wlh22 Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I feel embarrassed and a pathetic loser. I am male/32 and started dating this girl in a cross country relationship a year half a half ago. She was 25/26. After the first 6 months we met and spent a week together (i flew to meet her) and it was fantastic. I had told her from the beginning that I was not interested in a casual fling, and looking for a long term relationship. Everything seemed great until I started feeling like she had no clue what she was looking for and she was just dragging me when we started about next step. I come from a conservative culture plus the fact that we were in diff counties meant we needed to plan and discuss next steps. Anyways, after seveal weeks of frustrating discussions I started feeling dragged and didn't feel like she was serious about me. I told her the same and ended things as my gut stared telling me she would break my heart. Anyways... After 3 months of no contact (and I was moving on okay, although I was crazy about her) she contacted me and confessed how she shouldn't have let me go, how she did the biggest mistake of her life and that she wanted another chance to.be with me and even that she sees spending her life with me. It was a lot for me to take in as honestly speaking I was in a phase of moving on... I decided to give us a shot but told her we needed to take things slow as I was hurt from the first experience. I was having trust issues with her. Things for next 2-3 months were everyday calls, textx, whatsapp etc. We were exclusive all the time and she had even said she didn't date anyone in that 3 mo gap. At this point I moved to her country. This was plan fro. Day 1 so I didn't do.it for her specifically but it of course was good for us (I am from her country and just was staying in another country in the beginning) So until then she seemed to be totally into me. Of course rhr first break made it difficult to have a smooth relationship, emotionally speaking. But is saw her clealru putting in effort on us. So when I.moved I flew to meet her again. It was a bit awakrd, as expected. But over the course of the weekend we got close and kissed, made out etc. It was.a first time experimence for.me.to go through a LD relationship, a break and reconnection. So emotionally it was all a bit confusing. But I was smitten by this girl's beauty and playful attitude. Anyways.... At the end of that weekend something felt odd... Like she was.pulling out again. Within 48 hours!!! It drove me nuts and I expressed my concern. But we just couldn't put our finger on it or.resolve.. I do feel I was a bit distant too but told her I really wanted to work on us and that I wanted to be with her. I had to fly.back. that week her behavior.on phone seemed.diff. I decided to confront her and told.her that I was not ready for another break type.situation but I am sorry if I said something wrong to her that weekend. Her repsponse was 'I don't know what to say. Please don't say sorry woh. Its not you. Its all me. Let's talk on phone tonight after office " I know that after the first break I was always a bit held back.and protective of myself, naturally, and she was okay with that. One day she had even fold me to "take my time and that she was there for me" What happened next was the last thing I expected. She didn't answer my calls that night. I was sad. Next morning same story. I got really angry and wrote to her saying "I think I got my answer" she replied later that afternoon saying she had to.go visit her uncle's home and she couldn't talk then. I felt hurt that she didn't eben feel it was important to tlak to me last night or at least inform me that she is going somewhere. It seemed like a strategy to avoid talking to me. I told her I was.v sad and hurt and we should talk. She replies back "I can't talk right now from here with my aunt. Please don't message me" She could have written something nice like... I am really sorry but a family emergency came.up. I will.make.sure I will call tonight and we discuss. Take care sweetheart.... Or something like that. But no Anyways... I waited for her call on.Monday. nothing. I called for two days after that and she didn't answer or text me. At this point I checked.my fb and realized she had blocked me that day!!!!! Without even informing me she is breaking up with me. I felt so pathetic. At that point I didn't even feel like.calling her and.talking..because what do you talk about. that action.told.me she is brelaing up? Anyways I let a week or so pass.by. no word from her..I ferl like an idiot if I called her again and again so held myself back. After 2 weeks.I sent a.simple.Text.... Hi! How are you. Can we talk? To which.... She replies "who's this". When I told her her it was... She gave me the same " I can't talk. I am at my aunt's". THAT' IT!!!! I felt so pathetic that the girl suddenly turned 180 degrees and completely shut me out. And this is the same girl that came back to me wanting to spend a life together. What the ****!! I am sad that this seems to have sort of impacted my core. I don't feel like the same Person anymore. And give it has been 6 months I am afraid it is damaging me from inside. It is really confusing to have one image of her and she changed into something else overnight, not even caring about me. I went to a psychiatrist yestrrdya and she prescribed some anti depressants. It really sucks that i am the one who is getting impacted but it was her screw up. How does one handle such a situation and move on withiut holding anger
SixxChick Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 (edited) Everyone moves at their own pace. This is no magic time period in which it all goes away. Maybe it never will. I can relate with everything you said. I feel like I am still holding the broken, jagged pieces of being majorly used while he has moved on, seemingly without effort. It's a good sign that you chose to be proactive and see a therapist. Hopefully, that and the drugs will help you in the process of moving on. It's the only thing we can do. It's a harsh reality, but ... poof, they are gone. And there are several stages of grief, anger being one of them. I sometimes don't know whether I'd rather be angry or sad. Anyway, don't feel pathetic. I hope the magic touch of time helps you in your healing process. Stay strong. Edited March 8, 2016 by SixxChick
sorano Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 I wrote many many stories and ways to heal. you can do a search. I know the pain your going through. But, my advice and believe me, get off those anti depressant pills. Thats not the answer. My life was ruined with those pills. If you really need them, stay on them for a very very short period of time. Because if you get sucked into them, and make you feel like a new man, when its time to get off, the withdrawal effects are going to be worse than what you are going through now by a 10 fold. Then you will really be down the rabbit hole. Trst me 1
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