Why modern relationships are falling apart

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have to say, I've seen this article being shared on my social media feed quite frequently. Being that it addresses the reasons for failed relationships these days.

 

Why Modern Relationships Never Last

 

That people are living in the now and only in the world of self-sanctification. That people are only looking for excitement and thrills, but nothing prepares them for the mundane.

 

Saw this excerpt:

 

"We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we’re too blinded by the thrill of adventure."

 

But what's really interesting is the comments from those defending their own relationship-styles and take offense at the author being "judgmental" or "shaming". That the article was "negative." When all the quoted can be translated to, "I don't like to hear the truth." It's when they realize they resemble what's said in the article, they turn it around on the author want to persecute him/her.

 

Thoughts on this? Is it getting to a point that those writing articles regarding people who "throw away relationships" are offending others? Is it any surprise?

 

Thoughts?

[loveweary11]

A great and extremely accurate article.

 

I often wonder why people are so emotionally broken, even right out of the gate, at a young age.

 

How were they raised?

 

What mistakes were made raising them that they turned out exactly as this article describes?

 

This article is the majority of people.

[xxoo]

What generation are they talking about?

 

Is this millennial thing?

[carhill]

I kinda chuckled at the image of the couple in bed with their faces illuminated by the screen lights on their phones. Glad I missed that era.

 

If sufficiently outlier, sometimes the winning move is not to play. Accept the game as valid and move on. The most flexible adapt to the game and can grow relationships within it. I think there's value in flexibility but, at my age, nah, I'll pass. Hope things work out.

[Alamo657]

Thoughts?

 

Entertainment and social worth are the main values of our time. If you cant sustain meaningful entertainment backed by successful social circle, you fail. This only apply to males tho, women have a different problematic : if you're not pretty outside, be prettty inside.

[strawberryshortstack]

I have to say, I've seen this article being shared on my social media feed quite frequently. Being that it addresses the reasons for failed relationships these days.

 

Why Modern Relationships Never Last

 

That people are living in the now and only in the world of self-sanctification. That people are only looking for excitement and thrills, but nothing prepares them for the mundane.

 

Saw this excerpt:

 

"We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we’re too blinded by the thrill of adventure."

 

But what's really interesting is the comments from those defending their own relationship-styles and take offense at the author being "judgmental" or "shaming". That the article was "negative." When all the quoted can be translated to, "I don't like to hear the truth." It's when they realize they resemble what's said in the article, they turn it around on the author want to persecute him/her.

 

Thoughts on this? Is it getting to a point that those writing articles regarding people who "throw away relationships" are offending others? Is it any surprise?

 

Thoughts?

 

I've often attributed my difficulties with dating to this situation. The men I meet are too focused on someone to go have adventures with, and I'm just not an "adventurous spirit". That's not to say that I don't enjoy the occasional adventure, but I'm looking more for someone to enjoy the mundane with. Fortunately, I've found that person, and we both make each other very happy, but it took a lot of dates, and a lot of disappointment before I did.

[loveweary11]

I've often attributed my difficulties with dating to this situation. The men I meet are too focused on someone to go have adventures with, and I'm just not an "adventurous spirit". That's not to say that I don't enjoy the occasional adventure, but I'm looking more for someone to enjoy the mundane with. Fortunately, I've found that person, and we both make each other very happy, but it took a lot of dates, and a lot of disappointment before I did.

 

That's interesting.

 

Were you aware that the adventurous and mundane can occur at the same time?

 

I am always on exciting adventures, but do them in a way that my home life is predictable/ stable and easy.

 

You can have both.

 

You bring the mundane on adventures.

[Gloria25]

Why is "boring" and/or "mundane" equates "love"?

 

If you ask me, it's the "roommates" and "partners" mentality and lack of romance and passion that is one reason why "modern" relationships fail.

 

Then, you have dual income couples. No one is at home to make the "house" a "home" (ie a nice home cooked meal, wifey having energy/time to meet hubby all dolled-up at the front door.

 

There are many people in lasting, loving relationships who are passionate, active, and have romance - on top of kids, bills, and work.

 

The only thing I mostly agree with the article is that people ae impatient now a days. They are quick to shack-up, get pregnant and/or marry someone without taking the time to know that person and/or seek premarital counseling. They "think" they are in "love" when all they have is either/or/and hornies, desperation, honeymoon phase. So, after marriage and kids, and when all the "emotions" and/or "feeeeeelings" subside (cuz emotions and feelings come/go) they really have no connection with that person (besides kids, chores, and bills) and see no reason to stick it out cuz of the selfish "mmmmmeeee" mentality now a days. So, they drag themselves and/or their kids from one silly situation to another.

 

It's simple - 'Choose wisely, treat kindly'

[strawberryshortstack]

That's interesting.

 

Were you aware that the adventurous and mundane can occur at the same time?

 

I am always on exciting adventures, but do them in a way that my home life is predictable/ stable and easy.

 

You can have both.

 

You bring the mundane on adventures.

 

Well, that's one of the things I love about my current guy. We do have adventures, but we're always very relaxed and comfortable with each other. Most of our evenings are spent quietly at his home, watching TV or a movie, but we go hiking, and he's planning a weekend trip for us pretty soon. These are the things I enjoy.

 

But most of the guys I encountered on the dating site are looking for someone who can drop everything at the drop of a hat and fly off to some remote location. Constantly. Which I'm not interested in doing, even if I could.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, that's one of the things I love about my current guy. We do have adventures, but we're always very relaxed and comfortable with each other. Most of our evenings are spent quietly at his home, watching TV or a movie, but we go hiking, and he's planning a weekend trip for us pretty soon. These are the things I enjoy.

 

But most of the guys I encountered on the dating site are looking for someone who can drop everything at the drop of a hat and fly off to some remote location. Constantly. Which I'm not interested in doing, even if I could.

 

Right, though I do like to travel, but I tend to avoid the ones that demand you own a passport. I do have a passport, but I don't use it as often as others.

 

It's this whole, "fear of missing out" (F.O.M.O.) thing. They feel the need travel, globally, 3 to 4 times out of the year, run up debt due to their traveling and expenditures.

 

I'm more of a "travel once a few years" kind of guy...usually I take local trips.

There are people that prefer "boring", when they are teased as such.

 

I recall someone saying she couldn't make it to someone's birthday party via a Facebook invite as she felt the need to brag about where she'll be traveling to on that day.

 

"Oh, probably won't make it that day because I'm taking my annual trip to Lake Tahoe that weekend, and if it's not Lake Tahoe, then it may be somewhere else, but if it's not somewhere else, then I might be able to make the party."

 

I was like, "Really?!" lol

 

I know this married couple, when I asked them what they did that weekend, they would say, "Just did laundry, hubby did the yard work...went grocery shopping...Sunday we just watched Netflix all day."

 

Apparently, they are just content on doing that every weekend.

[LydiaLong]

It's the world we live in. It's an age of instant everything-instant messages, instagrams, instant dating. Patience as an art has been lost. People expect to be in a 'relationship' after a few dates. Instant gratification.

[xxoo]

 

I know this married couple, when I asked them what they did that weekend, they would say, "Just did laundry, hubby did the yard work...went grocery shopping...Sunday we just watched Netflix all day."

 

Apparently, they are just content on doing that every weekend.

 

This is my life, and the life of most of the working parents I know. Which is why I wonder who this kind of article is describing?

 

It's all who you surround yourself with, I guess.

[loveweary11]

This is my life, and the life of most of the working parents I know. Which is why I wonder who this kind of article is describing?

 

It's all who you surround yourself with, I guess.

 

It's describing currently single people between 18 and 30 or so.

[strawberryshortstack]

Right, though I do like to travel, but I tend to avoid the ones that demand you own a passport. I do have a passport, but I don't use it as often as others.

 

It's this whole, "fear of missing out" (F.O.M.O.) thing. They feel the need travel, globally, 3 to 4 times out of the year, run up debt due to their traveling and expenditures.

 

I'm more of a "travel once a few years" kind of guy...usually I take local trips.

There are people that prefer "boring", when they are teased as such.

 

I recall someone saying she couldn't make it to someone's birthday party via a Facebook invite as she felt the need to brag about where she'll be traveling to on that day.

 

"Oh, probably won't make it that day because I'm taking my annual trip to Lake Tahoe that weekend, and if it's not Lake Tahoe, then it may be somewhere else, but if it's not somewhere else, then I might be able to make the party."

 

I was like, "Really?!" lol

 

I know this married couple, when I asked them what they did that weekend, they would say, "Just did laundry, hubby did the yard work...went grocery shopping...Sunday we just watched Netflix all day."

 

Apparently, they are just content on doing that every weekend.

 

I'm one of those people who prefers "boring" I guess. Boring allows me to feel closer to my partner emotionally, and for me, that's what a relationship is about. I can go have adventures with just anyone.

 

But spending every weekend at home doing the mundane stuff DOES get dull, so we do go out and do things when we can. Trouble is, my weekends aren't the same as his, so we have to work around that, or I have to take time off (He's self-employed, so it's trickier for him to just take time off mid-week).

[todreaminblue]

i feel some modern relationships are too public.....they are played out on social media....too much involvement from others.....even the messy parts....and i dont think it helps cement budding relationships...i trips them open...for bias and public opinion..deb

[Woggle]

People these days are just not built for lasting relationships with a few exceptions.

[RecentChange]

Interesting points in the article, and I do agree with many issues raised....

 

The excitement part - I thought yeah that's me, I need excitement, I thrill seek....

 

But the rest, not so much. Generationally I fall between Gen X and millennials, but I suppose I differ in many aspects as well.

 

I have worked for the same company for 13 years.

 

I participate in a sport that requires years of training before you even get to compete.

 

And despite thrill seeking and mistakes, my partner and I put in the hard work to stay together - be it a non traditional relationship etc - it works for us in today's society.

 

One part I don't agree with the article is the notion that people don't know how to love any more.

 

I would counter that "back in the day" relationships lasted longer due to differences in society. Taboo of divorce. Less options for women to be independent of men etc.

[Gloria25]

i feel some modern relationships are too public.....they are played out on social media....too much involvement from others.....even the messy parts....and i dont think it helps cement budding relationships...i trips them open...for bias and public opinion..deb

 

Yep, they all want their 15 minutes of fame on Facebook. It's pne thing to wanna share moments and stuff with family/friends...but it's another to be playing 'Keeping up with the Jonses' online. So, if I a "friend" posted a pic with their kid, I gotta run and do the same too so I can look cool too.

 

My family pics on Facebook are private. The public cannot swe it. I'm not "on display" for the world.

[Woggle]

I love how millennials act like they invented free love and no strings attached sex. They are just the 70s generation but with sucky music.

[OneLov]

I think the article is inaccurate if "we" is defined as every person between the ages of 18-30. I find a lot of those people are interested in having relationships with traditional ideas of monogamy. The divorce rates are actually lower now than when they peaked in the 1980s with the Boomers. So who is the "we?" Anyone under 65?

 

And what are is the traditional model? The 1950s? If that's the case, I suggest the author look further back in time to see that the ideas of what marriage should provide were radically different. The idea of that society is losing its moral compass is horribly over-simplistic. This article reads like something my grandfather would write. Except he had to walk backwards, uphill, and 20 miles each way to school through blizzard-like conditions everyday (even the spring and fall).

 

I suggest that our model of marriage (1950s pop culture) does not work. Sure it worked for people who lived through the Great Depression and lost at least one loved one in WWII, but it was different for the generations before. How? They did not expect their partner to be responsible for developing their higher sense of self; they relied on each other to meet their basic needs and then died at relatively young age.

 

I'm not saying there are not things that exist today that contribute to a decline in what people think of as "forever." But that article fails to present any sort of objective view of what a marriage should be. It only claims its all going to hell in a hand basket.

Edited March 9, 2016 by OneLov

[OneLov]

This reminds me of a show discussing the success of Costco. One of the things that stuck out to me is you will notice you will find, at most, a choice of 2 or 3 brands of a particular item. This is done purposefully and a major contributor to its success.

 

Using research, Costco found that when you offer customers many types of the same product they become overwhelmed with information. That information causes them to hesitate in making a choice. So eventually they become frustrated and do not make a purchase. By offering 2 choices, people make an almost immediate choice (usually based on familiarity) and move on.

 

The interesting thing is this behavior is not limited to consumer items; it a applies to all choices we make. Whether it's olive oil, hot sauce, or partners, we make more decisions and are more confident in those decisions when we have limited options.

 

So what does this have to do with modern relationships? I think people have many more options and that is causing them to try and hold out for the "one." Like when there are thousands of brands of hot sauce, there has to be one that's perfect right? There can't just be a bunch of just-good-enough's? Right?

 

I think that contributes to the dilemma most young people are facing. Instead of a couple dozen partners to choose from, there are thousands. The pressure of selecting the "right" one is much higher because there are so many that one has to be "just right." Well it's an illusion; there is no perfect mate. But I believe it is still a legitimate conflict most young people must deal with.

[Toodaloo]

This is my life, and the life of most of the working parents I know. Which is why I wonder who this kind of article is describing?

 

It's all who you surround yourself with, I guess.

 

Its not just married couples.

 

Ask anyone, single, relationships etc its all the same because that is LIFE.

 

It can't be all great all the time. There is work to do if you want the things you have to be good. A house needs cleaning, clothes need washing, food needs to be got in, loo roll stocks need to be checked...

 

I think the internet has skewed our views.

 

People think I live a fantastic life. Many are jealous of it for the simple reason that I go out and talk to people. I put my phone down or leave it in the car or at home. I log off. I switch the TV off and actually get out.

 

I can tell you now that I do often spend time at home sat in front of the TV watching a film and wake up an hour later not remembering what went on and with dribble down the side of my face... That is LIFE! That is reality and in my experience its far better than checking facebook all the time or flipping through OLD profiles...

 

No strings sex makes my Fallopian tubes coil up and hide. So I do not engage in it. I know there are many like me out there. Just as I have found it hard to find someone I click with I know many others have. Difference is I am not relying on the internet to substitute for something real. I like reality even if it does fart and snore.

[elaine567]

Using research, Costco found that when you offer customers many types of the same product they become overwhelmed with information. That information causes them to hesitate in making a choice. So eventually they become frustrated and do not make a purchase. By offering 2 choices, people make an almost immediate choice (usually based on familiarity) and move on.

 

So what does this have to do with modern relationships? I think people have many more options and that is causing them to try and hold out for the "one." Like when there are thousands of brands of hot sauce, there has to be one that's perfect right? There can't just be a bunch of just-good-enough's? Right?

 

I think that contributes to the dilemma most young people are facing. Instead of a couple dozen partners to choose from, there are thousands. The pressure of selecting the "right" one is much higher because there are so many that one has to be "just right." Well it's an illusion; there is no perfect mate. But I believe it is still a legitimate conflict most young people must deal with.

 

I think you may be right, when faced with the girl next door or the girl who works at the post office, or the man who is your brothers friend, or the man who works at the bakers, it is a far easier choice.

There is nothing to say that the choices made on the internet are any better than those we would have made on our own front door step when the world was a lot smaller.

[mikeylo]

Instant gratification , too many ' perceived ' choices , media projection of an ideal relationship , fear of staying with only one person when so many choices around ---- all have contributed to failure of relationship success.

 

The Internet has actually made it worse. Instead of making a relationship work , taking up the bad with the good , people rather choose to dump and look for that perfect match because it's possible , as some website said so !

 

Going back to the deal breaker thread, many of those issues are workable but with the media saying no, people get the validation they need to dump rather than work. Relationships take work and most people don't want to work. It's easier to get into a relationship but rather difficult to maintain and make it grow.

 

I'm glad I'm outta the game !

[Summer3]

I know this married couple, when I asked them what they did that weekend, they would say, "Just did laundry, hubby did the yard work...went grocery shopping...Sunday we just watched Netflix all day."

 

Apparently, they are just content on doing that every weekend.

 

Sounds like my life. Except no Netflix. I rent our movies for free from the library.