Fling finally dumped me after 2 years

[BingoBirdMan]

don't expect any sympathy.

 

I dated a girl for 2 years at work, but it was a fling, however it grew to a weird relationship were we rarely hung out outside of work (due to me being in a controlling and unhappy marriage). I obsessively lied to the fling for years making excuse after excuse for not (meeting my parents, going to my home, spending holidays/weekend/date nights together) and it went on. She obviously questioned it through out the years but believed my lies. I told her I rented a room with a craigslsit family and was a home body due to my social anxiety and had no family in america. All lies of course, I was really a full family man (wife and 3 year old son) who went on vacations almost every weekend. I was in a unhappy marriage and was not trusted (as i shouldn't be). But never considered a divorce because i loved our son and family (only for the first few weeks of dating the fling) did I have a talk with wife about how I was unhappy. But after that I never once made an effort to hangout with fling outside of work due to fear of getting caught, I was caught 3 months into relationship, where both woman talked to each other and exchanged words. But I lied myself out of that too. Even after this, the fling thought I lived alone. Keep in mind the gf was 20x better looking than wife....

 

The fling did love me, I was her first bf. But I just lied and lied. All she wanted me to do was have divorce finalized (she thought i was separated) and after 2 years of waiting, a rumor about me at work triggered a huge argument and stress for both of us, this reached boiling point and she finally decided our relationship wasn't real since we never had date nights, met parents and never did the divorce from "separated" wife. I lied and said I did do divorce papers last week. But it was too late for her. She slipped away everyday after days of me not texting her. We finally became friends a week later but after a heated argument at lunch she said enough. Her parents hated the fact that I presented false divorce paperwork at the 6 month mark, since then never liked me but did invite me for latest holidays, I even turned down a new years with fling where she bought tickets to amusement park and ended up taking sister instead. because I made another excuse. I know I am a scumbag, but I did a lot for her family who lives overseas. Lent over 1.5k in money, give rides, presents, etc...She finally said she sick of waiting and hated the fact that I had a son who would be getting older and the fact that she would have to deal with babys mother. All of this I would imagine a 22 year old girl does not want with a 30 year old man. She said I was not a priority and that's the reason she had enough.

 

I miss the void I filled. The terms of endearment via text message everyday. ..her face. We would even talk about how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, thats until she met my son when he was 3.

 

The fling was young, absolutely beautiful, I was her first bf....but took advantage. How can I bounce back? I guess I suffer from a really low self esteem where not even my son and wife can get my mind of this break up with my affair. The odd thing is, this fling made my marriage last, I was always happy knowing I had a young beautiful gf, but it was also stressful lying all the time to this gf.

 

I know this is selfish, but I feel depressed and cant enjoy family life. I have no more enjoyment. I hope this feeling goes away but we both work together. I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs. The fling is upset I took her virginity but I treated her like a queen daily with compliments and gifts.

 

Today we met for a final break up talk, then she was destroyed when she found out truth (partially), even after swearing she would never get back with me, she freaked out when I said I was dating and ran off crying. Why would a woman not want to be with a man, but then cry and runaway when she found out I moved on?

 

I will never have such a beautiful girl like this again. Yikes!

[kztar]

Dude, you did no good. What is wrong with you?.

[BingoBirdMan]

Dude, you did no good. What is wrong with you?.

 

I'm a stupid and selfish guy who thought he could get away with a double life. Vacationing with wife and son, while texting a 20 year old bombshell that I love her and miss her.

 

I know if my wife would have left, I would have went nuts.

[Redhead14]

don't expect any sympathy.

 

I dated a girl for 2 years at work, but it was a fling, however it grew to a weird relationship were we rarely hung out outside of work (due to me being in a controlling and unhappy marriage). I obsessively lied to the fling for years making excuse after excuse for not (meeting my parents, going to my home, spending holidays/weekend/date nights together) and it went on. She obviously questioned it through out the years but believed my lies. I told her I rented a room with a craigslsit family and was a home body due to my social anxiety and had no family in america. All lies of course, I was really a full family man (wife and 3 year old son) who went on vacations almost every weekend. I was in a unhappy marriage and was not trusted (as i shouldn't be). But never considered a divorce because i loved our son and family (only for the first few weeks of dating the fling) did I have a talk with wife about how I was unhappy. But after that I never once made an effort to hangout with fling outside of work due to fear of getting caught, I was caught 3 months into relationship, where both woman talked to each other and exchanged words. But I lied myself out of that too. Even after this, the fling thought I lived alone. Keep in mind the gf was 20x better looking than wife....

 

The fling did love me, I was her first bf. But I just lied and lied. All she wanted me to do was have divorce finalized (she thought i was separated) and after 2 years of waiting, a rumor about me at work triggered a huge argument and stress for both of us, this reached boiling point and she finally decided our relationship wasn't real since we never had date nights, met parents and never did the divorce from "separated" wife. I lied and said I did do divorce papers last week. But it was too late for her. She slipped away everyday after days of me not texting her. We finally became friends a week later but after a heated argument at lunch she said enough. Her parents hated the fact that I presented false divorce paperwork at the 6 month mark, since then never liked me but did invite me for latest holidays, I even turned down a new years with fling where she bought tickets to amusement park and ended up taking sister instead. because I made another excuse. I know I am a scumbag, but I did a lot for her family who lives overseas. Lent over 1.5k in money, give rides, presents, etc...She finally said she sick of waiting and hated the fact that I had a son who would be getting older and the fact that she would have to deal with babys mother. All of this I would imagine a 22 year old girl does not want with a 30 year old man. She said I was not a priority and that's the reason she had enough.

 

I miss the void I filled. The terms of endearment via text message everyday. ..her face. We would even talk about how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, thats until she met my son when he was 3.

 

The fling was young, absolutely beautiful, I was her first bf....but took advantage. How can I bounce back? I guess I suffer from a really low self esteem where not even my son and wife can get my mind of this break up with my affair. The odd thing is, this fling made my marriage last, I was always happy knowing I had a young beautiful gf, but it was also stressful lying all the time to this gf.

 

I know this is selfish, but I feel depressed and cant enjoy family life. I have no more enjoyment. I hope this feeling goes away but we both work together. I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs. The fling is upset I took her virginity but I treated her like a queen daily with compliments and gifts.

 

Today we met for a final break up talk, then she was destroyed when she found out truth (partially), even after swearing she would never get back with me, she freaked out when I said I was dating and ran off crying. Why would a woman not want to be with a man, but then cry and runaway when she found out I moved on?

 

I will never have such a beautiful girl like this again. Yikes!

 

Why would a woman not want to be with a man, but then cry and runaway when she found out I moved on? -- You must be some kind of a sociopath not to be able to understand or empathize with her. She cares for you, but knows she can't be with you because she'll never have the relationship she wants. That friggin hurts.

 

I know this is selfish, but I feel depressed and cant enjoy family life. I have no more enjoyment. I hope this feeling goes away but we both work together. I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs. The fling is upset I took her virginity but I treated her like a queen daily with compliments and gifts.

 

You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. Deal with it like a decent human being. Tell your wife what you've done and accept those consequences as well. Because, trust me, if you are feeling guilty, depressed and not enjoying the family, they are going to feel it and the marriage and your son will suffer anyway. Guilt and depression will kill the marriage. Deal with it head on. Set up an appointment for counseling, sit down with your wife and tell her what you've done and that you know how much this hurts her. Tell her you've got an appointment for counseling. Don't expect her to stay with you. Prepare to move on. But if you do want the best chance of being able to work it out, you've got to make very clear and sincere efforts to demonstrate your willingness and ability to do the work necessary.

 

Frankly, I don't think you have any remorse toward your wife and son at all because you made this statement which is ALL ABOUT THE FLING.

 

I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs.

 

I hope your wife kicks you to the curb.

[kztar]

Why would a woman not want to be with a man, but then cry and runaway when she found out I moved on? -- You must be some kind of a sociopath not to be able to understand or empathize with her. She cares for you, but knows she can't be with you because she'll never have the relationship she wants. That friggin hurts.

 

I know this is selfish, but I feel depressed and cant enjoy family life. I have no more enjoyment. I hope this feeling goes away but we both work together. I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs. The fling is upset I took her virginity but I treated her like a queen daily with compliments and gifts.

 

You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. Deal with it like a decent human being. Tell your wife what you've done and accept those consequences as well. Because, trust me, if you are feeling guilty, depressed and not enjoying the family, they are going to feel it and the marriage and your son will suffer anyway. Guilt and depression will kill the marriage. Deal with it head on. Set up an appointment for counseling, sit down with your wife and tell her what you've done and that you know how much this hurts her. Tell her you've got an appointment for counseling. Don't expect her to stay with you. Prepare to move on. But if you do want the best chance of being able to work it out, you've got to make very clear and sincere efforts to demonstrate your willingness and ability to do the work necessary.

 

Frankly, I don't think you have any remorse toward your wife and son at all because you made this statement which is ALL ABOUT THE FLING.

 

I know I am 100% in the wrong and she deserves to meet a man who will fulfill her needs.

 

I hope your wife kicks you to the curb.

 

Dude im with Red head. SMH. How long have you been married? this is why people shouldn't marry so young. They go back to doing things they never did as youngins.