I'm in love with my best friend.

[Kylemopar]

I never noticed until recently how madly in love with her I was. We are each other's diaries, we are each other's best friend. She calls me and face times me frequently. Just two major problems. One is that a mutual friend knew that I had feelings for her way before I even did and he took it upon himself to ask her if she ever once thought about being with me. She said no, that she has no romantic feelings for me and the she wish she did but she doesn't.

 

The second problem is, that she has a boyfriend. She's madly in love with him as she has told our friend. That's she's so blindly in love and that she wants to be with him so much that it hurts her. She says that he's 'The One'....but that's the way I feel about her. The way she laughs, makes me smile, she cracks me up everyday. I love and appreciate everything she has to offer, she has a beautiful soul...but she has no feelings for me.

 

She's my bestfriend...what do I do?

[spriggan2]

If I were in your shoes I would let her be and look elsewhere. It would be agonizing for me to think about her being lovers with another man and leaving me with scraps. But maybe you're the type who can supress your feelings. Just remember she is giving her whole heart to someone else. Either way I think having another female romantic interest in your life would help, as would spending less time with her.

Edited March 8, 2016 by spriggan2

[preraph]

There is no hope for this situation, as long as you can believe what your friend said she said. Truly, if something romantic was going to happen, it would have happened long before now.

 

If you stay just because you can't let go, you're going to waste a lot of years there while she probably ends up married with kids. Plus one of these days, her man is going to object to you being in her life, and since you are after her, of course, he would be right.

 

You need to stop focusing on her, and that takes self-discipline. You need to accept reality. You need to not tell yourself you'll be happier with a scrap of a friendship that is not destined to last while she gets a family. You need to start looking for a different girlfriend. You need to hang out with other friends not her, and start seeing her less and less and depending on her as a friend less and less. You have to make a new life for yourself. It's best to stay super busy socially with friends and not have much time to dwell on it and not use that social time to talk or think about her but to distract away from her. Until you meet someone new you're interested in. And when you do, don't make this same mistake of "being friends" when you must have known for some time it was more than that, because you need to act quickly to keep from ending up "just friends" with girls. You need to make your romantic intentions known immediately with them. It's too late once they're used to treating you like a girlfriend they gossip to or a brother.

 

Start making a new life, and good luck. She asks questions why you're scarcer, tell her, "I'm looking for a girlfriend."

[RRM321]

You're going to find it very draining in the long run if you as the "best friend" are supporting her emotionally by doing all of the work that the boyfriend has little interest in.

 

You're not her diary - especially if she's already closed the book on you.

 

PS: Don't beat yourself up over this. I went the other way - I married my best friend. The boyfriend came along later.

Edited March 8, 2016 by RRM321

[sensewriter]

Well mate, you answered your own question with these two brutally honest points. The more time you spend with her, the more you crucify yourself.

[road]

Tell her why you are ending the friendship.

 

 

That you want her as your girlfriend not a girl friend.

[Lovezen_30]

I think your only option is to move on and start dating new people. I was in this situation recently - told my long-term male friend I have feelings for him. He lead me on to an extent (don't think this is the case here?) and has stayed with his girlfriend. It has killed me to end the friendship - but it would have killed me more to hang on while he pursued another woman.

 

I also had a male friend stop talking to me recently because he had feelings - i haven't heard from him in over 6 months since he got a girlfriend. All I want is for him to be happy and if that is pursuing his life with this girl and cooling the friendship with me for now that's fine (although I miss him a lot).

 

Sorry - it sucks. Moving on takes strength, but it's times like these that you find out your true strength . Having strong feelings for a woman who loves another person will erode your self-esteem. Take control now! Perhaps one day you can have a different kind of friendship, once your feelings have calmed down. Or maybe you will grow apart - it's all up to you and the passage of time...