can rattle on about a subject near and dear to their heart.

 

Also, remember confidence is key. If you come off as scared, cold, awkward etc all those things make many women want to get out of that conversation asap. I'm curious to see an example of how your conversations with women go and how they teeter out.

[bobsmith76]

I should point out that when I talk to someone in those first 15 minutes I always try to talk about what they want to talk about and as a rule I don't talk about myself. I know that it flatters people to be asked questions and to be seen as important so I try to make them feel important. On the other hand, I do inevitably get frustrated that they're not taking an interest in me and are asking me no questions. That's when I start to let the conversation fizzle.

 

Incidentally, I should point out that there is one girl at the dance hall that I really have my eye on and I found out through Facebook that she's learning Arabic. I speak Arabic and I'm trying to figure out how to work that into the conversation. I don't just want to blurt out something in Arabic because I don't want to admit that I looked at her Facebook profile.

[Jabron1]

Why do you want to speak to a woman longer than 15 minutes?

 

5 to 10 minutes is long enough to get the number of a woman that you have just met. After that, you start texting her and ask for a date.

 

Seems like you are trying to force things, rather than bite the bullet.

 

When you do need to keep a woman talking (on a date) you just make her the topic of conversation. Women love talking about themselves. She should be doing 70 or 80% of the talking. You should talk to ask questions or to tease her.

 

Conversations are easy. You can only really do two things: make a statement, or ask a question. So just focus both of these things on her.

[katiegrl]

The key to talking successfully to anyone (including women) is feeling comfortable in your own skin.

 

Once you feel comfortable within yourself and in your own skin (so to speak), talking to people (women and men) becomes second nature.

 

The only way to get to this feeling is interacting with lots of different people...practice does make perfect as they say!

[bobsmith76]

5 to 10 minutes is long enough to get the number of a woman that you have just met.

 

Well, let's just ask the women in this forum how often do they give out their phone number after only 10 minutes of conversation?

[Jabron1]

Well, let's just ask the women in this forum how often do they give out their phone number after only 10 minutes of conversation?

 

Don't need to. I got two numbers like that yesterday.

[katiegrl]

Well, let's just ask the women in this forum how often do they give out their phone number after only 10 minutes of conversation?

 

I gave a guy my phone number is less than 10 minutes of convo yesterday.

 

Then again, I had already talked to him previously at a party last Friday night so it probably doesn't count....

[losangelena]

The guy I met last week, we talked for like, MAYBE 30 minutes before he left. But I liked him really immediately, and FWIW, he was definitely on the awkward side. That's not always a turn-off! Awkwardness can be endearing sometimes.

[xxoo]

 

Now there are exceptions to do this rule. I have no trouble talking to women over 40. Conversation with them is much easier but then again I want to get married and start a family but 40 is too old to start a family with. .

 

Aren't you 40?

[Jabron1]

You are going to a dance hall to hit on women. That means they aren't going anywhere fast. So just speak to them in short bursts - a few minutes here and there. Make the conversation flirty, light and fun, then leave them wanting more. Whatever you do, don't hang around as though you are attached to them, and don't try to reach some arbitrary number of minutes in conversation.

 

I get the impression that you are letting the fear of rejection affect your behavior. If you feel there is mutual chemistry, you have to bite the bullet and ask for the number.

 

Check out my journal by the way. I explain a couple of approaches I did in there.

[preraph]

Seeing a person over and over is the best way for certain types of people to get someone to like them. It's always been true for me. I was rarely the hottest girl in the room that all eyes were on, but over time, I found if I kept running into someone or worked with them in a casual setting, those are the guys who would start liking me more. So the dance lessons are great. My vehicle for many years was a record store and local gigs. Saw the same people over and over, had that in common with them, so it worked. Not that I married any of them because that wasn't my master plan. But you certainly could! That's why I think it's important to work in something that you're passionate about and keep being active in hobbies and interests that are social.

 

You should date 30-35 year olds. Women can have babies later these days, and that isn't a bad age difference, because you're both mature, over 30.

[bobsmith76]

Seeing a person over and over is the best way for certain types of people to get someone to like them.

Couldn't agree more.

 

 

You should date 30-35 year olds.

 

Just getting a date with anyone is hard enough. I'm not in a position to be picky.