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Girl broke it off with me..didn't understand the reason..need

Kaykaymillz

By Kaykaymillz
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Kaykaymillz Member

Kaykaymillz

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I'm looking for advice to improve myself after my most recent relationship failed. I was "seeing" a girl for about 3 months (December to February). I say "seeing" because we weren't officially dating, like I never came out and asked her to be my girlfriend but it was implied that we were exclusive based on how much we spoke and hung out. She lives about an hour and 1/2 away from me, I'm currently in college (20) while she is a senior in high school (18) in my hometown. We had been texting since summer but things didn't get serious until around December when I started seeing her during Christmas break as much as I could. We did lots of couple things together, we made out, I went to her house on many occasions and cuddled with her, I took her out on Valentine's/many dates, overall she seemed very attracted and interested. I brought her as my date on some formal events for my fraternity, put her and I as my profile picture on Facebook to show that I was committed to her. We never had sex but did do some sexual things together.

 

Valentine's Day weekend, I went out with her on Friday on a date, early Saturday morning I went over to her place to cuddle with her while her parents were at work. When she finally got out of bed, she went to take a shower and after she sat in her bed with me in just her towel (sign to have sex with her or not?). I actually had another chance to have sex with her but didn't pursue it because she was on her period and we were both drunk, instead we did some other sexual acts (this was on my formal event where she stayed in a hotel with me and we went to a formal dance together.) that event happened the week before valetines day. She was very happy on Valentine's Day, I got into her house while she was at work with the help of her dad and left her flowers and chocolate and note to be ready at 6 for dinner. We had a good dinner. After Valentine's Day we had a little fight via text because she didn't kiss me after dinner (I was sick), I was kinda upset about it but it was more just teasing..from that day on she started acting more distant (sending short texts, not being as affectionate as she was prior). So I started playing along the week after Valentine's Day by waiting to text her back and sending short messages too.

 

We didn't text at all on Friday of that week and Saturday I texted her late at night after her dance. She was drunk and was texting me that our relationship wasn't growing. I try to call her but her friends answered and told me she was too drunk to talk. So the next day I texted her and said we could talk about what happened in person (I was willing to drive back to where she lives), she said we should talk about it but she napped all day (hungover). At around 6 at night I ask her if we can talk, and she says she already told me what she needed to say and that she cannot call or see me because her grandparents are in town. She texts me that she lost feelings because our relationship "took too long". (??) She told me that she has fun with me but only sees me as a friend. I was upset with her because she couldn't wait to tell me this in person and texted me instead so I called her immature and didn't text her back. Afterwards she makes some posts on social media seeming like she regrets what she did.

 

A week later I apologize for being upset (even though I feel like I have the right to be since she broke up with me through text message) but I told her I cannot accept being just friends with her but I do respect her decision. I told her that maintaining a relationship when we live in separate cities is difficult and there are obstacles (she is going to college in the same city she lives in now). She agreed with me but realistically we both knew from the start what we were getting into, we were LD and it was going fine because I could see her every weekend if I wanted to since that was my hometown as well. I also tell her that wish her the best for the rest of her senior year and her college life.

 

We haven't texted since and don't plan on doing it in the future even though I really cared about her. I just want to know what I did wrong here, why did I lose her? Brutally honest as possible. is she the problem? Or a combo of both of us? I really want to learn and grow from my mistakes but I need to know what I did wrong (without asking her).

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
threadstarter resubmitted with paragraphs ~6
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

the only thing I can think when she said the relationship took too long is that she wanted sex & you weren't giving it to her.

 

Don't be too sad that she's out of your life. If in high school she already has hangovers so bad she can't get out of bed the next day, she's gonna be a whirling dervish once she gets to college. As soon as she's out of high school & sees what the world has to offer she was going to disappear on you any way.

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Kaykaymillz Member

Kaykaymillz

Posted
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Posted

I'm looking for advice to improve myself after my most recent relationship failed. I was "seeing" a girl for about 3 months (December to February). I say "seeing" because we weren't officially dating, like I never came out and asked her to be my girlfriend but it was implied that we were exclusive based on how much we spoke and hung out. She lives about an hour and 1/2 away from me, I'm currently in college (20) while she is a senior in high school (18) in my hometown. We had been texting since summer but things didn't get serious until around December when I started seeing her during Christmas break as much as I could. We did lots of couple things together, we made out, I went to her house on many occasions and cuddled with her, I took her out on Valentine's/many dates, overall she seemed very attracted and interested. I brought her as my date on some formal events for my fraternity, put her and I as my profile picture on Facebook to show that I was committed to her. We never had sex but did do some sexual things together.

 

Valentine's Day weekend, I went out with her on Friday on a date, early Saturday morning I went over to her place to cuddle with her while her parents were at work. When she finally got out of bed, she went to take a shower and after she sat in her bed with me in just her towel (sign to have sex with her or not?). I actually had another chance to have sex with her but didn't pursue it because she was on her period and we were both drunk, instead we did some other sexual acts (this was on my formal event where she stayed in a hotel with me and we went to a formal dance together.) that event happened the week before valetines day. She was very happy on Valentine's Day, I got into her house while she was at work with the help of her dad and left her flowers and chocolate and note to be ready at 6 for dinner. We had a good dinner. After Valentine's Day we had a little fight via text because she didn't kiss me after dinner (I was sick), I was kinda upset about it but it was more just teasing..from that day on she started acting more distant (sending short texts, not being as affectionate as she was prior). So I started playing along the week after Valentine's Day by waiting to text her back and sending short messages too.

 

We didn't text at all on Friday of that week and Saturday I texted her late at night after her dance. She was drunk and was texting me that our relationship wasn't growing. I try to call her but her friends answered and told me she was too drunk to talk. So the next day I texted her and said we could talk about what happened in person (I was willing to drive back to where she lives), she said we should talk about it but she napped all day (hungover). At around 6 at night I ask her if we can talk, and she says she already told me what she needed to say and that she cannot call or see me because her grandparents are in town. She texts me that she lost feelings because our relationship "took too long". (??) She told me that she has fun with me but only sees me as a friend. I was upset with her because she couldn't wait to tell me this in person and texted me instead so I called her immature and didn't text her back. Afterwards she makes some posts on social media seeming like she regrets what she did.

 

A week later I apologize for being upset (even though I feel like I have the right to be since she broke up with me through text message) but I told her I cannot accept being just friends with her but I do respect her decision. I told her that maintaining a relationship when we live in separate cities is difficult and there are obstacles (she is going to college in the same city she lives in now). She agreed with me but realistically we both knew from the start what we were getting into, we were LD and it was going fine because I could see her every weekend if I wanted to since that was my hometown as well. I also tell her that wish her the best for the rest of her senior year and her college life.

 

We haven't texted since and don't plan on doing it in the future even though I really cared about her. I just want to know what I did wrong here, why did I lose her? Brutally honest as possible. is she the problem? Or a combo of both of us? I really want to learn and grow from my mistakes but I need to know what I did wrong (without asking her).

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Asked and answered: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/572833-girl-broke-off-me-didn-t-understand-reason-need

 

 

Reposting the same Q does not get you different answers.

 

 

The only thing you need to improve is your taste in women. This girl is already a mess in H.S. She's a party girl on her way to being an alcoholic. She probably has more promiscuous tendencies then you realize.

 

 

Pick nicer women of better quality. Look around your college & stay away from high school girls. You should be fine.

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
I'm looking for advice to improve myself after my most recent relationship failed. I was "seeing" a girl for about 3 months (December to February). I say "seeing" because we weren't officially dating, like I never came out and asked her to be my girlfriend but it was implied that we were exclusive based on how much we spoke and hung out. She lives about an hour and 1/2 away from me, I'm currently in college (20) while she is a senior in high school (18) in my hometown. We had been texting since summer but things didn't get serious until around December when I started seeing her during Christmas break as much as I could. We did lots of couple things together, we made out, I went to her house on many occasions and cuddled with her, I took her out on Valentine's/many dates, overall she seemed very attracted and interested. I brought her as my date on some formal events for my fraternity, put her and I as my profile picture on Facebook to show that I was committed to her. We never had sex but did do some sexual things together.

 

Valentine's Day weekend, I went out with her on Friday on a date, early Saturday morning I went over to her place to cuddle with her while her parents were at work. When she finally got out of bed, she went to take a shower and after she sat in her bed with me in just her towel (sign to have sex with her or not?). I actually had another chance to have sex with her but didn't pursue it because she was on her period and we were both drunk, instead we did some other sexual acts (this was on my formal event where she stayed in a hotel with me and we went to a formal dance together.) that event happened the week before valetines day. She was very happy on Valentine's Day, I got into her house while she was at work with the help of her dad and left her flowers and chocolate and note to be ready at 6 for dinner. We had a good dinner. After Valentine's Day we had a little fight via text because she didn't kiss me after dinner (I was sick), I was kinda upset about it but it was more just teasing..from that day on she started acting more distant (sending short texts, not being as affectionate as she was prior). So I started playing along the week after Valentine's Day by waiting to text her back and sending short messages too.

 

We didn't text at all on Friday of that week and Saturday I texted her late at night after her dance. She was drunk and was texting me that our relationship wasn't growing. I try to call her but her friends answered and told me she was too drunk to talk. So the next day I texted her and said we could talk about what happened in person (I was willing to drive back to where she lives), she said we should talk about it but she napped all day (hungover). At around 6 at night I ask her if we can talk, and she says she already told me what she needed to say and that she cannot call or see me because her grandparents are in town. She texts me that she lost feelings because our relationship "took too long". (??) She told me that she has fun with me but only sees me as a friend. I was upset with her because she couldn't wait to tell me this in person and texted me instead so I called her immature and didn't text her back. Afterwards she makes some posts on social media seeming like she regrets what she did.

 

A week later I apologize for being upset (even though I feel like I have the right to be since she broke up with me through text message) but I told her I cannot accept being just friends with her but I do respect her decision. I told her that maintaining a relationship when we live in separate cities is difficult and there are obstacles (she is going to college in the same city she lives in now). She agreed with me but realistically we both knew from the start what we were getting into, we were LD and it was going fine because I could see her every weekend if I wanted to since that was my hometown as well. I also tell her that wish her the best for the rest of her senior year and her college life.

 

We haven't texted since and don't plan on doing it in the future even though I really cared about her. I just want to know what I did wrong here, why did I lose her? Brutally honest as possible. is she the problem? Or a combo of both of us? I really want to learn and grow from my mistakes but I need to know what I did wrong (without asking her).

Here's some advice. Don't date HS kids who live 90 minutes away when you are away at college. Date people on campus, lots of them. Over time, you'll get some good and bad feedback from people who actually know you, and if you pay attention to this feedback, your relationship problems will eventually disappear. Disappointment will come your way again. Expect it, and use it to constantly improve yourself, for you.

 

In the end, you're not trying to fit some into mold that you think people will be attracted to. You're trying to be the best person you can be, and somebody will appreciate whoever that is. That way, you'll get to live your life as who you are, rather than having to pretend you're somebody else.

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