dreamingoftigers Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 It's this. They will NEVER understand, no matter how it's phrased; a shout across the room, a whisper in the dark, it's all the same. A tender little part of you is squashed, murdered by the very person that you trusted most to keep it safe.... and that little part, that faith in love, that belief in goodness, is never coming back. I think it's the feeling that you were special to someone, you know?. In the grand cosmos, where none of us are more than fleeting grains of sand, you were special to that ONE person. Time itself couldn't change it before the adultery. But without it, you're just floating along... another grain of sand. Maybe it's better to be disabused of the illusion, I don't know. All I know is that I'll go to my grave one day, knowing in my heart of hearts that no one loved me enough to keep faith with me. When I grieve, that's what I grieve for. That's me exactly. Just another bag of fat floating around...... And I actually used to believe that WE were special and I was special to him. I thought he saw something different in me. Now I think he just settled for what he could get. Just took the first opportunity that presented itself. I think it truly, deeply annoyed and aggravated him that I didn't up and disappear from the marriage instead of trying to work things out. I honestly don't know why he's here now. Is it guilt? Our daughter? Easier than finding your own place and doing visitation? Trying to get himself into a better financial position to go? Family is "just what you do"? What is it? Why is he still here? It isn't me. So what is it? 3
dreamingoftigers Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 bury a child then we can talk. the sad part of this entire thread is the continued lack of communication. the real question is why you do NOT tell them. I do tell him everything I think of. I came on this thread to try to think of what I might have missed. If anything, I used to overwhelm him with it. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 That's me exactly. Just another bag of fat floating around...... And I actually used to believe that WE were special and I was special to him. I thought he saw something different in me. Now I think he just settled for what he could get. Just took the first opportunity that presented itself. I think it truly, deeply annoyed and aggravated him that I didn't up and disappear from the marriage instead of trying to work things out. I honestly don't know why he's here now. Is it guilt? Our daughter? Easier than finding your own place and doing visitation? Trying to get himself into a better financial position to go? Family is "just what you do"? What is it? Why is he still here? It isn't me. So what is it? Sweetheart...reading this broke my heart....because i have heard my sweet john say these very same words. I cannot speak for your husband...but i can tell you how i honestly feel and maybe it will uplift you. We WERE special....and i really messed up...and i believe we are special again. The innocence of our young love is forever gone and i cannot get it back...but our relationship is special. I never settled for john...and i think this hurts so much to know he thinks this. I wanted him....I wanted him at 16...I wanted him at 28....I want him at almost 61. I am so proud he is mine...and so grateful that he allowed me to remain his wife. Settling sounds like I wanted something more and couldn't get it so i took him. When the reality is....I am the damaged one..and perhaps he settled for me. I am here because I WANT to be here. I know what i almost lost.... Maybe....in my stupidity...in my selfishness....my eyes were opened to the kind of man he truly is. He was always there...but maybe i didn't see or appreciate him. I disrespected him when i cheated....and through his strength and commitment and love...even when i was unlovable...I have seen a man who has my complete adoration. It is hard to explain.... but love....please see yourself as worthy. See yourself as the remarkable woman and wife and mother you are. Please know that he stays because he wants you. I hope and pray your husband shows you his love and admiration....and i hope you accept it for what it is. 7
waterwoman Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 It's this. They will NEVER understand, no matter how it's phrased; a shout across the room, a whisper in the dark, it's all the same. A tender little part of you is squashed, murdered by the very person that you trusted most to keep it safe.... and that little part, that faith in love, that belief in goodness, is never coming back. I think it's the feeling that you were special to someone, you know?. In the grand cosmos, where none of us are more than fleeting grains of sand, you were special to that ONE person. Time itself couldn't change it before the adultery. But without it, you're just floating along... another grain of sand. Maybe it's better to be disabused of the illusion, I don't know. All I know is that I'll go to my grave one day, knowing in my heart of hearts that no one loved me enough to keep faith with me. When I grieve, that's what I grieve for. Yes. You know since the A I have sometimes looked at couples who are married for the second time in middle-age and wonder if perhaps that is their 'real' marriage - the one that gets the easy times, the times without the financial struggles, the times where you are both struggling to establish a career, the sleepless nights of early parenthood, the constant worries of later parenthood, the lack of time, of privacy, the rationed sex-life. That maybe marriage in your youth is always doomed to fail and is really just an imago, a larval stage before the true marriage happens with someone else. But I can't really beleive that - we had the starry-eyed love of youth, the first passion, we shared our first experiences of adult life together. It can't JUST be a way-station, a trial-run. But I shouldn't have to have these feelings - I did not deserve to have my faith tested and my heart bruised. IT ISN'T FAIR!!!! Childish but there we are. Once the bell has rung it can't be unrung. I just have to deal, like everyone else. 1
Liam1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 As a woman, I feel for your AP. I see you look at her with disdain but I see a woman who is searching for something in all the wrong places. Women are now pushed to ask like we are men, capable of handling casual sex, but we (mostly) are not. We get attached. Underneath the bravado, we feel a great deal and we fall in love when we get intimate. Men are different too. You don't typically fall in love, unless you are really in love with the person. It's all very sad. I cannot relate to the feeling of using someone but I believe you that he was using me. I have heard it from H and two other male friends who know us both. I trust men's opinions on other men. My good friend calls him "the weasel". xMM knows my friend knows and he will not look him in the eyes and only looks at the floor. He won't approach me when my friend is standing next to me but as soon as he walks away, he comes right over. Why he would purposely use me, I guess its for sex, he is not getting it. But I am wiser now. It still does hurt but I guess that is what separates me from the animals. Midnight: If you knew he was married you chose to be used. I do not feel sorry for my OW. She has a wonderful loving husband by my standard and by ALL ACCOUNTS of him from all who know him. I feels sorry for her husband. His kids love him, his in-laws love him, his friends and co-workers all speak glowingly of him and he is an excellent provider. He treats his wife like a queen. She has maids, eats out nightly because she hates to cook and he takes her on exotic vacations three to four times per year. His wife, however complains that he is not attractive enough. The reality is that she and he are both well matched in the looks department. She says she married him for money and was never hot for him or in love with him. She says she wants someone she is hot for who also has money. What exactly is she looking for in all the wrong places? The bottom line is: If she does not love her husband....then set him free so he can find a woman who adores him, and she can find what she wants. When, I told her that, she said she did not want to give up the lifestyle he provides. So in reality what she is looking for is to mate poach. To that end, She dates married men with an eye to marrying them, while she is married to her husband. That is so sad. 1
Liam1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 (edited) Sweetheart...reading this broke my heart....because i have heard my sweet john say these very same words. I cannot speak for your husband...but i can tell you how i honestly feel and maybe it will uplift you. We WERE special....and i really messed up...and i believe we are special again. The innocence of our young love is forever gone and i cannot get it back...but our relationship is special. I never settled for john...and i think this hurts so much to know he thinks this. I wanted him....I wanted him at 16...I wanted him at 28....I want him at almost 61. I am so proud he is mine...and so grateful that he allowed me to remain his wife. Settling sounds like I wanted something more and couldn't get it so i took him. When the reality is....I am the damaged one..and perhaps he settled for me. I am here because I WANT to be here. I know what i almost lost.... Maybe....in my stupidity...in my selfishness....my eyes were opened to the kind of man he truly is. He was always there...but maybe i didn't see or appreciate him. I disrespected him when i cheated....and through his strength and commitment and love...even when i was unlovable...I have seen a man who has my complete adoration. It is hard to explain.... but love....please see yourself as worthy. See yourself as the remarkable woman and wife and mother you are. Please know that he stays because he wants you. I hope and pray your husband shows you his love and admiration....and i hope you accept it for what it is. Ditto to what tMrs. John Adams said. Edited March 15, 2016 by Liam1 typo
ladydesigner Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 That's me exactly. Just another bag of fat floating around...... And I actually used to believe that WE were special and I was special to him. I thought he saw something different in me. Now I think he just settled for what he could get. Just took the first opportunity that presented itself. I think it truly, deeply annoyed and aggravated him that I didn't up and disappear from the marriage instead of trying to work things out. I honestly don't know why he's here now. Is it guilt? Our daughter? Easier than finding your own place and doing visitation? Trying to get himself into a better financial position to go? Family is "just what you do"? What is it? Why is he still here? It isn't me. So what is it? I know (((dreamingoftigers))) I wonder too, because most of the time I too am staying out of fear, kids, finances... all before love. Could it be the same with WH? I just hope I am not in this spot indefinitely. I feel I've already wasted 4 years of my life as a paralyzed idiot. 3
Liam1 Posted March 15, 2016 Posted March 15, 2016 I know (((dreamingoftigers))) I wonder too, because most of the time I too am staying out of fear, kids, finances... all before love. Could it be the same with WH? I just hope I am not in this spot indefinitely. I feel I've already wasted 4 years of my life as a paralyzed idiot. Ladydesigner: If you are truly not in love and you are unhappy, then right now start planning your escape. Go back to school, get a job, do whatever it takes to make yourself financially independent, than get a divorce. 3
Author wmacbride Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 That's me exactly. Just another bag of fat floating around...... And I actually used to believe that WE were special and I was special to him. I thought he saw something different in me. Now I think he just settled for what he could get. Just took the first opportunity that presented itself. I think it truly, deeply annoyed and aggravated him that I didn't up and disappear from the marriage instead of trying to work things out. I honestly don't know why he's here now. Is it guilt? Our daughter? Easier than finding your own place and doing visitation? Trying to get himself into a better financial position to go? Family is "just what you do"? What is it? Why is he still here? It isn't me. So what is it? Just a thought..If I am to comment on your situation based on what I have read here, it could be that, over time, he has grown. At first, you may have been all the things you describe, but after his cheating, is it possible he grew to appreciate everything you are? After all he did to hurt you, you still had compassion and love in your heart to let him back into your life. If he is any sort of a man, he realizes how lucky he is to have found you. If not, well, he's a twitwaddle who doesn't deserve someone like you at all. 1
Author wmacbride Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Sweetheart...reading this broke my heart....because i have heard my sweet john say these very same words. I cannot speak for your husband...but i can tell you how i honestly feel and maybe it will uplift you. We WERE special....and i really messed up...and i believe we are special again. The innocence of our young love is forever gone and i cannot get it back...but our relationship is special. I never settled for john...and i think this hurts so much to know he thinks this. I wanted him....I wanted him at 16...I wanted him at 28....I want him at almost 61. I am so proud he is mine...and so grateful that he allowed me to remain his wife. Settling sounds like I wanted something more and couldn't get it so i took him. When the reality is....I am the damaged one..and perhaps he settled for me. I am here because I WANT to be here. I know what i almost lost.... Maybe....in my stupidity...in my selfishness....my eyes were opened to the kind of man he truly is. He was always there...but maybe i didn't see or appreciate him. I disrespected him when i cheated....and through his strength and commitment and love...even when i was unlovable...I have seen a man who has my complete adoration. It is hard to explain.... but love....please see yourself as worthy. See yourself as the remarkable woman and wife and mother you are. Please know that he stays because he wants you. I hope and pray your husband shows you his love and admiration....and i hope you accept it for what it is. In the case of ws like yourself, sometimes it seems like you have to come really close to losing what you have to fully appreciate what was there all along. In a way, that can actually make your m stronger. you are both there because you want to be, not because you have to be. You didn't choose each other by default or for some mercurial reason. You are right where you want to be. 2
Author wmacbride Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 There is a thread in the ow section that addresses the sense of competition between the own and the w. i had a few thoughts, but as I am not the ow, it didn't seem like the place for it. I found out about my H's having an affair a few days after I got the ever popular ' I love you but i am not in love with you " speech. i was till reeling from that and trying to figure out what it meant. When i saw for sure he had been cheating, that's when I knew. I admit that at first, I did feel like I was in competition with her. She was outgoing, pretty. much younger than I was, had no kids to keep her from doing spontaneous things, had a good job ( they worked together) and was "perky"- for lack of a better word. I'd look at myself in the mirror and see this crookedy backed middle aged woman who could loose a few pounds, who had circles under my eyes, really bad stretch marks from having three kids and who looked tired. I am not outgoing, I am not perky. I couldn't just drop what i was doing to go to the beach or go for a drive. It's really crappy that at a time when one's self esteem is already shot to hell, it can be made to go even lower. It took some time, and some inner resolve to come to the point where I realized that I am who I am, and if that isn't what he wanted, then that was on him, not me. If leaving to be with her is what he wanted, then so be it. 4
Midwestmissy Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Perky fades. Youth isn't an accomplishment. I wonder if the competition was set up inadvertently by my wh too - even though he did not want to be with the mow long term. Btw, she had 4 kids and a bs and dropped everything to be with my husband. He was flattered at first, but just kept losing respect for her as a wife & mother. He even booked rooms for them as a couple - because he's such a good boss and family guy. Yes ironic, I know. But he said he got terrified when she hinted she wanted to leave her bh. By telling the mow about what we, say, did on the weekend, she heard about my nice lifestyle. Nicer than hers, I'm sure he exaggerated - they both lied non stop. It upped the ante - she got more "enthusiastic" about pleasing him. So his divulging was twofold - show her he wasn't leaving his wife, and then raise the bar to see if she'd jump. In the end she wanted my life. Or what she believed was my life. I'm still healing, she's still married and cheating. I'm sorry about your story wmacbride. I hope you heal properly & quickly. 4
Author wmacbride Posted March 16, 2016 Author Posted March 16, 2016 Perky fades. Youth isn't an accomplishment. I wonder if the competition was set up inadvertently by my wh too - even though he did not want to be with the mow long term. Btw, she had 4 kids and a bs and dropped everything to be with my husband. He was flattered at first, but just kept losing respect for her as a wife & mother. He even booked rooms for them as a couple - because he's such a good boss and family guy. Yes ironic, I know. But he said he got terrified when she hinted she wanted to leave her bh. By telling the mow about what we, say, did on the weekend, she heard about my nice lifestyle. Nicer than hers, I'm sure he exaggerated - they both lied non stop. It upped the ante - she got more "enthusiastic" about pleasing him. So his divulging was twofold - show her he wasn't leaving his wife, and then raise the bar to see if she'd jump. In the end she wanted my life. Or what she believed was my life. I'm still healing, she's still married and cheating. I'm sorry about your story wmacbride. I hope you heal properly & quickly. If I had to guess, it sounds like you ws's ex-ow was a fractured person, unhappy in her own life and looking to him to save her. In my case, the ow would contact me through FB late at night. I;m an insomniac. I ind of knew her through both work and the neighborhood-we lived in a very small community where everyone knows everybody else- and she'd be very friendly, ask me questions about myself, our kids, etc. and the use the bits and pieces I told her against me- this is when they will still in the EA stage. I don't think she wanted my life or anything like that,I think she wanted to see herself as better than me. Thanks for the kind thoughts. I know I may not come across like it on here, but I have healed in so many ways, but given my habit of going over and over things, wanting to understand them, I think I'll always have questions. On a lighter note ---> I told in my previous post how my husband used the the " I love you but I am not in love with you " line. As an informal poll- how many of my fellow bs and former bs's have heard that same line (or something like it)? Second question- is it possible to somehow copyright that line? If so, maybe that will be a way for me to retire early and buy myself a tropical island:laugh: I could get paid a royalty every time some ws uses it and I'll be rich:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: 3
66Charger Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 That's me exactly. Just another bag of fat floating around...... And I actually used to believe that WE were special and I was special to him. I thought he saw something different in me. Now I think he just settled for what he could get. Just took the first opportunity that presented itself. I think it truly, deeply annoyed and aggravated him that I didn't up and disappear from the marriage instead of trying to work things out. I honestly don't know why he's here now. Is it guilt? Our daughter? Easier than finding your own place and doing visitation? Trying to get himself into a better financial position to go? Family is "just what you do"? What is it? Why is he still here? It isn't me. So what is it? It is you and you are special. Something, as women, you probaly will never understand. The comparison to the "younger, more attractive (in your eyes) OW or any other woman is not really true. We see what we see and it usually isnt what you think. We dont really see the stretch marks, the "less than firm" areas that bothers you, the tired overworked mom. We can see you in those horrible sweats and fade that visual to a sexy black dress, (or naked) in a second. No matter what you think your boobs/butt etc looks like, let it slip out (especially accidently) and its on. Note. You wont know this if you are with a lazy man. Men are visual, but a man who has been with you and loves you can look at you and see you when you were 21 even if you are 42, 52 or even 62. Its surreal, Its automatic. Its true. My point is, No matter what you think we see, when it comes to "comparing" the VAST majority of times, Its not even close. Edit: Void everything I said for scoundrels (obviously a 2 beer post) 4
mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 Midnight: If you knew he was married you chose to be used. I do not feel sorry for my OW. She has a wonderful loving husband by my standard and by ALL ACCOUNTS of him from all who know him. I feels sorry for her husband. His kids love him, his in-laws love him, his friends and co-workers all speak glowingly of him and he is an excellent provider. He treats his wife like a queen. She has maids, eats out nightly because she hates to cook and he takes her on exotic vacations three to four times per year. His wife, however complains that he is not attractive enough. The reality is that she and he are both well matched in the looks department. She says she married him for money and was never hot for him or in love with him. She says she wants someone she is hot for who also has money. What exactly is she looking for in all the wrong places? The bottom line is: If she does not love her husband....then set him free so he can find a woman who adores him, and she can find what she wants. When, I told her that, she said she did not want to give up the lifestyle he provides. So in reality what she is looking for is to mate poach. To that end, She dates married men with an eye to marrying them, while she is married to her husband. That is so sad. I find this post to be very ironic.
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I find this post to be very ironic. And, Your point is? Is it possible for you to articulate your point because vagueness serves no purpose.
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 There is a thread in the ow section that addresses the sense of competition between the own and the w. i had a few thoughts, but as I am not the ow, it didn't seem like the place for it. I found out about my H's having an affair a few days after I got the ever popular ' I love you but i am not in love with you " speech. i was till reeling from that and trying to figure out what it meant. When i saw for sure he had been cheating, that's when I knew. I admit that at first, I did feel like I was in competition with her. She was outgoing, pretty. much younger than I was, had no kids to keep her from doing spontaneous things, had a good job ( they worked together) and was "perky"- for lack of a better word. I'd look at myself in the mirror and see this crookedy backed middle aged woman who could loose a few pounds, who had circles under my eyes, really bad stretch marks from having three kids and who looked tired. I am not outgoing, I am not perky. I couldn't just drop what i was doing to go to the beach or go for a drive. It's really crappy that at a time when one's self esteem is already shot to hell, it can be made to go even lower. It took some time, and some inner resolve to come to the point where I realized that I am who I am, and if that isn't what he wanted, then that was on him, not me. If leaving to be with her is what he wanted, then so be it. She was perky because she is self absorbed and has too much time to think of herself. My OW was perky, too. She was totally vacuous, she never worked, and spent most of her day shopping or at a spa. It did not take long for me to lose interest. I prefer someone who actually has some intellectual capacity. That is more important to me than looks. With that said, the only reason she was younger than I was she was available. No other reason. My wife was not interested in sex, and she was. I wasn't looking to mate poach. I was simply looking to get laid. The OW was willing and even eager. Unfortunately, like a lot of OWs here, she deluded herself into believing I was in love with her, when that was not the case in reality. She was also way too interested in my wife from the getgo. That should have been a warning. She was always complaining that she did not know anything about my wife or what she looked like. When I told her I wanted to keep it that way, she pouted. 1
mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 And, Your point is? Is it possible for you to articulate your point because vagueness serves no purpose. I find it ironic for a man who chose to cheat with an OW spends so much time denigrating them. That she is cheap or trashy or "low" says just as much about the man who chose to risk his marriage for her as it does her.
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) I find it ironic for a man who chose to cheat with an OW spends so much time denigrating them. That she is cheap or trashy or "low" says just as much about the man who chose to risk his marriage for her as it does her. Actually you are right it is cheap and trashy to cheat on a spouse for any reason. Still, the reality is that woman who cheat are looked down on by a MAJORITY men who have affairs. Whearas most women who have affairs are desperate for the OM to love them. Like I said don't take my word for it, if you doubt that reality. If you want to hear the truth, dress up as a man and go to a men's bar or sports club or any place that mostly men frequent and just listen in for a bit to the conversations a majority of men have about their OWs. It's not a respectful one. I understand that you don't want to hear that, but it is reality. Sorry. Even worse, I totally disrespect someone who marries for money, than cheats as a way to find another mate. If she's looking for another mate, than divorce. The most trashy thing about my OW is that she ONLY stays with her husband for a meal ticket. She did not stay because she realized she loved him. In fact, she is claiming she loves me. Ugh! Alas, more OWs are looking to mate poach than are OM who have affairs. Sorry you don't like hearing that, but read this forum and you will see a disproportionate number of OWs claiming they fell in love with the OM and are hoping he leaves his wife or somehow convince themselves that the OM does not love his wife. It's sad but common. Edited March 16, 2016 by Liam1
mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I don't dsagree that most OW's have feelings for their MM's. I definitely do not disagree that a certain subset of men are happy to make a deposit inside a woman and trash her over cigars later. I just think pride and condescension toward an OW doesn't suit someone well when THEY chose to be the cheating husband. Humility and real remorse generally go hand in hand.
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I don't dsagree that most OW's have feelings for their MM's. I definitely do not disagree that a certain subset of men are happy to make a deposit inside a woman and trash her over cigars later. I just think pride and condescension toward an OW doesn't suit someone well when THEY chose to be the cheating husband. Humility and real remorse generally go hand in hand. Sorry, I don't agree. I think my attitude is well suited to the OW and I make no apology. The OW, advertised, marketed and sold herself as sex object. She was treated as such. The world still looks down on sexually aggressive woman and expects men to take advantage of those types of woman, without judgment. It may not be fair, but it's a fact. Women and men are different. Women lack testosterone. Testosterone raises the sex drive. Google it. Women are not as interested in sex, due to estrogen. Google it. Most woman USE sex as a means to an end. I.E. they want something in exchange for the sex. For example, my OW married her husband as a meal ticket not for love. She won't leave him because she's afraid to give up her cushy lifestyle. So, she became a serial cheater. She has not stopped cheating nor learned her lesson and she is still looking to mate poach. Can you tell me, what does society label a person who exchanges sex for material goods?
mcjordan Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 I'll answer a question with a question: Whose responsibility is YOUR affair? What percentage of time do you spend on YOUR work as opposed to the time you spend pronouncing the vileness of your OW. For the record, I have zero respect for a woman - ANY woman - who knowingly goes after a married man. Period. I don't care what his marriage is like. SHE has a character problem. However, for me personally, I find that my change and remorse is more meaningful if I concentrate on MYSELF and not on proudly denigrating any other parties that may have been involved in MY choices. I'd love to read you post as many wonderful things about your wife and your efforts to help her heal as you do about how above the OW you are. And I would bet that is something your own wife would like to tell you. BTW - your google science lesson is flawed. There are PLENTY of women who have a very high need for sex, and plenty of men who apparently could take it or leave it. Trust me on that.
Liam1 Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 (edited) I'll answer a question with a question: Whose responsibility is YOUR affair? What percentage of time do you spend on YOUR work as opposed to the time you spend pronouncing the vileness of your OW. For the record, I have zero respect for a woman - ANY woman - who knowingly goes after a married man. Period. I don't care what his marriage is like. SHE has a character problem. However, for me personally, I find that my change and remorse is more meaningful if I concentrate on MYSELF and not on proudly denigrating any other parties that may have been involved in MY choices. I'd love to read you post as many wonderful things about your wife and your efforts to help her heal as you do about how above the OW you are. And I would bet that is something your own wife would like to tell you. BTW - your google science lesson is flawed. There are PLENTY of women who have a very high need for sex, and plenty of men who apparently could take it or leave it. Trust me on that. Wow. So much anger directed at a stranger. What's that all about? Care to share your backstory so we can all see your agenda. I am responding to other postings. Why does that bother you? As for how much time I spend on work. How much time do you spend on your work rather than railing at strangers? Care to answer that? I am self employed. I own four companies. I hire people to do the work. I just ensure that things run smoothly. I can multitask, too. That means I can post a quick post whenever I like and still manage to keep things running smoothly. Do you seem to have a problem posting and focusing back on your work? If so, there are brain gymnastics you can engage in that will help you focus better and multi-task. Are you going to ignore my question. Fair is fair. I answered yours, now it's your turn. BTW: If your angry at your husband. Show him your anger. That will accomplish more. If you are angry at yourself. Get counseling. However, for me personally, I find that my change and remorse is more meaningful if I concentrate on MYSELF and not on proudly denigrating any other parties that may have been involved in MY choices. Well bully for you. But aren't you making an assumption about me. What do you know about me? I assure you I can multi-task and doing both things is not that difficult for me. Is it for you? Edited March 16, 2016 by Liam1
Midwestmissy Posted March 16, 2016 Posted March 16, 2016 For what it's worth, what Liam posts hear is exactly what my wh says. Liam also never blamed the ow for the affair, he seems to point out that they were both in fact idiots, and like my wh, was smart enough to know better and is ashamed. Wh common sense failed him because it was a fantasy - they sold each other a bill of goods. Wh is also a business owner and can't believe he was as stupid as the mow, or worse. He was in a position of authority and failed his family. I know I'm accused of being "angry" or "bitter" when I post, but I think it might be the catharsis of getting it out. Liam has complimented his bw often here. But his ow and to a lesser degree my wh ow have not handled the end of the affair in a dignified way. Which really is angering. 3
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