makuboy Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Hello everyone. My girlfriend left me 3 months ago, we were for no contact about a month and then it was just minimal contact nothing too serious. from time to time she asked me about some things about relation ship why i did that and ect. We had a meeting few days ago, for like one hour, coffe and chat. then i went home and she called me crying. she said its sad for her to see me and she does not want to talk if i dont feel like she does (she thought im ok with breakup because when we had a meeting i acted like im cool). then i said her i am coming to her to tell her how i feel. We talked for like 1 hour, she cried and hugged me few times, she did not said anything specific just some memories good and bad. I said that i still believe that i have a hope. Then i took her home and now its four days she is not contacting me. I messaged her 2 time, had no response. Could some one please give me some advice on what to do next because i relly feel like i should contact her 100 time a day but i know i should not. Any help would be aprecciated, i feel terrible now. Thank you 1
smudge21 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 So she left you and then because you didn't go chasing her or begging for her back and just seemed cool about it, she's in floods of tears... but.. but.. SHE LEFT YOU! What does she want or expect now? She made the choice, ended the relationship and now feels bad. Sorry, but as a dumpee myself in the past, I refuse to have feelings for someone who would turn their back on me. I think you've handled this perfectly and been very nice about it all. You must've been hurt but yet you don't mention your feelings at all, only about her being upset. Let me ask, does she ever ask about you or chase you to see if you were okay? You have reached out and even been there for her, which is lot more than most dumpees would/should do. I know I'm sounding harsh here, but she left you. If she wants back, it should be here coming to you, not you being there as emotional support whilst she goes through a breakup that she flippin' asked for. You should not feel terrible for what you have or haven't done (unless there's more to the story). You've been more than nice and if she's ignoring you now I would guess it's because, like most dumpers, she just wants that ego boost of having her ex come chasing her. Obviously that's my rather bitter take on this so see what others think. 2
266696687 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Hello everyone. My girlfriend left me 3 months ago, we were for no contact about a month and then it was just minimal contact nothing too serious. from time to time she asked me about some things about relation ship why i did that and ect. We had a meeting few days ago, for like one hour, coffe and chat. then i went home and she called me crying. she said its sad for her to see me and she does not want to talk if i dont feel like she does (she thought im ok with breakup because when we had a meeting i acted like im cool). then i said her i am coming to her to tell her how i feel. We talked for like 1 hour, she cried and hugged me few times, she did not said anything specific just some memories good and bad. I said that i still believe that i have a hope. Then i took her home and now its four days she is not contacting me. I messaged her 2 time, had no response. Could some one please give me some advice on what to do next because i relly feel like i should contact her 100 time a day but i know i should not. Any help would be aprecciated, i feel terrible now. Thank you Do nothing. You told her how you felt. She knows where you stand. It sounds like you have been responding to her breadcrumbs so far but as soon as you tell her how you feel she backs off again. This should tell you she isn't serious about reconciling. She is stringing you along for emotional support (she probably feels guilty about the breakup) and wants to keep in touch on her terms in case she wants you as a back up. Whatever reason she is getting in touch with you for isn't for your benefit and she seems to have made it clear she isn't seeking to reconcile. Her silence should tell you all you need to know. You should go NC. No more talking. No more running over to support her. No more being a doormat. Delete and block. The only time you should acknowledge her is if she comes banging at your door telling you she made a mistake and wants you back. You can decline and tell her you moved on or reconcile if that is still what you want. Don't let her use you though which she is doing now. No contact from here on out should be your plan. Focus on that rather than chasing someone who has shown you they don't want to be with you. 2
Author makuboy Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 So she left you and then because you didn't go chasing her or begging for her back and just seemed cool about it, she's in floods of tears... but.. but.. SHE LEFT YOU! What does she want or expect now? She made the choice, ended the relationship and now feels bad. Sorry, but as a dumpee myself in the past, I refuse to have feelings for someone who would turn their back on me. I think you've handled this perfectly and been very nice about it all. You must've been hurt but yet you don't mention your feelings at all, only about her being upset. Let me ask, does she ever ask about you or chase you to see if you were okay? You have reached out and even been there for her, which is lot more than most dumpees would/should do. I know I'm sounding harsh here, but she left you. If she wants back, it should be here coming to you, not you being there as emotional support whilst she goes through a breakup that she flippin' asked for. You should not feel terrible for what you have or haven't done (unless there's more to the story). You've been more than nice and if she's ignoring you now I would guess it's because, like most dumpers, she just wants that ego boost of having her ex come chasing her. Obviously that's my rather bitter take on this so see what others think. Is there anything at this pont to do somthing to get things better? Like posting some photos on social media or anything? Should i just leave her alone now? I really want to know what she thing about trying to reconsile but i am afraid of the answer. But maybe i should ask her and if she says thats its totaly over maybet then i should move on? she sounded like she feels nostalgic about those good memories and thats what makes me think i have a chance. I would really love to do anything just to try everything that i can to get her back 1
smudge21 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Is there anything at this pont to do somthing to get things better? Like posting some photos on social media or anything? Should i just leave her alone now? I really want to know what she thing about trying to reconsile but i am afraid of the answer. But maybe i should ask her and if she says thats its totaly over maybet then i should move on? she sounded like she feels nostalgic about those good memories and thats what makes me think i have a chance. I would really love to do anything just to try everything that i can to get her back I know where you are right now, I've been there. Stop trying to think what is going on in her head, you'll never get that answer and only start getting locked in a loop where you think about every single little detail, looking for hope. The fact remains, she left, she did some crying, got annoyed you weren't begging for her back, she went quiet and has been ever since. You have done nothing wrong and have gone out of your way for someone who left you. If she wanted you back, then she would be in touch with you. You need to just back away, see what happens and in the meantime follow the no contact rules. If she really is having regrets then you going quiet on her will be the only thing that makes her come back. You getting in touch (posting on social media? Please no!) will only feed her ego and tell her that despite the fact she left you, you're still happy to be around and there for her whenever she needs you. Is that what you want? To be there for her, but her never there for you? Surely you know you deserve better? Relationships rely on many things but one of them is respect and she won't have that for you if you're always at her feet - that's a definite way to end up in the friend zone. You want that? 1
Satu Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 There is nothing you can do to make her come back if she doesn't of her own free will, want to. Not long letters of apology. Not tears. Not begging and pleading. Not buying roses. Not 'fighting for the relationship.' Not writing poems. Etc... Leave her totally alone. It is possible that she'll miss you and will want you back. It is also possible that she won't. Do nothing. No contact. Take care. 1
Author makuboy Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 There is nothing you can do to make her come back if she doesn't of her own free will, want to. Not long letters of apology. Not tears. Not begging and pleading. Not buying roses. Not 'fighting for the relationship.' Not writing poems. Etc... Leave her totally alone. It is possible that she'll miss you and will want you back. It is also possible that she won't. Do nothing. No contact. Take care. But if she accepted to see me maybe she still cares? I just really dont like the idea of doing nothing. I know deep inside that NC is the best options but maybe i should just tell her that I want o get back together, I want show her that i am not how i used to be.. Its just so hard i dont even know how to cope with this...
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 What were the circumstances of your breakup? And please don't go the route of silly social media posts, hoping to get her attention. That's kids' stuff. If you want to talk to her, speak to her directly.
smudge21 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 But if she accepted to see me maybe she still cares? I just really dont like the idea of doing nothing. I know deep inside that NC is the best options but maybe i should just tell her that I want o get back together, I want show her that i am not how i used to be.. Its just so hard i dont even know how to cope with this... Whoa, slow down there. Your first post came across like you were in control of all this, despite being the dumpee. You played it well, showed you cared and was willing to make an effort for her despite her actions. Now you're coming off as desperate and needy, like you're about to go running round to her house with a choir, balloons, doves and a marriage proposal - anything to get her back. I think I know what has happened here - she ended it, you were hurt but kept your cool, she's not liked that so now played the victim card and now finally you're all a mess thinking she wants you back. Win to her I reckon, but luckily you haven't acted upon it yet. Look at the facts - if she cared, she'd be in your arms right now and you wouldn't be posting here. She left you. The only person you have to be thinking about right now is you. If she's truly upset, then it's her doing, not yours. If she wants you back, well I'm sure she knows your number. You've reached out foolishly and she hasn't responded. For all you know, she's now thinking she has you where she wants you and in a few days time will feed you some more breadcrumbs to keep you sweet. Don't let her. You're better than that.
Author makuboy Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 What were the circumstances of your breakup? And please don't go the route of silly social media posts, hoping to get her attention. That's kids' stuff. If you want to talk to her, speak to her directly. We lived together more than 2 years. I was into video games too much, she was sad about that, i did not changed when she asked me, the she moved to dorm from my flat, we were still contacting having sex from time to time and ect. but then i thought thats shes coming back soon and then she said she does not believe that i can change and left me. it was in person. After few weeks she came to my flat, we had some chat, she cried, we had sex again, then after few weeks she dais she wants space, then one month of no contact. then she contacted me, saying thats she found my favorite show in HD online and wanted me to know what. then like one month we contacted from time to time as i already said, then recently we met again, she cried, talked about being sad, not finding anyone like me, and now its total silence from her side 4 days. Texted her asking how she feels but no response. I kinda want to tell her that i want to do all i can to get her back, to try again, but i dont want to give everything into her hands.
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