Scottyd Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Met this woman a couple weeks ago and things moved fast, probably a little too fast in hindsight. I've spent 10 out of the last 14 nights at her house. She has been very affectionate with me and confessed that she has feelings for me. She has also introduced me to several of her friends and was very happy that they seemed to approve/like me. So, last night I texted her that I was going to "lay low" and stay home for the night, but I wanted to take her out to dinner tomorrow (today) because she has been so sweet and cooked us several meals over the last couple weeks. She replied "OK" with a kissing smiley face. This morning I texted again and told her where I'd like to take her for dinner and what time I would be in the area after work. I got a response back that it was going to be a long work day for her and she would let me know after work if she still felt like going out. I texted back that if she didn't feel like going out I could pick up take out and a bottle of wine and bring it by her place. She texted "Ok, I will let you know. Have a good day." I don't want to be cynical but I kind of think I blew it here. We all know what "I will let you know" usually means. I guess I just don't understand how she went from being all about it to indifferent overnight. Maybe she is offended that I didn't want to sleep over last night and she (mis)interpreted that as a sign of low interest on my part? Ideas? Thanks -S
Mrin Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Maybe she is offended that I didn't want to sleep over last night and she (mis)interpreted that as a sign of low interest on my part? This. Based on what you had described, you guys were hot and heavy with each other. She's started developing emotions for you. Your actions last night were a break in the pattern. She probably got her feelings hurt. So she is either playing tit for tat or just has her shields up a bit. Suggestion: just stay steady Eddie and play the hand through. Make sure she knows your interest in her is still present and constant. It she doesn't warm back up by the weekend then you have bigger issues.
AnnaGem Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I'm of the mindset of not reading into things. So I take what people actually say at face value and figure if they meant something other than that, then it's their responsibility to just say so. In fact, if people don't practice that same mantra, I move on. It's too much work trying to "read minds". But I digress.. I'll let you know means just that. She'll let you know. She probably is going to have a long day and isn't sure if she'll have the energy to do anything tonight and therefore doesn't want to commit. Perhaps she feels comfortable saying that because you were honest about needing a night of too. You guys seem to have some great chemistry if you've spent a lot of time together. I wouldn't read too much into it. 2
Jejangles Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I would remain calm, you don't have enough information to freak out! My first thought is that it is exactly what she said... She's going to have a long day and may not be up for dinner. But maybe she will be up for you heading over, or maybe not. It is possible that taking a night off after a whirlwind start has made her realise she needs a little more time to herself or wants to pace things more. The best thing you can do now is keep any insecurity to yourself and not jump to catastrophic conclusions. If she decides to stay home and have a quiet night in after a long day, you could suggest a call just to stay connected. Or just let her take the night off and make plans for tomorrow. Let her take the lead, see what she suggests. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 (edited) Met this woman a couple weeks ago and things moved fast, probably a little too fast in hindsight. I've spent 10 out of the last 14 nights at her house. She has been very affectionate with me and confessed that she has feelings for me. She has also introduced me to several of her friends and was very happy that they seemed to approve/like me. So, last night I texted her that I was going to "lay low" and stay home for the night, but I wanted to take her out to dinner tomorrow (today) because she has been so sweet and cooked us several meals over the last couple weeks. She replied "OK" with a kissing smiley face. This morning I texted again and told her where I'd like to take her for dinner and what time I would be in the area after work. I got a response back that it was going to be a long work day for her and she would let me know after work if she still felt like going out. I texted back that if she didn't feel like going out I could pick up take out and a bottle of wine and bring it by her place. She texted "Ok, I will let you know. Have a good day." I don't want to be cynical but I kind of think I blew it here. We all know what "I will let you know" usually means. I guess I just don't understand how she went from being all about it to indifferent overnight. Maybe she is offended that I didn't want to sleep over last night and she (mis)interpreted that as a sign of low interest on my part? Ideas? Thanks -S 10 out of 14 nights together and just met a couple of weeks ago??? That's going to smother the relationship for sure and you may be seeing that signal from her. I didn't want to sleep over last night and she (mis)interpreted that as a sign of low interest on my part? -- I don't see how after having slept together 10 out of 14 nights and then not staying one time would give her that impression, unless she's just that "clingy". My guess is she's feeling a little smothered and that didn't happen overnight. Take a break here. Go out at least once a week and stay together. Slow it down. That being said, you wanted a night to yourself, probably because of the same reason. You wanted time to yourself . . . If you're thinking she doesn't want to get together with you because you didn't stay over, that's passive-aggressive behavior [on her part] and immature. Wait and see if she accepts. If not, let it be and continue to observe. Reschedule with her. Edited March 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
GenuineAttraction Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Met this woman a couple weeks ago and things moved fast, probably a little too fast in hindsight. I've spent 10 out of the last 14 nights at her house. She has been very affectionate with me and confessed that she has feelings for me. She has also introduced me to several of her friends and was very happy that they seemed to approve/like me. So, last night I texted her that I was going to "lay low" and stay home for the night, but I wanted to take her out to dinner tomorrow (today) because she has been so sweet and cooked us several meals over the last couple weeks. She replied "OK" with a kissing smiley face. This morning I texted again and told her where I'd like to take her for dinner and what time I would be in the area after work. I got a response back that it was going to be a long work day for her and she would let me know after work if she still felt like going out. I texted back that if she didn't feel like going out I could pick up take out and a bottle of wine and bring it by her place. She texted "Ok, I will let you know. Have a good day." I don't want to be cynical but I kind of think I blew it here. We all know what "I will let you know" usually means. I guess I just don't understand how she went from being all about it to indifferent overnight. Maybe she is offended that I didn't want to sleep over last night and she (mis)interpreted that as a sign of low interest on my part? Ideas? Thanks -S It's like tennis. You hit the ball into her court, now wait for her to respond. Don't text her in the meantime. She'll most likely say she's tired and wants to lay low as well when she texts you tonight. But she may invite you over. If she doesn't, wait for her to text. She most likely will the next morning. If she gets upset that you didn't text, just tell her you felt like she needed some time alone and wanted to respect that. Which is what you are doing. The main point here is EXERCISE SELF CONTROL. You haven't lost her, but she's getting used to you. So give her the gift of missing you a bit. Be a little bit of a challenge, and let her catch you when she reaches out. Provide a place of safety.
strawberryshortstack Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Met this woman a couple weeks ago and things moved fast, probably a little too fast in hindsight. I've spent 10 out of the last 14 nights at her house. She has been very affectionate with me and confessed that she has feelings for me. She has also introduced me to several of her friends and was very happy that they seemed to approve/like me. So, last night I texted her that I was going to "lay low" and stay home for the night, but I wanted to take her out to dinner tomorrow (today) because she has been so sweet and cooked us several meals over the last couple weeks. She replied "OK" with a kissing smiley face. This morning I texted again and told her where I'd like to take her for dinner and what time I would be in the area after work. I got a response back that it was going to be a long work day for her and she would let me know after work if she still felt like going out. I texted back that if she didn't feel like going out I could pick up take out and a bottle of wine and bring it by her place. She texted "Ok, I will let you know. Have a good day." I don't want to be cynical but I kind of think I blew it here. We all know what "I will let you know" usually means. I guess I just don't understand how she went from being all about it to indifferent overnight. Maybe she is offended that I didn't want to sleep over last night and she (mis)interpreted that as a sign of low interest on my part? Ideas? Thanks -S Sometimes, "I will let you know" means just that. I've been seeing my bf for about 4 months now, and we see each other as often as we can, though it's usually no more than three times per week, because my schedule just doesn't allow it. I have a stressful job, and sometimes, during my work day, I just don't feel like seeing anyone once I'm done. So if he asks me if we're going to see each other that night, I sometimes say "I'll let you know." Not because I don't want to see him, but because at that moment, I'm feeling like I need some time alone. I often change my mind. 2
GenuineAttraction Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 shystrawberry EXACTLY! But if he pushes it, she'll definitely want to stay home.
Author Scottyd Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. Sounds like I need to just play it cool. One thing I didn't mention earlier, because I wasn't sure if it was relevant...we've spent a lot of time "behind closed doors", as you normally do during the early/honey moon phase of a relationship. She has been very satisfied with the experience but I've had a lot of trouble finishing. I'm not sure why. It doesn't bother me much but the other day she half jokingly said "I'm going to develop a complex if this keeps happening." So I wonder if that coupled with me wanting to stay home last night makes her think that I am not interested or not attracted? Neither could be further from the truth. Should I try to explain that to her, or should I just let it ride for now?
strawberryshortstack Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it. Sounds like I need to just play it cool. One thing I didn't mention earlier, because I wasn't sure if it was relevant...we've spent a lot of time "behind closed doors", as you normally do during the early/honey moon phase of a relationship. She has been very satisfied with the experience but I've had a lot of trouble finishing. I'm not sure why. It doesn't bother me much but the other day she half jokingly said "I'm going to develop a complex if this keeps happening." So I wonder if that coupled with me wanting to stay home last night makes her think that I am not interested or not attracted? Neither could be further from the truth. Should I try to explain that to her, or should I just let it ride for now? Just let it ride for now. But do make sure she's completely satisfied.
RJ2000 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 You just hit on something with your last comment. She may in fact feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, frustrated, you name it that you have trouble finishing. She sees it as a reflection on herself, just as you would of yourself if you couldn't satisfy her. This you have to fix, so figure out what to do. A few days without sex--with her or yourself--might help, ha ha.
preraph Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 If someone says they're tired and long work day, etc., you shouldn't re-ask them to do something. She may be tired, or she may have made plans with a friend or something. Likely, she just wants a night at home to herself. You guys did start off rather fast.
Recommended Posts