Larryville Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 While I have only been on this site for a couple of months I have read some fascinating threads, the main thing sites like this one does is drive home the point that no matter what dating or relationship scenario we all have been a part of NOTHING is original. While I have gone back to threads over a year old so far (and digging deeper) the scenario I read the most are “mixed signal” threads, particularly via women. I do read posts from a lot of guys here that know exactly what they are looking for and pursue women with genuine intentions. I have always believed that when a guy goes through all the dating stuff and finally finds who he thinks is “the one” or at least “the one worth pursuing” it is obvious, those dudes won’t send mixed signals. I read a post this am where a guy basically says “don’t give up” and “be patient.” However I will never understand why people waste time and money and mental energy pursuing someone who “just is not into you.” I read this article: 10 Mixed Signals Guys Send And What They Really Mean | Thought Catalog “Most of the time, mixed signals are really simple to understand if we just take off our blinders…” Good basic article to help decipher mixed signals, we just have to be willing AND ABLE to take the blinders off. Don’t waste time and energy on the wrong person which ultimately will cause you to miss the RIGHT person… From the article: “Usually men who are really into a woman will either not send mixed signals at all or send them in the beginning to test the waters and then be honest and clear about what they want. Communication is the key to a great relationship and if you can’t communicate openly and honestly with your partner, you’re going to end up in a whole world of pain.” 1
GenuineAttraction Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Being a challenge can be sexy, and by not being that interested in her they accidentally hit on this.
Jejangles Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I do read posts from a lot of guys here that know exactly what they are looking for and pursue women with genuine intentions. I have always believed that when a guy goes through all the dating stuff and finally finds who he thinks is “the one” or at least “the one worth pursuing” it is obvious, those dudes won’t send mixed signals. I agree with this. As a woman, I have realised when a man is clearly into you, there is no second guessing. I dated two guys in the last year who were clearly interested (one of whom I am in a relationship with now) and it made me realise I wasted a lot of time on lukewarm guys in the past... It's night and day between how a guy acts when he is actively interested and seeking a relationship versus not. Interested guys in my experience: - Set up the next date as soon as possible (either at the end of the date or max within 48 hours) - Stay in regular contact and as things get more serious, actually call you! - Remember things about you and your life - Make it clear through both words and actions that they are interested in getting more serious - both my more serious guys proposed exclusivity within about 5 dates That's not to say clear interest can't die down and fade as you get to know each other. But when a man is acting disinterested or half hearted, it's usually because he is disinterested and half hearted! 1
Author Larryville Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Being a challenge can be sexy… I agree, that that is a scenario where BOTH are confidant and I guess I would say equally attractive. What I am talking about here is situations where a woman said “we had an amazing date…” BUT the guy did not follow up, or kiss her goodnight, walk her to her car or door, did not reply to a text or an invite and so many of the posts start with “I don’t understand why he (or she) did or did not do…” whatever. Yes we (guys) do test the waters, and the worst thing is to come across as “needy.” Just seems to me too many people chase after something they know deep down they are NEVER going to catch or think that by continuing to chase somehow the object of their desire will eventually fall for them and reciprocate. But your quote begs a question: How can you tell when someone is “being a challenge…” or being indifferent? Jejangles, very key… - Remember things about you and your life If someone is interested in you (guy or gal) they will ask genuine questions, they want to know you. Not talking about nosey very deep detail stuff early on, but things like your future, future goals, hopes dreams ect. Sounds corny but dude who give a damn it WILL be obvious.
GenuineAttraction Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 You can still show genuine interest in a fantastic woman make her feel safe and not go crazy and still be a challenge. 1
AMJ Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 That article describes a man in his 20s, but only a certain type of man is capable of that behavior and silly game playing. Not all men are like that. In other words, why bother trying to decipher "mixed signals". If a guy is forcing you to play any type of guessing game, drop him. 1
kendahke Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 A lot of time what some women called "mixed signals" is really them trying to force interest on someone who is being nice to them and doesn't want to hurt their feelings by having to spell out to them that they're really not interested in a relationship with them. Guys will let you know very clearly and in short order that they want a relationship IF you are the one they want it with. It really doesn't take a mature, adult man more than 6 weeks to divine whether you are the one they want or not. If it's going on 3 months and he's keeping you at bay, then that's the best that you're going to do with him and either you figure that out and cut bait or you continue to waste your time and youth on a pointless objective. 2
GenuineAttraction Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 (edited) A lot of time what some women called "mixed signals" is really them trying to force interest on someone who is being nice to them and doesn't want to hurt their feelings by having to spell out to them that they're really not interested in a relationship with them. Guys will let you know very clearly and in short order that they want a relationship IF you are the one they want it with. It really doesn't take a mature, adult man more than 6 weeks to divine whether you are the one they want or not. If it's going on 3 months and he's keeping you at bay, then that's the best that you're going to do with him and either you figure that out and cut bait or you continue to waste your time and youth on a pointless objective. In my experience "Mixed Signals" means she really likes the guy and is worried she likes him more than he likes her, and wants something definite so temper her feelings to, or affection so that she can unleash her heart. Edited March 8, 2016 by GenuineAttraction typos
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Mixed signals means to me...the guy lacks confidence, or the girl sees something that truly isn't there because her feelings are playing with her imagination. 1
Author Larryville Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 Mixed signals means to me...the guy lacks confidence, or the girl sees something that truly isn't there because her feelings are playing with her imagination. I'm an old dude but until I visited this site and started reading these threads I had never heard of the concept. To me, “mixed signals” do not exist. As you stated it’s people, who can’t tell whether or not a prospect is interested or not and the thing is If you can’t tell, it almost always means that the person is not interested, folks it IS a clear signal, not a foggy one. This really get to people seriously lacking EQ or Emotional Intelligence... another possible thread I guess...
spriggan2 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I think mixed signals come from simply going against your nature. I met a girl...I really like her. She's super smart and pretty and cool. I think about her a lot and she's new in my life so my nature is to want to call her or meet up with her all the time as soon as possible. However that is impractical and may scare her away, so I have to think through what will work better. I have to slow down. I have to guess at how she feels. I have to go against my impulses and let doubts creep in. I have to analyze the massive and inconsistent rulebook on dating etiquette. I've now complicated the matter and my behavior is not going to make sense. I have to show interest and yet I have to pretend to be aloof. I have to stop setting up dates and let her volunteer one. I have to flirt but I have to be a gentleman. I have to test the waters, be direct, but that's too scary, so I'll be indirect sometimes. Unless you have a ton of experience its tough to find that perfect balance, and the times you get it wrong, that misaligment is percieved as game playing, mixed signals, ego, fear, overzealous, desperate, not that into you, awkward, etc..I think this goes for men and women. 2
Redhead14 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 If they aren't being clear that you are dear to them, then it's clear that you aren't dear to them.
Jabron1 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I don't understand why any of this is gender specific (with the exception of number 7 in that list). It's more often women doing those things, because most women have options, and most men don't. 1
AMJ Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I don't understand why any of this is gender specific (with the exception of number 7 in that list). It's more often women doing those things, because most women have options, and most men don't. Oh, I've done #7 on that list.
Author Larryville Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 I don't understand why any of this is gender specific (with the exception of number 7 in that list). I don’t think any of this is gender specific, in this case is only because a woman wrote the piece. When browsing a number of old threads the term “mixed signals” came up countless times, a good number were women but yes some were men. It's more often women doing those things, because most women have options, and most men don't. This is where you would get into a debate with older dudes, many current articles on numerous sites argue that younger women have more and better options until the age of 30-35 or so then it reverses. But as to this thread as I said earlier, until this site had never heard of the term, I honestly don’t understand the term. So many people were writing about "good" and "amazing" first date experiences and would then start a thread basically saying something like "everything seemed great then... he/she didn't call or text back, or scheduled another date, ran hot and cold" whatever. Just interesting to me is all.
Jabron1 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Oh, I've done #7 on that list. I've yet to hear a man complain. 'She only ever wants me for sex. We never seem to spend any quality time together ' 1
Pillow Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I think all of this depends on the man's experience. As I've said, many of my male friends are kiss less Virgins at 27 years old. These men won't know what exclusivity even is, that they should kiss a girl at the end of the date, nothing. Forget about texting and maintaining contact. They'll be too chicken, especially if they really like her. This kind of list privileges more dominating/experienced men instead of guys who are unsure, insecure and nervous. These men have good jobs and are loyal, faithful and friendly but they suck at romance. I had to coach my one friend that he should ask a girl out after she was flirting with him. He never did. The girl asked him! Lol They're still together.
Author Larryville Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 7. When he/she only calls you late at night or wants to hang out at your place. What he/she means: He/she is only physically attracted to you and he sees no point in spending quality time with you or getting to know you on a deeper level. You are his/her refined version of a booty call. 'She only ever wants me for sex. We never seem to spend any quality time together ' https://youtu.be/1ROGOHNSEBs 1
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