Nivy Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 This is one thing that I am facing everyday. I think many of you are also suffering from the same thing. Yesterday after few days of NC I ended up mailing him and as usual I got no reply. Today I decided that I won't let this hurt me longer and I deleted all his contact numbers (luckily I don't remember his contact number) but I do remember his email id so that is making all of these things more tough. How did you all cope with the urge of contacting your ex? What other things helped you with continuing NC ???? 3
keiji Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I was terrible at keeping NC until I read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/56954-do-you-really-think-contacting-your-ex-going-help-you-guide-long-walk Seriously, that guy is my hero. 1
Alamo657 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 The absolute certainty that i'd be met with pity, and that the only words that i would have wanted to hear : "i love you and want to get back with you" belonged to the realm of fantasy. This certainty was born out of experience with break-ups. 5
Satu Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 It's purely a matter of self-discipline. There's no substitute or alternative to that. You can do other things, like making a list of things you will do when you get the urge, but in the absence of self-discipline, nothing will work. Take care. 2
Redhead14 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 (edited) This is one thing that I am facing everyday. I think many of you are also suffering from the same thing. Yesterday after few days of NC I ended up mailing him and as usual I got no reply. Today I decided that I won't let this hurt me longer and I deleted all his contact numbers (luckily I don't remember his contact number) but I do remember his email id so that is making all of these things more tough. How did you all cope with the urge of contacting your ex? What other things helped you with continuing NC ???? Self Respect Resolve Acceptance And having a life of my own that was just great before he came along and will continue to be great without him. Edited March 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove bolding and bold applicable content in quote 3
darkbloom Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 You're looking for him to validate you. True healing comes from within. You keep putting your hand on the stove wondering if it's hot. When you want it to stop hurting you will stop touching it. 4
TheScientist Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 What's stopping me is that last time I saw him he said he was surprised he messaged me first that day as its always been me initiating contact, well since he started pulling away - he didn't say it in a cruel way but to show how much he wanted to see me that day, so much so that he messaged ME FIRST. So it's not happening this time. 1
darkbloom Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Who cares what he said? He broke up with you. Anything he said is now void. 3
TheScientist Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Who cares what he said? He broke up with you. Anything he said is now void. Yup agreed however it defined the whole relationship to me, and how he viewed it. Helped me realise I need to heal. 1
Blanco Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 In your case, you should think about how at this point, your continued attempts to contact him probably have him telling his friends and family how unstable you're behaving. I'm sorry to sound blunt, but this guy has told you to stop contacting him; that he wants you out of his life; that you are harassing him. And you've responded by... harassing him. I know it's not easy, but you need to have some self-respect. This guy doesn't want you in his life and he's been perfectly clear about it. You may think you have the words or gestures to change what is currently reality, but know this: You don't. You can only make things worse with your contact. You are in quicksand right now and every movement (email, gesture) is only further immersing you in the quicksand. 2
Author Nivy Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 In your case, you should think about how at this point, your continued attempts to contact him probably have him telling his friends and family how unstable you're behaving. I'm sorry to sound blunt, but this guy has told you to stop contacting him; that he wants you out of his life; that you are harassing him. And you've responded by... harassing him. I know it's not easy, but you need to have some self-respect. This guy doesn't want you in his life and he's been perfectly clear about it. You may think you have the words or gestures to change what is currently reality, but know this: You don't. You can only make things worse with your contact. You are in quicksand right now and every movement (email, gesture) is only further immersing you in the quicksand. Yep @Blanco you are right! I need to boost up my self esteem. If I don't respect myself how can I expect someone else to respect me. So yeah I really want to do NC for my own self.....to become sane! I need to calm myself down. 1
Author Nivy Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 It's purely a matter of self-discipline. There's no substitute or alternative to that. You can do other things, like making a list of things you will do when you get the urge, but in the absence of self-discipline, nothing will work. Take care. Yes self discipline. And that is also the toughest job right? I wish every time his thought popped up on my head, I could pierce it like a balloon and heal the pain. I need to deliberately push away his thoughts. I sooo badly want to get rid of this pain. 1
Author Nivy Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Who cares what he said? He broke up with you. Anything he said is now void. @darkbloom I wish there was at least a little gesture from his side or something that would tell me that "No...he still feels for you". Toughest part is acceptance and I am having a hard time trying to accept that this happened! 1
darkbloom Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 @darkbloom I wish there was at least a little gesture from his side or something that would tell me that "No...he still feels for you". Toughest part is acceptance and I am having a hard time trying to accept that this happened! You don't want him to still feel for you. That would make it harder to move on because he still broke up with you. It's better if he doesn't feel anything because you now know that any effort you make towards this relationship is wasted. It is broken. Your ego wants him to still feel something. Your heart wants out of this mess.
Polar965 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Making daily lists of why I dumped him in the first place. Re-reading them daily would snap me out of that panicky debating as I sit in front of my email. 1
Summer3 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Yes self discipline. And that is also the toughest job right? I wish every time his thought popped up on my head, I could pierce it like a balloon and heal the pain. I need to deliberately push away his thoughts. I sooo badly want to get rid of this pain. This is a good article: Tempted to Call the Ex? Stop, Drop and Roll! - eHarmony Advice
yellowhibiscus Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Remind yourself with a list of why you two are broken up and why you wouldn't want to be back with him. This helps me incredibly. I put mine on my wall near by bed and looked at it everyday when I woke up. Re-read your posts on loveshack and remember that if you were in a loving, healthy relationship you probably wouldn't need to post about stuff like this! Someone wrote about ego and how we want them to realize what they did and what they lost. While maybe they will at some point, what good does that do for you? Would you want someone back who would leave you? There will be someone else who will be everything you want and more...just wait, be patient and in the mean time be good to yourself!!! This is what I am trying to do
Shiggs Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Reading stuff on this forum helped, as well as these posts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide 10 Essential Breakup Boundaries | Baggage Reclaim By Natalie Lue Also, as time goes by, you think of your ex less and less and you really do feel better. Going NC makes it soo much easier to move on! I just came to the point where I was like I know she's not pining over the break up, so why should I? Why should I have to feel this way when my ex is already over me? Screw that. I'm going to be great.
CDJ Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 For me it's been a combination of things: 1) Accepting that she really doesn't give a damn, and that she treated me appalingly. 2) Realising that it's all so masochistic; in trying to contact her and awaiting that reply which will never come, or in looking at her social media profiles, I was only hurting myself. 3) Seeing that she had well and truly moved on with the other guy, and her removing all photos of me from her social media, kind of helped draw a line that I needed to see. 4) Realising that each attempt to reach out was making me look weak, which is what she wanted; I no longer wanted to give her that satisfaction. 1
Recommended Posts