SoulSurfer94 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 (edited) So every time I meet a girl I like, and we start talking/texting/seeing each other or whatever the same thing always happens. I suddenly end up never hearing from them again. I've only ever had one girlfriend, this ended terribly and is covered in another of my threads. Anyway when we met, everything went smoothly, I liked her, she liked me, and we spent 2 years together. Before her, and now after her, every girl seems to flake out and I can't understand what it was about my ex that made things materialise. I'm not saying I'm a model or anything but I don't seem to have an issue getting girls numbers, but when I get their number they either never reply or stop replying mid conversation. I don't have an issue getting a girl to say yes to a date, but they never follow through when it comes to arranging it, again, I never hear back from them. Some girls have talked about a casual sex relationship with me but never follow through when it comes to actually starting it. Tinder matches give me their number, but then they'll flake too. I recently met a girl I really liked, we went on two dates. (aquarium on the first and dinner on the second) Last date she said she had a great time, i said I did too. Then when I tried to set up a third, guess what, no response! I feel like I'm physically attractive enough for girls to give me their number and say yes to a date but nothing ever seems to materialise, no matter if I try hard or don't try at all! I don't know what element I'm missing, the element was there when I met my ex but I don't know what it was! If anything, I just find it rude, if you're not interested just say so, totally ignoring someone mid conversation is just impolite, whether you are dating or not. This doesn't depress me or anything, I just find it extremely frustrating. Been single since November and this pattern has repeated itself more times than I can count. Doesn't matter what I do, something WILL go wrong. My friends like to joke that, even if I bring a girl back to my place, I'll probably get hit by a comet before we get there, it happens THAT much. Meet girl - she shows interest - swap numbers/ask her on a date - get a yes to the date - date doesn't happen, or does and then never hear from them again. What am I doing wrong? Edited March 8, 2016 by SoulSurfer94
GenuineAttraction Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 You get her number great! She has a pretty good level of interest in you at that point. You are doing something between making the date and the actual date that is talking her out of liking you. You're most likely talking too much about everything under the sun before asking for the date, and after getting the date. Romance can only really happen in person. I would say, get the number, wait till next week, call her set up a date for the weekend, and don't talk to her until the date. She needs time to think about you and process what she thinks. She needs to talk to her friends or whatever. Attraction cuts through everything. It's there in the beginning and you are doing something to diminish it. Try that and see if it works for you.
Author SoulSurfer94 Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Thanks for the advice, I'll give it a shot
Jabron1 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 It's a numbers game. If you check out my journal entry, I got two numbers yesterday - which I've been acting on today. When I get a girls number from an approach, I nearly always wait until the next day to start texting them. The reason why I do this is to build momentum and excitement. Consider this, I chat up a girl and get her number. That's enough excitement for one day. She'll be telling her friends that something different happened to her today, because (let's face it) life can be rather monotonous. Then, I text her the next day. This brings back the feelings of excitement. I will send a couple of messages back and forth, and then make a date request for the following day. I'm letting her ride along on this wave of momentum. So, if I meet her on Monday, I'll be texting her Tuesday, and dating her Wednesday. I nearly never give a new girl a weekend date. That's my peak time. The chance of a new girl flaking is too high. I usually only give my peak time to a girl that I'm already seeing, and who is reliable.
GR4 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 That's just modern day dating I'm afraid. Happens to me every time as well. The last girl I was involved with, we had four dates, she was telling me about what we should do for the fifth and then she vanished off the face of the planet. It's frustrating as hell so I feel your pain! I don't think you're necessarily doing anything wrong, it's just how women are. They're fickle people in general and will jump from one guy to the other for no apparent reason just because they can. 1
Jabron1 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 (edited) I don't think you're necessarily doing anything wrong, it's just how women are. They're fickle people in general and will jump from one guy to the other for no apparent reason just because they can. Oh, there's a reason... Women are constantly looking for the highest value man that they can attract. And yes, their pursuit is ruthless. A man's sexuality is more straightforward than a woman's. A man is pretty much all about looks. Women are looking for two things: good DNA (the exciting guy), and a good provider for security (the safe guy). As you can imagine, those two things often clash. Whenever you can't understand a woman, don't put it down to her being 'fickle' or 'crazy'. If she's seeming crazy, she's being crazy like a cunning fox . Edited March 8, 2016 by Jabron1 1
GR4 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Oh, there's a reason... Women are constantly looking for the highest value man that they can attract. And yes, their pursuit is ruthless. A man's sexuality is more straightforward than a woman's. A man is pretty much all about looks. Women are looking for two things: good DNA (the exciting guy), and a good provider for security (the safe guy). As you can imagine, those two things often clash. Whenever you can't understand a woman, don't put it down to her being 'fickle' or 'crazy'. If she's seeming crazy, she's being crazy like a cunning fox . I agree, there might be a reason but that reason won't necessarily be anything to do with the guy. It's just how women work. 1
Bee4Shine Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 This is puzzling. I am thinking that it might be a good idea for you to seek a counselor. Maybe after talking to you a counselor could let you know what it is that may be turning off people. I know that is difficult, but how can you change something you don't know about. Believe me, we all have issues that we need to work on and grow in...you are not unique in that area. I am sorry that you are struggling in this way. I struggled in the same way and so I decided to work on trying to be the best person I could be and so improve myself in that way. Maybe find a church, a community and learn from others?
smudge21 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 Do you make a move on the first or second date? I'm not talking clothes off but at least a kiss? I've been reading about similar and there's a lot of talk about there being a time limit on starting a relationship, like you need to make them aware of what you want, and those early moves can make or break any chance you have. Now I personally don't buy into this idea that one rule fits all, but maybe you are bit aloof and not forward enough with these girls. In the dating game, they could have plenty other options who are asking them out so you could be fighting against whatever they are doing. Failing all that, is there a pattern to where you meet these girls?
Author SoulSurfer94 Posted March 10, 2016 Author Posted March 10, 2016 Well, to be honest I've only managed to get to a second date once (my ex and I didn't really 'date' it all just sort of happened) but when I went on a second date with the other girl I mentioned we hugged, I didn't want to be too forward as she's quite a shy girl :s On the one hand I want to be forward and show them what my intentions are, on the other, I don't want to scare them off and blow it all :s I meet girls at parties, Tinder and via mutual friends. Often in nightclubs but I never expect to hear from them anyway. I met this girl I like in my block of flats, she said she's getting stressed with uni work and I said me too and that we should hang out one day. She said 'I will definitely come up (to your place), I'll give you a shout'. Messaged her...no reply ever. is it just a case of girls don't know what they want? if so, how the hell are we supposed to know how to act?
Jabron1 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 You need to provide more details: How many girls do you approach in the average week/month? And, what are you doing on these dates? Look, I got flaked on this week too . I got numbers that haven't ended up in dates. It's a numbers game. You have to just accept the grind, and keep approaching. If you keep at it, you will get some momentum at some point. This is the stage when most guys settle for the first woman that likes them. But, if you keep pushing past that point, you will be shocked what you can achieve
Author SoulSurfer94 Posted March 11, 2016 Author Posted March 11, 2016 I'm confident enough to approach loads of girls in one day, I'm just not in a position to. I'm at university, and while people say that's a great place to meet new people it's not entirely true. I have lots of friends but ALL of them are in relationships, this is no exaggeration. All the girls I know are in relationships and so are they're friends, it's like I'm the only single one on campus, and because they're all domesticated there are no parties or night's out for me to meet girls. So basically I was only approaching the ones that were available, which was probably a couple a week, but that's all I could manage under the circumstances but it was the best I could do.
jay1983 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Only way to avoid it is to date down and become their best option.
truth_seeker Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I don't think you're necessarily doing anything wrong, it's just how women are. They're fickle people in general and will jump from one guy to the other for no apparent reason just because they can. Women who are good looking and have options will behave this way. The way I see dating now, you could meet a woman today, go a couple of dates, she vanishes, 6 months down the road you hear from her, you guys are on another date, 6 months later engaged, 1 year later married.
truth_seeker Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Oh, there's a reason... Women are constantly looking for the highest value man that they can attract. And yes, their pursuit is ruthless. A man's sexuality is more straightforward than a woman's. A man is pretty much all about looks. For me in my 20s, yes. Now in my 30s I want looks but also a woman with a good heart. If she's a b-tch or a drama queen, her looks won't save her. Women are looking for two things: good DNA (the exciting guy), and a good provider for security (the safe guy). As you can imagine, those two things often clash. Yes. In their 20s, they want the exciting hot guy. In their 30s they want the safe guy. Whenever you can't understand a woman, don't put it down to her being 'fickle' or 'crazy'. If she's seeming crazy, she's being crazy like a cunning fox . Hmmm... I agree but only for some women. There are women who are plain fickle and f-cking crazy.
Jabron1 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 For me in my 20s, yes. Now in my 30s I want looks but also a woman with a good heart. If she's a b-tch or a drama queen, her looks won't save her. None of us want to hang around with a horrible woman. But, looks are what men value more than anything. A man is biologically wired to go around shagging pretty girls. It's a much more straight-forward, and easily understood, sexuality than what women have. Yes. In their 20s, they want the exciting hot guy. In their 30s they want the safe guy. Somewhat true, but a generalization. I've been seeing a late 30's wife who's in an 'open marriage'. I think she wants both Hmmm... I agree but only for some women. There are women who are plain fickle and f-cking crazy. They are just following their 'heart' (emotions). It's not rational, therefore it's 'crazy and fickle'. It is what it is
Jabron1 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I'm confident enough to approach loads of girls in one day, I'm just not in a position to. You have to create your own opportunities. Go to a shopping centre, or something like that. Wherever there are shops, there are women spending money. So basically I was only approaching the ones that were available, which was probably a couple a week Two a week is nowhere near enough. If I want to guarantee a date, I need to approach 20 girls - and that's with good game. On your schedule, It'd take about 3 months just to get a date.
joseb Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Yes. In their 20s, they want the exciting hot guy. In their 30s they want the safe guy. Yeah until they get him. Then many get bored and want the hot guy again! 1
NYC-BigKat Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I agree, there might be a reason but that reason won't necessarily be anything to do with the guy. It's just how women work. Still trying to understand why girls are so difficult to understand .
truth_seeker Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Yeah until they get him. Then many get bored and want the hot guy again! This is how Jabron got to shag that married woman.
truth_seeker Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 None of us want to hang around with a horrible woman. But, looks are what men value more than anything. A man is biologically wired to go around shagging pretty girls. It's a much more straight-forward, and easily understood, sexuality than what women have. Somewhat true, but a generalization. I've been seeing a late 30's wife who's in an 'open marriage'. I think she wants both They are just following their 'heart' (emotions). It's not rational, therefore it's 'crazy and fickle'. 1) Yea, I love hot women but they got have something beyond the pretty face and tight body. Shallow men only want hot, dumb as bricks women. 2) Those women in "open marriages" were wh-res to begin with... 3) I'm not sold on that last one. Sounds more like immaturity.
Jabron1 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 This is how Jabron got to shag that married woman. Adult Friend Finder --> Shirtless pic --> Decent text game Win. That was when I had just broken up with my ex and being really lazy though. I took the profile down, 'cause I kept getting messaged by gay guys. Even though my profile clearly says STRAIGHT. I suppose that's the sort of crap that women have to put up with Real life is where the real game is
truth_seeker Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 Adult Friend Finder --> Shirtless pic --> Decent text game Win. That was when I had just broken up with my ex and being really lazy though. I took the profile down, 'cause I kept getting messaged by gay guys. Even though my profile clearly says STRAIGHT. I suppose that's the sort of crap that women have to put up with Real life is where the real game is Wait a second. You found this woman on Adult Friend Finder? That doesn't count. Here I'm thinking you're Mr. Suave across the Pond and you're piping pigs off a website??? Just about any dude can do that.
Jabron1 Posted March 12, 2016 Posted March 12, 2016 I had just broken up with my ex and being really lazy though. Real life is where the real game is Wait a second. You found this woman on Adult Friend Finder? That doesn't count Tough, I'm counting it!
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