BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Who has never had a first kiss? I started dating this guy he is 30. We went out last night and we had a good time, and we seem to like each other. We were talking and he started to say how the longest relationship he's had was 3 dates and that he has never kissed a girl before. He did go to a Christian college, so the most guys and girls could do there is hold hands. He is 30 now though. He said he doesn't always know when it's time to kiss a girl and he doesn't want to be rejected. Is this okay? Is it weird? I'm not that experienced either, but I have done sexual things with a guy before. Thoughts please? I hope so, shouldn't be a detriment
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 My ex had a great way of explaining his lack of experience. We were out with some of his coworkers one time, dancing, and talking about how one of them always had a different girl with him. I said something like, "he's not terribly picky, is he?" My ex looked at me, said, "I'm very picky," and then gave me quite a smooch. That was over a year ago, we're not even dating anymore, and I still get a bit swoony when I think about it. I got swoony just reading that 1
Lois_Griffin Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I'll be taking a much more pragmatic view. He sounds socially and emotionally stunted. It's going to be like seducing a teenage boy (yuck) who has no clue what to do with a woman. But once he's earned his man card with you and finally realizes what he's been missing out on all these years, eventually he's going to go crazy wanting to experience what sex is like with other women. If you're still with him at that point, that's probably what you'll be dealing with. I'd tell him to go out, man the hell up, get some experience, THEN come back and we'll talk. 2
rex79 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Thanks so much for your replies. I just had no idea men or anyone for that matter can make it to 30 without kissing someone. The guy I'm seeing is nice, sweet, cute and we enjoy spending time together. I just was thrown he has zero experience. It didn't seem like he even tried in his 20's though. His longest relationship was three dates. I said three dates isn't a relationship lol. I just feel awkward about being his first kiss. I am still confused as to why he hasn't dated anyone to kiss. He seems like a good guy. you want to know how? here's how. a doesn't date in high school and puts studying first in school. then when he finally tries he gets turned down over and over for being inexperienced. you are clearly just mocking him by calling him gay and calling him nice and sweet aren't positives either when it comes to interest. you may as well cut him loose just like others have done. in 5 years he's going to have to explain why he's never kissed at 38 1
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 in 5 years he's going to have to explain why he's never kissed at 38 Not if the OP gives him lessons... 1
rex79 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I'll be taking a much more pragmatic view. He sounds socially and emotionally stunted. It's going to be like seducing a teenage boy (yuck) who has no clue what to do with a woman. But once he's earned his man card with you and finally realizes what he's been missing out on all these years, eventually he's going to go crazy wanting to experience what sex is like with other women. If you're still with him at that point, that's probably what you'll be dealing with. I'd tell him to go out, man the hell up, get some experience, THEN come back and we'll talk. every single line of your post is wrong. you don't deserve a serious response. i will mention that ive been to new jersey and have had a couple bad experiences there. i'm going to boycott new jersey now.
rex79 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Not if the OP gives him lessons... the op is looking for a reason to dump him. she won't be giving him any lessons. 1
preraph Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 As long as you're enjoying his company and attracted to him, go for it. You may encounter some problems because usually one doesn't reach that age without a kiss for no reason. So just keep your eyes open and don't start thinking you can change him if there's something going on keeping him fearful or whatever. But you might be a good match since you have the Christian connection. Some of the guys like that on this forum in the past have also had a terrible attitude about women and think they're heathens if they have any experience, so be alert for any such bad attitude like that because that would carry over into every facet of a serious relationship. But good luck. Let's hope he's just a gem no one has found yet!
bathrobe Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Honestly, I find it odd that he hasn't kissed a girl/woman yet. What are the reasons? Is he shy, self conscious, socially awkward, ...? Does he want to stay virgin until married? I probably wouldn't go there, but it would really depend on his personality. If he was deeply religious though, that would be a deal breaker for me.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 To the OP, are you and him officially a couple yet? Bf/Gf yet?
Author ilovemusic3 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 When he told me he never kissed a girl before, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say, so I just said nothing. I kind of just stared in space. I would never insult him or ask him of he is gay. I didn't really ask him why he never kissed before. He said he went to a Christian college and is afraid of rejection. He said he doesn't know when to kiss a girl and doesnt want to be rejected. I do like him, just stil think it's odd. I'm confused because he seems like a regular guy. I just don't like the idea of being his first kiss. I wish he never told me this. I'm Jewish and he knows it, so not sure how important his faith is to him anymore. He stopped going to church. I just can't imagine fooling around with someone who has zero experience. I just don't understand why he has never kissed before. He didn't even acted like he tried much. I will still date him, but this does bother me.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 To the OP, are you and him officially a couple yet? Bf/Gf yet? No, we only went out twice. Our first date was 6.5 hours long, second date was 4.5 hours. I wrote another thread on here about how I thought he was moving to fast. He calls me everyday and we talk an hour. After one date he gave me a specialised ringtone to my favorite song on his phone and told all his co workers, family and friends about me.
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 No, we only went out twice. Our first date was 6.5 hours long, second date was 4.5 hours. I wrote another thread on here about how I thought he was moving to fast. He calls me everyday and we talk an hour. After one date he gave me a specialised ringtone to my favorite song on his phone and told all his co workers, family and friends about me. Ya because you are the only one that has paid any positive attention to him. He is truly excited. 5
road Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 I'll be taking a much more pragmatic view. He sounds socially and emotionally stunted. It's going to be like seducing a teenage boy (yuck) who has no clue what to do with a woman. But once he's earned his man card with you and finally realizes what he's been missing out on all these years, eventually he's going to go crazy wanting to experience what sex is like with other women. If you're still with him at that point, that's probably what you'll be dealing with. I'd tell him to go out, man the hell up, get some experience, THEN come back and we'll talk. No. Most men like him do not go that route. To assume he will or all men will behave that way is a false assumption. 1
MissBee Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Who has never had a first kiss? I started dating this guy he is 30. We went out last night and we had a good time, and we seem to like each other. We were talking and he started to say how the longest relationship he's had was 3 dates and that he has never kissed a girl before. He did go to a Christian college, so the most guys and girls could do there is hold hands. He is 30 now though. He said he doesn't always know when it's time to kiss a girl and he doesn't want to be rejected. Is this okay? Is it weird? I'm not that experienced either, but I have done sexual things with a guy before. Thoughts please? It would be weird for me. The fact that he went to a Christian college would also probably mean that we're very different and wouldn't be a good match. The reasons why someone hasn't ever kissed at 30 are more important than the fact they haven't itself. Likely, for me, the reasons will probably be reasons (in this case, sheltered Christian college life) that also will not gel with my own life experiences.
road Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) No, we only went out twice. Our first date was 6.5 hours long, second date was 4.5 hours. I wrote another thread on here about how I thought he was moving to fast. He calls me everyday and we talk an hour. After one date he gave me a specialised ringtone to my favorite song on his phone and told all his co workers, family and friends about me. Moving to fast? Your complaining that he has not tried to kiss you. Ya because you are the only one that has paid any positive attention to him. He is truly excited. I said this before that this man is into her. And, this was before I heard about the ring tone. Edited March 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
spriggan2 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) But once he's earned his man card with you and finally realizes what he's been missing out on all these years, eventually he's going to go crazy wanting to experience what sex is like with other women. If you're still with him at that point, that's probably what you'll be dealing with. My ex voiced the same concern with me. Never even came close to that throughout the course of our relationship. We broke up for different reasons and even now that I'm singe and casually seeing other people, I'm finding I prefer to take it slow and see where things go with just one person. After going so long celibate, resisting temptation is as natural as breathing. I was never unaware of what I was missing, even in my teenage years. Edited March 9, 2016 by spriggan2
SwordofFlame Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 OP, if you're considering passing on this guy. Ask yourself this, can you do better than him? And have you done better than him in the past? 2
preraph Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 (edited) When he told me he never kissed a girl before, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say, so I just said nothing. I kind of just stared in space. I would never insult him or ask him of he is gay. I didn't really ask him why he never kissed before. He said he went to a Christian college and is afraid of rejection. He said he doesn't know when to kiss a girl and doesnt want to be rejected. I do like him, just stil think it's odd. I'm confused because he seems like a regular guy. I just don't like the idea of being his first kiss. I wish he never told me this. I'm Jewish and he knows it, so not sure how important his faith is to him anymore. He stopped going to church. I just can't imagine fooling around with someone who has zero experience. I just don't understand why he has never kissed before. He didn't even acted like he tried much. I will still date him, but this does bother me. I think he's telling the truth about it being about fear of rejection. It's just that that kind of social anxiety can be a bad problem in all phases of a life together. I have a friend married to one, and he isn't very interactive with her or the kids and just sulls up quiet a lot. But just remember and remind him too that dating is to find out if you're suitable. He is not entitled to a commitment up front that you won't reject him at some point. I'd try to be casual about it and just say, "Well that's what dating is for, just to see if you enjoy being with someone or whether there's not enough there." He'll be desperate for some sort of guarantee, and you can't give that, so be sure he knows this is a trial run, which is all dating ever should be. Edited March 10, 2016 by preraph
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Quit analyzing it too much! Seems like you like each other. Swap spit already! To answer your questions: No. No. No. I'm essentially your guy. When I was around age 33, first hand hold; french kiss; 2nd base. She pretty much initiated, and I loved it! I'm rooting for this guy, and you OP! but I think I remember you said, i'm referring to you Chris2016, that despite that experience, you still haven't had a relationship yet, and as for the OP, how did you meet this current 30 year old guy?
Author ilovemusic3 Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 I just hope nothing else weird about him surfaces. Yes I am more concerned about the reason why he hasn't kissed anyone vs. the fact he hasn't. I just am so confused how someone 30 who is decent hasn't yet. I have trouble dating and even I have fooled around with a guy.
zenguy Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Clearly that guy should've gotten advice like, "don't mention that, she might freak out". Because here we are. I think the person that said he never got into the habits of a relationship so he hasn't really known what he's been missing out on all this time is right. Some people just convince themselves that they don't want to do something to cover their shyness. My advice is, treat him like any other guy. (though he really shouldn't have brought it up, for his own good)
Chris2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 but I think I remember you said, i'm referring to you Chris2016, that despite that experience, you still haven't had a relationship yet, and as for the OP, how did you meet this current 30 year old guy? Correct. Never had a relationship.
Chris2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Clearly that guy should've gotten advice like, "don't mention that, she might freak out". Because here we are. I think the person that said he never got into the habits of a relationship so he hasn't really known what he's been missing out on all this time is right. Some people just convince themselves that they don't want to do something to cover their shyness. My advice is, treat him like any other guy. (though he really shouldn't have brought it up, for his own good) Good point. Real life example. Note to self (me).
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