Emweaver23 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 i have recently started hanging out with this guy that I've known for quite a while (we went to the same school, we knew who each other were but were never really friends. graduated 6 years ago) ran into him about a year ago on a night out (we live in a small town) after that we started chatting on Facebook for a few months. He then went over seas for a period of 6 months, and during that time we kept in contact quite regularly, he would often message me first asking how I am etc. When he got back, I had moved away (about an hour and a half away into the city) so he came to visit me. It was fun, we'd go out for dinner and a few drinks and because I didn't want him driving all the way home I would let him stay which I didn't think would be a problem since we had been chatting and getting to know each other for the better part of a year. So he came and visited me a few times (roughly once a week for about 5 weeks) and would always stay the night. But inbetween these visits, I very rarely heard from him. It seemed he would only make contact when he wanted to see me. There was one occasion where I was at our home town seeing some friends, and I had texted him to let him know I was in town and asked if he had time to see me. He acted like he was too busy and wasn't interested. When I got back home, I messaged him and told him I thought it was weird he couldn't make time for me while I was in town, considering he usually drives 1.5 hours to see me? He told me that he is always happy to make time for me but just needs more notice. The following week, I let him know I was going to be in his town again on the weekend but he couldn't seem to commit to any plans with me. His answers were short and didn't make much sense so I got frustrated and told him that if he didn't have time then that's fine, just let me know. He responsed with a rude comment like "wow someone's moody today".. So then I said that I was just getting frustrated because it seemed like this was becoming too much effort for him to which he never responded. That weekend, I got a message from him in the middle of the night on Saturday asking if could come see me. I said yes. The next morning, he left straight away and I have not heard from him since. now I feel completely used and that I was just a booty call. Today I sent him a message saying that I wasn't ok with him coming to my house in the middle of the night, leaving and then not contacting me. I also said that a booty call type situation is not going to work for me. He has not responded. Now I don't know what to do. If this was only about sex for him then why did he keep in contact with me all that time he was overseas, and why would he travel all the way to see me each time? I am really fighting the urge to message him and call him an absolute jerk. What should I do?
smudge21 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 You want, and deserve, answers but I don't think you're going to get any from this individual. His attitude when you were near him does sound like something else may have been going on, but no one can know that for sure. It just seems very distant and odd behaviour for someone who was always willing to come out to see you. The fact he was quiet when not seeing says a lot too. I think your last text was very honest and to the point. You do not want to be his little play thing when he feels like it. I would not get in touch anymore now as to do so indicates you're waiting on him. You're annoyed, you feel this is wrong, you've told him so, and now if he is seriously interested and any form of decent human being the onus is on him to contact you - a phone call would be better than a simple text too. Sadly often some people just prefer to slink away rather than having to explain themselves so you may find you don't get the answers you're looking for, but in a way, you will. I read something yesterday that kinda' summed up my situation and I think relates here in a way: don't see someone as a priority if they're only prepared to see you as an option. Leave this for a few days now and see what happens, then consider what you want to do then. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 It sounds like you're not the only girl on his radar. He either already had someone waiting for him or he's since met someone, I think. There's no need to message him again. I doubt you will get the answers you're looking for, which will only hurt more in the end. 2
hippychick3 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 Guys will jump through hoops and drive long distances for sex. That doesn't mean he has genuine feelings for the person. Unfortunately, attraction doesn't mean attachment. He clearly is seeing others and is not interested in being in a relationship with anyone. The best thing you can do is absolutely nothing. Don't contact him again and don't respond to him again. Keep your dignity. Your silence will speak volumes. Next time, save your heart and save your body for someone who has shown you with consistency and trustworthiness that he is worth it. 2
Author Emweaver23 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Posted March 9, 2016 Thanks for your replies on this. He ended up replying to my message, a day later.. it basically went something like this "I suck. It's no excuse, i know. I'm having trouble getting back to reality after travelling" Whatever that means..
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) So he came and visited me a few times (roughly once a week for about 5 weeks) and would always stay the night. But inbetween these visits, I very rarely heard from him. It seemed he would only make contact when he wanted to see me. There was one occasion where I was at our home town seeing some friends, and I had texted him to let him know I was in town and asked if he had time to see me. He acted like he was too busy and wasn't interested. When I got back home, I messaged him and told him I thought it was weird he couldn't make time for me while I was in town, considering he usually drives 1.5 hours to see me? He told me that he is always happy to make time for me but just needs more notice. The following week, I let him know I was going to be in his town again on the weekend but he couldn't seem to commit to any plans with me. His answers were short and didn't make much sense so I got frustrated and told him that if he didn't have time then that's fine, just let me know. He responsed with a rude comment like "wow someone's moody today".. So then I said that I was just getting frustrated because it seemed like this was becoming too much effort for him to which he never responded. That weekend, I got a message from him in the middle of the night on Saturday asking if could come see me. I said yes. The next morning, he left straight away and I have not heard from him since. now I feel completely used and that I was just a booty call. I think the answer is rather obvious...you were a booty call. And TBH you kinda set yourself up to be that too. Lesson learned for next time. If a man isn't making time to see you, and makes excuses why he can't see you...when he calls in the middle of the night wanting to come over... you say NO. Doesn't sound like he has much respect for you... and knows he's a shyt. At least he admitted it. Now it's your turn to admit that he will never be the man you want and need him to be (a man who gives a crap). No please do not contact him again. In fact I would suggest you block him. Time to walk away....long time coming. And again big lesson learned. Edited March 9, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Jabron1 Posted March 9, 2016 Posted March 9, 2016 Thanks for your replies on this. He ended up replying to my message, a day later.. it basically went something like this "I suck. It's no excuse, i know. I'm having trouble getting back to reality after travelling" Whatever that means.. That text is laughable. 'Trouble getting back to reality...' I'm going to be really honest with you. He simply doesn't care about you. The amount of F's this guy gives is zero. Please don't send him an angry text. It will make you feel worse. You will be giving away more of your power and emotion to someone that just doesn't care. Walk away, block him from everything, and keep your dignity. Don't let him wander in and out of your life randomly. Close the door on this completely, and put it down to experience. 5
RJ2000 Posted March 10, 2016 Posted March 10, 2016 That text is laughable. 'Trouble getting back to reality...' I'm going to be really honest with you. He simply doesn't care about you. The amount of F's this guy gives is zero. Please don't send him an angry text. It will make you feel worse. You will be giving away more of your power and emotion to someone that just doesn't care. Walk away, block him from everything, and keep your dignity. Don't let him wander in and out of your life randomly. Close the door on this completely, and put it down to experience. Jabron1 - you said it all my man. +1 2
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