Would you date a 30 year old guy...

[Chris2016]

I just hope nothing else weird about him surfaces.

Yes I am more concerned about the reason why he hasn't kissed anyone vs. the fact he hasn't.

 

I just am so confused how someone 30 who is decent hasn't yet. I have trouble dating and even I have fooled around with a guy.

 

Kiss him. There, No more reason.

[No_Go]

Eh OP... I kind of hesitate to write what I want to say because i was a late bloomer myself (first kiss at 27)... But:

 

If you are an employer, would you hire an employee with no prior job experience. If you do, would you give them a managerial position? Would you expect long training period?

 

Same here. The guy has never kissed a woman, never been on a relationship. The physical part is actually the easiest. I foresee the mental/emotional training would be hard and slow.

 

With my first BF I had no idea what I'm doing. He was leading me like a puppy. I had no clue how to act as a relationship partner (the physical part was innerving but easy).

 

I also met a guy like yours - totally inexperienced, 29 yo, very smart. I went in 3 dinner dates with him - no kiss, hug, nothing. He booked concert tickets as a 4th date... So I went out of courtesy. I booked a taxi for us, wanted to drive him home first. On the way he started kissing the air in front of me. Moving his head etc. it was so embarrassing - even the driver asked me what's going on he was apparently thinking for kissing the whole time but couldn't gain strength to break the barrier, that's why the weird air kissing... He's still writing to me occasionally as a friend (I'm dating another guy from 1 year)...

 

Who has never had a first kiss? I started dating this guy he is 30. We went out last night and we had a good time, and we seem to like each other. We were talking and he started to say how the longest relationship he's had was 3 dates and that he has never kissed a girl before. He did go to a Christian college, so the most guys and girls could do there is hold hands. He is 30 now though. He said he doesn't always know when it's time to kiss a girl and he doesn't want to be rejected. Is this okay? Is it weird? I'm not that experienced either, but I have done sexual things with a guy before.

 

Thoughts please?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I just hope nothing else weird about him surfaces.

Yes I am more concerned about the reason why he hasn't kissed anyone vs. the fact he hasn't.

 

I just am so confused how someone 30 who is decent hasn't yet. I have trouble dating and even I have fooled around with a guy.

 

I'm guessing it's a pre-selection mentality

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Thanks so much for your replies.

 

I just had no idea men or anyone for that matter can make it to 30 without kissing someone.

 

The guy I'm seeing is nice, sweet, cute and we enjoy spending time together. I just was thrown he has zero experience.

 

It didn't seem like he even tried in his 20's though.

His longest relationship was three dates. I said three dates isn't a relationship lol.

 

I just feel awkward about being his first kiss.

 

I am still confused as to why he hasn't dated anyone to kiss.

 

He seems like a good guy.

 

Met a guy through a friend of mine, he is 35 and never had a girlfriend either

[ZA Dater]

To the OP, ask yourself these things.

 

1: Do you like being in his company?

2: Does he make you feel good?

3: Do you connect on any intellectual level?

4: Is presentable?

5: Does he display good manners?

6: Does he hold eye contact?

7: Does he display any confidence?

 

I cannot see why his lack of experience is off putting, other threads on here have made it clear this a lack of experience should NOT be off putting yet some here wont even give this guy a chance!

 

There are a myriad of reasons why he hasn't had experience, again does it really matter, some people walk their own path in life which isn't the same as the path everyone else walks.

[ilovemusic3]

Met a guy through a friend of mine, he is 35 and never had a girlfriend either

 

are you now dating this guy? Has he ever kissed anyone?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

are you now dating this guy? Has he ever kissed anyone?

 

No I'm not, I'm just saying I know of another extreme case, as for kiss, I don't know, I didn't ask him about the virgin part either because I didn't want to bring him down

[road]

Eh OP... I kind of hesitate to write what I want to say because i was a late bloomer myself (first kiss at 27)... But:

 

If you are an employer, would you hire an employee with no prior job experience. If you do, would you give them a managerial position? Would you expect long training period?

 

Same here. The guy has never kissed a woman, never been on a relationship. The physical part is actually the easiest. I foresee the mental/emotional training would be hard and slow.

 

With my first BF I had no idea what I'm doing. He was leading me like a puppy. I had no clue how to act as a relationship partner (the physical part was innerving but easy).

 

I also met a guy like yours - totally inexperienced, 29 yo, very smart. I went in 3 dinner dates with him - no kiss, hug, nothing. He booked concert tickets as a 4th date... So I went out of courtesy. I booked a taxi for us, wanted to drive him home first. On the way he started kissing the air in front of me. Moving his head etc. it was so embarrassing - even the driver asked me what's going on he was apparently thinking for kissing the whole time but couldn't gain strength to break the barrier, that's why the weird air kissing... He's still writing to me occasionally as a friend (I'm dating another guy from 1 year)...

 

 

You know 4 dates showed he was interested. Him still writing shows he still is.

 

 

Any way you were not happy with no kissing. You saw him struggling to make a move yet you refused to help him break through that barrier, why?

[SSJROMANCE]

No - never. I wouldn't date a 30 year old guy - ever.

[Cherryz]

Its not a shame or bad. Its great that you can find in this time a guy that ddnt sleep around. lol

 

But i would take time to know this guy. Because you have also pervs that lie about this when they see that you are the innocent one, so they can get you into bed just.

 

If he really never kissed and so on, just get to know him and know why that is.

And embrace it if he is just a guy with christian morals.

Because so much std and stuff this days........my o my.

Same as when a guy get a virgin girl and with morals, he happy and respect her more.

Either way who ever it is, you should take time to know them before going further.

[Cherryz]

Its not a shame or bad. Its great that you can find in this time a guy that ddnt sleep around. lol

 

But i would take time to know this guy. Because you have also pervs that lie about this when they see that you are the innocent one, so they can get you into bed just.

 

If he really never kissed and so on, just get to know him and know why that is.

And embrace it if he is just a guy with christian morals.

Because so much std and stuff this days........my o my.

Same as when a guy get a virgin girl and with morals, he happy and respect her more.

Either way who ever it is, you should take time to know them before going further.

 

Or a guy having any kind of values and morals he lives by.

I know that in one particular believe, you can easily find many guys that are virgins. Its something to respect.

It shouldnt be weird because its about guys.

 

You can be worried maybe if his reason is about issues that he is having with conecting to women or so.

[No_Go]

Good point, Road, I knew he is interested indeed, and don't get me wrong - I like him as a person, so I had no plan/intent to make him struggle.

 

I think it is some primordial instinct kicking in, telling me that if a male can't take a lead in the courting the female, he wouldn't be able to take charge in more critical situations. It is basically perceived, subconsciously, as fitness/survival test for a mating partner.

 

Supressing these instinctive (not rationalized) thoughts is costly... People romanticize relationships, which is fine, as long as we don't forget the length of the evolutionary time scales (probably 90% of 'unexplained' rejections come from instinctive behavior preselected in the history of our species)

 

You know 4 dates showed he was interested. Him still writing shows he still is.

 

 

Any way you were not happy with no kissing. You saw him struggling to make a move yet you refused to help him break through that barrier, why?

[GunslingerRoland]

I think sometimes women don't realize that a man can easily go through life without ever dating or being kissed. Men are usually the pursuers so for shy guys, a few rejections,might be enough to put them off from trying.

[SwordofFlame]

The thing that puzzles me is that for guys that struggle, why don't they work to improve? Hire a dating coach, read tips and advice online, ask questions on this LS, etc. I'm not advocating that this guy should completely change himself, but if being yourself is consistently failing, maybe you should create a new better self. It seems like this is an issue with effort and giving a damn.

[GildedLily]

Well should I be concerned that he's gay, because how could a guy make it to 30 without kissing a girl? Or that there is some other negative reason why he hasn't? Wound anyone be uncomfortable being his first kiss?

 

Bingo! You got it girl. Either gay or sexually too repressed to ever satisfy you without a lot of therapy- years. I would say walk away. A man's sex drive is so strong and the fact that he hasn't done anything just shows how strong his sexual repression is and /or if he's gay he is hiding behind religion which is so very common.

[elaine567]

I think sometimes women don't realize that a man can easily go through life without ever dating or being kissed.

...and so can some women.

[road]

Bingo! You got it girl. Either gay or sexually too repressed to ever satisfy you without a lot of therapy- years. I would say walk away. A man's sex drive is so strong and the fact that he hasn't done anything just shows how strong his sexual repression is and /or if he's gay he is hiding behind religion which is so very common.

 

 

Shy does not mean sexually repressed.

 

 

Shy does not mean gay.

 

 

Shy means he has been dating.

 

 

Dating who?

 

 

Mary Hand.

[Jabron1]

The thing that puzzles me is that for guys that struggle, why don't they work to improve?

 

It seems like this is an issue with effort and giving a damn.

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

[GravityMan]

The thing that puzzles me is that for guys that struggle, why don't they work to improve? Hire a dating coach, read tips and advice online, ask questions on this LS, etc. I'm not advocating that this guy should completely change himself, but if being yourself is consistently failing, maybe you should create a new better self. It seems like this is an issue with effort and giving a damn.

 

An essential part of a person's road to self-improvement is him being willing to step outside of his comfort zone. That is not easy for some guys (and women) to do, and it can get harder once he gets into his 30s and older and becomes more and more dead-set in his ways.

 

Also, some guys are so self-absorbed that they cannot see (or refuse to acknowledge) that the cause(s) of their struggles are clear as a sunny day...so clear that darn near everyone else notices the obvious causes easily. 95 times out of 100, struggling guys's issues are all in their head...they are their own worst enemy.

 

And lastly, some guys are just entitled. They were never raised with the mentality that in this world, they will have to put in some effort to get much of what they want. It's hard to succeed if you don't get out there, play and take a risk or two.

[bobjf]

Who has never had a first kiss? I started dating this guy he is 30. We went out last night and we had a good time, and we seem to like each other. We were talking and he started to say how the longest relationship he's had was 3 dates and that he has never kissed a girl before. He did go to a Christian college, so the most guys and girls could do there is hold hands. He is 30 now though. He said he doesn't always know when it's time to kiss a girl and he doesn't want to be rejected. Is this okay? Is it weird? I'm not that experienced either, but I have done sexual things with a guy before.

 

Thoughts please?

 

I'll be taking a much more pragmatic view.

 

He sounds socially and emotionally stunted. It's going to be like seducing a teenage boy (yuck) who has no clue what to do with a woman.

 

But once he's earned his man card with you and finally realizes what he's been missing out on all these years, eventually he's going to go crazy wanting to experience what sex is like with other women. If you're still with him at that point, that's probably what you'll be dealing with.

 

I'd tell him to go out, man the hell up, get some experience, THEN come back and we'll talk.

 

Honestly, I find it odd that he hasn't kissed a girl/woman yet. What are the reasons? Is he shy, self conscious, socially awkward, ...? Does he want to stay virgin until married?

 

I probably wouldn't go there, but it would really depend on his personality. If he was deeply religious though, that would be a deal breaker for me.

 

It would be weird for me.

 

The fact that he went to a Christian college would also probably mean that we're very different and wouldn't be a good match. The reasons why someone hasn't ever kissed at 30 are more important than the fact they haven't itself. Likely, for me, the reasons will probably be reasons (in this case, sheltered Christian college life) that also will not gel with my own life experiences.

 

Eh OP... I kind of hesitate to write what I want to say because i was a late bloomer myself (first kiss at 27)... But:

 

If you are an employer, would you hire an employee with no prior job experience. If you do, would you give them a managerial position? Would you expect long training period?

 

Same here. The guy has never kissed a woman, never been on a relationship. The physical part is actually the easiest. I foresee the mental/emotional training would be hard and slow.

 

With my first BF I had no idea what I'm doing. He was leading me like a puppy. I had no clue how to act as a relationship partner (the physical part was innerving but easy).

 

I also met a guy like yours - totally inexperienced, 29 yo, very smart. I went in 3 dinner dates with him - no kiss, hug, nothing. He booked concert tickets as a 4th date... So I went out of courtesy. I booked a taxi for us, wanted to drive him home first. On the way he started kissing the air in front of me. Moving his head etc. it was so embarrassing - even the driver asked me what's going on he was apparently thinking for kissing the whole time but couldn't gain strength to break the barrier, that's why the weird air kissing... He's still writing to me occasionally as a friend (I'm dating another guy from 1 year)...

 

Bingo! You got it girl. Either gay or sexually too repressed to ever satisfy you without a lot of therapy- years. I would say walk away. A man's sex drive is so strong and the fact that he hasn't done anything just shows how strong his sexual repression is and /or if he's gay he is hiding behind religion which is so very common.

 

Issues all in the head? See above.

 

An essential part of a person's road to self-improvement is him being willing to step outside of his comfort zone. That is not easy for some guys (and women) to do, and it can get harder once he gets into his 30s and older and becomes more and more dead-set in his ways.

 

Also, some guys are so self-absorbed that they cannot see (or refuse to acknowledge) that the cause(s) of their struggles are clear as a sunny day...so clear that darn near everyone else notices the obvious causes easily. 95 times out of 100, struggling guys's issues are all in their head...they are their own worst enemy.

 

And lastly, some guys are just entitled. They were never raised with the mentality that in this world, they will have to put in some effort to get much of what they want. It's hard to succeed if you don't get out there, play and take a risk or two.

 

Struggling guys should have worked on themselves by their 20's. If he hits 30 and hasn't had a kiss yet, no amount of working on oneself is going to make a bit of difference. The above posts show that.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Issues all in the head? See above.

 

 

 

Struggling guys should have worked on themselves by their 20's. If he hits 30 and hasn't had a kiss yet, no amount of working on oneself is going to make a bit of difference. The above posts show that.

Harsh way of rubbing it in

[ilovemusic3]

So we've been on three dates. The last two have lasted about 5 hours.

 

He really seems to like me. He pays for everything. He is really nice. He does whatever I want to do. He is really a gentlemen, opening doors.

 

However, we still talk an hour every day. I am really trying to cut down on this. He calls me every night and I feel bad not answering or hanging up too soon. However I don't want to talk an hour every night. Any advice on this?

 

I wasn't as into him on our thrid date. I just feel we have talked so much the past two weeks the spark isn't as strong.

 

He seems to like me more than I like him.

 

He still hasn't kissed me and I'm not comfortable making the first move.

 

He asked someone to take a picture of us on our last date and texted me today saying it's the background on his phone.

He showed the picture to his co-workers and friends because they kept asking for a picture.

 

I just have only known him a couple weeks, only been on three dates and he is acting like we're in a committed full on relationship.

[Poutrew]

So we've been on three dates. The last two have lasted about 5 hours.

 

He really seems to like me. He pays for everything. He is really nice. He does whatever I want to do. He is really a gentlemen, opening doors.

 

However, we still talk an hour every day. I am really trying to cut down on this. He calls me every night and I feel bad not answering or hanging up too soon. However I don't want to talk an hour every night. Any advice on this?

 

I wasn't as into him on our thrid date. I just feel we have talked so much the past two weeks the spark isn't as strong.

 

He seems to like me more than I like him.

 

He still hasn't kissed me and I'm not comfortable making the first move.

 

He asked someone to take a picture of us on our last date and texted me today saying it's the background on his phone.

He showed the picture to his co-workers and friends because they kept asking for a picture.

 

I just have only known him a couple weeks, only been on three dates and he is acting like we're in a committed full on relationship.

 

Look, why don't you just end it with him? Tell him that your standards for decency dictate that the guy be looser than you. Tell him you have had some sex, not just kissing, and you just aren't comfortable having a guy purer than yourself. Tell him you don't want to be the woman who marries the virgin and then regrets not being able to give her man the gift of her virginity back.

Just remember that when, in the future, you are back on Loveshack crying how you finally found a man your equal in the sex department and then he cheated on you and how broken up you are about it, that you, as Frank Sinatra would sing, did it your way. I'm pretty sure that if you do forget, there will be many regulars who live her who will remind you of that fact.

[ilovemusic3]

The guy just called me saying he got a job in New York, so he's moving and we're gonna end things. Thanks everyone for the help.

[BeholdtheMan]

He really seems to like me. He pays for everything. He is really nice. He does whatever I want to do. He is really a gentlemen, opening doors.

 

Thou shalt not nice thy way into a damsel's pants