When he keeps asking you out and you are not sure how you feel about him...do you go?

[ktragers]

Been on four dates with a guy and I like him fine but just not that strongly. I'd say my feelings for him are kind of in between "not feeling anything" and "really into this person." He seems to like me a lot and asks me out every weekend. Given my past experience, I feel like I should give him a chance and get to know him better, but I also am not sure if he's "the one" or if there's going to be any long term potential with this, so I'm a bit hesitant on keeping this going, too. Any advice would help!

 

I'm definitely attracted to some parts about him: He seems attentive, insightful, and perceptive. He likes to read and pays attention to the news (a rarity sometimes nowadays). He calls his parents every day. He cooks at home a lot and seems like a mama's boy. He looks cute - not gorgeously handsome but definitely a good looking dude. There's a dominant side to him that he seems to enjoy taking care of things (when not overly done) and being in control, etc.

 

The aspects about him that bother me are that he can be a bit "immature" sometimes that he likes to fool around with me all the time, like picking me up, messing with my hair, poking me, etc., which is cute and fun but all gets old after a while. He can also be a huge baby when he's hungry or sick that when it happens he can be the least considerate person on earth. I'm also not sure if he's ever had a real relationship before since he doesn't seem to have many friends in the area, and he went to military academy type of school for college but now works as a government contractor.

 

Anyway, the "immature" part applies to some of his other behaviors too that it's a bit hard to describe. But it does bother me a bit because I'm kind of an "old soul." I have a good sense of humor and I laugh and make jokes all the time too, but just not in the same way. What he does sometimes gives me the impression that deep down he's just a little kid.

 

On one hand I feel like I need to trust my gut feelings (which had never failed me) that it's probably just not going to work, while on the other hand I feel like I need to give this a chance and take more time to get to know him, especially since the guys I was so into in the past never reciprocated the feelings so maybe it's time to step back and reevaluate. Thoughts?

[Toodaloo]

Can you live with the bad bits?

 

Have you told him that those certain things really annoy you and perhaps he could show his affection in this way instead because you would like that...?

 

If you are not feeling "it" after 4 dates its not going to happen. Cut him lose and free yourself up.

 

if you think he is worth the bother then talk to him about those things. Ask him if you do anything that drives him nuts or if you could do things differently...

[d0nnivain]

After 4 dates, you know or you don't know that you want to spend more time with the person. No I would not keep stringing him along. Cut both of your losses & move on

[katiegrl]

Been on four dates with a guy and I like him fine but just not that strongly. I'd say my feelings for him are kind of in between "not feeling anything" and "really into this person." He seems to like me a lot and asks me out every weekend. Given my past experience, I feel like I should give him a chance and get to know him better, but I also am not sure if he's "the one" or if there's going to be any long term potential with this, so I'm a bit hesitant on keeping this going, too. Any advice would help!

 

I'm definitely attracted to some parts about him: He seems attentive, insightful, and perceptive. He likes to read and pays attention to the news (a rarity sometimes nowadays). He calls his parents every day. He cooks at home a lot and seems like a mama's boy. He looks cute - not gorgeously handsome but definitely a good looking dude. There's a dominant side to him that he seems to enjoy taking care of things (when not overly done) and being in control, etc.

 

The aspects about him that bother me are that he can be a bit "immature" sometimes that he likes to fool around with me all the time, like picking me up, messing with my hair, poking me, etc., which is cute and fun but all gets old after a while. He can also be a huge baby when he's hungry or sick that when it happens he can be the least considerate person on earth. I'm also not sure if he's ever had a real relationship before since he doesn't seem to have many friends in the area, and he went to military academy type of school for college but now works as a government contractor.

 

Anyway, the "immature" part applies to some of his other behaviors too that it's a bit hard to describe. But it does bother me a bit because I'm kind of an "old soul." I have a good sense of humor and I laugh and make jokes all the time too, but just not in the same way. What he does sometimes gives me the impression that deep down he's just a little kid.

 

On one hand I feel like I need to trust my gut feelings (which had never failed me) that it's probably just not going to work, while on the other hand I feel like I need to give this a chance and take more time to get to know him, especially since the guys I was so into in the past never reciprocated the feelings so maybe it's time to step back and reevaluate. Thoughts?

 

I could never do this.... you've been on four dates, has he not tried to kiss you? Or be physically affectionate with you?

 

Most men I go out with go for the kiss on the first date, and if I am not attracted.... not gonna work!

 

Just me, but I can't kiss a guy unless I am very attracted to him.

 

And by the fourth date....he'd be trying for a lot more!

 

Which begs the question...how do you go on four dates with a guy and avoid this? Him trying to kiss you or otherwise being physically affectionate with you?

 

Beside that....if you're not into him, then don't date him anymore because you're misleading him and that's not fair.

 

JMO.

[Jejangles]

I believe in giving people time, but I think you have identified too many negatives about this guy. So after 4 dates I would cut him loose and look elsewhere.

 

I took about five dates to warm up to my current guy. But I couldn't identify any negatives in his personality. In fact every date introduced a new and better side to him. I just wasn't sure about our physical chemistry. So I kept giving him another date and then it turned out our physical chemistry was great. Now we're in a relationship and I can't believe I was so lukewarm to begin.

 

On the other hand, I dated a guy for a few weeks last summer who I took the same approach with - nice guy but I was a bit lukewarm. And by five dates, instead of me seeing more and more good qualities within him, I just kept seeing more incompatibilities.

 

This might sound nuts, but I'm a big fan of pros and cons lists in dating when I'm feeling uncertain. If the cons are on par with or bigger than the pros, I end it... It's worked so far!

[ktragers]

I could never do this.... you've been on four dates, has he not tried to kiss you? Or be physically affectionate with you?

 

Most men I go out with go for the kiss on the first date, and if I am not attracted.... not gonna work!

 

Just me, but I can't kiss a guy unless I am very attracted to him.

 

And by the fourth date....he'd be trying for a lot more!

 

Which begs the question...how do you go on four dates with a guy and avoid this? Him trying to kiss you or otherwise being physically affectionate with you?

 

Beside that....if you're not into him, then don't date him anymore because you're misleading him and that's not fair.

 

JMO.

 

We've definitely kissed many times and also slept together once. I wouldn't say that Im not into him at all because I like him fine but just not so strongly yet. I've gone on dates with people I never developed any feelings for and I usually cut it off after only one date. This case now seems a bit complicated.

[todreaminblue]

i think you really need to talk to him and if you arent into him let him go..my advice is also dont have sex with a guy you arent really into thinking it will make things better.....deb

[preraph]

Well, just remember that you can't trust a child with anything breakable.

[thecrucible]

You are obviously attracted enough to him since you've slept together. Maybe you could find a way to ask him questions about the things you're not sure about (without interrogating of course) so you get a better idea about him? If they are quirks which are charming for the most part then you could give it more time but if you feel genuinely irritated and don't enjoy his company enough to be in the moment with him, then it's maybe not going to go much further.

[Leigh 87]

I'll be really honest.

 

How many options do you have?

 

Some women can afford to wait for someone they are excited about and feel amazing chemistry with. Other women just won't find it mutually.

 

If you're young, ditch him. You have time.

 

Remember it us incredibly hard to find someone you're really into who's into you back.

 

And further cause for concern is..... well, I have been lukewarm about men and changed my mind. But it was ALWAYS BY DATE 2 or 3.

 

Well before sleeping together. ......

 

And to compensate for lack of sizzling chemistry I am sure you can at least find amazing compatability. You have to ADORE him if you are going to be able to overlook a fundamental lack in chemistry. .......

 

I'd end it personally. If your biological clock is ticking still end it I'd say....and find mediocre chemistry with a man that you love personality wise.

[katiegrl]

We've definitely kissed many times and also slept together once. I wouldn't say that Im not into him at all because I like him fine but just not so strongly yet. I've gone on dates with people I never developed any feelings for and I usually cut it off after only one date. This case now seems a bit complicated.

 

Not to get too personal, but how was the sex? Do you click sexually? Did you enjoy it ....with him?

 

I can't even imagine having sex with a guy unless I am 100% without a doubt super attracted to him.

 

Just couldn't do it.

[Leigh 87]

Not to get too personal, but how was the sex? Do you click sexually? Did you enjoy it ....with him?

 

I can't even imagine having sex with a guy unless I am 100% without a doubt super attracted to him.

 

Just couldn't do it.

 

I'd rather masturbate.

 

For years alone than settle for mediocre sex.

[insert_name]

Don't be *that* girl who is lukewarm but keeps going on the dates until someone better comes along. I have just been through this with a girl I dated, who in hindsight, was never invested yet would continue to meet up with me up until a couple of weeks ago when she just stopped replying to my texts. Then I see she has updated her social media profile pic to her arm in arm with some guy and it really stung. I would have so much more respect for her if she had just stopped me in my tracks cus she wasn't feeling it before I could get in too deep. As it is she moves on and comes out of it tickety boo while I feel like a fool and don't even get any closure. Don't let that happen to this guy because it really really sucks.

[ktragers]

Not to get too personal, but how was the sex? Do you click sexually? Did you enjoy it ....with him?

 

I can't even imagine having sex with a guy unless I am 100% without a doubt super attracted to him.

 

Just couldn't do it.

 

It was okay for the most part I guess. It got a bit weird when he got "soft" after putting on a condom and was a bit embarrassed so he started shouting "FML" and yelling at his thing "you are useless..." I was having a "what the hell" moment in my head when that happened...

 

Sorry about the graphic details.

[ktragers]

I'll be really honest.

 

How many options do you have?

 

Some women can afford to wait for someone they are excited about and feel amazing chemistry with. Other women just won't find it mutually.

 

If you're young, ditch him. You have time.

 

Remember it us incredibly hard to find someone you're really into who's into you back.

 

And further cause for concern is..... well, I have been lukewarm about men and changed my mind. But it was ALWAYS BY DATE 2 or 3.

 

Well before sleeping together. ......

 

And to compensate for lack of sizzling chemistry I am sure you can at least find amazing compatability. You have to ADORE him if you are going to be able to overlook a fundamental lack in chemistry. .......

 

I'd end it personally. If your biological clock is ticking still end it I'd say....and find mediocre chemistry with a man that you love personality wise.

 

I agree that it's incredibly hard to find someone you're so into and that they like you back just as much. I can think of quite a few guys that I liked a lot back in the days but they never reciprocated the feelings. Then of course there were those who were quite attracted to me but I didn't feel a thing. It definitely sucked.

 

With this new guy we get along really well for the most part and have fun together. If things are awkward I'd have probably ended it a long time ago. Like I said, there are moments when I feel attracted to him but then there are other small details or behavior-type of things occur that turn me off every now and then.

[ktragers]

Don't be *that* girl who is lukewarm but keeps going on the dates until someone better comes along. I have just been through this with a girl I dated, who in hindsight, was never invested yet would continue to meet up with me up until a couple of weeks ago when she just stopped replying to my texts. Then I see she has updated her social media profile pic to her arm in arm with some guy and it really stung. I would have so much more respect for her if she had just stopped me in my tracks cus she wasn't feeling it before I could get in too deep. As it is she moves on and comes out of it tickety boo while I feel like a fool and don't even get any closure. Don't let that happen to this guy because it really really sucks.

 

That does suck and I've had guys pull that act on me before and it was definitely hard to deal with. Haven't experienced anyone ghosting on me, thankfully, but there was still no closure when someone suddenly end things with you when everything had been going so well.

 

Not trying to do that here. Like I said, if I didn't feel anything at all I usually end it right there after date 1. No need to waste anyone's time here and I don't think stringing people along is doing ourselves any favor. I mean, if you don't like this person, I'm sure you can find something better to do than hanging out with someone you don't even enjoy.