metit Posted March 8, 2016 Posted March 8, 2016 My boyfriend of 6 months just broke up with me. I may get over this soon, but I want to write this here to get comments/advices from everyone. Can you tell me what happened, how can I do that better next time? What did he really think and is there any chance that we will be back in the future? (I’m not hoping, just want to get the information as much as I can before accepting it all and moving on). Firstly, the biggest difference between us: My ex NEVER be in a long term relationship. He went out for dates but never fall in love with ANY GIRL he went out. (and he is at his 40). That should raise a red flag, but when he told me he loves me, that I am the one first one he feel that, the best gf ever…I ignored the fact that he is INCAPABLE of having a long term relationship. I am, in other hand, INCAPABLE of short term relationship. I has just gotten out from a 10 year marriage. He came and gave a fresh air of romantic dates, emails and texts. I have to admit that I have a lot more emotion for him than I should. Secondly, this is how we broke up: after the first 6 months of “honey moon”, we started to have conflicts. The first conflict happened during He had to take care of something and didn’t come. At first I was ok, then he told me he will go out with his friends. When he called saying “I love you”, I didn’t reply with “I love you” back. I truly feel he was not helpful and I expected more from a boyfriend. He came, tried his best to show that he is helpful, then explained his rational choice. I just cried and told him that I loved him and just want to be together during that time. The second conflict: I cooked and got tired, while he kept doing what I already told him NOT to do. I explicitly said that I don’t want him to do that, and he kept giving reasons and doing that in front of me. I got frustrated and I snapped! He was sorry and I was sorry after that, too. I was very tired and couldn’t be cool. We went out after that normally, but he went home and called saying that we are not “EMOTIONALLY COMPATIBLE”, and behaviors was extreme. Especially he brought up the first conflict above. He said two conflicts was enough. I didn’t mind to defend, just listen. The day after that, he called and said break up, very nice terms, that it’s hard, but bla bla bla. I didn’t mind explained, just say thank you and goodbye. I stay absolutely NO CONTACT since then. He dropped of my things in front of my door with a letter, again, all the nice terms of how fondly he would think of me. To him, with such many dates he went through, saying goodbye is always easier to him than staying in and fighting for a relationship. He has no attachment to anyone. He built a very alone and independent life style for the past 10+ years, and don’t want to have children. I’m upset because I questioned this before, but he was able to convince me with his honest answers: such as he still like to get married, and will try to make the married works through communication. Also, he said he rather be dumped than dumping other because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. AND I WAS FOOL ENOUGH TO TRUST HIM.
Author metit Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 I was actually not that fool if his mother didn’t come to the picture. I was, again, the first girl he took to introduce to his mom. Everyone said this is a very good sign. And his mom loved me, kept contact with me, as I genuinely loved her, too. (I had thrown away all of his gifts but still kept his mom’s gifts for me). My friend advices that if I truly want him back, I can gradually contact his mom. I will contact her for sure, as I like her a lot, but I need time right now.
Author metit Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 To do reflection on myself. This is painful to admit that he was right. I was more emotional than him. Maybe I attached to him more than I should, maybe I moved too fast with my emotion. Thinking that I’m close to him enough and started to expect something more. I was not chill. I also have problem of controlling my emotions. I lost temper, being overly joyful or overly sad. I talked fast, move fast and have hard time staying calm and keeping my voice low. I constantly cleaning, cooking, and thinking to the next. I have improved a lots through meditation and reading, but the bad habits came up. I saw this as the biggest weakness. This reflection is painful, because I feel like I can be with him longer if I was be able to be more calm. ON THE OTHER SIDE, I have lots of reasons that I would break up with him. I actually noticed he has some problems. He stay calm, but actually struggling inside, he felt annoyed easily for little things. He was also very inflexible in his life style. It will be hard for him to co-live with someone.
Author metit Posted March 8, 2016 Author Posted March 8, 2016 I felt upset at some points, but I reach to the point that If I will come and talk to him (not for at least another 30 days), I will say that he was right to break up with me, it’s wise decision and I agreed with him. The most struggling thought to me is that I love the experience I have with him so much. Everything was so sweet, everything was so right. Will I ever experience that again? Is that true that we can love and enjoy some one that much again. I am struggling thinking that I will find someone much better, but also will never find someone that fit me such well. He may not be the most handsome and rich, but talked to me to well, turn me on emotionally so well.
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