WHY doesn't he contact me!!!

[smile95]

I do not like how his actions now make me doubt everything in the last 3 yrs. I know that he loved me, but when he does this it is easy to think otherwise!

 

What goes around comes around.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I really hope it does!!

 

What goes around should come around. Why does it take so long for justice to play out?

 

Hey - by the way, a couple of weeks back I read something on soulmates and the different types of soulmate relationships - it's really interesting and I do think it helped me a bit. Here are a couple of links -

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?All-About-Soul-Mates&id=30409

 

http://temple-of-wisdom.net/soulmates.html

 

The outlay of the pages is a little "phoney", but the information and explanation within them is really, really insightful. Especially for people who've felt that "connection".

 

In fact, I liked the articles so much I actually forwarded them to him - of course that didn't work and I got no reply!

So treat these as guides for your own understanding....

 

I also bought a book from Amazon, called "Hands across time - the soulmate enigma" by Judy Hall. It's not bad, but the articles mentioned above are great.

[lostinmymind]

I'm also having a completely horrible day. My ex is doing the same thing with NC, but she still wants to be friends and we will see each other A LOT next year due to our living arrangement.

 

I think it's normal for the person experiencing NC to resist calling you, they don't want to sacrifice the control they have. Eventually their curiosity gets the better of them and they want to know how you are.

 

You sound like you feel the relationship wasn't good anyways, so keep your chin up. You complain that he acts like this is the best thing that ever happened to him..well, you need to have the exact same attitude.

 

Just remember, what goes around comes around, he will get his someday and he'll think of you and wonder how you tolerated it.

 

Stand strong, don't give in!!!!! Even if it's to yell at him it is only showing weakness.

 

If he calls (which he will), just be nice, ask how he is and then YOU end the call. When it comes to ex's short and to the point is ALWAYS the way to go.

[too_risky]

This too shall pass.....I'm in a similar situation. I just got out of a 3 year long distance relationship. I've went thru all of the emotions you are feeling. Believe me, none of it works. I made fun of the people on here for doing no contact. I thought my situation would be different, this man adored me, worshipped the ground I walked on. I just took him for granted and he left and found someone else but surely I could charm my way back into his life. Boy was i ever wrong. I totally made an ass out of myself and hated myself for it! I flew down to tell him how I felt and he spent 3 hours in an airport parking garage telling me how he still loved me but not like he used to. Finally his new girlfriend called and he left. I spent the night, 7 hours, in an airport, in a strange town with a dead cell phone and no food, no stores that were open. Nothing. I kept thinking, how can he just forget me that easily? How can he just throw us away? How can he replace me and she mean more in a month than I did in 3 years? This man wanted to marry me!! Well, it happened. He did. I felt so humiliated, so stupid, so ignorant. I hated myself! So, that was on May 31st. It was one of the worst nights and lowest in my life.

 

I didn't mean to make this about "me". I simply wanted to share my story so you didn't feel alone. Every day that I wake up is a challenge. Every night when I go to bed my demons find me. I fight for my dignity every single day. I make up excuses a hundred times a day to call him or contact him in some way. In the end, what you want to tell him, what you have to say about him, how you want to tell him off won't matter. He doesn't care. I know that's harsh but true. He will only laugh in your face. After reading the book "he's just not that into you" for the hundredth time, I finally realized I didn't want to be that needy clingy person. I couldn't pin my hopes and dreams on a man who didn't want me. It's hard because I want him back and still hope some day he will be back. I also hope that he takes long enough that I will be over him. I haven't had any contact in 14 days. It seems like an eternity. NC does work tho. Instead of hearing how much space he needs and finding out when he's with his girlfriend, I know nothing. "what you don't know won't kill you". NC helps you heal until you are ready to face that person should the time arise. Give yourself time. Don't look at forever. Just look at today. Today is all we can control. I know I controlled myself today. I didn't contact him. Tomorrow is another challenge but I will face it then, not today. Good luck to you.

[suegail]

You're right, I hadn't read your previous posts and thought this was your first, but I have now read your story, and I am sorry you went through all that. You gave up a great deal to be with him and I understand that and i'm sure it only makes it so much harder to accept that he abruptly changed his mind about things.

 

I still do say though that if you feel it's over with a person, that there is no future, no way to go on, you have to or should be totally honest about that fact, which he was. What you've said is that a person should have a 'reason' to end a relationship, and if they don't they should admit it's not you at fault, but them. Well, I know from experience that it's often difficult to impossible to explain, even to yourself, why you no longer love someone the way you once did. It's just not always easy to provide answers and maybe that's how he felt. He didn't know how to explain it. I don't know if it would make it easier or harder for you if he did communicate more on the subject. I've known of people who get heavily detailed explanations for why a relationship has ended, a list with not one thing they can accept as truth, and it's just as hard for them as it is for you right now.

 

I just want you to know I do feel for you, for all you've gone through and I know you're just trying to understand and gain some sense of peace. I hope you'll soon begin to feel better about things and I hope you'll have happiness and success in whatever you do.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

THANK YOU SO MUCH. That helps tremendously....I really admire the way you've handled yourself there. I know it's so hard to pick yourself up after you've been "forgotten" that easily.

 

I will tell you something - I was in a similar kind of situation (God it just makes me realize just how many times he was uncaring towards me!)

I was on a trip back home (out of sheer depression, after he'd told me he didn't want to commit and having a lot of arguments over that). I was coming back to the US, and I'd emailed him to tell him that. I'd hoped he would pick me up at the airport and drop me off home which is a 90 minute drive.

 

He's like "I'm on a trip to San Diego". Well, naturally I wasn't too glad to hear it, and he says "But we decided that you're coming back of your own accord, and besides I'd already planned this trip".

 

Well, to cut the long story short, after a 21 hour flight (yeah!) and staying awake almost 2 days straight because of the time differences, I'm at the LA airport all night with nowhere to go and a dead cellphone. I got so anxious - but then after I point I thought, "What the heck. Ok, I'm going to survive - I'll book the first flight direct to my town in the morning". When I got back home I hadn't slept for 3 days and was dog-tired - but I made it! If only I can find that courage this situation!

 

Sorry to bore you with that...but just wanted to say I know how you feel.

 

The thing is, mine isn't even in another relationship - not that I know of - and he just wanted to get be "stress-free" again. WTF!!!!!

WHY did he start everything and keep it going for 3 years when he wasn't even sure where he was going?! Was it me who misunderstood him? I don't know if he will ever contact me....each day is so hard, believe me....I'm losing my productivity. I just want him to get back whatever he did to me!!!

[toddpearson]

This_Too_Shall_Pass. here is my idea:

Never give up, whatever you do, NC, LC whatever.. it wont be easy to forget, so if you love him, try everything you can without thinking of your pride, everytime he does not reply you will realize. Everytime he hurts you it will make you more powerful and with the time you will see that you wont have desire for him. It is better to say, "i tried my best, i did everything i could" than "i wish i could ask him more"

[too_risky]

this too shall pass, you didn't bore me with your story. It actually made me feel better that I wasn't the only one sitting at an airport with the cleaning lady all night because I had "assumed" he would want to spend time with me. I was in Birmingham Alabama and there was absolutley NO ONE at the airport until the next morning. He left me at 11pm and my flight didn't leave until 7 am. I was completely devastated. I couldn't sleep either because my cell was dead and I had no way to have an alarm to wake up. So, I just sat there all night with no tv, no radio, no book, no nothing and no way to go anywhere or do anything. Funny thing is, I would kill for him to call me right now. Why? Because I'm a dumb ass and I still love him. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday is a battle. I've tried pills, alcohol, dating, anything. Nothing helps. They say time heals all wounds. It's only been 16 days since the last time I heard from him. But at least I still have my dignity and pride. I didn't beg him not to leave me when I saw him. I simply walked away. When I looked at him the last time I simply looked him dead in the eyes and smiled and said "don't look back" and I walked into the airport and I didn't. I never looked back to watch him drive away. I think when his "thing" falls apart with this girl he's seeing he will contact me. I just hope and pray I'm strong enough to fight off going back to him. Keep your chin up girl. as your names says....this too shall pass

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I feel much better after I read your replies...I'd actually posted a message yesterday on the forum, because I can't PM yet - and I'd mentioned your name with a couple of others in my post, only to illustrate that what we felt was so similar. And they deleted my post 'cause they say you can't converse "within" a group! Oh well.

 

Anyway...you know, I find myself wishing and waiting for his call too - although it's more of "call me so you know what you lost". I have been hurt too much - for someone who's done a lot given her circumstances, I feel terribly wronged.

Now every time I cry, it's because I'm just biding time till he gets his due. I've mentioned this in my other posts - some in the "coping" section - that I want to see how justice is done. It's not because I'm wishing something bad upon him (well at least not consciously!) but because I need to know whether this whole rigmarole had a purpose.

 

And if he never realizes and has the most wonderful, satisfying and fulfilling life....well....what would I able able to do anyway! I can only get on with the thought that he really didn't deserve me, and I too will get peace of mind some time.

 

Your posts do encourage me so much --- thanks ---- it helps to know that someone else is holding it out!!

[smile95]

I find myself wanting his call too. And to have him come back. But, really, I have figured out that I am not in love with him, I am in love with what I wanted love to be and he was the closest thing to it, so I put all my dreams in him.He validated those dreams to me. It is not THEM we love and want back. We hate the fact that we have been rejected and for no good reason. We fear that we will never feel what we had with them again. For me, yes, I would love to know he still loved me(deep down I do know he does), but after all this crap and misery he has put me through, why would I want his love? Or so-called love? Why would I take him back and basically tell him it is ok to walk all over me(For the 2 airport stories I just read, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU LOVE SOMEONE THAT WOULD AND COULD LEAVE YOU ALONE IN A STRANGE PLACE?????????)

 

Here is the thing....During a relationship, if you are miserable, you can blame the other person......after it is over or they have ended it, and you are still miserable, you can only blame yourself. They are no longer the cause of your misery. They are gone. We tend to beat ourselves up and say"Oh I hate him, look at me, I am so depressed! How could he do this to me". There is nothing more he is doing to us(unless he is harassing you or something). Take control of your life and do not let the ex control your emotions any longer. You are responsible for how you feel today and how you handle things the minute it is over.

 

Ok it is 2am.......I could be writing this in my sleep...sorry if that was unclear or rambling.....it made sense to me.......but I am hald asleep. lol

[Jadey]

He more than likey does miss you, he does hurt etc. And its probably reallu hard not contacting you. Hes most probably fidig it just as hard. But he doesnt want to contact you probably for afew reasons. 1) it will hurt him, 2) it will show he cares, 3)you may get upset and he will guilty, 4) pride. Trust me he isnt taking it as easy as you thought! As i know my ex doesnt. People, especially guys like to run away from their emotons and not feel ad when they hurt someone or hurt because of someone they will likely totally detach themself from that person. Its hard, it seems really cruel and cold, but thatslife im afraid! I know that my ex does this cos he admits even now that i know him better than most, including himself sometimes! So people, dont be fooled by NC or even a happy face, it could be BS fakness. And remember you can run from your feelings but oeday they will catch up - fast and hit them hard!! Like when they have their heart broken ny somebody else their thoughts will come back to you and will hurt for you. And who knows they could decide to then contact you..