Why hasn't he texted me after our amazing first date?

[wildsunandmoon]

Last Wednesday, I had a great first date with this man that I am extremely attracted to. We first met up at his place and then went to a Portugese restaurant around the block. When we were seated at the restaurant, he chose to be seated in a more secluded part where we would be able to have a conversation without yelling at each other over the crowd. We ended up chatting for 4 hours straight and lost track of time.

 

This is where things got a little bit confusing and awkward. I had told him I had a meeting with two friends in the area around 6 PM, as an excuse to use as an exit strategy in case the date went horribly. However, it was great and I didn't want it to it, but because I told him I had plans before, he got the check.

 

So we walked to his house and he asked how I got to his city, and I told him I paid for an Uber since I don't drive. He was shocked and felt bad that he couldn't have picked me up. He then asked me if I wanted to wait in his house while I called for my Uber driver.

 

We sat in his kitchen, and continued to talk. It was so enjoyable. Everything flowed organically. But I was worried that I was overstaying my welcome because he didn't ask me to hang out longer since I canceled my "meeting". When my Uber arrived, he seemed reluctant to see me go. We said goodbye, hugged, he said we should hang out again and I thanked him for the meal.... He didn't walk me to the Uber car to see me off.

 

It was great, but I felt like I didn't make myself seem interested in him because I forgot to say I had a good time. So the following morning, I texted him to say: "Hey, D! I had fun with you yesterday. Sorry it was cut short. We should hang out again soon".

 

He replied, "Hii. Yeah yesterday was fun. Let's try to chill again soon!"

 

I didn't reply because what else could I have said?

 

It's been five days since that text and no word from him mentioning a second date. Actually, no word at all. My friends say give it until Sunday this week... But I can't help but feel so bummed because I actually liked this person. He was interesting.

 

Before our first date, he met up with me at a bar for a friend's birthday (who he didn't know at all and by himself) to hang out with me all night... We then saw each other again at a Gallery because we said we'd meet up.... Everything seemed like it was going well. What's the deal? What should I do at this point?

[introverted1]

It doesn't seem as though he found the date as compelling as you did. You can either:

 

- Wait to hear from him while getting on with dating others

- Ask him for a second date

 

Given that you already expressed a desire to see him again and he did not respond with anything concrete, I am leaning toward him not being interested. Personally, I would move on.

[Shining One]

Ask him out. Fortune favors the bold.

[Larryville]

Why hasn't he texted me after our amazing first date?

 

I see so many threads from folks who use “amazing” first dates… I know this is another thread waiting to happen but I wish someone would explain the criteria of “an amazing date”

 

So we walked to his house and he asked how I got to his city, and I told him I paid for an Uber since I don't drive. He was shocked…

 

I might be reading too much into this, but for me if I met someone and discovered they don’t drive (unless they live in a major city with good mass transit… but even then) that means I’m having to invest into extra driving and unless I am seriously into you I’m backing away…

 

He didn't walk me to the Uber car to see me off.

 

Just not that into you…

 

It's been five days since that text and no word from him mentioning a second date.

 

That says it all…

[Seteeri]

Ask him out. Fortune favors the bold.

 

+1

 

It seems obvious, but you both said you had a good time and should hang out again -> set up another date! Whether or not he was being courteous about meeting up again, it's worth a shot. Or maybe he thought that about your message or maybe he might be busy this weekend, etc. - either way someone has to take initiative.

 

BTW, you told him of your exit strategy before the date? For future reference, it might be better to hold off on that since that seems a bit pessimistic. Personally if the date's not going well, I think you can always be assertive and simply say you don't feel the chemistry etc. and end it there.

 

The fact that you already planned the date to end prematurely and that you felt worried you were overstaying your welcome at his place might've given him the impression you were eager to leave, or uninterested.

[katiegrl]

I vote no to YOU asking him out (pursuing him).

 

Sweetie, when a man is interested in you...trust me HE is gonna ask you out again.

 

He's not sitting there wondering why you're not asking him, that is crazy.

 

However, that said, he may STILL ask you out, be patient. Get on with your life, meet and date other guys.

 

I had a date Saturday night, we has such a good time, HE asked me if I would like to get together again Sunday.

 

I did so we got together and once again had a great time... and then at the end, HE asked me out again for next Saturday.

 

THAT is how men behave when interested.

 

Once you start dating - let's say 3-4 times, THEN you can start taking the initiative.

 

He already knows you had a great time and that you're interested.... you don't want to start chasing him now, sets a very bad precedent.

 

Be patient and just go on with your life.

 

If he contacts you again, great....if not, although disappointed, no biggee (or shouldn't be)... it was only one date.

Edited March 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[jen1447]

It's been five days since that text and no word from him mentioning a second date. Actually, no word at all. My friends say give it until Sunday this week... But I can't help but feel so bummed because I actually liked this person. He was interesting.

 

He's probably got some uninformed 'adviser' friend whispering in his ear too and giving PUA tips, like "never text first" or "always wait 7 days before texting." Or maybe he's just scared he hasn't heard anything from you and doesn't want to look like an idiot by chasing someone he's worried isn't interested.

 

All this can be avoided by dropping the pretense and the games and just talking to each other.

[Satu]

I would ask him out.

 

You've nothing to lose, and sitting around waiting/hoping to hear from him is no fun.

 

Do it now!

[zenguy]

I would say one of two things happened, you seemed to want to start a conversation the next day, but after one response from him you decided not to continue. And he was confused.

 

Or he's just not interested in you. Most guys won't specifically tell you they don't want to continue the relationship, they will simply not follow up(if only 1 or 2 dates have happened that is).

[katiegrl]

I would ask him out.

 

You've nothing to lose, and sitting around waiting/hoping to hear from him is no fun.

 

Do it now!

 

OP, I would agree with the others about you asking him out -- only IF you won't feel worse than you do now... if he doesn't text you back or turns you down.

 

If that happens, and you can let it shrug off...then go ahead and ask.

 

Me? I wouldn't...cuz I KNOW if he were interested, HE would be asking me.

 

That has been my experience anyway.

 

Many years ago (before I got smart)... I did ask a man for a second date...at the urging of a couple of friends.

 

It didn't go well....and I felt worse than before I asked.

 

But whatevs... do what feels right for you.

[Shining One]

THAT is how men behave when interested.

All men do not think and act the same.

you don't want to start chasing him now, sets a very bad precedent.

What bad precedent would this set? Two people taking turns setting up dates?

[d0nnivain]

You have 3 choices.

 

 

Do nothing. Assume he didn't find the date as good as you did & he's not interested .

 

 

Continuing fretting & drive yourself crazy.

 

 

Ask Him out. If he says no, leave this alone.

 

 

In all candor he may have been taken aback by the fact that you don't drive.

[katinlc]

He replied, "Hii. Yeah yesterday was fun. Let's try to chill again soon!"

 

 

This sentence is the most telling to me that he is not interested. In my experience in dating, when they said "yeah we should hang out / chill etc..." it was not going to happen or I would hear from them a while later when they were circling back through the numbers in the their phone. One who used this type of phrasing actually text me a year later after our one and only date...had to inform him that not only was I not interested, but I was married

 

 

An interested guy uses more definitive language.

[okc85]

Let's chill soon?

 

 

Don't text him. Find someone else.

[katiegrl]

All men do not think and act the same.What bad precedent would this set? Two people taking turns setting up dates?

 

Her pursuing him....and him becoming lazy in the RL.

 

Can't tell you how many times this has happened to women I know.

 

He already knows she is interested, she texted him after the date... suggesting they meet up again.

 

He would have to be a complete moron not to know she is interested in going out with him again.

[smackie9]

My guess was he was waiting for you to respond with a date you will be available. It takes two to tango.

 

I dunno I never had any issues asking guys out on dates. well except having to beat them off me with a stick lol jjk

[katiegrl]

Her pursuing him....and him becoming lazy in the RL.

 

Can't tell you how many times this has happened to women I know.

 

He already knows she is interested, she texted him after the date... suggesting they meet up again.

 

He would have to be a complete moron not to know she is interested in going out with him again.

 

Not to mention, if a man is so passive that he is incapable of asking a woman out on a second date...then what's the point?

 

Unless she's okay with a passive guy... I wouldn't be nor would most women I know either.

 

We like strong, take-charge, go-getter...and men like that ask women they are interested in out.

 

Most of us do anyway, there are always exceptions but OP doesn't strike me as one of them.

[katiegrl]

My guess was he was waiting for you to respond with a date you will be available. It takes two to tango.

 

I dunno I never had any issues asking guys out on dates. well except having to beat them off me with a stick lol jjk

 

LOL...well you're a law unto yourself smackie.... so what works for you doesn't apply to most women!! :bunny:

[katiegrl]

My guess was he was waiting for you to respond with a date you will be available. It takes two to tango.

 

 

Okay so he's passive....cool! Too much feminine energy.

 

He didn't ask her what day she was available....all he said was "sure, let's chill soon," or something like that.

 

Not my style, but whatevs!

Edited March 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Bottom line.... she already asked him to get together again. That's pretty bold if you ask me...and indicates strong interest on her part.

 

What more does she have to do for heaven's sake?

 

The ball is in HIS court now.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Well...he could be thinking exactly what you're thinking.

 

I say, ask him out (be specific and make a plan) and then leave the ball in his court the next time around.

 

That way, you've shown interest by initiating and also put him in a position to make the very next move.

 

Keep us updated!

[Jabron1]

He's either low interest, or low testosterone.

 

Why would OP want either?

[Shining One]

Bottom line.... she already asked him to get together again. That's pretty bold if you ask me...and indicates strong interest on her part.

If someone said to you: "We should hang out again soon", you would consider that bold?

[katiegrl]

If someone said to you: "We should hang out again soon", you would consider that bold?

 

Someone...like a friend, of course not.

 

But this is what she texted the next day.

 

It was great, but I felt like I didn't make myself seem interested in him because I forgot to say I had a good time. So the following morning, I texted him to say: "Hey, D! I had fun with you yesterday. Sorry it was cut short. We should hang out again soon".

 

He replied, "Hi. Yeah yesterday was fun. Let's try to chill again soon!"

 

 

Frankly, yeah I do think it was bold.... she took charge by letting him know they should hang out again soon (i.e. go out on another date). No mystery, no wondering (which builds attraction)...she laid it out... which I actually think was fine. She did her part.

 

Like I said before, he would have to be a complete moron not to know she's into him and would like to go out with him again.... she said so!

 

And if he were interested, he would have run with that!

 

Unless like Jabron said, low testosterone ...lol

 

Hey look, I think he may call her again when he's free to see her. IMO she should just chill and not worry about it. Live her life, business as usual.

Edited March 7, 2016 by katiegrl

[losangelena]

I personally don't mind giving a nudge to a passive dude, but yeah, the fact that he said, "let's chill soon" would leave me cold. Even "let's hang out" is better verbiage, but "let's chill" is just lame.

 

I think everyone prefers certainty over uncertainty, but when we are uncertain, it seems like a lot of times the impulse is to sort of read into the positives, as in, "we had such an amazing first date," or, "he followed me on Instagram or LinkedIn (or insert social media here)," or, "he texted first," as if these are all reasons to think that a guy (or woman) is actually interested.

 

But a lot of times, these things don't signify anything. I've had many "great" first dates that never resulted in anything more. And yeah, you don't want to go around assuming that nothing will work out, but I find it much more realistic to tell myself, "this guy can text me to ask me how my weekend was, so he should also theoretically be able to say he wants to see me, and for some reason, he's not." I don't think the "whys" matter a lot of the time.

 

Myself and several of my friends are going through this right now. And instead of trying to analyze the whys and why-nots of a guy's behavior, I tend to think it's a better use of time to ask ourselves, "do I want to be in a relationship with the type of man (or woman) who makes me feel uncertain, who is so on the fence that he can't even pick a direction and go with it?" Oftentimes, I think the logical answer is no, we'd rather be with someone who is willing to take some initiative. We can't live or die on the intentions of one person, even if we shared some kind of initial chemistry or vibe. No, you get to say, "sure we had a great first date, but you're not acting in a way that I need or want a partner to act, so I'm no longer interested," instead of spending your week/weekend wringing your hands.

 

In this situation, I'll say I'd like to see them again or maybe even ask them out, but only once. I'll do my due diligence, and after that, it's up to them. This works sometimes—my ex dropped the ball after our fourth date, I asked him out on date five, and we were together a year—and sometimes I do it and the guy totally disappears. Either way, you know and you can move on with your life.