I'm afraid of liking someone

[difficult_decisions]

Yes I know the title sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. I've always told myself that I wouldn't talk about my dating situation, purely for the sake of not overthinking things, but here I am again, after countless dates, I'm back at it again.

 

After a half year hiatus in the OLD scene since my terrible run in 2015 (refer to my post history for the curious), I finally regained my confidence and decided to jump back onto the train.

 

New girl - been seeing each other once or twice a week for about a month now. Fair to say that she's into me, but for some reason I'm hesitant. I charmed her pants off when I first met her and she could really tell I was confident, something I wasn't able to do in the past. This time around it felt natural to me. I told myself that this time around, I'm not going to get attached too quickly and just be myself. I've learned from too many past mistakes.

 

But all of a sudden I find myself getting into my head again. She told me once that it usually takes her a while to like someone or trust someone, would that be a good reason why she's not putting out even after 6-7 dates? I set early communication this time around to figure out what we wanted out of it, cutting thru all the BS, yet she doesn't really know.

 

I find myself falling into the trap of liking her too soon. I'm starting to feel insecure. The usual quick witty flirty responses that I said confidently to her, now makes me feel uncomfortable to say to her. Example, I told her I couldn't sleep one night and she asked why, and I responded, cuz you ain't here. She responded with an lol smiley face. And that bothered me a lot for some reason.

 

I'm losing my footing guys. I'm afraid of liking her first. I know for a fact that if I start coming off to strong, she'll lose interest. I'm on edge.

[basil67]

Yes, it's a very good reason for her to wait. But if you want a better idea of what's going on in her head, have a discussion about it. After all, dating is about finding out if your morals and ethics are compatible.

[difficult_decisions]

Yes, it's a very good reason for her to wait. But if you want a better idea of what's going on in her head, have a discussion about it. After all, dating is about finding out if your morals and ethics are compatible.

 

I agree, I guess I've just been too use to dating women who weren't opposed to it early on at least. It's definitely worth a conversation later on though.

 

But to my earlier point, you don't think I'm overthinking things too much right?

I just don't want to mess this up.

[RJ2000]

The "cuz you ain't here" line was maybe a mistake but a recoverable one. Don't do that again unless you can figure out a way to say something like that flirtatiously, i.e. "because my bed is so empty. why aren't you here? ;"

 

However she sent you a smiley face so maybe she liked what you said, don't you think that's possible?

 

She may not have "put out" yet but you do need to get women thinking about sex with you as a possibility. Just have to do so in a playful not creepy or pushy way.

 

I assume there's been at least some physicality? Makeout sessions? If not and you've dated 6-7 times, you are a patient man my friend.

 

If she doesn't "like" you by now that would be strange she'd keep going out with you. The trust thing may be more accurate. Try to carefully probe into that, why doesn't she trust people? If you can find out, it might help you make your next moves.

[difficult_decisions]

The "cuz you ain't here" line was maybe a mistake but a recoverable one. Don't do that again unless you can figure out a way to say something like that flirtatiously, i.e. "because my bed is so empty. why aren't you here? ;"

 

However she sent you a smiley face so maybe she liked what you said, don't you think that's possible?

 

She may not have "put out" yet but you do need to get women thinking about sex with you as a possibility. Just have to do so in a playful not creepy or pushy way.

 

I assume there's been at least some physicality? Makeout sessions? If not and you've dated 6-7 times, you are a patient man my friend.

 

If she doesn't "like" you by now that would be strange she'd keep going out with you. The trust thing may be more accurate. Try to carefully probe into that, why doesn't she trust people? If you can find out, it might help you make your next moves.

 

Hey thanks for the reply. Yes things have been physical and she's stayed over a few times already. I guess I'm just struggling with bringing up the topic on if she's just waiting to get more comfortable until sex. I had a brief convo with her that brought up what we were looking for in a date, and ultimately what I got from her was that she doesn't know exactly.

 

I know she's attracted to me at least, but I just don't want to completely mess it up by getting too attached, or prying her with these questions. I'm always really good at the initial courtship but struggle to maintain that momentum, if you know what I mean.

[RJ2000]

Hey thanks for the reply. Yes things have been physical and she's stayed over a few times already. I guess I'm just struggling with bringing up the topic on if she's just waiting to get more comfortable until sex. I had a brief convo with her that brought up what we were looking for in a date, and ultimately what I got from her was that she doesn't know exactly.

 

I know she's attracted to me at least, but I just don't want to completely mess it up by getting too attached, or prying her with these questions. I'm always really good at the initial courtship but struggle to maintain that momentum, if you know what I mean.

 

I know just what you mean, I've been there. This stage of a relationship is comparable to a really difficult business deal. Everyone "likes" each other, everyone is smiling, but the deal isn't done. Once it is, things are great, but that limbo period is just so hard.

 

Breathe. If she's in your bed, you're good on the attraction front. Sometimes women want to be taken. You need to be very careful with that, of course. But I've been with women who get turned on by guys who just "take what they want," so to speak.

[Maxtor]

Yes I know the title sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. I've always told myself that I wouldn't talk about my dating situation, purely for the sake of not overthinking things, but here I am again, after countless dates, I'm back at it again.

 

After a half year hiatus in the OLD scene since my terrible run in 2015 (refer to my post history for the curious), I finally regained my confidence and decided to jump back onto the train.

 

New girl - been seeing each other once or twice a week for about a month now. Fair to say that she's into me, but for some reason I'm hesitant. I charmed her pants off when I first met her and she could really tell I was confident, something I wasn't able to do in the past. This time around it felt natural to me. I told myself that this time around, I'm not going to get attached too quickly and just be myself. I've learned from too many past mistakes.

 

But all of a sudden I find myself getting into my head again. She told me once that it usually takes her a while to like someone or trust someone, would that be a good reason why she's not putting out even after 6-7 dates? I set early communication this time around to figure out what we wanted out of it, cutting thru all the BS, yet she doesn't really know.

 

I find myself falling into the trap of liking her too soon. I'm starting to feel insecure. The usual quick witty flirty responses that I said confidently to her, now makes me feel uncomfortable to say to her. Example, I told her I couldn't sleep one night and she asked why, and I responded, cuz you ain't here. She responded with an lol smiley face. And that bothered me a lot for some reason.

 

I'm losing my footing guys. I'm afraid of liking her first. I know for a fact that if I start coming off to strong, she'll lose interest. I'm on edge.

I'm gonna say this based solely on my experience. I dated a girl when i was younger, she was so into me it was insane. Cute girl, clever and kind. I was terribly insecure but i faked so well, i faked i was a confident, with lots of goals and objectives, that i was going to be a super star. So after the honey moon stage, the fantasy I had created begun to fade because that was not who i am. She liked the fantasy guy i created, so, when the real me showed up, she begun to fade aswel.

 

I feel you are on the same level as I used to be. Dont fake. If you are insecure, be insecure, but be insecure only with yourself. Dont judge her, dont pass that feeling to her. Take time, take 2 steps back if you need to. Figure youself out first. I havent figured out myself.