Overweight girls sensitivity

[Tom811]

Please help me understand this...I have no sisters...was on a date with a chunky girl...she requested alot of junk movie food...and I made the comment "maybe, you shouldn't be eating this...you could stand to loose a few pounds"...at that point the entire tone of the date changed and she wanted to go immediately home after the movie...will no longer pick up phone when I call.

Do overweight girls...realize they are overweight? Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? This is the impression I get.

[carhill]

Tip: Try discussing more neutral topics on a first date, heh, or any date. If obesity, or being overweight, is some sort of trigger for you, simply don't date overweight or obese women. Brutal honesty, in a vacuum, is wonderful. Folks who practice it regularly often find themselves in a vacuum socially. A symptom of the vacuum is the silence sandwich you're currently eating. Try something else. Good luck!

[fitnessfan365]

It's interesting. You obviously aren't attracted to overweight women. Yet you're upset that she won't take your calls? BTW - What do you expect? You insulted her by telling her to lose weight.

[Redhead14]

Please help me understand this...I have no sisters...was on a date with a chunky girl...she requested alot of junk movie food...and I made the comment "maybe, you shouldn't be eating this...you could stand to loose a few pounds"...at that point the entire tone of the date changed and she wanted to go immediately home after the movie...will no longer pick up phone when I call.

Do overweight girls...realize they are overweight? Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? This is the impression I get.

 

Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? -- She didn't cut you off because she thinks she THAT beautiful or full of herself, if that's what you are implying. You made a stupid, insensitive remark that you had no business making to a woman you had asked for a date. Any woman would be put off by a man making any kind of comment that's insulting or crosses a boundary.

 

I doubt she was thinking she's so beautiful, but I bet she'd be hoping that if a guy asks her out, HE at least finds her attractive.

 

Some men do find women who "could stand to lose a few pounds" attractive and desirable.

 

The question is if you didn't find her attractive, why did you ask her out? Are your options limited? You don't ask a woman for a date if you already think you want her to change and then start trying to make her change.

[GenuineAttraction]

Please help me understand this...I have no sisters...was on a date with a chunky girl...she requested alot of junk movie food...and I made the comment "maybe, you shouldn't be eating this...you could stand to loose a few pounds"...at that point the entire tone of the date changed and she wanted to go immediately home after the movie...will no longer pick up phone when I call.

Do overweight girls...realize they are overweight? Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? This is the impression I get.

 

They are FULLY aware of the problem.

 

You as a man are not there to point out things to her, but to love and support, never judge. You must provide a safe environment so she can open up and emotionally connect with you.

 

You did the opposite. You confirmed her worst fears. A man on a date that she's with telling her she's not good enough, and that she's unattractive.

 

Weight problems are one of the worst because everyone can see their addiction, and they know it. Trust me....she knows.

 

And what are you doing going on a date with someone you aren't fully attracted to? You're hurting everybody involved.

[losangelena]

I don't think she's being overly sensitive. I think you acted like a jerk.

 

If I were her, I wouldn't have even sat through the movie.

[LookAtThisPOst]

They are FULLY aware of the problem.

 

You as a man are not there to point out things to her, but to love and support, never judge. You must provide a safe environment so she can open up and emotionally connect with you.

 

You did the opposite. You confirmed her worst fears. A man on a date that she's with telling her she's not good enough, and that she's unattractive.

 

Weight problems are one of the worst because everyone can see their addiction, and they know it. Trust me....she knows.

 

And what are you doing going on a date with someone you aren't fully attracted to? You're hurting everybody involved.

 

Right, it looks like he purposely went on the date with her to insult her. Perhaps he's a sadist? Enjoys being cruel to others?

[Redhead14]

He's either a troll coming here to get a "rise" out of people or he is an actual TROLL who lives under a bridge and so doesn't have a clue about how to treat women/people.

[smudge21]

Ever seen couples together, arm in arm, enjoying being with each other, clearly in love, but they are so mis-matched - one may be a bit over weight, the other too tall or short, maybe they have a strange face, nervous twitch or a funny walk... but you know what, they don't care about any of that because when you fall for someone, you fall for them, all of them. You look beyond the outside and see what's inside. Yeah, we all get attracted by the external, but it's what's inside that keeps the relationship strong. If you don't want to date people who are over weight then here's a tip, don't date them. It's very easy. Then they can go find someone who will love them totally and you can live in your own little bubble of believing you're better than everyone else. All the best.

[William]

He's either a troll coming here to get a "rise" out of people or he is an actual TROLL who lives under a bridge and so doesn't have a clue about how to treat women/people.

 

Great example of how to get one's posting privileges removed. Moderation suggests reading our guidelines and responding to published topics accordingly. As always, we welcome private reports regarding postings suspected of violating our guidelines. With that out of the way, the discussion regarding the apparent sensitivity of an overweight woman in a dating situation may proceed. Thanks!

[AMJ]

Do overweight girls...realize they are overweight? Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? This is the impression I get.

 

Tom I think you should consider poster's harsh responses as a demonstration of their shock at your story. Simply put, I'd think it's common sense not to tell a woman on a date that you think she's overweight.

 

I'm guessing that you didn't know what she looked like before you went out with her?

 

Women of all shapes and sizes think that they are beautiful, yes. Is she aware of her size? This can't be a real question. Of course she is. She has to buy clothes that fit her and looks in a mirror every day.

 

How would you feel if she had criticized you for being short? Or needing a nose job because your nose is hideous? Or said you need to work out because you are scrony and unattractive?

 

How could you possibly think what you said to her would be an okay thing to say?

[Toodaloo]

Tom I have a strong feeling that some sort of social skills training here would be very beneficial.

 

Reading your past posts then this...

 

Dude you really need help. You really need to learn some social graces and learn how to interact with people. The way you are headed is a hiding to no where.

[carhill]

OP, do you feel this interaction and your feelings surrounding it may be impacting your perspectives on dating, either with this person, or in general? I'll quote a passage:

 

I recently, went back to church and saw my first love from college..we went together for 2 1/2 years had some sex but due to my religious beliefs I never consummated the relationship (which is why I believe she left me, she got fustrated). I went into depression and held hatred for her for breaking all communications.

 

Anyways, now 30 years later I see her again , she's married with a husband who has serious cancer issues ( very skinny, anemic looking , probably impotent). Just from eye contact and facial expressions, it seems she loves me again, even more so than 30 years ago. I have avoided her at the church social hour after service,...she seems upset that I will not talk to her. This from eye communication.

 

If so, why?

[Michelle ma Belle]

You don't have to have any sisters to know this was insanely rude. I agree with those who said you need a lesson in interpersonal skills as you clearly have none.

 

Don't like chunky chicks? DON'T DATE THEM! Simple.

[stillafool]

Please help me understand this...I have no sisters...was on a date with a chunky girl...she requested alot of junk movie food...and I made the comment "maybe, you shouldn't be eating this...you could stand to loose a few pounds"...at that point the entire tone of the date changed and she wanted to go immediately home after the movie...will no longer pick up phone when I call.

Do overweight girls...realize they are overweight? Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? This is the impression I get.

 

What? Do you think she doesn't own a mirror? How dare you insult this girl? You knew what she looked like before you asked her out so why wouldn't she assume you like her the way she is? I'm sorry but you completely blew it with her and I wouldn't be surprised if she never speaks to you again.

[AMJ]

OP, do you feel this interaction and your feelings surrounding it may be impacting your perspectives on dating, either with this person, or in general? I'll quote a passage:

 

I recently, went back to church and saw my first love from college..we went together for 2 1/2 years had some sex but due to my religious beliefs I never consummated the relationship (which is why I believe she left me, she got fustrated). I went into depression and held hatred for her for breaking all communications.

 

Anyways, now 30 years later I see her again , she's married with a husband who has serious cancer issues ( very skinny, anemic looking , probably impotent). Just from eye contact and facial expressions, it seems she loves me again, even more so than 30 years ago. I have avoided her at the church social hour after service,...she seems upset that I will not talk to her. This from eye communication.

 

If so, why?

 

Yuck yuck yuck. everything about that post gave me the serious creeps. I may need to throw up.

[fitnessfan365]

I also wanted to add some insight to this topic.

 

I've never been attracted to heavyset women. Yet my curvy athletic GF who I'm in love with has gained 60 pounds over the last year. So while my physical attraction isn't at the level it was, I have an insanely strong emotional connection with her. So it shed some light on appreciating who a person actually is, versus wanting them simply for looks.

 

Now was I unhappy about the weight gain? Yes. But, the last thing you should ever do is belittle someone and make them feel like crap. When it comes to weight loss, the desire to change has to come from inside them to do it for themselves. So when you insulted the girl and told her to stop eating crap, drop weight, etc all it will do is make her want to keep doing what she's doing out of spite. That's why I've been patient with my GF and have never one acted like a personal trainer with her or ever made her feel bad about herself. I've just focused on our relationship and treated her with the same respect I always have. A few weeks ago when she had a horrendous weigh in at the doc's office and saw the huge number, it finally snapped her back to reality. So now she's on track for herself and I will support her in anyway I can to help her reach her goals. But if I'd spend the last year making her feel horrible about herself, she never would have gotten there on her own.

Edited March 8, 2016 by fitnessfan365

[Tom811]

I do find chunky girls attractive IF they are curvy.....I was concerned about her health and where she was heading to....I was trying to help her. I simply did not understand her sensitivity since most girls I have dated have been normal weight.

I appreciate the feedback (although, they are some sick posters here as the moderator pointed out) ...and the most helpful was to avoid what TRIGGERS you. When I see someone hurting themselves I try to help them.....I thought she had the emotional maturity to see that. But apparently , most women are oversensitive to physical criticism.

[AMJ]

When it comes to weight loss, the desire to change has to come from inside them to do it for themselves.

 

Well, yes. But also, some people cannot help how much they weigh. My friend is a larger woman. She's 6ft, 220 lbs. She has always been this size, even in college. She eats very healthy, exercises daily. This is her size. I've known her for over ten years now, and it always breaks my heart with how much she beats herself up about her size. She feels ugly and worthless, and it really impacts her dating life, as well as her professional life. She's one of the best friends I've ever had, extremely intelligent, hardworking, successful, funny...the list of the great qualities goes on and on. I think she's a beautiful woman, but she never sees it.

 

We can't all be a size 2 or 6 or 8.

[sandylee1]

She knows she's overweight your comment was just rude. I'd have left before the movie started and never spoken to you again.

If you don't like chunky girls why did you go on a date with her. You should just leave her alone.

[jen1447]

I do find chunky girls attractive IF they are curvy.....I was concerned about her health and where she was heading to....I was trying to help her. I simply did not understand her sensitivity since most girls I have dated have been normal weight.

I appreciate the feedback (although, they are some sick posters here as the moderator pointed out) ...and the most helpful was to avoid what TRIGGERS you. When I see someone hurting themselves I try to help them.....I thought she had the emotional maturity to see that. But apparently , most women are oversensitive to physical criticism.

 

Why would dislike of insults be oversensitivty?

 

You seem to have no understanding whatsoever of human nature and the importance of positive self-image as it relates to emotional health. It'd be best if you never went on any dates or associated with anyone, ever.

[MidwestUSA]

I do find chunky girls attractive IF they are curvy.....I was concerned about her health and where she was heading to....I was trying to help her. I simply did not understand her sensitivity since most girls I have dated have been normal weight.

I appreciate the feedback (although, they are some sick posters here as the moderator pointed out) ...and the most helpful was to avoid what TRIGGERS you. When I see someone hurting themselves I try to help them.....I thought she had the emotional maturity to see that. But apparently , most women are oversensitive to physical criticism.

 

This would be an issue to bring up if you had been with someone a while, and saw them endangering their own health.

 

It's NOT a topic for a first date!

[elaine567]

Please help me understand this...I have no brothers...was on a date with a weedy guy...he requested a lot of rabbit food...and I made the comment "maybe, you shouldn't be eating this...you could stand to gain a few pounds"...at that point the entire tone of the date changed and he wanted to go immediately home after the movie...will no longer pick up phone when I call.

Do weedy guys...realize they are underweight? Do they think they are still hot and desirable being underweight? This is the impression I get.

[losangelena]

I do find chunky girls attractive IF they are curvy.....I was concerned about her health and where she was heading to....I was trying to help her. I simply did not understand her sensitivity since most girls I have dated have been normal weight.

I appreciate the feedback (although, they are some sick posters here as the moderator pointed out) ...and the most helpful was to avoid what TRIGGERS you. When I see someone hurting themselves I try to help them.....I thought she had the emotional maturity to see that. But apparently , most women are oversensitive to physical criticism.

 

There's a way to express concern that doesn't insult the person you're trying to help. Generally speaking, we have to earn the right to point out the flaws or inconsistencies in others. To police the food choices of a woman you barely know, on a first date no less, is NOT the time or the place. You have earned zero right to say something like that to her. Furthermore, it wouldn't have mattered if she was skinny—it would've been considered rude no matter who you said it to.

 

smh

[Rejected Rosebud]

Please help me understand this...I have no sisters...was on a date with a chunky girl...she requested alot of junk movie food...and I made the comment "maybe, you shouldn't be eating this...you could stand to loose a few pounds"...at that point the entire tone of the date changed and she wanted to go immediately home after the movie...will no longer pick up phone when I call.

Do overweight girls...realize they are overweight? Do they think they are still ravishingly beautiful being overweight? This is the impression I get.

 

I kind of think you are joking here. ;)

 

Who on earth believes that what somebody else eats is their business? I mean, a virtual stranger on a first date?

 

If her weight and eating habits were a turn off to you, that's fine, just don't go out with her anymore.

 

What gives you the idea that she doesn't know she's overweight, or thinks she's ravishingly beautiful? :confused: You asked her out on a date. She probably thought you were attracted to her.