Let's cool it off for a bit and be friends for now. Single mom dating

March 8, 2016

Hi everyone,

So a month ago out of the blue I decided to get online and start dating. Since it was out of the blue obviously I wasn't looking for anything too serious, but also wasn't looking to toy around with anyone's feelings or mine for that matter. Before anyone judges me, I am not willing to introduce my child to anyone that is not pretty close to perfect which is why I decided that serious dating can wait, also considering that I am only 25.

I went on a date with a pretty nice and accomplished guy within two days of signing up but that didn't work out as there wasn't a lot of chemistry which was fine.

Within a week of signing up I went on a date with someone else that I very much liked and is pretty much perfect in my eyes, accomplished career wise, very good morals and family was important to him and also very good looks. Needless to say we hit it off and went on to hang out at his place afterwards. While I talked to other guys while online, with this guy the conversation was just different in a good way. We agreed that we would take it slow and he was totally ok with that which I really liked. But considering that I went to his place, after numerous no's (but no pressure from him) we ended up getting intimate. He deleted his profile the next morning and we decided we would be exclusive shorty after.

Every thing went amazing, he was keeping in touch, we planned our next date and midway through the week I decided that it was time to tell him that I actually had a child and was seperated for a year (I had decided that after two dates i would tell him but things were going so well that I didn't want to keep it from him, I didn't seem fair. He reacted fairly well to it, said it didn't change anything for him but he wondered what I was looking for out of it since I am a single mom. So I told him the reality, sth casual for now but want to be in a serious relationship at some point. He said he was looking for sth more so casual. So we agreed. Our upcoming date ended up being cancelled due to him having been on call for 24 hours. It was no big deal, I understood that his career was demanding. We went on to talk with me doing most of the first text messages. I thought it's ok because he was studying for his exams (medical student) and has no time to talk.

Today almost a month later, I asked him if I could add him on fb, he said he only had his family there (apologized and all), needless to say all my blood rushed to my head when I got that text. I tried to cool off but I ended up sending him a text saying I have tried to be cool and understanding of his commitment to his career but his communication hasn't been the best in keeping me on the loop and letting me know what busy means in his life. And that I don't like being in the back burner for when he is ready to text/meet. And also that his comment was hurtful. He replied a knowledging my concerns and said we should maybe cool it off for a bit and just be friends because he couldn't invest what I am willing to invest. Went on to talk some more and he thinks I'm pretty amazing blah blah, and how he really wanted to keep in touch.

Obviously I wanted and was willing to invest more in getting somewhere with him, but now I'm feeling that I rushed in not letting this develop naturally.

What does let's cool it off and be friends for now mean? I'm assuming it means take care and move on cause I'm outta here kind of thing.

Any dating tips for a single mom? (Not looking to date anytime soon, as obviously I suck at casual but just to be ready)

Edited March 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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March 8, 2016

I think he got turned off when you told him you have a kid, sorry.

Maybe next time you should tell the guy you're a mom before you start to date in order to avoid disappointment. Some guys are fine with it, some are not.

March 8, 2016

Yes, I think you need to be more upfront from the start

Only separated, ie still married.

A child.

Some will not be fazed by those things, others could get angry if you spring all that on them too late.

Medical student, years of study and long working hours ahead, the last thing he needs is a ready made family making demands on his time.

"Let's just be friends" and "Keep in touch" and I'll call", are just phrases people say during break ups, to avoid conflict and meltdowns, they don't really mean them literally.

Also be aware that "friends", can mean "friends with benefits", if that is what you want then fine, but realise FWB is NOT a stepping stone to a real relationship, it is usually a convenient arrangement for sex and nothing else.

March 8, 2016

but also wasn't looking to toy around with anyone's feelings or mine for that matter.

That is exactly what you did by not being upfront about your child and marital status.

If you are to use online you best know now, people will always react very negatively being told about children and marital status after a first date. You need to put these information in your profile and be upfront. If you don't then you are misleading everyone around.

March 8, 2016

Unfortunately, having a kid is a deal breaker for many men around your age. I'm 31 and I've finally felt that after school and grad school and getting a job, that I can finally start thinking about a family.

This guy is in med school? He takes loans to survive already, couldn't imagine med school + kid or med school + kid + job. You need to be more upfront about a child when dating men in your age range who do not have kids. They are probably not ready nor wanting to raise someone elses. I am disappointed I can't get my own kitten because my gf has two she's bringing when she moves in. I want my own DNA even more and I can't see myself raising more than one or two.

Also, this kid is sacrificing his mid to late 20s for an expensive education that is going to give him the means and freedom in his 30s to explore. hard to do with a kid. I wouldn't want to give up my freedom either.

I think keeping your child and dating life separate is important, and maybe keeping your child ignorant of your dating life prudent, but do not keep boyfriends ignorant of your child.

Also- separated.. that mean you were married and not divorced? I would also be hesitant on that fact alone.

March 8, 2016

I have never understood not sharing the fact you have a child immediately. It's not something that will change.

I had my son at 19...in my twenties , I always mentioned him as I would need sitters to go out , ( other parent not involved) and even now, in my mid thirties in that " getting to know you " stage kids are usually mentioned. If not, definitely first date topic " do you have children".

I don't understand the need to hide it, I don't view it as baggage , but if someone is a parent it's a huge part of their life. Also, if someone is an uninvolved parent, huge red flag for me I'd rather get out of the way.

Also, even though I do date them at times, I'm not sure I would want to be I'm a relationship with someone with young children due to my son's age. So I completely understand when someone is looking for someone with no children or the time someone ended things with me because he had met someone with children closer to his young child's age and thought the long term / getting kids together potential was better.

If you do choose to wait to share , just understand it may not be a personal rejection if they don't choose to continue dating.

March 8, 2016

That being said: Lots of men will date single moms but you have to be upfront about it. Same thing with the marital status.

You said you want to date casual first then want to have a relationship. If it's the case then you should understand how important it is to be upfront about who you are and your situation.

March 8, 2016

Also- separated.. that mean you were married and not divorced? I would also be hesitant on that fact alone.

It also means there is an ex that is probably going nowhere, as he is the child's father too.

Lots of stuff to consider when dating separated people, single moms and single dads.

Some are very happy to take that all in their stride, but few people like "surprises", especially after a few dates and when they are starting to like someone.

March 8, 2016

[Online] Dating Tip #1 (from a single mom of a 9.5 year old, not currently in the dating market, 13 years older than you) - make sure to reveal as early as your online dating profile that you have a child.

Tip #2 - Also, in the profile describe yourself in the context of how you are handling your single mom life financially, emotionally, logistically. You don't need to copy/paste excel spreadsheets of your child support payments, work stubs, credit report, and similar - obviously - but do have someone who knows you look your profile over and give you a pass that it reflects accurately the dating (and beyond) life that a prospective guy can expect to have with you. That way, no one can even think to blame you for deception. And, believe me, the un-numbered faders/ghosters/mr. casual's that swarm the online dating world will be on high alert for any such triggers lest you dare call them on their player BS.

As for the guy you've set your sights on, sorry to break it to you, but he seems like an ******* who's going to keep stringing you along for as long as you're willing to put up with it. Given that you're pretty young, and that in today's world having a kid before 30 is becoming an exception rather than the norm (gotta travel around Africa on a bicycle and hike up that Machu Picchu first!), he scarcely imagined you even have one. The ******* part is that once he learned that you're a mommy, he had no guts to say that having a child is a deal breaker for a serious relationship, but instead got busy establishing boundaries to make sure his exit is as drama free as possible.

If you are OK with casual, then date men you find sexy, but otherwise don't give a crap about. Don't expose yourself to heart-break thinking the 'casual' will turn into 'committed.' For all the relationships that do turn from casual to committed, it's because the guy loses out on the dating market and forfeits the game. Then the girl that sits on the sidelines and waits him out gets offered to be his eternal cook, cleaner, warm body in bed...

If you're not OK with casual, focus on your career and your kiddo, so that you never have to depend on a man to support you and dictate your life.

Edited March 8, 2016 by czanclus

March 8, 2016

Many problems here.

You gave it up on the 1st date, to easy.

First off many men will not date married women. You are married. You are not single. Living alone without your husband does not make you single.

You pulled the bait and switch sales tactic.

Your profile said 25 yo attractive (assume your photo showed that) single.

He got a married, with a child woman.

Now we will never know if he was just a player looking to hit it and run (IE a low life) or if you baggage scared him off.

March 8, 2016

Your post really spoke volumes to me and I appreciate your advise, I am sure it will be very useful to me moving forward.

Motherhood has been a hard journey for me especially because I was married to an alcoholic, and accepting that I am a single mom has probably been the hardest (ex only involved 2 hours a week +financially).

I did realize yesterday however, that I am definitely not ready to date because I am still on the process of accepting my single mom label ( I love my baby to bits and pieces, but considering that it's only been a year you could say things are pretty fresh), so I can't expect others to be accepting of my marital status and me having a child.

And as far as staying friends with him, despite of my past with my ex, I have healed and came out fairly undamaged emotionally. I am a very good looking and confident girl, who stands on her own two feet and has a great career, so I would never allow anyone to walk back into my life for a booty call or for a friends with benefits situation. I have no concerns about finding the right guy at some point because I truly believe that I am a very outstanding person and an amazing mom.

So moving forward, I will definitely be loud and clear about me having a child, because she is the best thing I have really, I am not sure what made me think that It was ok to not bring it up right away (other than my friends' advise and me still accepting my single mom label)

[Online] Dating Tip #1 (from a single mom of a 9.5 year old, not currently in the dating market, 13 years older than you) - make sure to reveal as early as your online dating profile that you have a child.

Tip #2 - Also, in the profile describe yourself in the context of how you are handling your single mom life financially, emotionally, logistically. You don't need to copy/paste excel spreadsheets of your child support payments, work stubs, credit report, and similar - obviously - but do have someone who knows you look your profile over and give you a pass that it reflects accurately the dating (and beyond) life that a prospective guy can expect to have with you. That way, no one can even think to blame you for deception. And, believe me, the un-numbered faders/ghosters/mr. casual's that swarm the online dating world will be on high alert for any such triggers lest you dare call them on their player BS.

As for the guy you've set your sights on, sorry to break it to you, but he seems like an ******* who's going to keep stringing you along for as long as you're willing to put up with it. Given that you're pretty young, and that in today's world having a kid before 30 is becoming an exception rather than the norm (gotta travel around Africa on a bicycle and hike up that Machu Picchu first!), he scarcely imagined you even have one. The ******* part is that once he learned that you're a mommy, he had no guts to say that having a child is a deal breaker for a serious relationship, but instead got busy establishing boundaries to make sure his exit is as drama free as possible.

If you are OK with casual, then date men you find sexy, but otherwise don't give a crap about. Don't expose yourself to heart-break thinking the 'casual' will turn into 'committed.' For all the relationships that do turn from casual to committed, it's because the guy loses out on the dating market and forfeits the game. Then the girl that sits on the sidelines and waits him out gets offered to be his eternal cook, cleaner, warm body in bed...

If you're not OK with casual, focus on your career and your kiddo, so that you never have to depend on a man to support you and dictate your life.

March 8, 2016

As someone who dated a man who didn't tell me he has a 4 year old until the 3rd date and after talking for over a month -- THIS IS NOT OKAY.

It just makes you look like a liar who manipulates situations to get her way. I dumped the guy not because he has a child -- I would have been perfectly okay with that -- but because he wasn't upfront with me. Any consideration of investing more in the relationship went out the window because if he can essentially lie about his kid, what else can/will he lie about?

I'm not saying you'll lie about everything, but that it is the message it sends out... and you're not even divorced yet, so you also basically lied by omission about your marital status from the start. The majority of men (and women!) would NOT even consider talking to you had they known you are still married. You can't decide those things for people. It's selfish, toys with their emotions and wastes their time.

And then the texts -- seriously never discuss these things over text! -- even if not being upfront didn't already turn him off, you pretty much just sent the message that you are needy and don't understand him/respect his time. I understand how you feel (I wouldn't like it either!) but you should have expected to be backburned right now anyway:

1) The guy is in med school and going through exams for goodness sakes. You demanding his attention and an explanation for the lack of it is the last thing he needs and wants to deal with. You say you understand and are trying to be patient, but your actions say otherwise. (Suggestion: next time you're in this kind of temporary situation where the guy doesn't have time and is overwhelmed with life, try to not be emotional/take it personally and just be more understanding. If you really wanted to see him, maybe ask what you can do for him to make his life easier instead of asking him to do anything for you. Or just do your own thing until he has more time for you)

2) You guys agreed on something CASUAL! The guy is probably confused and thinks you're being needy for something that's supposed to be a casual setup. He wanted something casual too because he knows what his life is like and that he can't invest in anything more. It's like you switched things up on him again (that's twice now after revealing you have a child and husband).

And why were you so butt hurt over fb anyway? I only have close friends and family on my fb and I wouldn't add someone whom I've been dating casually for only a month and plenty of people have that same policy. Next time, don't make fb such a big deal in the beginning stages.

March 8, 2016

lol Love your reply.

I have to agree to all of that, especially the first line right on . I will know better for next time.

I don't think he was a player, I think he had this stereotype about single moms looking to be rescued, which is really not the case because I stand on my own two feet and don't need anyone to rescue me.

Many problems here.

You gave it up on the 1st date, to easy.

First off many men will not date married women. You are married. You are not single. Living alone without your husband does not make you single.

You pulled the bait and switch sales tactic.

Your profile said 25 yo attractive (assume your photo showed that) single.
He got a married, with a child woman.

Now we will never know if he was just a player looking to hit it and run (IE a low life) or if you baggage scared him off.

March 8, 2016

Hi everyone,

So a month ago out of the blue I decided to get online and start dating. Since it was out of the blue obviously I wasn't looking for anything too serious, but also wasn't looking to toy around with anyone's feelings or mine for that matter. Before anyone judges me, I am not willing to introduce my child to anyone that is not pretty close to perfect which is why I decided that serious dating can wait, also considering that I am only 25.

I went on a date with a pretty nice and accomplished guy within two days of signing up but that didn't work out as there wasn't a lot of chemistry which was fine.

Within a week of signing up I went on a date with someone else that I very much liked and is pretty much perfect in my eyes, accomplished career wise, very good morals and family was important to him and also very good looks. Needless to say we hit it off and went on to hang out at his place afterwards. While I talked to other guys while online, with this guy the conversation was just different in a good way. We agreed that we would take it slow and he was totally ok with that which I really liked. But considering that I went to his place, after numerous no's (but no pressure from him) we ended up getting intimate. He deleted his profile the next morning and we decided we would be exclusive shorty after.

Every thing went amazing, he was keeping in touch, we planned our next date and midway through the week I decided that it was time to tell him that I actually had a child and was seperated for a year (I had decided that after two dates i would tell him but things were going so well that I didn't want to keep it from him, I didn't seem fair. He reacted fairly well to it, said it didn't change anything for him but he wondered what I was looking for out of it since I am a single mom. So I told him the reality, sth casual for now but want to be in a serious relationship at some point. He said he was looking for sth more so casual. So we agreed. Our upcoming date ended up being cancelled due to him having been on call for 24 hours. It was no big deal, I understood that his career was demanding. We went on to talk with me doing most of the first text messages. I thought it's ok because he was studying for his exams (medical student) and has no time to talk.

Today almost a month later, I asked him if I could add him on fb, he said he only had his family there (apologized and all), needless to say all my blood rushed to my head when I got that text. I tried to cool off but I ended up sending him a text saying I have tried to be cool and understanding of his commitment to his career but his communication hasn't been the best in keeping me on the loop and letting me know what busy means in his life. And that I don't like being in the back burner for when he is ready to text/meet. And also that his comment was hurtful. He replied a knowledging my concerns and said we should maybe cool it off for a bit and just be friends because he couldn't invest what I am willing to invest. Went on to talk some more and he thinks I'm pretty amazing blah blah, and how he really wanted to keep in touch.

Obviously I wanted and was willing to invest more in getting somewhere with him, but now I'm feeling that I rushed in not letting this develop naturally.
What does let's cool it off and be friends for now mean? I'm assuming it means take care and move on cause I'm outta here kind of thing.
Any dating tips for a single mom? (Not looking to date anytime soon, as obviously I suck at casual but just to be ready)

but now I'm feeling that I rushed in not letting this develop naturally. -- You did. And, that's what he's telling you. You are/were way ahead of him in terms of investment. he couldn't invest what I am willing to invest -- Give as much as they give you . . .

"So I told him the reality, sth casual for now but want to be in a serious relationship at some point. He said he was looking for sth more so casual. "So we agreed. -- You two were not in agreement, you told him you were dating with the goal of having a committed relationship. HE told you he only wanted casual relationships. When a couple isn't on the same page in terms of overall goals, you move on. Sure, he seemed ok about your child, etc., but if he's dating casually, it doesn't matter if she has kids . . .

March 8, 2016

Painful to read, but the smack in the head that I needed.

As someone who dated a man who didn't tell me he has a 4 year old until the 3rd date and after talking for over a month -- THIS IS NOT OKAY.

It just makes you look like a liar who manipulates situations to get her way. I dumped the guy not because he has a child -- I would have been perfectly okay with that -- but because he wasn't upfront with me. Any consideration of investing more in the relationship went out the window because if he can essentially lie about his kid, what else can/will he lie about?

I'm not saying you'll lie about everything, but that it is the message it sends out... and you're not even divorced yet, so you also basically lied by omission about your marital status from the start. The majority of men (and women!) would NOT even consider talking to you had they known you are still married. You can't decide those things for people. It's selfish, toys with their emotions and wastes their time.

And then the texts -- seriously never discuss these things over text! -- even if not being upfront didn't already turn him off, you pretty much just sent the message that you are needy and don't understand him/respect his time. I understand how you feel (I wouldn't like it either!) but you should have expected to be backburned right now anyway:

1) The guy is in med school and going through exams for goodness sakes. You demanding his attention and an explanation for the lack of it is the last thing he needs and wants to deal with. You say you understand and are trying to be patient, but your actions say otherwise. (Suggestion: next time you're in this kind of temporary situation where the guy doesn't have time and is overwhelmed with life, try to not be emotional/take it personally and just be more understanding. If you really wanted to see him, maybe ask what you can do for him to make his life easier instead of asking him to do anything for you. Or just do your own thing until he has more time for you)

2) You guys agreed on something CASUAL! The guy is probably confused and thinks you're being needy for something that's supposed to be a casual setup. He wanted something casual too because he knows what his life is like and that he can't invest in anything more. It's like you switched things up on him again (that's twice now after revealing you have a child and husband).

And why were you so butt hurt over fb anyway? I only have close friends and family on my fb and I wouldn't add someone whom I've been dating casually for only a month and plenty of people have that same policy. Next time, don't make fb such a big deal in the beginning stages.

March 8, 2016

lol Love your reply.

I have to agree to all of that, especially the first line right on . I will know better for next time.

I don't think he was a player, I think he had this stereotype about single moms looking to be rescued, which is really not the case because I stand on my own two feet and don't need anyone to rescue me.

Where is anything that suggested he had that steriotype?

March 8, 2016

I don't think he was a player, I think he had this stereotype about single moms looking to be rescued, which is really not the case because I stand on my own two feet and don't need anyone to rescue me.

I was going to join in on the "what were you thinking?!?!" reax to your OP but then I saw this and figured I could give some additional advice that you might find helpful. So two thoughts for you:

1. Casual/Not Casual: One thing I noticed is that you started your story by saying you were just wanting to casually date - nothing too serious. But by the end of it and even in some of your responses, you make it sound like you are wanting some seriousness to it - or at least are portraying it like that. You use words like "investment". That's not casual... to most people.

So let me give you an idea to consider. You're a separated single mom. You don't know how to date. You know how to mom. And you know how to wife. You don't know how to date. What do roles like mom and wife have in common? Seriousness and commitment. And that's cool. Great even. You just don't know how to put on the role of dating yet - especially at this stage in your life. Best way to figure it out? Try, fail and try try again.

By the way - I'm speaking from experience on this one. LOL. First hand.

2. Who you date: You're probably going to get and feel a lot of "single mom shame" where guys tell you that your child and your past are baggage and they don't want to sign up for it. And honestly, why would they? Let's take your gentleman caller... he's a medical student. Works crazy hours. Incurs lots of debt. High pressure. Very likely to move away when he's done with his residency. The guy is at a very fluid and pivotal life stage. Why on earth would he want to get involved with a woman who isn't divorced, has a child and is most likely tied to the geographic location she's in. Dating single moms is serious business. He's a medical student for Pete's sake. He probably would have trouble getting into a serious relationship with anyone.

I didn't tell you all that to make you feel bad. What I want to you think through is that unless you are looking for something really casual (and yes, that means basically casual sex), you need to focus your attention on guys that will see your status as a single mom as an asset, not a liability. That often means single dads. Or older men who are ready to start a family and have the self awareness to realize that a single mom is a great way to "beta test" a life partner because you can already see how they mom.

This is the best way to keep from pounding square pegs in round holes. And from feeling single mom shame - associate with men who value your single mom-ness.

Best of luck!

Mrin

March 8, 2016

Just what he said after I told him that I am a single mom. He said he was wondering what I wanted out of this since I was a single mom. Which obviously to me means he think single moms are looking to get serious right away i guess.

Where is anything that suggested he had that steriotype?

March 8, 2016

Just what he said after I told him that I am a single mom. He said he was wondering what I wanted out of this since I was a single mom. Which obviously to me means he think single moms are looking to get serious right away i guess.

He knew for sure what YOU wanted and he heard it and did the right thing really, he backed off. He could have strung you along. But, in actuality since you knew he only wanted casual, you would have been stringing yourself along if you stuck with dating him casually hoping he'd change his mind . . .

March 8, 2016

Very good advise thank you.

for 1. I told him I wanted to date casually for now and that I wasn't in a rush, but I would like to get into a serious relationship in the future. I wasn't necessarily referring to him. And in all honesty I am only 25 and ideally I do not want to get serious with anyone for at least a couple of years, but then again I big time suck at being casual. I am very wife material, so I guess I need to tone it down but not sure how.

Also at this point I am thinking that it's not really me being a single mom that was the issue, it was more me blowing up (in a polite way of course) on him for not being the best communicator when it came to his schedule. My understanding of casual is mutual respect and seeing each other regularly for the benefit of both, so I felt like a girlfriend waiting for him to text/meet while he focused on his studies (which is fine and understanding). But I felt I needed to stand my ground because I am not sure what benefit I am getting by seeing someone once a month.

Also, he was the one saying "investment", I haven't invested much as it has not been enough time. At this point I don't even feel that bad that it's over. I mostly feel embarrassed for being immature.

For 2. Yes i do think that him being a medical student means no time for me, even If I wasn't a single mom it would eventually be an issue I'm sure.

As for dating single dads/older guys I am kind of iffy on both. My single friends find it odd that I do not want to date single dad (i know i am being an ******* considering my situation), but unless he is a single dad for a very good reason and is actually very involved in the child's life I wouldn't be too keen on dating a single dad who could potentially be irresponsible. Also I am looking to stay within my age range, 30 being the absolute max simply because my ex was older and while it wasn't a problem for me, it was an issue for him and I do not want to go that route again.

I was going to join in on the "what were you thinking?!?!" reax to your OP but then I saw this and figured I could give some additional advice that you might find helpful. So two thoughts for you:

1. Casual/Not Casual: One thing I noticed is that you started your story by saying you were just wanting to casually date - nothing too serious. But by the end of it and even in some of your responses, you make it sound like you are wanting some seriousness to it - or at least are portraying it like that. You use words like "investment". That's not casual... to most people.

So let me give you an idea to consider. You're a separated single mom. You don't know how to date. You know how to mom. And you know how to wife. You don't know how to date. What do roles like mom and wife have in common? Seriousness and commitment. And that's cool. Great even. You just don't know how to put on the role of dating yet - especially at this stage in your life. Best way to figure it out? Try, fail and try try again.

By the way - I'm speaking from experience on this one. LOL. First hand.

2. Who you date: You're probably going to get and feel a lot of "single mom shame" where guys tell you that your child and your past are baggage and they don't want to sign up for it. And honestly, why would they? Let's take your gentleman caller... he's a medical student. Works crazy hours. Incurs lots of debt. High pressure. Very likely to move away when he's done with his residency. The guy is at a very fluid and pivotal life stage. Why on earth would he want to get involved with a woman who isn't divorced, has a child and is most likely tied to the geographic location she's in. Dating single moms is serious business. He's a medical student for Pete's sake. He probably would have trouble getting into a serious relationship with anyone.

I didn't tell you all that to make you feel bad. What I want to you think through is that unless you are looking for something really casual (and yes, that means basically casual sex), you need to focus your attention on guys that will see your status as a single mom as an asset, not a liability. That often means single dads. Or older men who are ready to start a family and have the self awareness to realize that a single mom is a great way to "beta test" a life partner because you can already see how they mom.

This is the best way to keep from pounding square pegs in round holes. And from feeling single mom shame - associate with men who value your single mom-ness.

Best of luck!

Mrin

March 8, 2016

Oh I know, that's why I'm glad he actually broke it off because even though I don't fall easily, he seemed like the exception.

He knew for sure what YOU wanted and he heard it and did the right thing really, he backed off. He could have strung you along. But, in actuality since you knew he only wanted casual, you would have been stringing yourself along if you stuck with dating him casually hoping he'd change his mind . . .

March 9, 2016

Kid & separated SHOULD be in your profile.

Even though i'm older i will bail if a woman lets me think she is divorced when she is really only separated.

I DO NOT want to deal with all the drama & BS of someone's divorce.

I've been there.

I stayed single until the ink was dry on the paper.

March 9, 2016

I am a single mom of 2 kids (divorced). Why would you hide the fact you had a child on the first date? You also didn't specify in the ad you were a mother? This needs to be clarified up front. Some guys are not into the single mom thing. Others will embrace it esp If they also have children. I find it hard to believe the subject of your child didn't come up at all on your date which means you were purposely hiding that small detail.

Lesson learned. No guy is worth hiding you kid for. They are either ok with it or not.

Edited March 9, 2016 by SugarLips72

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Let's cool it off for a bit and be friends for now. Single mom dating

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