mrboo Posted June 13, 2005 Posted June 13, 2005 Hi, newbie here! Here's a quick intro: I am a 19 year old male who's only ever had one girlfriend before.. and that didn't last too long. I'm pretty shy, I get kinda awkward around girls, especially if they're with other people. I can just about cope if it's just me and another girl. There's this girl I really like, Hannah. She'd invited me out to meet her several times before, but they usually ended up getting cancelled (mostly because she kept finding boyfriends it seems!). She broke up with her latest boyfriend a couple of weeks a go and asked me out again. Of course I said yes, but I wasn't expecting anything to happen. Much to my suprise it didn't get cancelled this time around! I was excited ... and nervous I found her house alright (been there before, but I couldn't drive myself at the time). It was just going to be a simple evening out to the cinema, so we sat talking for about an hour about random stuff. I was alright with that, there wasn't any silent pauses or anything like I was dreading. Then we left for the cinema, which was about.. hmm.. 10-20 minute walk? Again, that went alright. Talked most of the way, about where she worked and some more random stuff! Now, here's where I lost it. Half way through the film she grabbed my hand. I wasn't complaining, but I am really quite shy, so it was a little uncomfortable for a while. I figure this means she likes me. I forgot to mention one of her friends was actually there, so we waited about for her bus after (which never came, so then we had to wait for her dad to come pick her up!!). Pretty much as soon as her friend left we were back holding hands and walking home. Talked some more until we eventually got back to her door, then the holding hands thing ended and it was back upstairs. By this time it was actually past midnight. I didn't really know what to do, it did go silent for a little bit. I ended up asking if I really had to leave and that ended with me being able to stay the night. I felt a little awkward about that one, but anyway... I got a really big long long hug, she sat on the bed with her arm around me for a while (I was a little too nervous to return the arm around thing, I regret it now!) and since I have long hair, she seemed to really like stroking that lol. Not too long and she got tired and wanted to sleep, which was understandable! So, not too bad, right? But then.. me being me... for about 15 minutes after I couldn't help but want to ask if the whole hand holdy / hug stuff meant anything. I mean, it happened all pretty quickly. So I did. (Bad move I expect???). I explained that, you know, it was going around my head and I really had to ask, she said "thats cool", followed by "I DONT NOT like you" and how she was sorry but she had been messed around by too many boys, to which I replied that's ok, it wasn't her fault. This resulted in a massive hug, she said sorry lots and asked if I was ok lots, to which I kept saying yes (mixed feelings really, I didn't really know what to say... just accepted that she didn't want to be with me cause of all the other boys messing her about). I don't really know what to make of that one? Does this mean she doesn't really like me and she was just trying to be nice, or what? Anyway, next day nothing was mentioned about my screwup??? that night. Talked a little in the morning, she had Uni work that needed to be done and she wanted to go swimming. So, my call to drive back home. We walked to the bus stop, as the bus was coming down the road I got yet another hug and stroked my hair again. She asked me to text her when I got back home and said that we should meet up again on monday (two days time) after her lectures at uni that day. More twists in the story here. I got back home, texted her, but never actually got a reply. Eventually she got home and mentioned that she'd got my text on MSN. She'd asked me to tell her to do her work as soon as she got home, so I did. As a result this was only a brief chat. Anyway, after a couple of hours she disappears offline for a while, then comes back later so I ask her how her works going. She said, well, her brother had come over and she'd been drinking apparently. Last thing I asked then was how she was doing again, but no answer and a couple more hours pass and she disappears offline... for good this time! It seemed to be going down hill a little, but I figured... well, she had quite a bit of work to do and it was due by the next day. I text her after she went offline the second time just like "you better still be doing your work :P", but didn't get a reply to that one. Well, the next day it's her last shift on her placement. 12 hours! I decided to text her a few jokes because I figured she might be a little bored/stressed/whatever and asked if I could see her after the shift. She replied to that one But... said it probably wasn't a good idea because she finished at 9pm and had to get up for uni the following day at 9am for lectures. I was fine with that! Another text asking if it was still alright for tomorrow (that would be monday, when we were supposed to meet again)... no reply. So, it's now sunday night, 10pm. Thought she might pop online for a bit. Usually would. But nope, still offline. I decide to check my old accounts e-mail and signed in to MSN on that account..... she was online! Still offline on my other account. For some reason it seems like she had me blocked? Now i'm kinda worried, because by this time I had convinced myself that she perhaps does like me from all the hand holding and stuff. I left a message on my other account asking if I had annoyed her or anything and that I hope she'd unblock me soon and wished her good night. I tried to sleep, which didn't really work for a long while but hey Monday morning, I felt kinda happy for some reason so I tried phoning in the hope she'd answer and say we'd still meet up later on. Three rings followed by a "beeeeeeeep". Figure she just hung up. Even more worried. So, last thing I have said to her is another text asking if she was perhaps scared to talk to me now because I accidently found out she had me blocked, in which I said I really didn't mind and I am sure she had her reasons. Told her that she could explain whenever she felt comfortable, or just not at all, either way I don't mind. Then said I would leave her alone incase I was annoying her or something. Well, that's the last thing that's happened so far. I'm kinda upset because I REALLY like this girl, and my feelings for her only increased from the hand holding / hugging stuff. I'm not really sure what to do Deep down i'm hoping that she does still like me and she's just, well, I dunno really. Annoyed at something? She did mention before that she gets really grumpy when she's not eating. Maybe she's hiding from me because of that, but then why only hiding from me? I'm pretty sure I should just leave it until she unblocks me, if she ever does. I can't help but think I should just drive over to hers tomorrow, hope she's in and tell her how I feel about her and stuff. I'm guessing that would be a really bad idea? But, really, if she goes off with someone else again I really would kill myself for not telling her how I felt properly! I dunno, I would like to know what anyone thinks about the situation. Sorry for the length and messyness of it all. Hope it's readable/semi understandable?
justagirl1121 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Hmmm, I am probably the last person to give advice considering I'm sorta in the same boat but maybe not as far along. no hand holding etc..... Maybe she wasn't really thinking about an attraction with you that way until you brought it up, and now she's not sure. Maybe now she is thinking about the what could be now that it's been placed on the table. I don't know about the text messaging part. This is coming from someone who is 22 and has never dated anyone. I screwed something up a few months back, this kid txt msged me, i knew him from work. I totally ignored the msg. My hearts not there tho, so....i'm not going to date anyone b/c i'm desparate. (thats a diff story). I would say she must feel something for you but probably isnt sure how to handle it? I think fight for it, if you realllllly like her. I told a guy i liked him and got rejected. But at least i KNEW for sure, and the signs he gave to me that he liked me were well......something else i guess. you never know until you try. She can't ignore you forever. wish you all the best! sorry this post probably isnt very helpful.
dsgb Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 Hey whats up? I think I can help you. I went through the same situation. I semidated this girl one time and we kinda had the im thing going on. We seemed great for each other for the first couple of weeks, but she soon started to go through a lot of stress and eventually I got blocked from her yahoo, and she didn't reply to any of my cell phone text messages, and didn't answer any of my calls. This placed me in a hurt state of mind. I really liked this girl and didn't know what was going on. I thought she liked me but obviously not cause she didn't answer her calls. To make a long story short in the end i wound up getting my heart broke by this girl. The girl i used to date and your girl seem to be a little similar. My best advice would be to start looking at other girls and give her some space and time to think. You may be crowding her a little. But, don't feel bad. I did the same thing! lol. In the time that you and her do not talk she will think about you a lot and eventually she will begin talking to you more and she will probably realize that she was about to lose a great guy. But, remember look around for someone else too, just in case this scenario doesnt happen. BE STRONG BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author mrboo Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by justagirl1121 Hmmm, I am probably the last person to give advice considering I'm sorta in the same boat but maybe not as far along. no hand holding etc..... Maybe she wasn't really thinking about an attraction with you that way until you brought it up, and now she's not sure. Maybe now she is thinking about the what could be now that it's been placed on the table. I don't know about the text messaging part. This is coming from someone who is 22 and has never dated anyone. I screwed something up a few months back, this kid txt msged me, i knew him from work. I totally ignored the msg. My hearts not there tho, so....i'm not going to date anyone b/c i'm desparate. (thats a diff story). I would say she must feel something for you but probably isnt sure how to handle it? I think fight for it, if you realllllly like her. I told a guy i liked him and got rejected. But at least i KNEW for sure, and the signs he gave to me that he liked me were well......something else i guess. you never know until you try. She can't ignore you forever. wish you all the best! sorry this post probably isnt very helpful. First of all, thanks to both of you for reading my ........ mess I can't quote multiple messages on here though it seems? It's kinda good to know I am not the only one who's got bad luck with the opposite sex lol Unfortuantly I am the type who kinda... needs an answer, otherwise it just stays in my head forever! I can't leave it alone, I think that's probably a bad thing isn't it? I've managed to keep it to 1 or 2 texts a day (which is quite impressive considering how much I am thinking about it all ). Thing is, I dont want to leave it. I mean, suppose I leave it and she finds someone else!? I would hate myself forever then! I would be happy to just know if it's something I did, if it's something up with her.... something. I really need to know why she won't talk to me. It'd clear up my mind at least! I do really like her. Crazy about her! I told her that, so maybe she's even more overwhelmed now. Oops? She lives about 45 minutes away, driving, from me. I even went over to her house (Uni, so shares a house with other Uni people obviously), just to ask if she was alright. Unfortunately she wasn't in, apparently, so I asked the house mate if she was talkin to anyone, if she seemed alright. All he seemed to know was that she was back at Uni lectures and she was swimming (or has been). I left a film she wanted to see with this house mate and told him to give it her for me and to tell her I called, then left. As retarded as I am, whilst driving along (and getting a bit lost), I figured he doesn't even know my name lol. Oooooops! Still, I guess she'll know it was me as I left the film and... maybe he'll just say "the bloke who was over the other day, the one with long hair, he called earlier.. blah blah blah". I guess I should just try and leave it? I mean, I even suggested playing a yes / no game, so all she had to do was answer yes or no to a question lol. I'm a little obsessive, but I really can't help it. You must know how it is? You really think the best thing to do would be to just try my hardest to leave it alone? I expect with all my persistance (right word?) so far she's probably gone nuts and hates me now anyway, for not being able to shut up and leave her alone to think?
Sal Paradise Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I think the problem is she doesn't like you in that way and she knows you like her, she also knows you're a nice guy. She doesn't want to hurt you and realized she was by being your friend so she put ya on block.
Author mrboo Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 I feared that may be the case. Can't think why else she'd not want to talk to me really. It'd be much nicer if she'd just tell me she hates me to be honest though, rather than disappearing and leaving me wondering what the hell is going on!! I'd rather be "just" friends than not talk at all, not talking at all hurts far far more
Author mrboo Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 Just left a last text saying i'll leave her alone properly now as it seems to be what she wants Suggested that maybe she just didn't want to hurt me and what not, and that I would rather be friends. Said I would always be about if she ever wanted to talk to me again annd... finally wished her a good day and hope she's doing good. Guess I will have to go back to being normal me and just have done with it all now I dont expect I will hear back from her for a while (if ever)
random314 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I'm not an expert, Mrboo, but it seems to me like she was turned off by your insecurity. Sorry if that comes accross as blunt. But really, she did everything she could to make it clear that she was interested in you - holding hands in front of her friend, touching you, hugging you. You freaked out. You asked for clarification. Romance is not something that is spoken, and demanding an explanation will not get you what you want. Also, from what you said later it seemed like you were asking her if it was ok to hang out later. That's the wrong thing to say. You ask if she wants to get together, not if you can see her. I speak from experience here, I've made similar mistakes. You aren't bad with the ladies by birth, you're uncomfortable because you lack experience, that's all. I know it seems impossible, but try to relax. Things happen or they don't, but it isn't the end of the world either way. Just try to learn from it. By the way, you two may still have a future, depending on how you act when you see her next. Don't bombard her with messages if she isn't responding though, she'll think (rightly so perhaps) that you're obsessed. Good luck mate.
Author mrboo Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by random314 I'm not an expert, Mrboo, but it seems to me like she was turned off by your insecurity. Sorry if that comes accross as blunt. But really, she did everything she could to make it clear that she was interested in you - holding hands in front of her friend, touching you, hugging you. You freaked out. You asked for clarification. Romance is not something that is spoken, and demanding an explanation will not get you what you want. Also, from what you said later it seemed like you were asking her if it was ok to hang out later. That's the wrong thing to say. You ask if she wants to get together, not if you can see her. I speak from experience here, I've made similar mistakes. You aren't bad with the ladies by birth, you're uncomfortable because you lack experience, that's all. I know it seems impossible, but try to relax. Things happen or they don't, but it isn't the end of the world either way. Just try to learn from it. By the way, you two may still have a future, depending on how you act when you see her next. Don't bombard her with messages if she isn't responding though, she'll think (rightly so perhaps) that you're obsessed. Good luck mate. Thanks for the advice Don't worry about being blunt, I appreciate it! I guess all I can say there is "whoops" lol I'll know better next time though. I think one of the main things is that she went waaaaayyy too fast for me. It takes me a while to even make friends with people, let alone anything more. If she'd gone slower and given me more time to become proper comfortable around her I might have done alright Still, I managed to well and truly mess it up so it's a little late really
blue16 Posted June 15, 2005 Posted June 15, 2005 I couldn't help but want to ask if the whole hand holdy / hug stuff meant anything. I mean, it happened all pretty quickly. So I did. (Bad move I expect???). I explained that, you know, it was going around my head and I really had to ask Never ask a girl "what did you mean when you asked/did that?" kinda thing. Almost always they will say it was nothing...or didn't mean it like that. Also verbalizing the romance kills most of the fun. Talked a little in the morning, she had Uni work that needed to be done and she wanted to go swimming. So, my call to drive back home. We walked to the bus stop, as the bus was coming down the road I got yet another hug and stroked my hair again. She asked me to text her when I got back home and said that we should meet up again on monday (two days time) after her lectures at uni that day. More twists in the story here. I got back home, texted her, but never actually got a reply. Eventually she got home and mentioned that she'd got my text on MSN. She'd asked me to tell her to do her work as soon as she got home, so I did. As a result this was only a brief chat. Ok so even though you blew it last night at this point she is still playing with your hair, tells you to msg her, walks you to the bus stop - hey it's not lookin too bad. So she asks you to text her when you get home, you do that. She asks you to text her to do remind her to do her work, you do that. It's almost like she is just ordering you around and you're obeying at will. Of course, it is nice to send a txt msg to a girl now and then...but being at her command is not a good thing. Anyway, after a couple of hours she disappears offline for a while, then comes back later so I ask her how her works going. She said, well, her brother had come over and she'd been drinking apparently. Last thing I asked then was how she was doing again, but no answer and a couple more hours pass and she disappears offline... for good this time! It seemed to be going down hill a little, but I figured... well, she had quite a bit of work to do and it was due by the next day. I text her after she went offline the second time just like "you better still be doing your work :P", but didn't get a reply to that one. Ok don't hang out online waiting for her to show up. You are just basically sitting at the computer while she is drinking having a good time. She signs on for a second to check her msgs, and there you are STILL ONLINE bugging her about her work (which by this time she probably doesn't care about she is having fun drinking.) A couple hours pass...and again you are STILL ONLINE waiting for her when she obviously is doing something fun. So then you msg her AGAIN bugging her about her work...this is going way overboard. She probably talked to you like 2 seconds and has other things to do and you msg her like 5 times over the night. This shows that you are thinking too much about her...you should be doing other things besides pining over her. She's at her house drinking/working (doing whatever)...you should be doing something as well. Watch TV...play a computer game....do some hw....hang out with friends whatever. Do something so that you won't be sitting online waiting for her or texting her every chance you get. Well, the next day it's her last shift on her placement. 12 hours! I decided to text her a few jokes because I figured she might be a little bored/stressed/whatever and asked if I could see her after the shift. She replied to that one But...said it probably wasn't a good idea because she finished at 9pm and had to get up for uni the following day at 9am for lectures. I was fine with that! Another text asking if it was still alright for tomorrow (that would be monday, when we were supposed to meet again)... no reply. Ok why did you msg her again? You already msged her like 5 times the night before, the last TWO msgs not getting a reply. In a sense...it's her turn to msg you back so she can explain what happened last night. Don't go msging her over and over again if she isn't replying, it very unattractive and annoying from her perspective. So, it's now sunday night, 10pm. Thought she might pop online for a bit. Usually would. But nope, still offline. I decide to check my old accounts e-mail and signed in to MSN on that account..... she was online! Still offline on my other account. For some reason it seems like she had me blocked? Now i'm kinda worried, because by this time I had convinced myself that she perhaps does like me from all the hand holding and stuff. I left a message on my other account asking if I had annoyed her or anything and that I hope she'd unblock me soon and wished her good night. Again sitting there online. Very interesting though that you went into your other email account to see if she was online and she was. That's pretty clever actually, lol. Ok so now if a girl BLOCKS YOU from her list, you know it's not a good sign. So she blocks you...and she sees you msg her on another account. From her perspective you are desperate to talk to her, and even though you are blocked you're still trying to msg her at all costs. Asking her "plz unblock me soon!" just makes it worse. If I had seen that a girl had blocked me (and it wasn't out of the blue) I would just ignore her and wait for her to talk to me. It's definitely not a good idea to be msging her on OTHER ACCOUNTS begging her to unblock you from her list. Monday morning, I felt kinda happy for some reason so I tried phoning in the hope she'd answer and say we'd still meet up later on. Three rings followed by a "beeeeeeeep". Figure she just hung up. Even more worried. So, last thing I have said to her is another text asking if she was perhaps scared to talk to me now because I accidently found out she had me blocked, in which I said I really didn't mind and I am sure she had her reasons. Told her that she could explain whenever she felt comfortable, or just not at all, either way I don't mind. Then said I would leave her alone incase I was annoying her or something When a girl is ignoring most of your txt msgs, blocks you on her list, it's not a good idea to be calling the next day asking her out. You should've walked away at this point. Don't msg her AGAIN trying to guess "Are you mad at me because of this...?" "Are you scared to talk to me because I did this?" it just shows you are being clingy and desperate. Just way to many msgs and such without even a response from her. Continuing to ask her "Ok you can explain whenever you want!" "You don't have to explain if you don't want to!" "Ok since you're not replying I'll stop bugging you!" it just going way over the top. I'm pretty sure I should just leave it until she unblocks me, if she ever does. Never speak to her again unless she talks to you first. Even if she unblocks you...don't go msging her "Hey long time no see thx for unblocking me!" You see her online...don't talk to her. It is up to her now if she wants to speak with you. You've alrdy said you would leave her alone, so do it. You have left her countless msgs to which she hasn't replied to...you've done more than your share. She obviously did like you at first, but you got too clingy and desperate for her so now the only thing you can do is back away. If she does msg you/txt you etc....DO NOT say to yourself "Hey everythings great now I can be super friendly again!" you have to take it slow. I've fallen in that trap before, a girl ignores me for a whie so I stop talking to her then she comes back. Then I acted all friendly like nothing had happened and sure enough she ignored me again. You have to be hard to get...note that is differen't than PLAYING hard to get. Remember the quote "People want what they can't have." that's what you need to do here. She realizes she 'has' you so there is no challenge for her unless you make one. I'm not trying to be harsh in my posts, but I wish someone had done the same to me when I first started out on this stuff. I had to figure most of it out by myself, and it was a big headache but we have to get experience at some point. Just take pride on the fact you learned so much (believe me you did) from this ordeal and you won't make these simple mistakes again. Now let's talk about the things you did right. You had this (attractive, I'm assuming) girl holding your hand, putting her arm around you....generally interested. You must be doing something right in order to get a girl like this giving you all these obvious signals. I dissected the individual parts for you so you can get a better idea of what you need to shoot for. I don't mean to say "if this exact same situation happens again, you should've done this instead of that." but rather the general outlook you should have. You shouldn't be hanging out online hoping for her to sign on...you should be doing other things. You shouldn't be asking a girl "Ok so when you hold my hand does that mean you like me?" "When you sit on my lap does that mean you want to make out?" etc...you just gotta go with the flow and see what happens. You shouldn't be txting a girl 5 times without a reply. No one deserves that kind of attention when they don't give any back. I'll give you an example. A met this girl earlier this year (I sat next to her in class at college) and at first she wasn't very chatty with me at all. I would ask her how she was doing, how her weekend was and she would only reply "Good." not even elaborate or ask back. So after a couple times, I realized it's not worth my time to continue being friendly with her when she isn't giving anything back. So next time I come to class I don't say a word to her...she doesn't deserve my attention IMO. Sure enough....SHE is the one asking me 'how was my weekend' 'how's it going' and we ended up becoming good friends. It's not a game, but rather the confident mindest you should have in relationships with others. This doesn't just apply to bf/gf stuff but to all areas in life. Good luck.
Author mrboo Posted June 15, 2005 Author Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by blue16 Never ask a girl "what did you mean when you asked/did that?" kinda thing. Almost always they will say it was nothing...or didn't mean it like that. Also verbalizing the romance kills most of the fun. Ok so even though you blew it last night at this point she is still playing with your hair, tells you to msg her, walks you to the bus stop - hey it's not lookin too bad. So she asks you to text her when you get home, you do that. She asks you to text her to do remind her to do her work, you do that. It's almost like she is just ordering you around and you're obeying at will. Of course, it is nice to send a txt msg to a girl now and then...but being at her command is not a good thing. Not at her command, I would have texted her when I got home anyways She wanted me to remind her to do work, so I did. That's hardly being under her command to be honest? I verbalized it because, well, I didn't have a clue Sure, unromantic thing to do. She said 'that's cool' to it, but I guess she probably didn't actually mean that. More "omg you're a freak" lol Originally posted by blue16 Ok don't hang out online waiting for her to show up. You are just basically sitting at the computer while she is drinking having a good time. She signs on for a second to check her msgs, and there you are STILL ONLINE bugging her about her work (which by this time she probably doesn't care about she is having fun drinking.) A couple hours pass...and again you are STILL ONLINE waiting for her when she obviously is doing something fun. So then you msg her AGAIN bugging her about her work...this is going way overboard. She probably talked to you like 2 seconds and has other things to do and you msg her like 5 times over the night. This shows that you are thinking too much about her...you should be doing other things besides pining over her. She's at her house drinking/working (doing whatever)...you should be doing something as well. Watch TV...play a computer game....do some hw....hang out with friends whatever. Do something so that you won't be sitting online waiting for her or texting her every chance you get. I wasn't hanging around waiting for her in particular. I'm a computer science geek at uni. I was playing games and doing whatever I usually do, programming, watching videos, etc I guess I can see your point, but I dont feel I was quite as obsessive as you make out at this point? It was also a huge amount of work, and I was geniunely concerned that she should be doing it considering it was a 14 week assignment she hadn't started in by the next day!! I dunno, just didn't feel wrong to me? Originally posted by blue16 Ok why did you msg her again? You already msged her like 5 times the night before, the last TWO msgs not getting a reply. In a sense...it's her turn to msg you back so she can explain what happened last night. Don't go msging her over and over again if she isn't replying, it very unattractive and annoying from her perspective. Point taken! Think it was more like 2 texts the night before though, and that was do your work poop Perhaps I didn't write it too clearly or something? I dunno! I texted her like she asked, then another reminding her to do her work that day. Pretty sure that's what I said? Oh, and the texts the next morning were jokes and asking if she wanted to do something later on. Harmless I thought? Originally posted by blue16 Again sitting there online. Very interesting though that you went into your other email account to see if she was online and she was. That's pretty clever actually, lol. Ok so now if a girl BLOCKS YOU from her list, you know it's not a good sign. So she blocks you...and she sees you msg her on another account. From her perspective you are desperate to talk to her, and even though you are blocked you're still trying to msg her at all costs. Asking her "plz unblock me soon!" just makes it worse. If I had seen that a girl had blocked me (and it wasn't out of the blue) I would just ignore her and wait for her to talk to me. It's definitely not a good idea to be msging her on OTHER ACCOUNTS begging her to unblock you from her list. Again, not just sitting Although I admit I spend a lot of time around my computer, but I love working with them, so what do you expect? I just didn't mention what I was doing to pass the time as I didn't think it was really relevant. I can, however, see why you'd point it out. I did write it like I was just sitting there waiting lol And I didn't sign in to my other account purely to check to see if she was online in my defense It was an old account that I hadn't checked e-mail for, for a rather long time. Actually had some e-mails that needed to be read (aka weren't junk). It just so happened she was on my list on that one too. I only left one message on that account and haven't signed in to it since then Perhaps I shouldn't have left a message at all, but oh well!? EDIT: Oh, and I dont feel like I was BEGGING for her to unblock me? I thought I was actually rather sensible about it to be honest lol I feel like you're messing with words again trying to make it sound worse than it actually was. Perhaps this is just to make me see that it's a bad thing to do, regardless of my 'good intention'? Originally posted by blue16 When a girl is ignoring most of your txt msgs, blocks you on her list, it's not a good idea to be calling the next day asking her out. You should've walked away at this point. Don't msg her AGAIN trying to guess "Are you mad at me because of this...?" "Are you scared to talk to me because I did this?" it just shows you are being clingy and desperate. Just way to many msgs and such without even a response from her. Continuing to ask her "Ok you can explain whenever you want!" "You don't have to explain if you don't want to!" "Ok since you're not replying I'll stop bugging you!" it just going way over the top. Well, I only called that morning because she'd said before that she wanted to meet up on Monday before! Guess I was just hoping she'd answer and say sure. I was happy that morning, remember Is it a bad thing that I wanted to know why she was ignoring me then? I think you've also seperated the single text message up in to several lines to make it sound much worse than it actually was there? Or perhaps I have a bad memory, but I am prettyyyyyyy sure it aint as bad as you make out. Originally posted by blue16 Never speak to her again unless she talks to you first. Even if she unblocks you...don't go msging her "Hey long time no see thx for unblocking me!" You see her online...don't talk to her. It is up to her now if she wants to speak with you. You've alrdy said you would leave her alone, so do it. You have left her countless msgs to which she hasn't replied to...you've done more than your share. She obviously did like you at first, but you got too clingy and desperate for her so now the only thing you can do is back away. If she does msg you/txt you etc....DO NOT say to yourself "Hey everythings great now I can be super friendly again!" you have to take it slow. I've fallen in that trap before, a girl ignores me for a whie so I stop talking to her then she comes back. Then I acted all friendly like nothing had happened and sure enough she ignored me again. You have to be hard to get...note that is differen't than PLAYING hard to get. Remember the quote "People want what they can't have." that's what you need to do here. She realizes she 'has' you so there is no challenge for her unless you make one. Noted! I am leaving her alone. Admittedly it took a while for me to get to that point mind you. I am crazy for the girl though, so I can only think it's normal to be a tad "desperate" and clingy, as you put it? Possibly missed the point or something? Originally posted by blue16 I'm not trying to be harsh in my posts, but I wish someone had done the same to me when I first started out on this stuff. I had to figure most of it out by myself, and it was a big headache but we have to get experience at some point. Just take pride on the fact you learned so much (believe me you did) from this ordeal and you won't make these simple mistakes again. I know Thanks for taking the time to point out my stupidness!! I feel like a total retard, but I guess I did learn something. Originally posted by blue16 Now let's talk about the things you did right. You had this (attractive, I'm assuming) girl holding your hand, putting her arm around you....generally interested. You must be doing something right in order to get a girl like this giving you all these obvious signals. Well, it didn't seem so daunting at the time I suppose? Don't really know. Maybe I just think too much at night (I do tend to)? I can't really see why my freakoutness might have led her to ignore me though? She liked me for who I was but got put off because I was a little awkward thinking about some stuff, and she knew I wasn't all that great around people in general etc etc too!? She insists she isn't either... Originally posted by blue16 I dissected the individual parts for you so you can get a better idea of what you need to shoot for. I don't mean to say "if this exact same situation happens again, you should've done this instead of that." but rather the general outlook you should have. You shouldn't be hanging out online hoping for her to sign on...you should be doing other things. You shouldn't be asking a girl "Ok so when you hold my hand does that mean you like me?" "When you sit on my lap does that mean you want to make out?" etc...you just gotta go with the flow and see what happens. You shouldn't be txting a girl 5 times without a reply. No one deserves that kind of attention when they don't give any back. I'll give you an example. A met this girl earlier this year (I sat next to her in class at college) and at first she wasn't very chatty with me at all. I would ask her how she was doing, how her weekend was and she would only reply "Good." not even elaborate or ask back. So after a couple times, I realized it's not worth my time to continue being friendly with her when she isn't giving anything back. So next time I come to class I don't say a word to her...she doesn't deserve my attention IMO. Sure enough....SHE is the one asking me 'how was my weekend' 'how's it going' and we ended up becoming good friends. I guess you're right there My biggest fault was just being blunt and asking if it meant anything, which was my way of asking if she liked me... which.... is a stupid thing to ask if it's so obvious? but I didn't know that lol. I was definately clingy in the end, I can see that one, I dont think I was that clingy at first though. I started to get clingy because I had no idea what was going on! I mean, tell me you can see why at least? If a friend of mine stopped talking to me I would definately want to know why, did I do anything wrong, are they alright etc etc? Originally posted by blue16 It's not a game, but rather the confident mindest you should have in relationships with others. This doesn't just apply to bf/gf stuff but to all areas in life. Good luck. Thanks!
blue16 Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 I verbalized it because, well, I didn't have a clue Sure, unromantic thing to do. She said 'that's cool' to it, but I guess she probably didn't actually mean that. More "omg you're a freak" lol Even if you don't have a clue you shouldn't verbalize it just go with the flow. It kills the romance when one person is always asking what certain actions and signals mean - not to mention it looks insecure. I wasn't hanging around waiting for her in particular. I'm a computer science geek at uni. I was playing games and doing whatever I usually do, programming, watching videos, etc I guess I can see your point, but I dont feel I was quite as obsessive as you make out at this point? It was also a huge amount of work, and I was geniunely concerned that she should be doing it considering it was a 14 week assignment she hadn't started in by the next day!! I dunno, just didn't feel wrong to me? Well even if you were doing other things, u kept track of when she signed on and off throughout the night and msged her everytime she signed on I bet. Let her msg you some of the time, don't make it one sided. And fact of the matter is you did text AND msg her many times through the night when she didn't even respond to half of them. I can understand you care about her assignment, but no need to remind her several times you're not her mother remember. Point taken! Think it was more like 2 texts the night before though, and that was do your work poop Perhaps I didn't write it too clearly or something? I dunno! I texted her like she asked, then another reminding her to do her work that day. Pretty sure that's what I said? Oh, and the texts the next morning were jokes and asking if she wanted to do something later on. Harmless I thought? Still though already at this point the relationship seems to be always you msging/calling her...and she gives little to no response back. Jokes over text msging are fine, but if you keep msging her (no matter the reason) and she isn't responding back, you need to stop msging her. Continuing to text her only pushes her farther away. You can rationalize all you want, but when you msging her 2-3 times for every one of her replies - it's not a good sign and you need to cut back. And I didn't sign in to my other account purely to check to see if she was online in my defense It was an old account that I hadn't checked e-mail for, for a rather long time. Actually had some e-mails that needed to be read (aka weren't junk). It just so happened she was on my list on that one too. I only left one message on that account and haven't signed in to it since then Perhaps I shouldn't have left a message at all, but oh well!? But the main reason why you signed on was to see if she was online, not to check the actual e-mail. I would do the same, i must admit. If I had a suspicion someone blocked me and I had a means to figure out if it was true without them knowing I would go for it, why not. BUT...i would not msg her on the other account because it just seems kind of creepy like you are stalking her. I know you aren't, but from her perspective she blocks one account then you try to find her using another account...she was probably wondering what the hell you were doing. EDIT: Oh, and I dont feel like I was BEGGING for her to unblock me? I thought I was actually rather sensible about it to be honest lol I feel like you're messing with words again trying to make it sound worse than it actually was. Perhaps this is just to make me see that it's a bad thing to do, regardless of my 'good intention'? Yes, using words like 'begging' to help you get the greater msg. I know you didn't actually BEG her...but to get the point across that you shouldn't even be asking her in the first place I use harsher words. Don't ask her "Plz unblock me from _____" it just sounds desperate. She will unblock you when she wants to. Is it a bad thing that I wanted to know why she was ignoring me then? I think you've also seperated the single text message up in to several lines to make it sound much worse than it actually was there? Or perhaps I have a bad memory, but I am prettyyyyyyy sure it aint as bad as you make out. Again the point is that you msged her MANY times (however many times that was) and she gives no response whatsoever. It's pretty obvious to me why she started blocking you, but that's a different story. If you want to know...you can ask politely ONCE and then move on. There is no need to be msging her asking her to unblock you, then asking for an explanation, then saying she doesn't have to give one if she doesn't want to.....then saying you will stop bugging her etc. Make one msg (if you must) asking why she blocked you and never contact her again. Only she can be the one to decide whether she tells you, no degree of text spam will make her change her mind. The more you do it the lesser chance she will. Noted! I am leaving her alone. Admittedly it took a while for me to get to that point mind you. I am crazy for the girl though, so I can only think it's normal to be a tad "desperate" and clingy, as you put it? Possibly missed the point or something? I don't know if it's normal to be clingy or desperate, but it's definitely not a good thing. Just cuz you are crazy for her doesn't mean you should act like that. The more clingy you get the more you push her away. People want what they can't have, remember that. Well, it didn't seem so daunting at the time I suppose? Don't really know. Maybe I just think too much at night (I do tend to)? I can't really see why my freakoutness might have led her to ignore me though? She liked me for who I was but got put off because I was a little awkward thinking about some stuff, and she knew I wasn't all that great around people in general etc etc too!? She insists she isn't either... No she got put off because you missed her signals completely (she probably felt rejected) and then you asked her "what does this mean when you did that" it looks insecure and kills the thrill of romance. Then you got a little too clingy msging her so many times in one day. You can justify however you want why you msged her so much, but the fact is she wasn't responding to half of those text msgs so it was too much too soon. I guess you're right there My biggest fault was just being blunt and asking if it meant anything, which was my way of asking if she liked me... which.... is a stupid thing to ask if it's so obvious? but I didn't know that lol. I was definately clingy in the end, I can see that one, I dont think I was that clingy at first though. I started to get clingy because I had no idea what was going on! I mean, tell me you can see why at least? If a friend of mine stopped talking to me I would definately want to know why, did I do anything wrong, are they alright etc etc? It's understandable not to get all of women's signals. But if you're unsure, don't ask them. Using it as a way of asking if she likes you is just insecure and unattractive. Never ask people whether they like you or not. And no you weren't clingy at first, that's probably why she was interested. Then you started to text her like mad (I exaggerate, again to get the point across) and she thought you were clingy. The was turned off by that, then started to ignore you.
Author mrboo Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by blue16 Even if you don't have a clue you shouldn't verbalize it just go with the flow. It kills the romance when one person is always asking what certain actions and signals mean - not to mention it looks insecure. Ok. Wasn't asking what they mean, rather if they meant anything toward me. Originally posted by blue16 Well even if you were doing other things, u kept track of when she signed on and off throughout the night and msged her everytime she signed on I bet. Let her msg you some of the time, don't make it one sided. And fact of the matter is you did text AND msg her many times through the night when she didn't even respond to half of them. I can understand you care about her assignment, but no need to remind her several times you're not her mother remember. I have a laptop and a big computer, I looked at my laptop, which has MSN on it, every so often yeah I reminded her like... twice, and asked how the work was going once. It wasn't many times is my point. Once or twice isn't many times. Really, you do seem think I was a lot worse than I was!? By the way, she signed on just the once. Yes, I did message her then. Didn't think that would be such a big deal... Originally posted by blue16 Still though already at this point the relationship seems to be always you msging/calling her...and she gives little to no response back. Jokes over text msging are fine, but if you keep msging her (no matter the reason) and she isn't responding back, you need to stop msging her. Continuing to text her only pushes her farther away. You can rationalize all you want, but when you msging her 2-3 times for every one of her replies - it's not a good sign and you need to cut back. It was two messages, one being the jokes one asking if she wanted to meet up after her work, to which I got a reply I seriously don't see a problem with that, at all? Originally posted by blue16 But the main reason why you signed on was to see if she was online, not to check the actual e-mail. I would do the same, i must admit. If I had a suspicion someone blocked me and I had a means to figure out if it was true without them knowing I would go for it, why not. BUT...i would not msg her on the other account because it just seems kind of creepy like you are stalking her. I know you aren't, but from her perspective she blocks one account then you try to find her using another account...she was probably wondering what the hell you were doing. Fraid not my friend. I never even had a suspicion she'd blocked me. I figured that night she had just gone straight to bed after a 12 hour shift, I probly would have! Originally posted by blue16 Yes, using words like 'begging' to help you get the greater msg. I know you didn't actually BEG her...but to get the point across that you shouldn't even be asking her in the first place I use harsher words. Don't ask her "Plz unblock me from _____" it just sounds desperate. She will unblock you when she wants to. Ok. But I didn't say plz unblock me I said I hope you do at some point. Hardly begging... and not even asking. I couldn't see what I had done to deserve being ignored. Originally posted by blue16 Again the point is that you msged her MANY times (however many times that was) and she gives no response whatsoever. It's pretty obvious to me why she started blocking you, but that's a different story. If you want to know...you can ask politely ONCE and then move on. There is no need to be msging her asking her to unblock you, then asking for an explanation, then saying she doesn't have to give one if she doesn't want to.....then saying you will stop bugging her etc. Make one msg (if you must) asking why she blocked you and never contact her again. Only she can be the one to decide whether she tells you, no degree of text spam will make her change her mind. The more you do it the lesser chance she will. Ok. AGAIN I DIDN'T message her as many times as you make out. You've ended up seperating ONE text message and thinking it was MULTIPLE text messages. That is quite simply NOT the case. And again I wasn't ASKING her to unblock me Just asking if she was alright. I guess I was concerned, so sue me Originally posted by blue16 I don't know if it's normal to be clingy or desperate, but it's definitely not a good thing. Just cuz you are crazy for her doesn't mean you should act like that. The more clingy you get the more you push her away. People want what they can't have, remember that. Ok. Originally posted by blue16 No she got put off because you missed her signals completely (she probably felt rejected) and then you asked her "what does this mean when you did that" it looks insecure and kills the thrill of romance. Then you got a little too clingy msging her so many times in one day. You can justify however you want why you msged her so much, but the fact is she wasn't responding to half of those text msgs so it was too much too soon. I didn't ask her what it meant, I asked her if it meant anything. Personally I think that's quite a big difference? And I'm only trying to tell you that I wasn't texting her half as much as you think, again, as I keep saying. As for being rejected, she knows I really like her so I am thinking perhaps not.. Originally posted by blue16 It's understandable not to get all of women's signals. But if you're unsure, don't ask them. Using it as a way of asking if she likes you is just insecure and unattractive. Never ask people whether they like you or not. Ok. I can understand why asking something like "Does it mean you really like me if you hold my hand" would be something you don't want to say. I thought just asking if any of it meant anything toward me would have been alright though? It didn't seem particularly wrong, but I guess not? Originally posted by blue16 And no you weren't clingy at first, that's probably why she was interested. Then you started to text her like mad (I exaggerate, again to get the point across) and she thought you were clingy. The was turned off by that, then started to ignore you. Oh, so you do know I wasn't texting her like mad now? (Sorry i'm a little dense sometimes, and I just woke up lol). No matter what you say, I am afraid I would have to just totally disagree on that point... That theory just doesn't work if you ask me. Nice idea, but I fail to see how 2 texts that day could possibly be considered clingy and lead to being ignored. You've got to that conclusion because you've been exaggerating earlier on I suppose, thinking I text her like 10 times a day, when I actually hadn't and you have split up a single text in to multiple texts.
blue16 Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 She lost interest because you started getting clingy, IN ADDITION to the fact you missed all of her signals and asked an insecure question about her intentions. You're missing the greater picture in my opinion. You seem to have a justification for every action you did, making it seem like you did absolutely nothing wrong. We can argue till the cows come home how many times you actually text messaged her, but that doesn't matter. Fact is that you texted her TWO times the night without a response, and ONCE in the morning with no reply for a combined 3 msgs in a row without even so much as a response. Do not give out attention for free when they aren't giving anything back. If you don't think there is something wrong with that then there is nothing I can do. Whether you ask her "What did you mean by that?" or "Did that mean anything?" is essentially the exact same thing, you know that. Saying to her "I hope you unblock me sometime" is the same effect as asking "I want you to unblock me." I don't feel you're headed down the right road at all, instead of trying to figure out where you went wrong you're trying to justify and rationalize all of your actions and pointing out minor grammatical flaws in my advice.
Author mrboo Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by blue16 She lost interest because you started getting clingy, IN ADDITION to the fact you missed all of her signals and asked an insecure question about her intentions. You're missing the greater picture in my opinion. You seem to have a justification for every action you did, making it seem like you did absolutely nothing wrong. We can argue till the cows come home how many times you actually text messaged her, but that doesn't matter. Fact is that you texted her TWO times the night without a response, and ONCE in the morning with no reply for a combined 3 msgs in a row without even so much as a response. Do not give out attention for free when they aren't giving anything back. If you don't think there is something wrong with that then there is nothing I can do. You haven't read properly, in my opinion. I sent 3 text messages, two one day and one the next, yes, you've got that far now. HOWEVER, I got a reply after the second one. I may seem to have a justification for everything, but I am trying my HARDEST here to try and get you to understand that I didn't send as many texts as you think. I suppose you got this from the story you've exaggerated in your head aswell, as I clearly said in my last post. It was two messages, one being the jokes one asking if she wanted to meet up after her work, to which I got a reply I seriously don't see a problem with that, at all? Now, I ask you, is this clingy? In my opinion, no, it's not. Especially not when you consider one of the texts was just a load of jokes! It certainly wasn't this that got me ignored/blocked like you seemed to think at the end of your last reply. Originally posted by blue16 Whether you ask her "What did you mean by that?" or "Did that mean anything?" is essentially the exact same thing, you know that. Saying to her "I hope you unblock me sometime" is the same effect as asking "I want you to unblock me." I don't feel you're headed down the right road at all, instead of trying to figure out where you went wrong you're trying to justify and rationalize all of your actions and pointing out minor grammatical flaws in my advice. See above. Had you not thrown everything I said out the window and stuck an "lets exaggerate this tag" on everything, perhaps we wouldn't be here. The fact is that you did, and while it may have been helpful the first time, after that it just got very confusing. You seem to have built up some sort of mental picture of what happen, which is a little bit off from what actually happened. You seem to have managed to confuse not only me, but also yourself, with your own exaggerations and, as such, your advice has started to become quite a bit less helpful in some aspects. I dont happen to think those questions are the same thing, similar, but the intentions behind the questions are quite different in my opinion. Asking what something means is just that, it's saying you honestly don't have the slightest clue what it meant, so please tell me, what *does* it mean? Asking if something meant something suggests that you do know what it could possibly mean, but it could also mean something else (just being friendly). Still, I guess I shouldn't have asked anyway, despite the subtle difference. I didn't exactly miss her signals either, I originally told you I figured they may have meant she liked me. I just wasn't entirely sure of what to do in that kind of situation. I'd never been there before. Anyway, neither of us seem to think we're in the wrong so it's not going to get anywhere is it. To try and make a point that I don't hate you or whatever, and that I still appreciate some parts of your advice, she unblocked me yesterday morning -- I followed your advice and didn't say anything. I'll leave it till she decides to speak to me.
katiebour Posted June 18, 2005 Posted June 18, 2005 Heya Mrboo, Just a quick note: I used to have a hard time saying "no" to guys when they message or email me, asking to be my friend. A guy emailed me once, told me I was cute and that he wanted to get to know me. I added him as a friend, but afterwards thought the better of it. I popped on Messenger because I was expecting to chat with my current love interest, and this guy messaged me. I felt bad, because I felt like I had gotten his hopes up when in actuality I wasn't interested in getting to know him. I made up an excuse, got offline, and blocked him, figuring that I wouldn't hear from him again, and since I really didn't know him anyway, that it wouldn't be a big deal. He did the same thing you did, and sent me a message "I thought you were going to eat?" He knew what was up, and so did I, and I was really embarrassed. In retrospect I should have just been up-front with him; but I just wanted to let him down easily instead of being rude. So here's my take on the whole situation: She was in-between boyfriends and lonely. She knew that you liked her and decided to give it a try. You went out, had the sleep-over, and had a decent time. Sometime after that she decided that she wasn't really interested in you as a love interest. When you caught her with the whole blocking thing, she was probably pretty embarrassed. I'm glad to hear that she's unblocked you, but I wouldn't message her at all. If she wants to talk to you- she will. In the meantime, I'd look around for a different girl if I were you. Take care.
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