thecrucible Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Just a story for you. To give some background, I work in a museum and some of the most awkward things have happened regarding male visitors. Well today a man called me, withheld his number and asked me out for dinner and somehow he knew my name but I didn't have a clue who he was or how he got my work number (could have been a prank call of course). I was genuinely creeped out. There was another time a few months ago when I was showing people around the museum and this man interrupted my flow and said "You're kinda cute. Could I have your number?". I was taken aback and lied, saying I had a boyfriend. It just caught me off guard and we hadn't had much substantial conversation so he was pretty much basing it only on how good he thought I looked (which isn't even that great anyway). It kinda got me thinking about how certain situations aren't appropriate to show romantic interest. I've met a few cute guys who visited the museum but even though I thought they were cute, I have never tried to flirt with them as I've got to act professional. Another thing I get is men on OLD asking me "what type of museum do you work in?". It sounds like a pretty innocuous question but if I was to give them an honest answer, it wouldn't take them long to narrow down my place of work so I'll always skirt around the question and be as vague as possible. Ladies, have any of you experienced this kind of awkward situation at work? And men, have you ever asked out a woman doing her job and had success with it? How would you approach the situation yourself? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 This is exactly why I've never been comfortable asking a woman out where she works. The combo of potentially making a woman uncomfortable where she works as well as putting her on the spot in front of co-workers just seems like a bad way to go. 1
Satu Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 It puts people in an awkward situation, and I definitely wouldn't like it.
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Interesting how people will find any excuse not to ask someone out. Though, I wouldn't immediately ask for the digits, I would attempt to talk to her if she isn't so busy. There's was a mall where I lived, it was usually dead after I would get out of class during the work day and most of the ladies would be standing at the displays, twiddling their thumbs...so I would see no harm in approaching them, making small talk. I used to do this frequently as this mall was close to where I live, becoming a repeated customer, so-to-speak,lol. This would allow themselves to become more familiar with me and only then ask them out.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Interesting how people will find any excuse not to ask someone out. My question though is why focus on one woman where she works, when there are many women you can meet/ask out anywhere? Opinions will differ. But for me personally, I've always seen a woman's workplace as somewhere where she has to be for a living and it should be the one place where she can feel comfortable and avoid awkward situations of being hit on. 2
AMJ Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Ladies, have any of you experienced this kind of awkward situation at work? And men, have you ever asked out a woman doing her job and had success with it? How would you approach the situation yourself? I have made up so many fake boyfriends at work for this reason. My first boss wanted me to date her son. HER SON! I was 23! At that time in my life, relationship was not a word in my vocabulary. I knew I'd go out with him and dump him, and then she'd hate me. But she loved me and really wanted me to date her son. She didn't give up on it either. I lied about a boyfriend, and then lied about Valentine's Day stories, and all kinds of things to avoid dating her son. Actually at one point I think I gave in and took her son to a company event, but I made it clear that it was platonic or something. More recently, I had a job where I needed to build relationships with people very quickly...think like sales, but more intense and we weren't selling anything. Anyway, a natural way for me to build relationships is the fact that I'm young and attractive, and my bosses literally capitalized and built campaign strategy based on certain men having crushes on me. They thought it was funny. I've been sexually harassed at work more times than I care to count. I reported a boss once for saying that he wanted to see under my skirt. I quit, and he was later forced to resign. I'd like to tell you that pretending to have a boyfriend really helps prevent all of this, but it doesn't. It comes with the territory of being a female. People can say we have rights, people can say we should fight these types of things..but that's all easier said than done.
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I suggest you give up on that angle. besides, never date a co-worker. Search this forum - it's a complete no-no.
SammySammy Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 "It ain't what you do, but how you do it." Too many people have been approached successfully at work to say it should never be done. You just can't embarrass someone, make them uncomfortable, or put them on the spot. But, that would be true anywhere. Appropriateness is helpful in any situation. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I suggest you give up on that angle. besides, never date a co-worker. Search this forum - it's a complete no-no. The post wasn't about dating a co-worker, it was about dating someone that you've met at their work place. Like you're just a passerby, browsing items on the shelf. I like to do the same at conventions vendors/dealers when there's cute ladies selling jewelry or soaps or whatever. Great opportunities to be had there. ;-)
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My question though is why focus on one woman where she works, when there are many women you can meet/ask out anywhere? Opinions will differ. But for me personally, I've always seen a woman's workplace as somewhere where she has to be for a living and it should be the one place where she can feel comfortable and avoid awkward situations of being hit on. Not sure where you're getting the "focus" part from. What I just posted is included in the whole "everywhere" category. So far I've read here on LS these, "Never approach a woman at xxxxx" Let met think of others. The gym...I was convinced later that they are focused on their work outs, so I was able to make sense of it...unless you're bumping into them on their way out of the gym. THEN...there's the ol', "Never approach a woman at a store, because...she's too "'focused" on buying stuff and leaving." Believe it's ALL irrelevant if she thinks the guy is CUTE. *Drops microphone*
Author thecrucible Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 I have made up so many fake boyfriends at work for this reason. My first boss wanted me to date her son. HER SON! I was 23! At that time in my life, relationship was not a word in my vocabulary. I knew I'd go out with him and dump him, and then she'd hate me. But she loved me and really wanted me to date her son. She didn't give up on it either. I lied about a boyfriend, and then lied about Valentine's Day stories, and all kinds of things to avoid dating her son. Actually at one point I think I gave in and took her son to a company event, but I made it clear that it was platonic or something. That sounds really awkward but it seems like you dealt with it really well. I've been sexually harassed at work more times than I care to count. I reported a boss once for saying that he wanted to see under my skirt. I quit, and he was later forced to resign. I'd like to tell you that pretending to have a boyfriend really helps prevent all of this, but it doesn't. It comes with the territory of being a female. People can say we have rights, people can say we should fight these types of things..but that's all easier said than done. I'm sorry to hear of your experiences but yeah I agree that saying you have a boyfriend doesn't always make any difference and it can be really hard to fight this stuff. I was sexually harassed at work once (at a previous job) - an older male colleague felt me up. There was nothing I could do about it because there was no way they'd believe me over him and I was working freelance for a charity so I didn't really think it was worth saying anything about it. I decided I'd rather keep my job. Oh and it has nothing to do with looks either because I am average looking and I still get unwanted attention from time to time. 1
Author thecrucible Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 The post wasn't about dating a co-worker, it was about dating someone that you've met at their work place. Like you're just a passerby, browsing items on the shelf. I like to do the same at conventions vendors/dealers when there's cute ladies selling jewelry or soaps or whatever. Great opportunities to be had there. ;-) I think your example sounds okay because it's a more informal setting. I do some voluntary work running stalls for a local charity at fairs. I wouldn't mind an attractive man starting a conversation with me although obviously my attention would be on the stall mainly. In my work, I feel differently about it because it's my job to be friendly to people (I am naturally friendly person anyway but it's still my job) so I just get taken aback when someone gets really flirty. I want to maintain a good image and be dedicated to my job. If someone liked me but I got to know them over a period of time, I prefer that to someone asking me out out of the blue when I don't really know them. Someone mentioned supermarkets - I don't think I'd mind being approached there. In the gym, not really because I look awful and sweaty.
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 I think your example sounds okay because it's a more informal setting. I do some voluntary work running stalls for a local charity at fairs. I wouldn't mind an attractive man starting a conversation with me although obviously my attention would be on the stall mainly. In my work, I feel differently about it because it's my job to be friendly to people (I am naturally friendly person anyway but it's still my job) so I just get taken aback when someone gets really flirty. I want to maintain a good image and be dedicated to my job. If someone liked me but I got to know them over a period of time, I prefer that to someone asking me out out of the blue when I don't really know them. Someone mentioned supermarkets - I don't think I'd mind being approached there. In the gym, not really because I look awful and sweaty. Yeah, I know what you mean. There's the "stranger danger" thing being approached in public. Most women I would try to chat up in line at a store, coffee shop, bookstore, etc.. I get this, "Um, why is this person I don't even know, trying to talk to me!?" look on their face. It's as if they already have one foot pointing towards exit. lol If not that, they are rather short with me, abrupt. They aren't in a mindset to be sociable, but say at a house party, BBQ, social event among friends. Say you both happen to be friends of the host of the party, you have a better shot at a woman being open to conversation.
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